How I Killed My Gaming Career…
Summary
TLDRIn this reflective video, content creator Flexinja candidly discusses his decline in the gaming industry, detailing the pressures and challenges that led to his burnout. Despite having a substantial online presence, he shares his struggles with maintaining content quality, dealing with internet criticism, and the emotional toll of a declining viewer count. He offers advice to aspiring creators, emphasizing the importance of uniqueness, variety, taking breaks, and avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol. Flexinja's story is a testament to resilience and the potential for rebuilding a career with a healthier approach.
Takeaways
- 🎮 Flexinja started gaming at a young age and was inspired by early YouTube content creators to start making his own videos.
- 🚀 His break came with the release of the game Valorant, where he capitalized on the game's popularity to grow his channel significantly.
- 📈 Flexinja's success was rapid, leading to collaborations with well-known streamers and even a position with NRG as their first Valorant content creator.
- 🔥 At the peak of his career, he experienced burnout, which led to a decline in his content quality and a shift in his attitude towards streaming and content creation.
- 📉 The pressure of maintaining views and the repetitive nature of his content led to a decrease in viewer engagement, which affected his mental health.
- 💔 Flexinja struggled with depression and self-hatred, which manifested in his online persona and led to a further decline in his content creation.
- 🍺 As a coping mechanism, he turned to alcohol and partying, which provided temporary relief but ultimately exacerbated his problems.
- 🍽️ His lifestyle choices led to financial strain and a further decline in his mental health, affecting his ability to create content.
- 🔄 Flexinja emphasizes the importance of taking breaks, maintaining a variety in content, and not relying on alcohol or external validation for mental health.
- 🔄 He concludes with a message of hope, stating that despite falling off, he has learned valuable life lessons and is working towards rebuilding his career in a healthier way.
Q & A
Why did Flexinja feel he 'fell off' as a content creator?
-Flexinja felt he 'fell off' as a content creator because he experienced burnout, stress, and a decline in the quality and creativity of his content, which led to a decrease in viewer engagement and satisfaction.
What was the turning point for Flexinja when he decided to pursue content creation full-time?
-The turning point for Flexinja was when his Omen exclusive video blew up, garnering over 100,000 views within the first day, which prompted him to quit his job at FedEx and focus on content creation.
How did Flexinja's initial success with 'Valorant' impact his career?
-Flexinja's initial success with 'Valorant' led to rapid growth in his subscriber base and viewership, which eventually resulted in him being contacted by NRG to become their first 'Valorant' content creator.
What were some of the challenges Flexinja faced during his peak in content creation?
-During his peak, Flexinja faced challenges such as burnout from streaming and creating content for long hours, dealing with online criticism and negativity, and maintaining a consistent level of performance and content quality.
Why did Flexinja's content and streaming quality decline over time?
-Flexinja's content and streaming quality declined due to his increasing focus on playing well rather than creating enjoyable content, his growing perfectionism, and his mental health struggles, which led to a decrease in creativity and viewer engagement.
How did Flexinja's mental health affect his career as a content creator?
-Flexinja's mental health significantly affected his career, leading to depression, anxiety, and a loss of motivation, which in turn impacted his content creation process, social interactions, and overall online presence.
What role did alcohol and partying play in Flexinja's life during his struggles?
-Alcohol and partying served as an escape mechanism for Flexinja during his struggles, providing temporary relief from his mental health issues and career pressures, but ultimately contributing to his complacency and lack of motivation to create content.
What advice does Flexinja give to aspiring content creators based on his experiences?
-Flexinja advises aspiring content creators to be unique, diversify their content, take breaks to avoid burnout, not to rely on alcohol as a coping mechanism, and to focus on creating quality content rather than obsessing over view counts.
How does Flexinja plan to improve his content creation process moving forward?
-Flexinja plans to improve his content creation process by catching up on his content backlog, potentially hiring an editor and a manager, and focusing on creating content that he enjoys and that resonates with his audience.
What is Flexinja's current perspective on his career and the lessons he has learned?
-Flexinja's current perspective is one of gratitude and a desire to rebuild his career in a healthier way. He has learned valuable lessons about the importance of mental health, content diversity, and maintaining a balance between work and personal life.
