A sale is a love affair: Jack Vincent at TEDxLugano

Summary

The script draws parallels between sales and romantic relationships, emphasizing trust and emotional connection. It tells the story of Sally and Harry, highlighting Harry's successful sales approach, which mirrored the dynamics of love and trust-building. The narrative expands on how love, trust, and communication are key to both sales and personal relationships, blending anecdotes and humor to illustrate this. It suggests that by listening, asking questions, and fostering trust, professionals can create meaningful business relationships, just as they would in romance.

Takeaways

• 🤝 Networking is key in building relationships, both personal and professional.
• 🛠️ Trust is the foundation of any sale; Harry built trust with Sally by engaging her in meaningful conversations.
• 💡 Selling with love isn't new; emotional connections in business are as important as they are in personal relationships.
• ❤️ Brands like Apple create emotional bonds with customers, turning them into 'love marks'.
• 🔑 The best salespeople listen carefully, ask good questions, and build solutions together, mirroring strong personal relationships.
• 🎯 In sales, the early stages are about capturing attention emotionally; rational decisions come later.
• 👂 Active listening and understanding your client's needs are crucial to building trust and closing deals.
• 🚪 Closing a sale is easier when you’ve established trust and handled objections early on.
• 💬 Pushiness in sales destroys trust; allow the buyer to feel in control during the closing process.
• 💞 Parallels between sales and romance exist because both rely on trust, confidence, and mutual understanding.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the story involving Sally and Harry?

The main theme of the story is how building trust in a relationship, whether personal or professional, is essential to success. Harry’s actions demonstrate how trust and emotional connection can lead to a successful business relationship.

How does Harry establish trust with Sally during their first meeting?

Harry establishes trust by engaging Sally in a meaningful conversation, introducing her to others at the networking event, and later following up with a suggestion to meet again. He builds rapport and shows genuine interest in her needs, which is key to trust in both relationships and sales.

What is the significance of the term 'selling with love' in the script?

‘Selling with love’ refers to the idea that successful sales are based on forming authentic emotional connections with customers, similar to forming personal relationships. Love, in this sense, builds trust, which is crucial for any sale to happen.

How does the concept of 'love marks' relate to business, according to the script?

The concept of 'love marks,' as explained by Kevin Roberts of Saatchi & Saatchi, refers to brands that create emotional connections with customers. These brands inspire loyalty and affection, like Apple, which customers love and advocate for, demonstrating the power of emotional branding.

What does the script say about the connection between sales tools and romance?

The script highlights that many sales tools, like asking good questions, listening, and building trust, also apply to romantic relationships. Both sales and romance rely on similar principles of communication, trust, and emotional connection.

What parallel does the speaker draw between finding love and making a sale?

The speaker draws a parallel by explaining that both finding love and making a sale require trust, emotional connection, and good communication. Early stages in both involve sparking interest and forming emotional bonds before progressing into deeper engagement.

Why is simplicity important in both sales and relationships, according to the speaker?

Simplicity is important because it helps create emotional connections early on. In sales, a clear and compelling message grabs attention, just as in relationships, simple gestures can spark feelings of attraction. Overcomplicating things too early can make it harder to build that connection.

What role does listening play in both sales and personal relationships?

Listening is described as one of the most underrated yet crucial skills in both sales and relationships. It builds trust, helps understand the other person’s needs, and facilitates problem-solving, whether in a business deal or a romantic relationship.

How does the speaker explain the connection between self-love and business success?

The speaker explains that self-love is important because it gives individuals the confidence to engage with clients and partners effectively. In both personal and business relationships, taking care of oneself is key to being able to offer value to others.

What is the speaker's message about closing deals in sales?

The speaker emphasizes that closing deals should be a natural progression if trust and rapport have been built throughout the sales process. Pushing too hard for a deal can kill trust, and clients need to feel they are in control, similar to a mutual agreement in a relationship.

Outlines

00:00

🤝 The Meeting: Sally and Harry’s First Encounter

Sally, new to town and working as a marketing communications director, attended a networking event. Nervous and slightly late, she engaged in conversation with Harry, who spotted her and invited her into his group. After a pleasant conversation, Harry circulated among other guests but later returned to suggest a coffee meeting. Sally countered with a wine date, which went well, leading to an elbow touch and a good feeling from Sally. This was not the start of a romantic affair but a sales interaction where Harry built trust, a key component in sales.

