Living in a Body that's Melting (A Rare Connective Tissue Disorder)

Special Books by Special Kids
2 May 202418:09

Summary

TLDRKayley comparte su amor por la vida a pesar de vivir con el síndrome de Loeys-Dietz, una rara enfermedad que afecta su tejido conectivo y causa numerosos problemas de salud. En la entrevista, habla de cómo la música y el arte son formas esenciales de expresar sus emociones, y reflexiona sobre la belleza de las experiencias humanas. Aunque enfrenta desafíos físicos, como el dolor crónico y las múltiples cirugías, su perspectiva es optimista, buscando siempre disfrutar la vida al máximo. También discute cómo lidia con la incertidumbre de su condición y el valor de la resiliencia.

Takeaways

  • 💖 Kayley siente un amor profundo por la vida y las emociones humanas, lo que la inspira a hacer arte y componer canciones.
  • 🎶 Su pasión por la música y el arte la llevó a especializarse en composición, a pesar de las dificultades de su síndrome.
  • 🧬 Kayley tiene el síndrome de Loeys-Dietz, que afecta su tejido conectivo, haciéndolo débil y causando problemas en su cuerpo, incluyendo aneurismas y deformidades esqueléticas.
  • 💪 A pesar de sus limitaciones físicas, como la contracción de sus manos y pies, sigue tocando instrumentos y ha aprendido a adaptarse.
  • 🫀 Ha tenido múltiples cirugías, incluida una cirugía cardíaca a los 9 años, debido a aneurismas que afectan su corazón y otros órganos vitales.
  • 😔 El temor a la mortalidad y la ansiedad por su salud son constantes en su vida, especialmente tras la pérdida de amigos con el mismo síndrome.
  • 🥲 Aunque ha pasado por momentos de depresión, sigue encontrando alegría y belleza en la vida, agradeciendo cada momento.
  • 👩‍🍳 Disfruta de la cocina y la repostería con sus amigos, mostrando que la vida cotidiana sigue siendo algo que valora profundamente.
  • 🌸 Le encanta la naturaleza y los momentos simples, como pasear por parques y disfrutar de flores, lo que refleja su apreciación por la belleza natural.
  • 💬 Aunque a veces es difícil, prefiere que la traten como una persona normal y que se enfoquen en ser buenos amigos más que en su enfermedad.

Q & A

  • ¿Qué es lo que Kayley quiere que el mundo sepa sobre ella?

    -Kayley quiere que el mundo sepa que está profundamente enamorada de la vida y de las emociones humanas. Le encanta interpretar lo que las personas sienten a través de su arte y se siente abrumada por la belleza del mundo.

  • ¿Por qué Kayley decidió estudiar composición musical?

    -Kayley decidió estudiar composición musical porque siente que tiene muchas ideas y pensamientos importantes sobre el mundo que desea compartir. No quiere que su síndrome la limite, sino que sea parte de su historia.

  • ¿Qué es el síndrome de Loeys-Dietz?

    -El síndrome de Loeys-Dietz es una condición que debilita el tejido conectivo, que es como el pegamento del cuerpo. En el caso de Kayley, esto afecta a su esqueleto y hace que su cuerpo no se mantenga bien unido.

  • ¿Cómo se siente Kayley cuando la gente le pregunta sobre su condición?

    -Depende de la situación. A veces puede resultar un poco grosero si no se aborda con sensibilidad. Sin embargo, Kayley aprecia cuando las personas se preocupan por entender su condición para ser mejores amigos o simplemente mejores seres humanos.

  • ¿Cómo ha afectado su síndrome a las manos de Kayley?

    -Kayley tiene contracciones en las manos que le dificultan tocar instrumentos. Aunque ha considerado corregirlas quirúrgicamente, ya no es posible debido a la demora en el tratamiento. Esto la obliga a adaptar su forma de tocar la guitarra.

  • ¿Qué es lo que más le preocupa a Kayley sobre su salud?

