Why Did My Ex Block Or Remove Me From Social Media?

Summary

The video script explores six core reasons why an ex might block or remove someone on social media, including avoidant behavior, emotional pain, anger or revenge, starting a new relationship, established patterns, and being part of an unlucky statistic. It also delves into why some exes block on social media but not on phone numbers, suggesting reasons like social media detachment, different intimacy levels, practical considerations, and emotional ambivalence. The speaker advises continuing to post on social media even after being blocked, emphasizing the importance of diverse and engaging content to maintain social proof and potentially regain the ex's attention.

Takeaways

• 🔒 **Avoidant Programming**: Many individuals block or remove others on social media due to an avoidant attachment style, which stems from a fear of abandonment and a tendency to avoid conflict.
• 😣 **Painful Reminders**: Blocking can be a method to prevent the emotional pain associated with seeing an ex-partner's activities on social media.
• 🔥 **Anger or Revenge**: Some people may block out of anger or a desire for revenge, using social media as a tool to hurt or confuse their ex.
• 💔 **New Relationships**: Starting a new relationship can prompt someone to block their ex on social media to avoid complications or to show commitment to the new partner.
• 🔄 **Pattern of Behavior**: For some, blocking or removing exes on social media is a consistent pattern post-breakup, possibly to prevent interference with future relationships.
• 📉 **Unlucky 37%**: Research indicates that approximately 37% of people are likely to block or unfriend an ex on social media after a breakup, sometimes without a clear reason.
• 📱 **Selective Blocking**: Some exes might block on social media but keep other lines of communication open, like phone numbers, for various reasons.
• 🤔 **Social Media Detachment**: Blocking can be a way to detach from the constant updates of an ex without completely severing all ties.
• 💬 **Different Levels of Intimacy**: Social media and direct communication like phone calls represent different levels of intimacy, and some may prefer to maintain a more personal connection.
• 🔄 **Pogo-Sticking Effect**: People may toggle between blocking and unblocking an ex as they grapple with mixed feelings and the desire to monitor their ex's activities.
• 📈 **Continued Posting**: Despite being blocked, it's advised to continue posting on social media to maintain a presence and potentially influence the ex's perception.
• 🔑 **Five Post Categories**: To handle being blocked, consider posting across five categories: health, wealth, relationships, magnum opus (intersection of the three), and personal choice.

Q & A

What are the six core reasons an ex might block or remove someone on social media?

The six core reasons are: 1) Avoidant programming due to fear of abandonment, 2) Seeing the person is painful and they want to avoid that pain, 3) They are driven by anger or revenge, 4) They have a new relationship and want to avoid complications, 5) It's their pattern to block or remove exes after a breakup, and 6) They are part of the 'Unlucky 37', meaning there's no specific reason, it's just a common occurrence.

What is meant by 'avoidant programming' in the context of the script?

'Avoidant programming' refers to a psychological pattern where individuals, due to a core wound like fear of abandonment, exhibit avoidant behavior to prevent future conflicts or emotional pain, often by cutting off contact or interaction with someone who triggers this fear.

How does the 'pogo sticking effect' relate to the behavior of blocking and unblocking an ex on social media?

The 'pogo sticking effect' describes the cyclical behavior of blocking and then unblocking an ex on social media due to the conflicting feelings of wanting to avoid the pain of seeing them but also desiring to keep tabs on their activities, leading to a back-and-forth pattern of blocking and unblocking.

Why might someone block an ex on social media but not block their phone number?

Someone might block an ex on social media but not their phone number due to reasons like wanting social media detachment, maintaining different levels of intimacy, practical considerations like shared responsibilities, or emotional ambivalence where they still have feelings and keep a line of communication open.

What is the significance of the 'Holy Trinity' in the context of social media posting after a breakup?

The 'Holy Trinity' refers to dividing one's life into three distinct points: health, wealth, and relationships. It suggests focusing on improving these areas and posting about them on social media to show personal growth and garner social proof, which can indirectly influence the ex's perception.

What does the term 'social media Detachment' imply in the script?

Social media Detachment implies the act of blocking someone on social media to avoid seeing their activities, posts, or new relationships, while still maintaining other forms of communication, thus detaching emotionally but not completely cutting off contact.

What is the 'Magnum Opus' in the context of social media posting after a breakup?