05:01

💼 Trust and Love in Business and Sales

The script draws parallels between love and business, specifically sales. Love in business is exemplified by Kevin Roberts' book *Lovemarks*, which emphasizes creating emotional connections with brands like Apple. Harry's approach with Sally illustrates this emotional connection, as trust is fundamental in sales. The script also delves into interpersonal sales dynamics, highlighting how customers want to feel loved, not just wooed for a sale. Trust forms the core of successful relationships in both romance and business, according to the speaker’s experiences in a sales training workshop.

10:01

🎭 The Theatrics of Sales and Romance

The speaker humorously connects sales techniques with romance, noting how effective sales strategies can translate into relationship dynamics. They recount a sales workshop where probing difficult questions was likened to intimate conversations in romantic relationships. The connection between love and business became a running joke in the workshop, solidifying the parallel. The speaker suggests that sparking interest, asking questions, and solving problems are key both in sales and in dating. Personal experiences after a divorce further underscored this parallel, as they navigated the dating scene while reflecting on the crossover between sales tools and romance.

15:06

❤️ Building Strong Relationships in Sales and Life

The speaker discusses how midlife crises and personal growth impact both romantic relationships and business partnerships. They emphasize the importance of self-love and self-care, drawing on Eastern philosophy and personal experiences to explain that healthy relationships require partners to be whole and strong. This applies to business partnerships as well, where both parties must bring value and respect to the table. The concept of the 'me marriage,' where strong partnerships allow individuality, is highlighted as a key factor in successful romantic and business relationships.

Keywords

💡Trust

Trust is a central theme in the video, highlighting its importance in both sales and relationships. The video emphasizes that trust is the foundation of successful interactions, whether in business or romance. For example, Harry builds trust with Sally by sparking interest and engaging in meaningful conversation, which mirrors the sales process where trust must be established before a deal can be closed.

💡Emotional Connection

The emotional connection is described as a key factor in both sales and love. In the video, Sally's connection with Harry begins with a casual meeting, but it turns into a deeper, trusting relationship. This concept is compared to building brand loyalty, where customers feel emotionally connected to a product or service, much like how people form emotional bonds in romantic relationships.

💡Love Marks

A 'Love Mark' refers to brands that create deep emotional connections with their customers, going beyond simple loyalty. The video uses Apple as an example, explaining how people love the brand and spread that love, even if others don't share the same feelings. The concept underscores the importance of building relationships based on emotional appeal, both in business and in personal life.

💡Sales as a Love Affair

This metaphor illustrates how selling a product is similar to developing a romantic relationship. The video describes how building trust, sparking interest, asking questions, and listening closely to the customer's needs is like courting in a romantic relationship. Sales, like love, requires nurturing and sincerity to build a lasting connection.

💡Listening

Listening is portrayed as an essential skill for building trust, both in sales and relationships. In the video, it's mentioned that asking the right questions and truly listening to the responses helps deepen connections. This mirrors the idea that in personal relationships, people feel valued and understood when they are listened to attentively.

💡Self-Love

Self-love is discussed as a necessary foundation for success in both sales and relationships. The video suggests that confidence and self-worth are crucial, as individuals must first love and take care of themselves before they can build strong connections with others, whether in business or personal life.

💡Midlife Crisis

Midlife crisis is mentioned as a turning point where people reassess their life’s purpose, often sparking personal and professional transformations. In the video, the speaker reflects on his own midlife crisis and how it led him to spiritual growth and self-awareness. This concept ties into the broader theme of self-reflection and emotional growth in relationships and business.

💡Simplicity

Simplicity is emphasized as a way to spark emotional interest, especially in the early stages of both sales and romantic relationships. The video describes how initial emotional connections are created through simple, direct communication, rather than overcomplicating matters. This principle applies to catching someone’s attention, whether it’s a potential customer or romantic partner.

💡Questions

Asking good questions is highlighted as a crucial tool in building trust and understanding in both sales and relationships. The video explains how probing for concerns and seeking to understand the other person's needs can help overcome obstacles. This applies to both customer interactions and personal relationships, where asking thoughtful questions fosters deeper connections.