    -Kayley se preocupa mucho por la posibilidad de sufrir aneurismas, especialmente porque ya tiene seis en su cuerpo. Le preocupa que una de estas aneurismas se rompa, lo que podría ser fatal.

  • ¿Cómo descubrió Kayley que tenía el síndrome de Loeys-Dietz?

    -Kayley descubrió que tenía el síndrome de Loeys-Dietz a los nueve años, cuando un ultrasonido reveló que una de sus arterias era más grande de lo normal debido a un aneurisma. Esto llevó a que le diagnosticaran esta condición genética.

  • ¿Qué impacto emocional tiene en Kayley saber que otros amigos con su mismo síndrome han fallecido?

    -El fallecimiento de amigos con su mismo síndrome ha sido devastador para Kayley. Estos eventos han aumentado su ansiedad sobre su propia mortalidad, especialmente cuando sus síntomas son similares a los de sus amigos que fallecieron.

  • ¿Cómo maneja Kayley la ansiedad sobre su salud y su futuro?

    -Kayley maneja la ansiedad tratando de vivir al máximo y disfrutando cada momento. Aunque tiene miedo sobre su esperanza de vida y su salud, se enfoca en hacer las cosas que ama, como estudiar música y disfrutar de la naturaleza.

  • ¿Qué es lo que Kayley considera más hermoso en la vida?

    -Kayley encuentra belleza en casi todo, especialmente en las experiencias humanas. Disfruta de la música, el arte, la naturaleza y las emociones como el amor y la tristeza. Para ella, la vida es hermosa a pesar de sus desafíos.

Outlines

00:00

😊 Reflexión sobre el amor por la vida

Kayley expresa su amor apasionado por la vida, diciendo que se siente abrumada por la belleza del mundo y las emociones que experimentan las personas. Se siente afortunada de poder hacer arte y reflejar esos sentimientos en su música. Aunque a veces se siente insegura con su apariencia, trata de enfocarse en lo positivo. Revela que tiene el síndrome de Loeys-Dietz, una condición que afecta su tejido conectivo, lo que hace que su cuerpo no funcione correctamente, pero quiere que su síndrome sea una parte hermosa de su historia.

05:02

🤝 La importancia de la aceptación

Kayley habla sobre cómo las personas a veces hacen comentarios insensibles acerca de su apariencia. Explica que, aunque esos comentarios pueden ser hirientes, ella encuentra humor en algunas situaciones. También menciona las contracciones en sus manos y cómo su síndrome le ha dificultado tocar instrumentos musicales. Aunque los médicos le dijeron que no pueden arreglar sus manos debido a la demora en el tratamiento, ella ha adaptado su forma de tocar la guitarra y sigue disfrutando de la música.

10:04

🦵 Desafíos físicos y superación

Kayley describe varias cirugías que ha tenido, incluida la corrección de piernas que nacieron hacia atrás. Aunque tiene cicatrices y otros problemas esqueléticos, no le molesta que la gente le pregunte al respecto. Lo que más le importa es que la traten como a un ser humano. También comparte que tiene seis aneurismas en su cuerpo, lo que requiere vigilancia constante. Kayley explica que aunque los aneurismas no son peligrosos en sí mismos, si se disecan o rompen, pueden ser mortales.

15:04

🫀 La cirugía cardíaca y el descubrimiento del síndrome

Kayley relata cómo descubrió que tenía el síndrome de Loeys-Dietz cuando, a los nueve años, los médicos encontraron un aneurisma en su corazón. Aunque no entendía completamente la gravedad de su situación en ese momento, más tarde se dio cuenta de lo serio que era. Su madre le explicó la situación de manera simple para protegerla del miedo. A medida que creció, comenzó a comprender mejor su condición, especialmente cuando perdió a amigos con el mismo síndrome, lo que la llevó a confrontar su propia mortalidad.

