Why Is Simply Being Not Enough for Me?
Summary
TLDRThe speaker from the suburbs of Washington DC shares their struggle with loneliness and fear, having tried various coping mechanisms that eventually failed. They found temporary peace through spiritual experiences but faced a return to dissatisfaction. The dialogue emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's true nature, beyond feelings and experiences, as the source of lasting peace. The speaker is encouraged to embrace the 'I am' experience, which is constant and unchanging, as the path to overcoming dissatisfaction and finding inner tranquility.
Takeaways
- 🏘️ The speaker lives in a suburb of Washington DC and feels isolated as a single, non-Christian, gay individual in their community.
- 🌪️ They describe feelings of loneliness and fear that are overwhelming, likening them to steam trying to escape a kettle.
- 🔄 The speaker has tried various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement, but these have all eventually failed them over time.
- 🎭 Upon turning 60, the speaker's life fantasies and expectations did not materialize, leading to a sense of disillusionment.
- 🧘 In 2019, the speaker experienced a state of 'expansiveness' through meditation, which provided temporary relief from their usual discomfort.
- 😔 The onset of COVID-19 led to job loss and lack of health insurance, causing the speaker to revert to a state of fear and loneliness.
- 🕊️ The speaker found temporary solace in meditation, reaching a state of neutrality, but real-world concerns often intruded, disrupting this peace.
- 🤔 The speaker expresses a desire for more than just neutrality, indicating a subtle dissatisfaction with their current state of being.
- 💬 The dialogue suggests that the speaker's true nature is not about the feelings they experience but the underlying 'I am' consciousness.
- 🔍 The speaker is encouraged to return to their being, the pure experience of 'I am', which is constant and unchanging, irrespective of external circumstances.
- 🌟 The 'I am' experience is presented as the ultimate source of peace, a place where all desired fulfillment can be found, beyond the temporary satisfactions of conventional or spiritual experiences.
- 📚 The speaker is advised to frequently remind themselves of their 'I am' nature, as it is the key to accessing a state of inner peace and contentment.
Q & A
What is the main issue the speaker is facing in their life?
-The speaker is facing loneliness and fear, which they describe as trying to burst out of them like boiling water.
What coping mechanisms has the speaker tried over the years to deal with their feelings?
-The speaker has tried alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement as tools to cope with their feelings, but these have eventually stopped working over time.
How did the speaker describe their experience during the six months after the 'expans of state'?
-The speaker felt at peace and was able to be in places that were previously horrifying to their body, experiencing a state they called 'expansive'.
What happened when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, affecting the speaker's life?
-The speaker lost their job and health insurance, which led to a return of their previous feelings of fear and loneliness.
What is the speaker's current state of meditation and how does it relate to their feelings?
-The speaker can go to a state of spaciousness and neutrality during meditation, but the real-world concerns still cause them to condense back to their previous state of fear and loneliness.
What does the speaker believe is the root of their dissatisfaction with the neutral state?
-The speaker believes it's a subtle form of dissatisfaction stemming from their feelings, not their true nature, which never says it wants more.
What is the advice given to the speaker about their true nature and the experience of 'I am'?
-The advice is to go back to their true nature, the experience of just being or being aware, which is neutral and without a sense of lack or desire for more.
What is the significance of the phrase 'I am' in the context of the speaker's spiritual journey?
-The phrase 'I am' signifies the speaker's experience of being, which is consistent and unchanging regardless of their emotional state or circumstances.
How does the speaker's experience of 'I am' compare to their other life experiences?
-The experience of 'I am' is described as always being the same, unaffected by the content of thoughts and feelings, unlike other experiences which are temporary and changeable.
What is the final recommendation for the speaker to find peace?
-The recommendation is to sink deeply into the experience of being, to rest and abide in it, as it is where true peace is found, free from sorrow and agitation.
How does the speaker's journey reflect on the pursuit of happiness through external means?
-The speaker's journey shows that seeking happiness through external means, both conventional and spiritual, is temporary and ultimately unsatisfying, pointing towards the internal experience of being as the source of true peace.
Outlines
🌈 Struggling with Loneliness and Seeking Peace
The speaker, a single non-Christian gay man living in the suburbs of Washington DC, discusses his struggle with loneliness and fear. He has tried various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement, but these have proven ineffective over time. He reflects on turning 60 and the realization that life's fantasies have not brought the happiness he expected. A spiritual experience in 2019 brought temporary peace, but the onset of COVID-19 and job loss disrupted this tranquility. The speaker now seeks to return to a state of expansiveness and neutrality, acknowledging the body's habitual need for more than just peace, and the challenge of maintaining this state amidst real-world concerns.