Outlines
🎮 The Downfall of a Gaming Career
Flexinja, a content creator with nearly 500k YouTube subscribers and 400k Twitch followers, discusses his perceived decline in the gaming industry. Despite his success, he feels he has 'fallen off' due to stress and a lack of fulfillment. He shares his journey from playing games casually to becoming a content creator, emphasizing the importance of creating content for games like Valorant during its beta phase. His decision to quit his job at FedEx to focus on content creation full-time led to a significant increase in his audience, but also to feelings of burnout and depression.
🌟 The Highs and Lows of Content Creation
Flexinja recounts his experience of being signed by NRG as their first Valorant content creator, which was a dream come true. He discusses the financial stability and social connections this brought, including meeting gaming idols like ASU and Shroud. However, he also details the negative impact of constant scrutiny and the pressure to perform well on stream. This led to a rapid burnout, a decline in the quality of his content, and a growing resentment towards his online persona. He admits to becoming insufferable to watch and to experiencing depression, which affected his content and interactions with his audience.
🍺 Escapism and the Struggle with Mental Health
The paragraph delves into Flexinja's struggle with alcohol as a means of escaping the pressures of content creation. He describes how alcohol provided temporary relief from the stress of declining view counts and the need to constantly produce content. This led to a cycle of partying and alcohol consumption, which further exacerbated his depression and feelings of emptiness. He also discusses the impact of his mental health on his eating habits and social interactions, highlighting a period of severe depression and even suicidal thoughts.
🔄 Rebuilding and Reflecting on Content Creation
In the final paragraph, Flexinja reflects on his experiences and offers advice to aspiring content creators. He emphasizes the importance of being unique, posting regularly across platforms, and considering a manager to handle non-creative tasks. He also stresses the need for variety in content, taking breaks to avoid burnout, and not relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism. Flexinja concludes by expressing gratitude for his audience and a newfound perspective on life, indicating a desire to rebuild his career with a healthier approach.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Valerant
💡Content Creator
💡Burnout
💡Depression
💡Twitch
💡YouTube
💡Editing
💡View Count
💡Alcohol
💡Isolation
💡Collaboration
Highlights
Flexinja discusses his decline as a Valerant content creator and the lessons he's learned.
Despite having a large following, Flexinja feels he's fallen off due to stress and burnout.
He reminisces about his start in content creation and early fascination with YouTubers.
Flexinja's initial success with Valerant videos during its beta test.
Quitting his job at FedEx to pursue content creation full-time after a viral video.
Joining NRG as their first Valerant content creator and the excitement it brought.
The pressure of maintaining a successful online presence and dealing with haters.
Burnout from excessive streaming and content creation led to a decline in quality and enjoyment.
Flexinja's struggle with depression and how it affected his content and interactions.
His realization that focusing solely on playing well was detrimental to content creation.
The impact of alcohol and partying as a means to escape from the pressures of online fame.
Admitting to a period of severe depression and suicidal thoughts.
The importance of taking breaks and not letting view counts dictate self-worth.
Flexinja's advice for aspiring content creators: be unique, post regularly, and diversify content.
The need for a manager or editor to avoid burnout and maintain a consistent content schedule.
His current mindset of gratitude for the audience he has, regardless of numbers.
Flexinja's commitment to rebuilding his content creation career with a healthier approach.
