This Harvard Study Showed That Doing THIS Keeps You Healthier | Mel Robbins Clips
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful podcast, Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, shares the profound findings from an 86-year study on what makes a good life. The key takeaway? Strong, warm relationships are the most significant predictors of happiness and health, both mentally and physically, throughout one's life. The study reveals that those with better social connections live longer, healthier lives, emphasizing the importance of nurturing and valuing our relationships for a thriving life.
Takeaways
- 📚 The Harvard Study of Adult Development, started in 1938, is a long-term study that initially focused on two groups: privileged Harvard undergraduates and underprivileged boys from Boston's poorest families.
- 🔍 The study aimed to understand what helps people thrive and transition from adolescence to young adulthood, examining both privileged and underprivileged individuals.
- 🧬 Over time, the study expanded to include spouses and children, and utilized new scientific techniques such as DNA and mRNA analysis, and brain imaging with MRI scanners.
- 💖 The most significant finding from the study is that people who have more and warmer relationships tend to live longer, stay healthier, and be happier.
- 🌟 Relationships not only contribute to happiness but also have a profound impact on physical health, reducing the likelihood of diseases like coronary artery disease and type 2 diabetes.
- 🧘♂️ The study suggests that good relationships act as stress regulators, helping to calm the body's stress response and preventing the long-term negative effects of chronic stress.
- 🔮 Researchers found that by examining individuals at age 50, they could predict who would be healthy and happy at age 80, with the quality of their relationships being a key predictor.
- 🌱 Loneliness is a signal of a need for more connection, and recognizing this can help individuals seek out and cultivate more fulfilling relationships.
- 🤝 Simple steps like expressing a desire for more connection or making positive suggestions for spending time together can help improve relationships and reduce feelings of loneliness.
- 🌟 Engaging in activities that one is passionate about with others can be an effective way to form new connections and friendships.
- 🌈 It's important to remember that not every attempt at forming connections will be successful, but persistence and a positive attitude can lead to meaningful relationships.
Q & A
What is the primary focus of the Harvard Study of Adult Development led by Dr. Robert Waldinger?
-The primary focus of the study is to understand what contributes to a good life, particularly looking at factors that help people thrive and make a successful transition from adolescence into young adulthood.
When did the Harvard Study of Adult Development begin, and with which groups of individuals?
-The study began in 1938 with two groups of young men: Harvard College undergraduates, representing a privileged group, and boys from Boston's poorest and most disadvantaged families, representing an underprivileged group.
How has the Harvard Study of Adult Development evolved over the years?
-The study has evolved by expanding its initial focus to include spouses and children of the original participants. It has also incorporated new scientific techniques and tools, such as DNA and messenger RNA analysis, and brain imaging with MRI scanners.
What is the most significant finding from the 86-year-long study according to Dr. Waldinger?
-The most significant finding is that people who have more and warmer relationships with others tend to live longer, stay healthier, and are happier compared to those who are more isolated and do not prioritize relationships.
How do relationships act as stress regulators according to the study's findings?
-Relationships act as stress regulators by providing a support system that helps individuals calm down after experiencing stress. This ability to recover from stress is linked to better physical health and a reduced likelihood of developing diseases associated with aging.
What was surprising about the study's findings regarding the impact of relationships on physical health?
-The surprising aspect was not just that relationships improve happiness, but that they also have a significant impact on physical health, making it less likely for individuals to develop conditions like coronary artery disease and type 2 diabetes.
How can the study's findings on relationships and health be applied to improve one's life?
-The findings suggest that individuals should prioritize nurturing warm and supportive relationships, as these connections can contribute to better physical and mental health, and overall well-being.
What did the study find when looking back at participants at age 50 to predict who would be healthy and happy at age 80?
-The study found that the strongest predictor of being healthy and happy at age 80 was the happiness in one's relationships at age 50, rather than factors like cholesterol levels.
How does the experience of loneliness relate to the study's findings on relationships?
-Loneliness is an experience of feeling less connected to others than desired, and the study suggests that addressing this feeling by seeking and nurturing connections can improve well-being and potentially physical health.
What advice does Dr. Waldinger give to individuals who feel lonely or disconnected in their relationships?
-Dr. Waldinger advises individuals to first understand the reasons for their loneliness or disconnection and then take steps to improve their relationships, such as having open conversations about their needs, seeking therapy if necessary, and engaging in activities they are passionate about alongside others.
What is the significance of the study's approach to understanding the long-term impact of relationships on life satisfaction and health?
-The significance lies in its longitudinal design, which allows for the observation of participants over their entire lifespan, providing a comprehensive understanding of how early life relationships and experiences can influence long-term outcomes in health and happiness.
Outlines
📚 Introduction to the Harvard Study of Adult Development
The podcast begins with an introduction to Dr. Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a psychiatrist, professor, and Zen priest. Dr. Waldinger is celebrated for his work on the good life and is set to share insights from the long-term study. The study, which started in 1938, initially focused on two groups of young men: privileged Harvard undergraduates and underprivileged boys from Boston. The goal was to understand what helps individuals thrive and transition into successful adulthood. The study has since expanded to include spouses and children, and has followed participants through various stages of life, using a range of methodologies from medical exams to psychological interviews.
💖 The Power of Relationships for a Good Life
The second paragraph delves into the most significant finding of the 86-year study: the importance of relationships in contributing to a long, healthy, and happy life. The study reveals that individuals with warmer and more frequent relationships tend to live longer and healthier lives compared to those who are more isolated. The surprising element is that relationships not only improve happiness but also have a profound impact on physical health, reducing the likelihood of conditions like coronary artery disease and type 2 diabetes. The discussion suggests that relationships act as stress regulators, helping to mitigate the negative physiological effects of stress.