💡Closing the Deal

Closing the deal is used both in the business sense of finalizing a sale and as a metaphor for moving a relationship to a deeper level. The video contrasts effective closing with being too pushy, which can erode trust. It draws a parallel to romance, where taking time to build trust before moving forward is key to a successful relationship.

Highlights

Sally met Harry at a networking event, marking the beginning of a professional relationship.

Harry skillfully introduced Sally to his group, initiating a conversation and building rapport.

Sally and Harry's meeting led to a productive wine date, demonstrating effective follow-up in networking.

The narrative highlights how building trust is fundamental in sales and professional relationships.

Kevin Roberts, CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi, discusses 'lovemarks' and the emotional connection brands can create.

The concept of 'lovemarks' is exemplified by the strong brand loyalty and emotional attachment to Apple.

Building trust in sales is compared to a love affair, emphasizing the importance of genuine connections.

In a sales training workshop, participants learned the importance of probing and asking difficult questions.

Humor and role-playing in the workshop helped reinforce the analogy between sales and romantic relationships.

The speaker discusses the personal journey of self-improvement and how it parallels professional development.

Forgiveness and self-love are highlighted as crucial for both personal growth and successful relationships.

David Deida's writings on masculinity and relationships stress the importance of maintaining one's mission and purpose.

The narrative explores the historical context of sailors' missions, drawing a parallel to modern professional commitments.

Emotional connections are crucial in the early stages of both sales and relationships.

The importance of listening and asking good questions is emphasized as key to building trust in sales.

Closing a deal successfully involves ensuring all earlier stages of the sale have been handled satisfactorily.

The analogy between not asking for a kiss and closing a sale without being pushy is highlighted.

Self-love, confidence, and giving love are identified as essential traits for successful salespeople.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Applause]