Transcripts
yo how's it going flexinja here in this
video I talk about how I fell off as a
valerant content creator you're probably
thinking this is a weird video to make
about myself but it's a video that's
been on my mind for some time now a lot
of people comment online that I fell off
and that I should put the fries in the
bag so sit back relax and let me explain
to you all how I killed my gaming career
and I know some of you might be thinking
that I still have a successful gaming
career because I have nearly 500k
subscribers on YouTube 400k on Twitch
and I'm decently connected in the gaming
World on Twitter but this is more so a
deep of how I fell off as a Creator and
what I could have done better in the
past to make my gaming career thrive in
a way that I wouldn't be as stressed as
I am today let's take this time together
to figure out why I fell off take this
video as a lesson for any of you
aspiring content creators and streamers
out
[Music]
there first off I'd like to mention how
I got started with creating content in
the first place as of right now I'm a
28-year-old man shocking I know I'm
ancient and I grew up playing video
games all my life with siblings I played
Nintendo GameCube PlayStation and even
began PC gaming at a very young age some
of the first PC game titles that I
played was Aventure Quest RuneScape
maple story combat arms Alliance of
Valley and arms and so on also shout out
to those who still follow me from the
black Squad days as well as a kid I was
always fascinated by content creators on
YouTube who would upload montages of
whatever game they'd be playing I
watched a lot of cod montages such as
the early phase days of trickshotting
and thought it was really cool that
people made a living from posting
content of their gameplay usually
whatever game I played on the PC I'd
record my gameplay and I even learned
how to edit at a younger age like 13 14
using YouTube's old built-in video
editor I wish I still had those combat
arms montages with mid clips and cringe
transitions to show you all but those
are long lost now I've always treated
this as a hobby until something in my
brain clicked I thought of how much time
I sunk into gaming 10 12 14 hours a day
playing FPS games or League of Legends
but nothing to show for it so why not
just record the games I love to play and
edit the gameplay into content and
that's what I did and I will say when
valerin came out I got lucky at the time
I was working at FedEx for over a year
and then Co hit my brother got Co and
since I was living with him at the time
I was told to take two weeks off of work
which is when valerant was in its beta
test I remember those two weeks I
uploaded nearly 20 valerin videos that
were an assortment of random highlights
that got like a th000 to 3,000 views per
video nothing too crazy prior to those
valerant videos I created over 200
videos for a game I was playing at the
time called black Squad and earned
myself nearly 30,000 subscribers from a
game that wasn't even popular this is
random but from my knowledge I am still
the largest black Squad content creator
and I haven't made a video on that game
in a few years which is funny to think
about but fast forward a bit I created
my first Omen exclusive video of how I
reached Immortal by only playing Omen
which absolutely blew up and changed the
course of my life completely I still
remember driving around doing my FedEx
deliveries unable to focus feeling
multiple emotions at the same time from
unrelenting happiness to like an unknown
nervousness I was happy because the
video that I posted got over 100,000
views within the first day and I was
nervous because I know I had to take a
chance and go all in and that's that's
exactly what I did I put my two weeks in
that FedEx AKA I quit and I decided to
get to work every video afterwards was
popping off and it felt very surreal I
just couldn't believe it it felt like I
was dreaming without a backup plan and
jumping at the opportunity I quit my job
to pursue content full-time the homies
that I was playing valerant with at the
time had a spare bedroom in their house
in Austin Texas and you know what I did
I packed my car with my PC chair
clothing and whatever else I could fit
and drove my ass from Massachusetts to
Austin Texas shout out to the four of
you you know who you are I know we don't
talk much but I Will Always Love You
Forever nearly 28 hours of driving later
I settled in and got to work grinding
out more content until I got reached out
by NRG to join as their first valerant
content creator
[Music]
[Applause]
how many must I kill before I
restored more always
[Music]
more I'm call to
[Applause]
say let's go Bab
[Applause]
W oh 105
[Music]
on oh my God you're
insane I'm
better this opportunity was insane for
me to me it's always been a dream to
represent an org and make content for
them so with that said Jamie thank you
so much for taking a chance on this
clueless and unexperienced gaming kid
for the very first time in my life I was
making decent money all thanks to gaming
and the luck that transpired from
posting valerant content at the right
time I got to make some amazing friends
and create awesome content with the
likes of flights average Jonas kaid when
she was a silver rank ethos governor and
a ton of other dope creators sorry if I
don't name your name but I I love you
all appreciate you I got to meet some of
my absolute Idols that I looked up into
the gaming space like ASU and shroud at
this time I felt incredible it felt like
I was Unstoppable at this point I even
then took my first flight which I had
anxiety about cuz I've never been on a
plane or through an airport before I
flew to Oregon for a getaway weekend
where I got drunk and high for the very
first time in my life at the ripe age of
24 it was my first kind of getaway where
I could relax and just do whatever and
and not worry about things so at this
time my streams were going insane where
I'd be reaching 3,000 viewers
organically without being raided I'd
often get raided by other people like