💔 El impacto emocional de la pérdida

Kayley cuenta la difícil experiencia de perder a amigos con el mismo síndrome, lo que intensificó su conciencia sobre la gravedad de su enfermedad. Cuando una amiga cercana falleció, Kayley se sintió aterrorizada al notar que sus síntomas eran muy similares. Aunque el síndrome no se considera terminal, la vida de las personas que lo padecen puede ser incierta, y esto genera una profunda ansiedad sobre su salud y futuro. Aun así, trata de vivir su vida al máximo y apreciar cada momento.

🌸 Gratitud por la vida y sus bendiciones

A pesar de los desafíos físicos y emocionales, Kayley expresa una profunda gratitud por su vida. Reconoce que ha pasado por momentos de depresión, pero también siente una gran alegría y amor por el mundo. Ella cree que vivir hasta los 36 años con una buena vida es preferible a vivir hasta los 90 con una vida infeliz. Para Kayley, es importante contar sus bendiciones mientras acepta que la vida puede ser difícil.

👩‍❤️‍👩 La relación con su mejor amiga

Kayley habla de la estrecha amistad que tiene con su mejor amiga, a quien conoció en la universidad. Juntas, disfrutan de actividades como pasear por la naturaleza, hornear y cocinar. Su amistad es un apoyo esencial en su vida, y comparten muchas experiencias felices, como organizar cenas con amigos. Esta relación cercana les ayuda a sobrellevar los desafíos de la vida cotidiana, especialmente con el síndrome de Kayley.

🏫 La experiencia escolar con una condición médica

Kayley comparte cómo en quinto grado tuvo que usar una tracción de halo, un dispositivo atornillado a su cabeza debido a problemas en su cuello. El dispositivo se veía aterrador y medieval, lo que hizo que su entrada a una nueva escuela fuera difícil. Para evitar que la vieran como 'diferente', mintió a sus compañeros diciéndoles que había tenido un accidente automovilístico. A pesar de todo, esta experiencia marcó una parte significativa de su infancia.

🧠 Reflexiones sobre la mortalidad

Kayley explica que no suele hablar sobre sus miedos relacionados con la mortalidad, ya que no quiere hacer sentir incómodos a los demás. Prefiere lidiar con esas emociones en privado, ya que considera que es un viaje solitario. Aunque ha pasado por muchas cirugías, incluida la de la columna, y enfrenta dolores constantes, trata de aceptar sus sentimientos de tristeza y frustración, dándose permiso para sentir lo que necesite.

🎨 El arte como forma de vida

Para Kayley, la vida es una obra de arte. Se siente inspirada por la belleza de las experiencias humanas, como enamorarse o experimentar emociones intensas. Encuentra belleza en todo, desde la naturaleza hasta la música y el arte. A pesar de sus dificultades físicas, su amor por la vida y su capacidad para apreciar incluso los momentos difíciles la impulsan a seguir adelante, y su síndrome es solo una parte de su historia artística.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Síndrome de Loeys-Dietz

Es una enfermedad genética que afecta el tejido conectivo del cuerpo, debilitando estructuras como los vasos sanguíneos, huesos y piel. En el video, Kayley explica que sufre de esta condición, lo que causa debilidad en su cuerpo, problemas cardíacos y aneurismas. Es un tema central, ya que afecta su vida diaria y cómo percibe el mundo, pero también su deseo de no ser definida únicamente por su enfermedad.

💡Aneurisma

Un aneurisma es una dilatación anormal en un vaso sanguíneo debido a la debilidad en las paredes del vaso. Kayley menciona que tiene seis aneurismas, y aunque estos no son peligrosos por sí mismos, pueden convertirse en un riesgo mortal si se desgarran. Este concepto es crucial para entender la fragilidad de su estado de salud y su ansiedad por su expectativa de vida.

💡Arte

Kayley menciona varias veces su pasión por el arte, especialmente la música, como una forma de expresar las emociones humanas. Ella estudia composición musical y ve el arte como una manera de interpretar lo que sienten las personas. El arte es su forma de lidiar con las dificultades y una herramienta para comunicar su amor por la vida a pesar de los desafíos físicos.