The 'Magnum Opus' refers to the intersection of health, wealth, and relationships, suggesting a significant achievement or event that positively impacts all three areas of life. Posting about such an event on social media can demonstrate substantial personal progress and attract attention.

How does the Pew Center's research on breakups relate to the script's discussion on social media blocking?

The Pew Center's research indicates that around 37% of teens have unfriended or blocked someone after a breakup on social media. This statistic supports the script's discussion by providing a baseline expectation of the likelihood of being blocked by an ex on social media.

What is the advice given in the script for handling an ex who has blocked you on social media?

The advice is to continue posting on social media as if you weren't blocked, focusing on five categories of posts: health-based, wealth-based, relationship-based, magnum opus-based, and personal choice posts. This approach aims to maintain a positive online presence and potentially influence the ex through indirect observation.

What is the 'Grapevine' effect mentioned in the script in relation to social media and breakups?

The 'Grapevine' effect refers to the indirect spread of information or changes in one's social status through mutual friends or acquaintances, which can eventually reach the ex. This can be influenced by the social media activities of the person who was blocked, aiming to create a positive impression that might affect the ex's perception.

Outlines

00:00

🔒 Understanding Avoidant Behavior in Breakups

The speaker discusses six core reasons why an ex-partner (referred to as 'X') might block or remove someone on social media post-breakup. The first reason is rooted in avoidant programming, where 'X' may have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, leading to avoidant behavior to prevent future conflicts. The speaker cites research from free2attach.com to support this, explaining that avoidant individuals may cut off contact harshly to avoid feeling beholden to others. The second reason is that seeing the other person on social media can be painful, leading to a desire to block or remove them to alleviate this pain. The speaker shares a personal anecdote from a past breakup where they experienced this, describing a 'pogo sticking effect' where they would block and unblock their ex out of a mix of grief and curiosity.

05:03

😡 Anger and Revenge as Motives for Blocking

The third reason for blocking on social media is driven by anger or a desire for revenge. The ex may believe that blocking will hurt or confuse the other person, using it as a tool to assert dominance in the breakup. The speaker describes a pattern of saying one thing but doing another, indicative of someone who wants to hurt rather than maintain a mature end to the relationship. The fourth reason is the start of a new relationship, where 'X' might block the previous partner to avoid complications. The speaker admits to having done this, removing potential romantic interests to focus on a new significant other. The fifth reason ties back to patterns from past relationships, where 'X' may consistently block or remove exes from social media to prevent interference with new relationships. The sixth and final reason is that the person might simply be part of an 'unlucky 37%,' a statistic indicating that around this percentage of people block their exes on social media without a specific reason.

10:04

📱 The Significance of Soft Blocking on Social Media

The speaker explores why an ex might block on social media but not on other forms of communication, such as phone numbers. The first reason is social media detachment, where 'X' wants to avoid seeing the other person's activities but keep other lines of communication open. The second reason is the difference in intimacy levels between social media and direct communication like phone calls. The third reason is practical considerations, such as shared responsibilities or mutual friends that necessitate keeping contact open. The fourth reason is emotional ambivalence, where 'X' might still have feelings and is unsure about the finality of the breakup, hence keeping a line of communication open. The speaker also discusses how to handle being blocked on social media, suggesting that one should continue posting as usual and that many exes unblock their former partners over time.

15:05

📈 Crafting a Social Media Strategy Post-Breakup

The speaker advises on how to navigate social media when an ex has blocked or removed them. They suggest maintaining a consistent posting schedule with a variety of content to show personal growth and create social proof. The recommended content includes health-based posts, wealth-based posts, relationship space posts, magnum opus posts (intersection of health, wealth, and relationships), and personal choice posts. The idea is to show improvement and interest in different areas of life, which can indirectly reach the ex through mutual connections and social proof. The speaker emphasizes the importance of staying active on social media and not letting the block affect one's online presence or self-improvement journey.

Keywords

💡Avoidant Programming

Avoidant programming refers to a psychological pattern where individuals, due to a core wound such as fear of abandonment, exhibit avoidant behavior to prevent future conflicts or emotional pain. In the context of the video, it's described as a common reason why an ex might block someone on social media. The speaker illustrates this by explaining that avoidant individuals are uncomfortable feeling beholden to someone else, hence they might cut off contact to avoid future issues.