the likes of ASU putting me over 10,000
viewers and I'd received so much love
and support through the chat and my
YouTube videos but with all these new
eyeballs on me and this being the
internet of course it comes with the
haters as well which I wasn't really
ready to deal
with surely all this love and support
felt amazing but the honeymoon phase
doesn't last forever after creating
countless valerant videos and streaming
10 hours a day I burnt out pretty
quickly I had the tendency to get in my
head a lot and constantly beat myself up
if I started to play Bad on stream
rather than enjoying the game like I had
been my mood quickly became sour if I
wasn't playing well or if I couldn't get
any content that day one of my biggest
mistakes is that I only started to care
about if I played well instead of
producing good content and I must admit
I probably became insufferable to watch
over the past few years I've always
thought of myself as a chill streamer
but over those past three years I I kept
losing my cool and overall just raged in
an unpleasant way I started to really
dislike who I was becoming and I even
noticed people commenting all the time
that I look depressed whether it's on
stream or in my YouTube videos like does
this [ __ ] even enjoy valerant at
this point what's going on here at first
those comments ate me up inside I hated
seeing them but but the reality is yeah
I was very depressed at that time even
having 3,000 viewers and seeing a lot of
people comment about how low energy and
Dinda look it it just got to me so being
absolutely drained in with the burnout
of valerant I stopped streaming as much
I got tired of editing my YouTube
content because I didn't like editing my
own content seeing myself in that light
I tried to get other people to edit my
videos but I had trust issues about them
getting the videos how I wanted it to be
on YouTube which it just that's a whole
another mess I started to isolate and
return to my depressive habits in real
life I had trouble eating more than one
meal a day and due to not streaming as
much or posting videos as frequently My
Views kept going down and down and down
when I tell you you could not get my
mind to focus on anything other than the
decreasing view count Lower views on
YouTube lower views on Twitch it was
destroying me it put me in the cycle of
trying to work harder but burning out
faster on the days I should be resting
and relaxing my mind to better my human
existence I couldn't stop stressing over
that damn view count at this point every
video I created turned into a puzzle
that I couldn't quite figure out the
same puzzle I saw effortlessly before
now became something I started to
overthink I began to think the content I
was putting out was worse than before
because the views were lower at this
time I didn't consider that I've been
putting out the same Omen content for
over two years and I mean I'm still
doing that nowadays but that's one
reason why My Views kept going down and
down it just gets repetitive this pushed
me to a point where I became a
perfectionist to the point where I
couldn't get myself to post because I
started to think that the content of the
video was lacking the thumbnail needed
to be better the title had to be worded
perfectly and I'm not kidding I'd often
spend a few hours changing the title
several times until I exhausted myself
out from changing it so many times and
refreshing the video to see if the views
went up more I will say over the past
few years my content in fact became less
creative where I started to use my voice
less and I started to only post
highlights for my streams where I was
barely reacting to anything because I
started to feel more empty overall the
best way to describe my situation is
that I felt like I was drowning but I
was drowning from the screens people
view me from whether it's on their PC TV
phone whatever and in the midst of this
drowning Sensation that I felt deep
within me I started to grow into this
resentful version of myself where I
couldn't help but feel bitter about my
situation I remember I used to answer
people in my chat and such a [ __ ]
way with a really negative tone just
because I was going through a [ __ ] storm
mentally voice crack I'm going leave
that in I don't care and by the way I'd
like to make this very clear I'm not
trying to say that my job as a content
creator is harder than any other job cuz
I know people will have the argument hey
bro you just play video games for a
living but I'd like to say that any and
every job in this world comes with
differences and stress whether you want
to compare jobs to someone else's or not
that's just a fact all these factors
never made me feel so Restless in my
entire life and so I turned to alcohol
and partying to escape my racing mind
there's a reason why alcohol makes
people happy and it has everything to do
with the fact that it Alters your state
of mind and it takes the edge off and
that's exactly what it did for me some
of my best nights on this Earth I've
ever had in my favorite memories had to
do with alcohol and this isn't to Hype
up alcohol but rather to tell you that
it's an Escape the only way I could ease
my mind from thinking about my view
count was alcohol alcohol at the time
was my poison I started to spend spend a
lot of money ubering to and from clubs
buying drinks flying to La sometimes to
go to parties to see my other content
creator friends the more I partied and
drank the less I wanted to think about
my online career in a sense I became
complacent and this is the very opposite
of what you're supposed to do by the way
if you want to keep a successful Online
Career believe it or not but that's just
how I went
downhill when the alcohol was flowing
through my system damn I felt good and
once that [ __ ] was out of my system and
I was sober not only did I feel more
depressed but I felt void of any
motivation to create content not is the
word that best describes how I felt when
I had to return to reality my best
advice is not to train your brain to
touch alcohol when problems arise in