💡Conectividad emocional

Kayley siente una profunda conexión con las emociones humanas, lo cual le abruma en ocasiones. Ella menciona lo impactante que le resulta ver la variedad de sentimientos que experimentan las personas, como el amor, la tristeza y la alegría. Esta sensibilidad está vinculada a su forma de ver el mundo y su deseo de expresar estas emociones a través de su arte.

💡Inseguridad

A lo largo de la entrevista, Kayley expresa sus inseguridades, especialmente cuando habla de su apariencia física y cómo los demás la perciben debido a su condición. A pesar de que intenta mantenerse optimista, admite que es muy consciente de sí misma, lo cual es un aspecto clave de su experiencia cotidiana.

💡Amistad y apoyo

Kayley habla de la importancia de ser tratada como un ser humano por sus amigos, y no solo como alguien que tiene un síndrome. Explica que en una amistad, la comprensión y el apoyo son esenciales, especialmente en los momentos de dolor. También menciona que quienes la rodean deben estar preparados para actuar rápidamente en caso de una emergencia de salud.

💡Ansiedad de salud

Debido a la naturaleza de su enfermedad, Kayley vive con una ansiedad constante sobre su salud. Esta ansiedad se manifiesta cuando siente dolor o molestias en el cuerpo, ya que teme que puedan estar relacionados con sus aneurismas. Este temor a no tener suficiente tiempo influye en sus decisiones y su perspectiva de vida.

💡Discapacidad física

La discapacidad física de Kayley es un tema recurrente en el video. Ella describe cómo su cuerpo ha sido afectado por diversas cirugías y problemas esqueléticos, como la escoliosis y los pies zambos. Aunque ha tenido muchas operaciones para corregir estas condiciones, todavía enfrenta limitaciones físicas que afectan su día a día.

💡Gratitud por la vida

A pesar de sus numerosos desafíos físicos, Kayley expresa una profunda gratitud por la vida y las experiencias que puede tener. Cree que es afortunada por poder estudiar música, disfrutar de la naturaleza y rodearse de amigos. Esta actitud positiva es central en su narrativa, ya que elige concentrarse en las bendiciones en lugar de los aspectos negativos de su condición.

💡Dolor anticipado

Kayley habla sobre el 'dolor anticipado', que es el sufrimiento emocional que se experimenta al pensar en una pérdida futura que aún no ha ocurrido. Este concepto está presente en su vida debido a su condición, ya que es consciente de la posibilidad de no vivir una vida larga. Aun así, intenta enfocarse en aprovechar al máximo el tiempo que tiene.

Highlights

Kayley expresses her overwhelming love for life and how it inspires her art.

Kayley's passion for songwriting is driven by her desire to share her thoughts and experiences.

She discusses how her syndrome, Loeys-Dietz, adds beauty to her story rather than hindering her.

Kayley's insecurity about her appearance and how she handles it.

Description of Loeys-Dietz syndrome as the 'melting disorder' due to weak connective tissue.

Kayley's experience with people's reactions to her appearance and her preference for how they should approach her.

Her encounter with dark humor as a coping mechanism.

The impact of Loeys-Dietz on her hands and her journey to seek medical help.

Kayley's adaptation to playing musical instruments despite her physical limitations.

The challenges she faces with her feet and past surgeries.

Kayley's philosophy on living life to the fullest despite her disorder.

The importance of treating her like a human being and understanding her needs.

Her experience with aneurysms and the risks they pose due to her weak connective tissue.

Kayley's regular medical check-ups to monitor her condition.

The story of how Kayley discovered she had Loeys-Dietz through heart surgery.

Her emotional journey of learning about her disorder and the impact it has on her life.

Kayley's experience with health anxiety and how she manages it.

Her outlook on life, appreciating every moment despite the challenges.

Kayley's favorite activities with her partner and their shared love for life's simple pleasures.

Her reflections on growing up with a visible medical device and how she navigated social situations.

The physical symptoms of Loeys-Dietz that affect Kayley's day-to-day life, including back pain and fatigue.

Kayley's approach to anticipatory grief and making the most of her life.

Her appreciation for the beauty in human experiences, nature, music, and art.