🧘♂️ The Search for True Peace Beyond Conventional and Spiritual Realms
The dialogue continues with the speaker's realization that he has exhausted all conventional and spiritual means to find peace, leading to a deeper inquiry into the nature of his being. The conversation emphasizes the experience of 'I am' as a state of being that is unchanging and independent of external circumstances or feelings. The speaker is encouraged to recognize the inherent peace in the pure experience of 'I am,' suggesting that this is the ultimate place to find the peace he seeks. The dialogue highlights the distinction between the transient feelings and the eternal experience of being, urging the speaker to embrace the 'I am' as the source of true peace.
🕊 Embracing the Unchanging Experience of 'I Am'
In this paragraph, the focus is on the certainty and the experiential nature of the statement 'I am.' The speaker is guided to understand that this statement is not a guess or something learned from external sources but a direct experience of being. The conversation delves into the absolute certainty of existence, which is more profound than any worldly certainty. The speaker is encouraged to delve into this experience of being, described as the Kingdom of Heaven, where peace resides. The summary emphasizes the timeless, sorrow-free, and agitated state found in the deep realization of one's being.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Loneliness
💡Fear
💡Neutral
💡Dissatisfaction
💡True Nature
💡Spiritual Journey
💡Altered States of Mind
💡Being
💡Despair
💡Peace
💡Experience
Highlights
The speaker lives in the suburbs of Washington DC and feels a deep sense of loneliness and fear.
Over the years, the speaker has used various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement, which have eventually stopped working.
The speaker turned 60 and realized that the life fantasies they had were not fulfilling, leading to a sense of disillusionment.
In 2019, the speaker experienced a period of expansive state which provided a sense of peace and acceptance.
The onset of COVID-19 led to job loss and the loss of health insurance, causing a return to feelings of fear and loneliness.
The speaker found temporary solace in meditation but acknowledges the return of fear and loneliness when faced with real-world concerns.
The concept of 'neutral space' is introduced as a place of peace and non-judgment, which the speaker seeks to inhabit more frequently.
The speaker expresses a desire for more than just neutrality, indicating a subtle form of dissatisfaction.
The true nature of being is discussed as something that is not a feeling but an inherent state of existence.
The speaker is encouraged to return to their true self, where there is no sense of lack or desire for change.
The body's habitual need for more is highlighted as a barrier to experiencing the pure state of being.
The speaker has exhausted all conventional and spiritual methods to find peace, leading to a realization that the only place left to look is within their being.
The experience of 'I am' is described as a consistent, unchanging state, regardless of external circumstances or emotions.
The speaker is advised to focus on the pure experience of 'I am' without qualifiers to find peace.
The certainty of one's existence ('I am') is rooted in a direct experience of being, not influenced by external validation.
The speaker is encouraged to embrace the experience of being as the ultimate source of peace and contentment.
The conversation concludes with the speaker being guided to rest in the experience of 'I am', which is described as the Kingdom of Heaven.
Transcripts
I live in the suburbs of Washington DC
I'm the only single non-Christian gay in
the village and I I have the opposite
problem I feel like I have loneliness
and fear burst trying to burst out of
the the kettle of boiling water and I've
used over the
years so many tools alcohol sex travel
excitement and they all stopped working
over you know over time and and as time
goes on it's like I even seeing
fantasies I turned 60 and then I'm
suddenly like all the fantasies I
thought my life was going to be like was
keeping me sort of on that I could get
sort of Happy
Feelings so all those tools quit
working and then I did get to have the
expans of state with you in 2019 and
that lasted like six months it was like
I felt porest and I was able to just be
in places that were just horrifying to
my body usually like but I was able to
just ah I'm just be and and and sort of
I just called it expansive and then I
condensed back down whenever covid hit
and my job went away and no health
insurance all that stuff so now like
today's
meditation I was able to go to
spaciousness so I wouldn't there's no
joy I don't feel the happiness and the
peace I guess it was peace it was kind
of like neutral so I'm at NE I can be a
neutral I can go to neutral space and be
in neutral
space but then the swirls of uh just
like a little essence of oh I got to
pick out my health insurance and you
know go these real world things that I
don't they come up and then suddenly
that condensation comes back and that
sort of fear and loneliness starts that
sensation in the body comes
back is I know the has got to be more
than just neutral I would like to just
be in that state of
neutral but uh is the I guess the answer
kind of using going to the neutral space
as much as
possible going to allow for things to
shift or me to become aware again
that I'm not this body and or I guess
that I am not the
body and be okay with being here right
now is that a
question Jim this feeling
that that that your your true nature the
experience of just being or being aware
is
neutral and therefore somehow lacking
somehow insufficient that you want more
than than just neutral does
being ever say
I want more than
this or this is
insufficient what I'm trying to point at
by asking that question is that it's not
when you say I I want more than neutral
I you you're not speaking from yourself
you're speaking from your from your Fe
you're speaking about a feeling you want