💡Painful Seeing

The term 'painful seeing' is used to describe the emotional discomfort that arises when someone views their ex's activities on social media, which can lead to the decision to block or unfollow them. The video provides a personal anecdote where the speaker felt compelled to block an ex on MySpace due to the emotional pain caused by seeing updates about her life.

💡Anger or Revenge

This concept refers to the motive behind an ex's decision to block someone on social media as a means to hurt or confuse them. The speaker explains that this action is driven by a desire for revenge or to 'win' the breakup, often accompanied by other vindictive behaviors such as speaking ill of the person to mutual friends.

💡New Relationship

The video discusses how an ex might block someone on social media to protect a new relationship. This action is taken to avoid any potential disruption or complications that could arise from maintaining a visible connection with a former partner. The speaker shares a personal example of how they removed previous connections on social media when they entered a serious relationship with their now-wife.

💡Pattern

A pattern in this context refers to a consistent behavior exhibited by an individual across multiple relationships. The video suggests that some people may have a history of blocking or removing ex-partners on social media after breakups, which can be a learned behavior to prevent complications with new relationships.

💡Unlucky 37

This term is derived from a statistic mentioned in the video, indicating that around 37% of individuals may block or unfriend an ex on social media after a breakup without a specific reason. It serves as a baseline to understand that not all blocking actions have a clear motive and can be part of a broader social trend.

💡Social Media Detachment

Social media detachment is the act of blocking someone on social media to avoid seeing their activities and updates. The video explains that this can be a way for an ex to manage their emotions and avoid triggers, while still keeping other lines of communication open, such as phone numbers.

💡Different Levels of Intimacy

The video discusses how different communication channels, like social media versus phone calls, represent different levels of intimacy. Blocking on social media might be chosen because it's a less personal form of communication, allowing the ex to maintain a more private and direct line of communication through other means.

💡Practical Considerations

Practical considerations refer to the logistical reasons why an ex might not block all forms of communication. For example, the video mentions shared responsibilities or mutual friends as reasons to keep phone numbers unblocked, despite blocking on social media.

💡Emotional Ambivalence

Emotional ambivalence is the state of having mixed feelings about a situation, in this case, the breakup. The video suggests that an ex might block on social media but keep a phone number unblocked because they still have feelings and are unsure about the finality of the breakup, leaving a line of communication open.

💡Holy Trinity

The Holy Trinity is a concept introduced in the video that categorizes life into three distinct points: health, wealth, and relationships. The speaker advises posting about these categories on social media to show improvement and create interest, which can indirectly influence the ex who has blocked them.

Highlights

Six core reasons are identified for why an ex might block or remove someone on social media.

Avoidant programming is a primary reason for blocking, stemming from a fear of abandonment.

Avoidants may block to prevent future conflicts, aligning with their comfort in not being beholden to others.

The 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality is common among avoidants post-breakup.

Blocking can be a method to prevent the pain associated with seeing an ex's activities online.

The 'pogo sticking effect' describes the cycle of blocking and unblocking due to the pain of seeing an ex.

Anger or a desire for revenge can motivate an ex to block as a means to hurt or confuse.

Actions post-breakup that contradict the intention of remaining friends can indicate a vindictive motive.

Starting a new relationship can lead to blocking an ex to avoid complications.

The pattern of blocking exes on social media can be a learned behavior from past relationships.

Around 37% of people are likely to block or unfriend an ex on social media after a breakup, according to Pew Center research.

The concept of 'hard block' versus 'soft block' is introduced, with the latter allowing some communication channels to remain open.

Social media detachment is a reason for blocking but keeping phone numbers unblocked to maintain some form of contact.

Different levels of intimacy are associated with various communication methods, influencing whether an ex blocks on social media.

Practical considerations like shared responsibilities or mutual friends can prevent an ex from completely blocking all communication.

Emotional ambivalence might lead an ex to block on social media but keep phone numbers accessible for potential future contact.

Advice is given to continue posting on social media even after being blocked, as statistics show most people still check on their exes.

A strategy for social media posting after being blocked is suggested, focusing on health, wealth, relationships, and the magnum opus.