Transcripts

play00:00

- [Interviewer] Kayley, what do you want

play00:02

the world to know about you?

play00:03

- Oh, that's such a loaded question.

play00:07

I want the world to know that I just get

play00:11

so overwhelmed about how in love I am with the world.

play00:15

Like I'm so dramatic but I just love life a lot.

play00:20

Like I look at all of the emotions that people feel

play00:25

and I feel so overwhelmed at how beautiful it all is

play00:28

and how I get to like make art

play00:30

and interpret the things that people think and feel.

play00:34

- [Interviewer] Is that what drove you

play00:35

to major in songwriting?

play00:36

- Yes, yeah, absolutely.

play00:38

I have a lot of thoughts

play00:41

and things that I think about the world

play00:43

that I think are really important

play00:44

and I don't want my syndrome to hinder that.

play00:50

I want it to make it feel more beautiful,

play00:54

like be another part of my story.

play00:58

- Alright, you ready for this?

play00:59

- Yes.

play01:01

- What's it like for you to see yourself?

play01:03

Is it something that you think about much

play01:05

or are you just like there I am, it's me.

play01:08

- I definitely think about it a lot.

play01:10

- What do you think?

play01:12

- I think that I'm very insecure

play01:16

and if I'm like looking at myself in the camera

play01:18

I'm like okay, is everything looking good?

play01:21

- I had a facing guy so I could make sure we were both

play01:23

on the frame, but now that we are,

play01:24

would you prefer if I flipped it over?

play01:28

- Yeah, yeah, you can do that.

play01:31

- [Interviewer] Cool, what is the name of your disorder?

play01:33

- I have Loeys-Dietz syndrome.

play01:35

- [Interviewer] What is that?

play01:36

- So I like to call it the melting disorder.

play01:39

Basically my connective tissue,

play01:42

all of it is super weak

play01:45

and so it doesn't really hold me up, hold my skeletons like

play01:50

or my skeletal system.

play01:52

Basically anything in my body,

play01:53

it doesn't hold as well as it should.

play01:56

Connective tissue is like a kind of glue for your body

play01:59

and since mine is weaker,

play02:02

my body just isn't put together very well.

play02:05

- Is it okay if we talk about your disorder?

play02:07

- Yeah.

play02:07

- When you're meeting somebody for the first time

play02:09

and maybe they notice that you look a little bit different?

play02:12

- Yes.

play02:13

- Do you want them to ask questions?

play02:17

- It depends, sometimes it can come off as a little rude.

play02:23

There was someone a few years ago they were like,

play02:28

how I would be, or ever since I met you,

play02:32

I was so grateful about what I look like.

play02:34

- Oh that's jacked up.

play02:35

- I know and I was like, that's crazy.

play02:38

I can't believe you said that.

play02:40

- Do you kind of think it's funny though,

play02:41

like even though it's messed up

play02:42

or you're like man that's like,

play02:43

do you have dark humor I guess I'm asking?

play02:45

- Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

play02:48

I think you just kind of have to, or like I'll come home

play02:52

and like I'll call one of my friends

play02:53

and I'll be like, you have no clue what just happened.

play02:56

Like yeah, it's crazy.

play02:58

Like the audacity of some people is wild.

play03:00

So I have contractions in my hands, you can see them

play03:05

and I actually, I just went to the doctor

play03:10

a few days ago

play03:12

because I was interested in finally fixing my hands

play03:16

because I've had so many other health problems

play03:19

that I never had time to fix my hands

play03:20

and they unfortunately said that

play03:22

because I waited so long

play03:23

that they can't do anything anymore.

play03:26

Which was a real bummer because I always looked at my hands

play03:29

and I was like, this is something

play03:31

that will be fixed in due time.

play03:34

And you know, I play instruments so it's a bummer

play03:37

that I have to play guitar like with my fingers

play03:41

that don't go out all the way.

play03:44

- [Interviewer] Have you kind of adapted

play03:45

and just found a way?

play03:46

- Yeah, yeah.