Sally met Harry at a networking event

and Harry made a very good first

impression but don't they all Sally had

was new to town she had taken a job as

marketing communications director at an

international firm her first month or

two were very manic very busy and at one

point she knew she had to get out there

and meet people in the community so she

showed up at the networking event a

little bit

late and everyone was already talking

and her nerves were up a little bit so

she bought some time by hanging up her

coat then she went to the bar and got a

glass of chardonnay and when she turned

around there she was alone in a room

full of people already engaged in

speaking Harry spotted her and he

invited her into his group and he

introduced her to everybody and they

started a

conversation very good conversation

about 10 minutes or so at which point

Harry invited another person into the

group and introduced her to Sally then

he moved on to another group and started

circulating Sally kept her eye on Harry

throughout the evening and she was in

fact hoping that Harry would Circle back

before the end of the evening and sure

enough as the crowd started thinning out

Harry came back to her and he said you

know I've been thinking about something

we were talking about what do you think

about a cup of coffee near your office

on Thursday afternoon and Sally said

what about a glass of wine in town

Thursday

evening well the wine date went very

well and in fact when it was over they

were on the sidewalk in front of the

restaurant and the last thing that

happened was Sally touched Harry's elbow

and said I've got a really good feeling

about this and she dashed off to catch

her train out to the suburbs to her

husband and

kids No this was not the beginning of a

romantic Affair this was the beginning

of a sale and Harry had done everything

right Harry was selling with love

already the primary fundamentals of a

sale is trust and he build it by

sparking interest and then engaging

Sally in something that she felt that

she

needed love in business is not a New

Concept Kevin Roberts CEO of Sachi and

Sachi worldwide wrote a book called love

marks and in it he said when a brand is

so powerful that it creates an emotional

connection in our heart hearts that is a

love Mark apple is a love Mark for many

people the users of Apple not only love

the brand they spread the love in fact

some people actually don't like apple

but that's okay by Apple just look at

their sales and look at their brand

strength getting people to love you is

not a dishonest objective in

business to fall in love with

me the problem is when you pick me up

you whine me you dine me and you sleep

with

me will you call me

afterwards in sales it's even more face

to face it's even more interpersonal

than brand resonance in people's heart

it's behavioral it's mono Amano it's

face to face and customers know you want

to get them to love you you but what

they really want is for you to love them

because love is part of building trust

and trust is the biggest element in a

sale the idea for a sale as a love

affair actually happened in a sales

training Workshop that I was leading and

it's a trainer's goal not just to bring

new skills to your participants but to

embed them so that they use use them

afterwards one of that concept is to

make it

memorable so that they use it

immediately after so in the workshop

very senior salespeople and we were

trying to build the concept of you are

the trusted

advisor and we were working on an

exercise of what do you do when the

client starts to stall when they're not

communicating clearly what do you do and

the solution that the participants came

to was you need to probe you need to ask

those difficult questions I'm sensing

something's not working here is there

something that I should know that I can

help you are you facing any obstacles

internally what do I need to know to

help

you now my mom said I should have gone

to theater school and I should have been

an actor okay because I always go into

these onea plays and in the workshop I

then put on my best American accent and

I said well it's like love you're not

talking to me honey we're not

communicating baby I got to know is

something wrong talk to me baby tell me

what's going on and that got a good

laugh with the crowd and what happened

was it actually morphed into our joke

for the rest of the two-day workshop we

always came back to the link between

love finding love and finding clients

and keeping love and customer service it

was to the point that the women in the

group also liked it and one woman

salesperson actually at one point said

when we were talking about closing the

deal she said hey I don't have patience

for that I say baby we've danced we've

had drinks you coming back to my place

or

not so it was catching it was and after

that the idea stuck with me and I

couldn't get it out of my head now

conversely sales tools actually work in

Romance and some people say oh that's

crass that's so commercial using sales

skills to find romance to which I say

what is so crass about sparking interest

asking questions

listening solving problems together well

that's what good salespeople do and it's

my believe that that's what good

partners do as well and it actually

happened the book idea actually happened

in a period in my life of which I had

divorced and yes I was out there in the

dating Market but it's not just about me

because there is a lot of people

divorcing and there are a lot of people

out in the dating market and we're kind

of like especially at my age we're one

big coaching family coach and be coached

and what I was Finding was that all of

these things actually work in Romance 2

The Parallel between finding love is

similar to a complex sale and we know

how complex relationships are and

keeping love is like customer

service

now at my age and before about 10 years

ago men hit the wall at some point and

they go oh my God whether they lose a

job they lose a family member something

Sparks in them that they say what is my

life purpose what am I doing here where

am I going women tend to make these

little corrections as they go men have

this thing called midlife crisis that we

don't like to talk about it and it's

kind of like my mom's and dad's

generation midlife crisis so if anybody

talks to me about the break at the break

about midlife crisis no please don't

okay okay but it is something that does

happen to all of us and about 10 years

ago I hit that wall and I did a lot of

searching and I got into a lot of

spirituality and Eastern philosophy and

things and one of the first Concepts

when you're doing spirituality is

working on yourself it's not about just

meditating and saying wow good feeling

it's about there are some things that I

need to work on forgiveness of myself

before I can really learn how to forgive

others selflove and the heart feeds

itself first in a healthy relationship

the heart not only distributes blood to