Transcripts

all right so in my opinion there are six

core reasons for why an X would block or

remove you on social media so the first

one is that it's in line with their

avoidant programming now I've said this

so many times throughout our website but

we have found that the vast majority of

our clients X's are avoided what this

means is they have a core wound where

they are afraid of being abandoned and

anything that triggers that core wound

causes them to trigger their avoidant

behavior and really the truth is that

for an avoidant avoiding or doing

everything they can not to interact with

you is pretty common and it's usually to

avoid future conflicts in the

relationship so to kind of further

illustrate this point I went to my

favorite avoidant research website a

website called free2attach.com and I

pulled an exact quote to kind of really

illustrate this point so avoidance and

relationships because they are

comfortable feeling beholden to someone

else so they can be extremely Cut Throat

with contact for this reason too I

suppose in this reason it's more so

their Cutthroat by not contacting you

they're Cut Throat by removing you on

social media but it's the whole out of

sight out of mind argument you know if

your ex is an avoidant then having them

block you is part of their programming

and it's commonplace for them the second

reason is seeing you is painful so

blocking you on social media is sort of

a way that they can prevent that pain

now I have actually a personal story

about this one I remember going through

one of my breakups early on I think I

was maybe 19 and this is right at the

rise of Facebook so this is around 2008

and Facebook if you would believe it

their main competitor was Myspace so I

remember I had a Facebook profile but I

also had something called a MySpace

profile now if you don't remember back

in the day Myspace case was essentially

the most popular social media platform

and I was friends with my ex but I kept

finding that I would after the breakup

constantly spy on my ex I'd be seeing

what she was up to who she was talking

to if she was dating someone else and

eventually it got to the point where

even logging on to Myspace became

painful and I decided that the only way

forward for me was to block her and so I

would block her but here's the

interesting thing usually blocking

wasn't enough so I block her on social

media I'm like okay this is great maybe

go two or three days before this

annoying feeling took hold and the

gnawing feeling would cause me to do

something that I've coined the pogo

sticking effect so what I would do is I

would block her or remove her from

social media and then I would quickly un

remove her so I could see her again I'd

spy on what she was doing and then I'd

block her again and I would just do this

constantly pogo stick sticking back and

forth from blocking her to unblocking

her to blocking her to unblocking her

and the truth is that the whole thing

just made it even more painful but the

cusp of the reason for why I was doing

it is because I found that every time I

would look at her profile or look at

what she was up to I would just feel

this immense grief and having her out of

sight I thought would help me but in a

weird way it hurt me because I kind of

fell victim to the pogo sticking effect

the third reason is a lot different from

the first two the third reason is that

your ex is just completely driven by

anger or Revenge so they know that

blocking you on social media or removing

you on social media will hurt you or

confuse you here's how this typically

goes it's the whole words versus actions

approach they say one thing but do

another so on the outset of a breakup

they say you know what let's be friends

and you take them at their word but

every action they take after the breakup

is indicative of someone who does not

want to be friends it's indicative of

someone who wants to hurt you or be be

painful so they say rude things about

you not necessarily on social media but

to mutual friends they block you on

social media so that you can't see what

they're a saying about you or B what

you're up to and it's all coming from a

petty place it's coming from this idea

of I'm going to win this breakup which

unfortunately still exists in this day

and age rather than being able to treat

the breakup as an adult would treat it

they treat it as a high schooler would

treat it or a child would treat it

they're incredibly immature they're

incredibly vindictive and they know that

blocking you will cause you a lot of

pain and they take solace in that pain

because making you hurt makes them feel

better because you cause so much hurt

for them and so it's this weird

dichotomy that kind of exists the next

reason is they have a new relationship

so they may have started a new

relationship and decided to block you to

not screw that up and this is actually

something that I have done as well

remember when I met my wife Jen I was

also friends with a bunch of other girls

and when I knew that Jen was the one was

when I started going to those other

girls and not even explaining but

basically removing them from my social

media accounts or sometimes even

blocking their numbers because I did not

want anything to ruin what I had with

this new person and so if you find that

your ex has moved on to someone new

they're in a new relationship and all of

a sudden they go on a social media

cleanse as I like to call it where they

start removing all of their former

flames on social media or friends that

could be viewed as a threat this can

happen and I am living proof that men

and women do do this it's a very common

Behavior the fifth reason is it's simply

their pattern so this is where it kind

of helps to have a little bit of