play03:47

I'm also like for some reason scared

play03:50

that if I did fix my fingers that I would forget

play03:52

how to play the guitar.

play03:53

I would say that I have the body of like a 75-year-old.

play03:58

- What's that like? - Rough.

play04:02

I mean you get tired really easily

play04:05

and if my friends were like, "Hey let's go work out,"

play04:10

I'll be like, "Sure."

play04:11

But they're gonna be pressing weights

play04:15

and I'm gonna be doing my little finger exercises.

play04:19

- [Interviewer] What are your finger exercises?

play04:20

- I have to use silly putty.

play04:22

So a lot of like honestly if I was eight

play04:26

I would love my finger exercises and yeah.

play04:31

- [Interviewer] What do they help with?

play04:32

- They help with just strengthening the muscles in my hands

play04:36

and that'll help me with playing instruments.

play04:39

And right now I'm trying

play04:43

to strengthen my muscle right here.

play04:46

'Cause as you can see, my pinky kinda goes out

play04:48

and it was really smart 'cause it did

play04:51

that to give these guys room.

play04:52

But if I strengthen this muscle then it'll kind

play04:55

of help my pinky go back in like this.

play04:57

- [Interviewer] Are your feet impacted at all?

play04:59

- Yeah, yeah, I have clubbed feet.

play05:02

Basically anything on my body is impacted.

play05:05

I had knee surgeries

play05:06

'cause when I was born my legs were backwards

play05:11

so they had to fix that.

play05:13

And so I have cool knee scars right here.

play05:19

But yeah, just a lot of skeletal stuff.

play05:22

Honestly I don't really care.

play05:24

I mean someone can ask me a question if they want.

play05:26

My biggest thing is that they treat me like a human being.

play05:29

So like Kayley, I know this thing really affects you.

play05:33

Like what is it so that I can be a better friend

play05:36

or what is it so that I can be a better

play05:39

human interacting with you?

play05:40

- Are there some accommodations

play05:42

that you do need in a friendship?

play05:44

- Yeah, I mean I want everyone who knows me to know

play05:47

that if I am screaming in pain then you have

play05:50

to call 911 right now.

play05:51

I'm just a lot more likely to have aneurysms to grow,

play05:55

aneurysms I have six right now in my body

play05:59

and I just have a lot more skeletal issues

play06:01

than other disorders.

play06:03

- [Interviewer] I don't know a lot about aneurysms.

play06:05

So what does it mean that you have six

play06:06

in your body right now?

play06:07

- Yeah, so aneurysms are basically

play06:09

when a blood vessel kind of expands.

play06:14

And I'm sorry if I'm not saying this totally correctly,

play06:16

but it's when a blood vessel, like there's a little part

play06:19

of it that expands out

play06:20

and because my connective tissue is weak,

play06:23

the walls in my blood vessels are weak.

play06:26

So when blood rushes through it,

play06:28

it'll like kinda like a balloon, like inflate parts of it

play06:30

and aneurysms themselves are not dangerous

play06:35

but aneurysms that dissect

play06:40

or that kind of like open up are

play06:42

because then that's a blood vessel that has a tear in it

play06:45

and that's really not ideal.

play06:49

- [Interviewer] How often do you have to go

play06:50

and get tested to make sure everything's running smoothly?

play06:52

- I have to get tested usually every six months.

play06:55

Sometimes it's like a year if everything is looking good.

play07:00

But right now, I have some things

play07:02

that they're looking at in my neck

play07:04

and so they wanna check me every six months

play07:07

to make sure it's okay.

play07:08

- [Interviewer] Does Loeys-Dietz impact your heart?

play07:10

- Yes, yeah, I had heart surgery

play07:13

for the first time when I was nine.

play07:14

I actually found out that I had Loeys-Dietz

play07:17

because of my heart.

play07:21

They were treating my syndrome like I had arthrogryposis,

play07:25

which I do, but it's just a symptom of my syndrome

play07:29

and I started feeling really weak and I didn't know why.