the rest of the body it needs blood it's

a muscle it's an organ that needs

blood the brain doesn't mind that the

heart takes its commission up

front because if the if the heart had to

wait 120 days for the invoice to get

paid everything would die and the Brain

knows that the liver knows that the

muscles know that the heart feeds itself

first so in a healthy relationship take

care of yourself I work with a lot of

people who say especially entrepreneurs

and startups I'm uncomfortable taking

money off of people but they want to

make their business run in all of this

coaching of love and romance people say

you know I just feel like I'm a pervert

I I but but I want a relationship yeah I

want sex but I want it wrapped up in a

human relationship there's nothing wrong

with that you're whole you're good

there's nothing wrong with trying to

build business Partnerships in which

both parties add value to each other yes

you need money to run your new company

but you're a partner in a business

relationship you're bringing value help

that customer find that you're good

you're whole be in love with yourself

it's okay clients respect that as much

as romantic Partners the New York Times

had an article about 10 years ago about

five years ago called the me marriage is

the happy

marriage strong Partnerships require

strong Partners baby I love you and one

of the things I love about you is that

you let me be

me that is a a strong relationship that

is not a toxic relationship and from

that comes trust love builds

trust Shakespeare was on to something

and I think if he was a marketing

director today it would be called your

unique selling point your USP your

competitive

Advantage David data is a writer of

masculinity and spirituality

and sex and

relationships David data writes things

about how to be whole with yourself and

how to live happily in a partnership and

get the things that you need one of the

takeaways that I get from David D's

writings is your mission is

important your purpose in life is

important your

relationship should support that not get

in the way of that because if it is if

it does you will regret it later and the

relationship will become toxic clients

feel the same way now back in the times

when sailors would go off to Sea and the

town would come down to the harbor and

the women would be saying don't go don't

go you may die in the ocean and

perish those Sailors who said I have to

defend the Homeland or I have to trade

econom Al to bring business to our

community it's my mission I have to

go they knew that they may die at War

they may crash in a storm they may get

drunk and puke overboard and fall into

the

water but those that came home were

loved by the community and by their

women and those who stayed were peeling

potatoes to thine own self be true and

it shall follow as the light follow the

darkness that thou shalt not be false to

any other now early in a sale it's

incumbent to take my breath away it's

very emotional early in a sale emotions

sell after that things get complicated

and things get more rational but early

in the sale there needs to be something

for me to go wow I think we need these

people wow and it's like a love affair

early in a sale emotions are only

provoked through

Simplicity lion walks out of the brush

and looks at you and says lunch you know

you've got a problem you're not thinking

should we refinance the

house you've got one thing and that's

very compelling in a sale as rational as

business can be in a sale go for

something that's going to inspire them

Simplicity you might lose it later in

the deal but but if you don't grab them

early you're not going to progress

anyway it's like a relationship Take My

Breath Away there was something about

the way she looked at me at the school

concert and then I learned she was

divorced Take My Breath

Away you're opening a relationship

you're not closing a sale who has loved

who has not Loved At First Sight

Shakespeare again now the purpose of

opening is to get that emotional

connection but then the earn the right

to ask

questions asking good questions and

listening is one of the most underrated

trust

Builders at different stages of the sale

there may be different questions you

should ask but listening builds trust

well how do you do it by asking good

questions prompting for the concerns

handling the objections and Building

Solutions together they say in

relationships that women need to be

listened to men need to feel important

and in business everyone wants to be

understood listening is the most

underrated

skill now closing a deal is easy if

everything has gone well I was once

working with a London media firm and

early on in our assignment we were

briefing being briefed by the CE o and

the CMO the chief marketing officer and

you could feel the testosterone in the

room as they said and they lowered their

voice and they said we need closers our

salespeople need to close and when we

started talking to the salespeople we

went back to the CEO and CMO two weeks

later and said your people are sale are

closers they know how to ask for the

deal the problem is things happening

earlier in the deal are not satisfactory

and by asking and pushing too hard for

the deal pushiness kills

trust the buyer wants to feel in control

too and by you saying do you want it in

green or do you want it in red how many

should we put in if they're not ready

for it it's not going to

happen I will never forget my closing

line that was

yin-yang my most memorable clo that I

ever did in a

sale was

this that was

it the buyer was showing all of the

signals you could see the wheels turning

the body language and all the signals

were

yeah there wasn't anything more I could

say to get that person to to buy and she

looked at me at me and she said Jack

let's do this I imagine you're going to

send me a contract track as the next

step now if any of you have seen the

movie Hitch the love doctor in which

Will Smith is coaching some pretty

pathetic guys when it comes to handling

relationships at one point he says you

don't ask a woman if you can kiss her

just kiss her and the guy said really is

that all it is and he goes well it's a

little more subtle than

that move 90% of the way put yourself in

a position to be kissed

but let her lean 10% into it because she

wants to feel in control

too the best salespeople in any industry

are loved by their clients they have

self-love they have confidence they give

love they ask good questions they listen

and they build Solutions together

doesn't that work in Romance too it's

all about TR trust and it's all about

understanding Harry did everything right

that evening he did everything right at

the wine bar and he actually did

everything right when Sally introduced

him to his

managers he also found love this way we

know that the more you give the more you

get in Romance and in

sales poets have written about it

songwriters sing about it artists of all

type this is the human condition that

love conquers

all