life because that [ __ ] does not fix your
problems I know hard to believe that one
another habit that I picked up from
drinking a lot is ordering food I think
I spent the majority of the money that I
ever made from my gaming career ordering
Uber Eats I became so depressed that I
couldn't even get myself to cook meals
for myself anymore the thought of having
to socialize with anyone in the kitchen
to cook something or even go to the
grocery store to buy food became an
actual challenge for me I remember some
days that I was so painfully void of
emotion that I'd sit in my car outside
of a grocery store unable to get myself
to go in because I just felt so anxious
the amount of days I spent driving to
restaurants to pick up my food order
just to eat it in my car alone kind of
disgusted me and not only that I spent
some of those days crying in my car
because I didn't know what to do it
seems pretty pathetic to admit all this
but I was truly suicidal and depressed
at this time and a little fact that I
want to share with you all when I used
to play games off stream and if I played
bad and performed bad i' get so tilted
and I'd actually hit myself I'm not very
proud of myself to admit that but I am
doing better nowadays and I no longer do
that at the time I was very weak and I
was just filled with so much self-hatred
let me tell you something when you're
feeling suicidal in life the last thing
you want to do is show your face online
pretending you weren't just thinking
about offing yourself before going Live
to play some Valerie sometimes I'd go
live without my webcam on just because I
didn't want people to comment on my
emptiness and expressionless face I
started isolating myself more and more
unable to get myself to ask any other
content creators to play or collab
because I felt as though I wasn't good
enough anymore and that I'd bring down
the Vibes just being me I can't help but
think how much my spirit has changed
over the past few years and all the
people that I turned away due to having
witnessed that change no one likes a
sour streamer it makes me a bit sad to
think about that but I'm glad to say
that I'm doing better now if I were to
sum up this video to help you aspiring
content creators this is what I have to
say number one be unique enough to stand
out from the masses like I did by
becoming the omen guy on valerant number
two if you're new to streaming start
posting content on YouTube whether long
form shorts start posting on Tik Tok
Instagram rails to drive traffic to your
Twitch or wherever you stream number
three if you're able to get a manager to
help with sponsors editing posting
content so that you the content creator
and streamer can focus your energy on
creating the best content possible
number four Once you build an audience
try introducing variety content so
you're not stuck doing one thing sort of
like I am right now with valerant still
number five take breaks away from the
online world so you come back feeling
motivated recharged and not so burnt out
take a goddamn vacation is what I'm
trying to say number six The View count
shouldn't always reflect how you should
feel what I recommend is hiding it and
focus on creating good content number
seven this one's important stay away
from alcohol if you're using it to
escape your problems rather than
celebration number eight don't go
chasing relationships or constant
validation from other creators within
the same space you're going to find
yourself drained find your circle of
friends that are like-minded individuals
and grow those relationships instead
this applies to anyone really not just
the online space let's revisit Point
number three again about getting a
manager as of right now I've been back
on my YouTube grind and I've been
editing my videos again but if I
continue down this row I will simply
burn out again I do plan on getting an
editor and a manager soon once I catch
up on my content the one reason why I
haven't been streaming right now is
because I'm trying to catch up with that
content I would love to get an editor
right now but I just simply don't have
the budget to do so that's kind of why
I've been dishing out videos to jump
start my YouTube channel again so that I
can afford to pay an editor well enough
I'd also like to revisit the topic of
posting videos another reason I stopped
posting like I mentioned before is
because the views kept going lower and
lower which made me feel bad about
myself I still kind of struggle with the
this but I've been better about it
lately the best way to look at being a
content creator is not about the views
going up and up and up but rather
appreciating the views that we do get
and moving forward without being
discouraged basically my mindset now is
that I'm grateful that I get to post and
have an audience that watches me stream
no matter the number I used to post
videos and' get 100K views in 24 hours
which is by normal but now I'm even more
thankful that My Views get a minimum of
30k views because that's 30,000 eyballs
that decide to click on my content
whether they watch it for 30 seconds or
they end up watching the entire video
and that's kind of insane if you think
about it the same goes for streaming I'm
thankful that I have an audience of 100
to 200 viewers every time I go live even
if I'm in a shitty mood that day dude
that's about 5 to 10 classrooms full of
people choosing to spend their time to
watch and support me so to sum up this
video in a nutshell yes I did fall off
as a content creator but it's given me a
much more mature perspective in life and
taught me very valuable lessons and like
anything in life what is destroyed can
always be rebuilt in a stronger and more
healthier way I'm flexinja or Chris and
thank you so much for listening to what
I had to say let me know in the comments
down below what you think think of this
video or what I mean to you as a content
creator I appreciate you all much love
have a great day or night wherever
you're from peace
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