background on what their past

relationships would look like so it

might just be a pattern that they have

always exhibited where they are in a

relationship with someone then they go

through a breakup and then after that

breakup they end up blocking or removing

that person off of social media and this

one kind of also connects to that new

relationship aspect it's a pattern

because they're removing you

consistently and they've removed all of

their previous exes consistently but the

reason they might be removing you is so

that it doesn't screw up any other

potential Flames or flings that they may

have with someone new and the first

thing that kind of came to mind when I

started thinking or listing out the

pattern thing was this like okay well

they're doing this so that they don't

have to screw up what's gonna happen

next and I can tell you just since I've

been doing this for 10 years it's very

common for exes to get in touch and say

hey beware of this person and beware of

this person so what might have happened

in the past for them is that might have

occurred where they went through a

breakup they treated that past person

very poorly they did not remove that

past person on social media and then

when they move moved on to someone else

that past person contacted that someone

else and kind of freaked them out and

created a lot of friction for them and

so they've created this pattern where

they do a again social media cleanse

after the breakup so you don't cause any

friction or trouble for that new

relationship so in a way this pattern

concept is very closely related to the

new relationship concept and the sixth

and final reason is you're just part of

the Unlucky 37 all right so I've made no

poems or no mistake about the fact that

I believe the breakup industry does not

get a lot of research I mean I've been

doing this for 10 years I know where to

look for research and I'm telling you

there are not a lot of great resources

out there that research breakups in and

of themselves they research sometimes

the effects of breakups but not like

breakup Behavior luckily I did stumble

across this really great research from

the Pew Center all right so the Pu

Center was studying breakups and they

released this amazing article where they

basically said after a breakup around 37

of teens have unfriended or blocked

someone they used to be in a

relationship with on social media okay

so that right there tells us at least it

gives us a starting point or an

expectation of generally around 37 to 40

percent of x's are going to remove or

block you on social media and sometimes

there's no Rhyme or Reason sometimes

it's not in line with their avoidant

programming it's not seeing you as

painful it's just the way it is and

you're unfortunate enough to fall and

have one of those X's that are you know

35 to 40 percent chance of blocking you

but that's not really the only thing I

wanted to talk about today so I was

researching this article right and

originally all I thought was okay I'm

just going to come up with like six

reasons for why X's block or remove you

on social media but when I started

researching I found that there's also a

really other strange thing that exes

will do some x's will block you on

social media but they will not block

your number you know I've I've talked in

the past a lot about this concept of a

hard block and a soft block a hard block

is where they block you everywhere

imaginable they block you on social

media they block your phone number they

even block your email address your hard

blocks you have no way of getting in

touch with them other than writing them

a letter and mailing it to them which

doesn't work and then there's the soft

blocks and this is sort of a soft block

reason I guess you know a soft block is

essentially where your ex blocks you in

one form of communication but you still

have other avenues of communication open

all right so I got really into trying to

understand okay well why is it though

that an X would block you on social

media but not your number and ultimately

I came up with four specific reasons so

these are the four reasons for why X's

will block you on social media but

they'll still kind of keep your number

just in case and the first reason is

social media Detachment so your ex may

want to avoid seeing your activities

posts photos or new relationships on

social media but they don't necessarily

want to cut off all communication

entirely so this is the whole thing out

of sight out of mind but I want to keep

my options open and blocking you kind of

allows them to avoid these triggers if

you will while still leaving that line

of communication open then of course we

have the second main reason which is

it's different levels of intimacy so

social media and talking on the phone

they represent different levels of

intimacy and if you don't believe this

all you need to do is kind of look at my

research or approach to the value ladder

you know the value ladder is all about

these methods of communication after a

breakup so for those of you who are

wanting to get your exes back I talk a

lot about the value ladder it's about

using different mediums of communication

to slowly rebuild value but one of the

things that I've correctly pointed out

is that not all communication is created

equally you know text messaging is a lot

different than talking on the phone

talking on the phone is a lot different

than seeing them in person seeing them

in person on a Meetup is a lot different

than seeing them person on a romantic

date and social media has a different

level of intimacy than an actual phone

conversation so it's often public and

less personal while phone calls or text

messages is more private and direct so