to change your
feeling but but your your being your
true nature the fact of being it is not
a
feeling if you go back to that there's
no sense of lack there's no sense of I
need more or I want to change this from
neutral to be all that belongs to your
feelings I don't like this feeling I
want that feeling so you're not speaking
from your true nature when you say I
want more I don't just I'm not just
happy with neutral that's just that's
just a subtle form of dissatisfaction
that characterizes the separate self you
you're not speaking from yourself you
have to go back to
yourself to your being and being never
says I want
more so it seems like this body now that
you bring it up or I brought it up the
body is so used to needing something
more to get rid of the pain I get it's
like a habit it's like the alcohol oh
that was good and now I need something
to quit working so I need this so now
it's like I guess even the spiritual
thing is I'm sitting there going I need
more just kind of like this this this
phys yeah but Jim you've got to the
stage where you you've tra you've tried
everything that is available both
everything that's available in the
conventional Realms of experience
objects substances activities
relationships that didn't work then you
embarked on a spiritual journey and you
you had all the you
experienced Altered States of mind which
again worked temporarily but sooner or
later when those Altered States of Mind
wore off you found yourself back with
the old dissatisfaction you've tried
everything and there's nothing else to
you you've tried everything that's on
offer in the conventional realm and in
the spiritual realm so there's only one
more place to
look and that is your
being that's the the only place left for
you to find peace
tell us the nature of your being now
tell us about your being now or are you
having the experience of being now I'm
talking to you or I am aware of are you
having the experience of being
now do you have the experience I am now
yeah tell us about
it this is it this is it right here Bo
yeah tell tell us about it try to
describe it its quality as best you can
try to try to use adjectives that are
that are true of its
nature I
am
experiencing guess
no just tell us about the experience I
am I am all don't add anything to the I
am we don't want to hear anything after
the I am I am we just want to know about
the experience I am not the experience I
am experiencing I am we just want to
know about the what you refer when you
say I am before anything's added to it I
was so happy when Alex was in this spot
ah
yes that that's the place to go that's
where you have to
go you've been around long enough that
is the place of Peace if you want
peace that's the only place to find
it you tried you've tried everything
else yeah and what is the stuff that
covers it up it's like it's don't go
there don't go that's just it doesn't
matter what it's covered up by it
doesn't matter what the shape of this
room is the space in this room the
nature of the space in this room is
always the same irrespective of the
shape of the room or the number of
people in it that the experience I am is
always the same experience its nature is
is always the same irrespective of the
content of your thoughts and
feelings you can be deeply depressed you
can be lonely you can be sad you can be
anxious you can be excited it doesn't
matter it's always the the I am I am
depressed I am lonely I am sad I am
excited the I am is always shining there
whatever the shape of this room the
space is always the same space the I am
is always the same
experience irrespective of what
subsequently qualifies it sadness or
loneliness or sorrow or excitement it
doesn't matter the I am is always the
same all you need to do is to see the
nature of that pure I am before it is
colored or qualified by experience
everything you have ever longed for
lives
there you're in a good position Jim in
this sense that you've been around long
enough and you've tasted life fully
enough
to know for absolute certain that no
objective experience can give you what
you truly want and that recognition can
lead to
despair but in your case you have this
other possib you've been exposed to this
other possibility some people will just
think okay it's impossible therefore to
be happy because I've tried everything
it doesn't work that leads to despair
but that's not the case for you because
this other possibility you you you've
you've come across this other
possibility that there is another
Direction a directionless
direction in which you
can find the peace you long
for thank you a so just take that I am
just say to
yourself from time to time just quietly
inside yourself say to yourself once I
am don't add anything to it just say I
am and when you say I am you you refer
to an experience yes you're not guessing
that you are you didn't read in a
book or you didn't watch a YouTube clip
you don't need somebody else to convince
you that you are yes that I am is your
experience you can say I am from your
experience
yes so you just have to go to the ask
yourself the question what
experience enables me to
say with absolute certainty I
am we can each say I am
because it refers to something we're
experiencing the experience of
being so you must know that experience
otherwise you would say I'm not or I
don't know whether I am
are you certain that you are are you
certain that I
am please say yes but you you you are
absolutely certain you are more certain
we are more certain than that I am than
we are that this is a
world whether or not this is a world I
still am that we are absolutely certain
that I am that that comes the statement
I am comes from from an experience you
must be
experiencing your being in order to to
be able to say I am you just have to go
into that experience of being you sink
deeply into
it that's the Kingdom of Heaven that's
that's where peace that is
peace just go deeply into
it rest in it sink into it abide in it
there's no sorrow there there's no
agitation there there's no time there
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