play07:33

When I went to the doctor,

play07:34

I actually went to the allergy doctor

play07:36

and they said that I had a heart murmur

play07:39

and we didn't know what that meant 'cause I was nine

play07:41

and then I had gone to get a ultrasound

play07:45

and one of the aorta

play07:48

or one of the arteries in my heart

play07:50

was four inches bigger than it was supposed to be.

play07:54

It was 'cause that was an aneurysm there

play07:57

and they had found out

play07:59

or I had found out then that my heart was failing,

play08:02

which really wasn't scary for me as a 9-year-old

play08:05

but I know my parents were so terrified.

play08:07

- What was it like for you

play08:08

to actually start learning about your disorder

play08:11

and what it means and how it impacts your body?

play08:13

How old were you and what was that process like?

play08:17

- I mean I started learning about my disorder

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when I was nine but it was a very color book version

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of my disorder.

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Even though my heart was failing,

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I had no conception of what that meant.

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My mom had explained it to me

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but like you don't tell your 9-year-old

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that she could die, you know?

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So I really didn't get a full picture

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and I honestly don't think I still have a full picture

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until I grew up a little bit.

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13 was the first time one

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of my friends passed away from Louis Dietz

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and I didn't know her super well, so my mom had explained it

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as a, we don't know what happened.

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Maybe she wasn't taking her medicine,

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maybe it was very much less of a, she explained it to me

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as in something that I could control.

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And I think that she explained it

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to herself like that as well.

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I think that it's incredibly hard

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to have a disorder like this,

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but even more so to have a child

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who has a disorder like this.

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- That is the role of a parent to make the kid feel safe

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and as if there is order to the universe.

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- Yeah, so the second time I had a friend pass away

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of this disorder was last year and oh I've got a choke up.

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That was a lot harder 'cause I knew her a lot more

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and I had a friend pass away as well as someone

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who had my disorder

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and that was the time where I knew that I had

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to like really figure out how bad this was.

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'Cause I was like, she's a year older than me and the night

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before she passed away we were texting

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about how similar our symptoms were

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and that shouldn't be something that freaks you out

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but like when you pass away the next day it's like okay,

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so how similar are our symptoms really?

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Like you just kind of go into all of these different places.

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Google says life expectancy around like 36,

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but all in all like it's not a terminal illness.

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So, and Loeys-Dietz was discovered in 2005

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and in 2005 they said it was 20.

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So like the life expectancy

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is really not a accurate depiction

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but it's still terrifying.

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Like when you have people that you know who are your age

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that pass away, it can really like

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alter the way that you think about the world,

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especially if they have the same syndrome that you do.

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- [Interviewer] Does that give you health anxiety?

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- Yeah, I would say so.

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I think that most things that I do

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are impacted even just subconsciously by my fear

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of not having enough time or like if I have,

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'cause I have aneurysms in my neck right now.

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If I have like a crick in my neck

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or like I don't wake up or I wake up

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and my neck is kind of sore like immediately I'm anxious

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like, oh is this aneurysm like, oh is this the day?

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I think I just want people

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to really appreciate life as a whole.

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I mean I've been through my seasons of really bad depression

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and it is still hard.

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Like I could wake up tomorrow

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and feel like everything is great and horrible

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but I also simultaneously have so much joy

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and love for this planet

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and the people that we get to live with.

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And like I am the most lucky person I know.

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I mean I'm going to school for music

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and I get to eat wonderful food every day

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and I have a disorder.

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But like there are so many people who would rather live

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'til 36 and have a wonderful life than live 'til 90

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and have a really horrible life.

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So I think it's just counting your blessings

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but also acknowledging that life is hard

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and you'll be able to get through it.

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- [Interviewer] How did you two meet?

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- Belmont?

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- Yeah, we met in college.

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She's like, she's everything Belmont.

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She's so involved.

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So she's going to say Belmont at every chance that she gets.

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Yeah, we met in college.

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- Yeah, first week of freshman year.

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- As I've grown older I have learned to grieve

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because like maybe not growing old

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is something that's really sucks

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and that's something that you have to grieve

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'cause I think that you would go crazy if you didn't.