your ex might be feel more comfortable

maintaining a more direct and personal

connection with you but at the same time

publicly they want to put on the face

that I'm the one that broke up with her

I'm winning the breakup blah blah blah

and then there are of course the

Practical considerations all right so

there might be some practical reasons

for keeping your phone number unblocked

so one example is you might have shared

responsibilities or mutual friends we

see this a lot with people who live

together or people who work together and

they don't really have a legitimate

reason for why they can block you they

can't just up and block your phone

number they might need to get in touch

with you at some time we have also seen

pogo sticking effects kind of occur here

where sometimes an X will block them for

a period of time and then unblock them

only to block them again and back and

forth back and forth and this can be a

little bit difficult to deal with but

we're gonna actually later in the

discussion talk a little bit about how

to handle an X that blocks you but first

let's move on to the fourth and final

reason for why X's will block you on

social media but not your number and

that's emotional ambivalence they might

still have feelings for you and are not

sure about how final this breakup really

is and so they choose to keep one line

of communication open so this is

piggybacking off what I was talking

about before with the social media

Detachment some exes may not be fully

over you or may not know and this would

actually be in line with what we have

seen from avoidance I will say with the

emotional ambivalent thing what I have

seen more often is that they do block

your phone number and then after you're

kind of out of sight out of mind they

start to get some Nostalgia and that's

when they unblock you and that actually

I think leads us pretty seamlessly to

the last thing that I'd like to talk to

you about and that's really what do you

do when an X blocks you on social media

alright so we know the statistics we

know around 37 to 40 percent of x's are

going to block you on social media but

we don't really know what the heck to do

the thing you're supposed to do is still

continue to post on social media as if

you weren't blocked or removed and this

is kind of wild but let's look at some

more statistics so statistics do say

that the odds are very much in your

favor in fact a couple of years ago

there was a woman who was working on her

I don't know study thesis whatever from

the University of Western Ontario and

she basically found that nearly 90

percent of people on Facebook creep on

their exes 90 is a very large number

folks and really that is also including

Exes who are blocking you on social

media removing you on social media and

to further back this up one of our

unfair advantages is that we have access

to a lot of people going through

breakups and we have seen a lot of

people who've been blocked and so a

couple of years ago I asked them hey for

those of you who been blocked by an X

how many of them ended up unblocking you

and the answer kind of was staggering to

me 68 of people who were blocked said

that their ex just unblocked them and

they didn't have to do anything so as

weird as it sounds sometimes just

waiting it out is the smartest approach

for being blocked which is not a popular

answer but here I got more for you don't

worry you also need to be posting on

social media like I said I cannot tell

you and if you do not believe me all you

need to do is just go to our podcast and

watch a lot of the success stories I've

done of people who have specifically

been blocked the people who've been

blocked will often say after they get

their exes back that their ex will tell

them you know yeah I blocked you but I

was still spying on you I'm still using

this friend to spy on you or I was doing

that pogo sticking thing to kind of

check out on who you are so I always

tell my clients to cycle through five

categories with your social media posts

so you want to continue to post as if

you are still blocked or as if you

aren't blocked or you aren't removed

because

if you play the odds the odds are your

ex will still pay attention to you and

even if they don't pay attention to you

really the the whole thing about social

media is about getting a Groundswell of

support so getting other people to

notice you and create social proof that

way and then Through the Grapevine that

gets to your ex so what are these five

categories okay so I talk a lot about

these with regards to social media posts

but we're a big believer in the Holy

Trinity the Holy Trinity is a concept

that I came up with that basically talks

about dividing your life into three

distinct points and then leveling those

points up in whatever way you can and

those three distinct categories are

health wealth and relationships but also

I talk a lot about this concept on

ex-boyfriend recovery called the magnum

opus which is supposed to be the

intersection of health wealth and

relationships so it's one thing that you

can do that can positively impact your

health wealth and relationships and then

of course you can post whatever you want

so let me recap I want you to post five

things from five different different

categories every week a health-based

post a wealth-based post a relationship

space post a magnum opus based post and

then whatever you want and the idea

behind this is that you are staying

inconsistent with what you're posting

you're posting interesting things and

you're improving yourself as you go and

so just sticking to that schedule and

just posting one a day or working up to

one a day is probably the best approach

for how to handle an ex who's blocked

you on social media