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But my philosophy on that is just like make the most out

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of the life that you have, which is so like cliche.

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But I will do everything in my power to live

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the life that I choose to live.

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And if half the time I'm in the hospital for that,

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then the other half the time I'm gonna

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be doing the things that I want.

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- [Interviewer] What's your favorite thing to do together?

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- That's a great question.

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We do everything together.

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- We really do do everything together.

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- I don't know, we really like to...

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- We love nature, we love parks.

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- We love flowers.

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- We love to frolic.

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- We love to frolic in flowery fields.

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- We really like to bake.

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Well she bakes and I cook.

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- She cooks.

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- So it's a really great-

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- There's so much good food in our apartment.

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- [Interviewer] You make the dinner, she makes the dessert?

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- Yes. - Exactly, yes.

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- She literally made a lemon cake before we went here.

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- Did you eat it yet? - No, no.

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That'll be a dessert for tonight.

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- We're inviting all

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of our friends over after this and eating lemon cake.

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- [Interviewer] As you were growing up,

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was there a time when you realized

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that you were a little different than the other kids?

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- Yeah, I think in fifth grade I had

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to wear a halo traction.

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It's basically like a satellite that like goes on your head,

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they screw it into your head.

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It's just like really gnarly looking.

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It really like, looks like a medieval contraption.

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- [Interviewer] What was it like going

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to school wearing that?

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- Going into middle school, new school,

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didn't know anybody wearing that was crazy.

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But I told everyone that I was in a car accident.

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I dunno why I did that,

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but I thought that it would be better if they felt bad

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for me and thought I was like a normal kid instead

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of like felt bad for me and thought I was a weird kid.

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So I was like trying to find the lesser of two evils.

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The reason I had it is because my neck was collapsing,

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which is like strange to say,

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but basically like the vertebrae

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in my neck wasn't holding me up

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and my neck was like kind of falling in,

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which isn't great when it's like collapsing on your lungs

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and I have bangs,

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but you can see like the scars from my halo.

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- [Interviewer] Do you ever open up

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about some of the things we discussed,

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like that fear of mortality?

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- I was gonna say if I've had something to drink, then yes,

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but I don't like making people uncomfortable

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and I think it's also, it's really hard

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to watch someone else grieve you

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'cause I don't think you really,

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I don't think anyone really knows how to react to that.

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And for that reason,

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I think that I refrain from talking about that.

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'Cause that's something that I feel like is a solo journey

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and I don't want to put more on people

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than they've, than I should.

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- [Interviewer] What are some of the symptoms

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of this disorder that impact your day-to-day life?

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- I have pretty bad scoliosis, so I have a lot of back pain.

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I don't have the stamina

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that like a normal person might have.

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My entire body is just a lot weaker.

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I've had a lot of spine surgeries, mostly just rods.

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Right now, I think I have seven rods in my back.

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- Was each one a different operation?

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- Yes, yeah, I've had probably 20 back surgeries.

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We talk a lot about actually about like anticipatory grief

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where it's like you're grieving something

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that you haven't lost yet.

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And I think that's something that we both kind of are like,

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yes, we're trying to enjoy every moment

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and just like being alive and being 20 years old in college.

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Like we have such like a beautiful life.

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I think a lot of it is when we're like,

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like philosophically thinking like,

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if this is as much time that we have, it's like you might

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as well make the most of it.

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And like also being okay with like,

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it's a horrible situation

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and it's obviously not ideal.

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But I think just acknowledging that

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and like being okay about feeling sad about that

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or being frustrated about that

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or knowing like anything

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that you're feeling is completely valid

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and just like letting yourself feel

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that I think is also really important.

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And giving yourself grace especially.

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- [Interviewer] What are some of the things

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in life you do find beautiful?

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- Everything, honestly, mostly human experiences.

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Falling in love, falling out of love,

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feeling sad, feeling angry.

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Nature is so beautiful to me.

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Just like music, art, I mean I am such an artist.

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