🔮 Predicting Health and Happiness at Age 80
In this segment, Dr. Waldinger discusses the study's ability to predict health and happiness at the age of 80 based on factors observed at the age of 50. Contrary to expectations, cholesterol levels were not the strongest predictor; instead, it was the happiness and satisfaction individuals derived from their relationships. The reanalysis of data confirmed this finding, which has been corroborated by other studies, pointing to a scientific truth about the profound impact of relationships on long-term well-being.
🌐 Addressing Loneliness and Relationship Struggles
The fourth paragraph addresses the issue of loneliness and the challenges in relationships. Dr. Waldinger emphasizes the importance of understanding the reasons behind dissatisfaction in relationships and the feelings of loneliness. He suggests that recognizing and addressing toxic or abusive relationships is crucial, but also acknowledges that most relationships have room for improvement. The paragraph encourages open communication, acceptance of others, and working through disagreements. It also highlights the importance of viewing loneliness as a signal for the need of connection rather than a personal failing.
🚀 Overcoming Social Anxiety and Building Connections
The final paragraph of the provided script touches on strategies for overcoming social anxiety and building connections. It suggests that engaging in activities one is passionate about alongside others can facilitate new friendships and connections. The paragraph also advises on the importance of not being disheartened by unsuccessful attempts at connecting with others, drawing an analogy with the success rate in baseball. It encourages persistence and highlights the potential for positive responses from others, emphasizing that occasional rejections are a normal part of social interaction.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Good Life
💡Harvard Study of Adult Development
💡Relationships
💡Stress Regulators
💡Loneliness
💡Thrive
💡Physical Health
💡Mental Health
💡Developmental Paths
💡Isolation
💡The Good Life (Book)
Highlights
Introduction of Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, psychiatrist, professor at Harvard Medical School, and Zen priest.
Emotional impact of discussing 'what makes a good life' and the significance of the topic on personal well-being.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1938, focusing on the transition from adolescence to young adulthood.
Study initially involved two groups: privileged Harvard undergraduates and underprivileged boys from Boston.
Expansion of the study to include spouses and children over time.
Long-term follow-up with participants through questionnaires, interviews, and medical exams.
Inclusion of modern techniques such as DNA and messenger RNA analysis, and brain imaging with MRI.
The biggest takeaway: People with more and warmer relationships live longer, healthier, and happier lives.
Surprising discovery that relationships not only affect happiness but also physical health.
Hypothesis that relationships act as stress regulators, impacting the body's physiological response to stress.
Findings that predict health and happiness at age 80 based on relationship satisfaction at age 50.
Addressing loneliness as a signal for the need for more human connection rather than a personal failure.
Advice for those feeling lonely or disconnected in relationships, emphasizing positive communication.
Recommendations for building new relationships through shared interests and activities.
Understanding that not every social interaction will be successful and that's okay.
The importance of recognizing and addressing social anxiety as a barrier to forming connections.
Encouragement to persist in attempts to connect with others despite occasional rejections.
The profound influence of the study's findings on personal and societal understanding of well-being.
Transcripts
I don't know why I'm so moved by what
we're about to talk about because we
haven't even had the conversation yet um
we're answering the question what makes
a good life it is an absolute honor to
introduce you to Dr Robert waldinger
he's the director of the Harvard study
of adult development he's also a
psychiatrist a professor at Harvard
Medical School and a Zen priest he's the
author of The Amazing book and the
international bestseller The Good Life
and he is here to share all of the
research the secrets and some very
surprising takeaways and I am certain
that by the time you're done listening
your life will not be the same I hope
you share this profound conversation
with everyone you know and love because
we all deserve to live a good life so
please help me welcome Dr Robert
waldinger to the Mel Robbins podcast I'm
so glad to be
here have you ever had anybody else cry
during the
not during the opening no for me it
means so much because you you get what
we're doing and you get why it's why it
matters like you know that you really
get it and it's like wow what could be
better for somebody who just wrote a
book really if you think about it so
thank you thank you for getting choked
up you're welcome you're I mean I mean I
didn't do it like I literally am just so
moved by what you're doing and I really
mean
it um I guess I spent so so much of my
life causing myself a lot of unnecessary
heartache yeah and it's because I didn't
know any
better and you're not alone I mean so
many of us myself included caused so
much heartache just by what we imagined
was true that wasn't really true about
life true and also chasing the wrong
things and I just know that this really
matters and so let's talk about first
this study
so that the person listening has context
for why this study is so important how
it is different and the impact that it
can make on their life so can you just
tell us about the study sure first of
all nobody would ever have dreamed when
the study began that we would still be
going today it started in
1938 and it started with two groups
of young men first um Harvard College
undergraduates so a very privileged
group and boys from Boston's poorest and
most disadvantaged families a very
underprivileged group and then
eventually we expanded to spouses we
expanded to children but initially it
was a study of thriving uh the question
was what helps people make that
transition from adolescence into young
adulthood on good developmental paths
and of course you know with Harvard
undergraduates we think well they've got
their lives all set up they're they're
privileged but with the inner city boys
and they were on average about 12 when
they entered the study the question was
how do some children from really
disadvantaged homes manag to stay on
good developmental paths and grow up
into healthy happy adults so both both
groups were studied with the question of
what helps us
Thrive and how did the study work so you
started in 1938 you've got a group of
two very different people right or
that's the Assumption because they come
from very different backgrounds and how
did the study actually work well the
Harvard group consisted of
268 young men and the inner city group
456 we started with uh medical exams
psychological interviews we went to
their homes and talked to their parents
and sometimes their grandparents and the
workers made notes about like
disciplinary style in the home and even
what was being served for dinner in
1938 and then they were followed all the
way through adolescence into adulthood
some famous people John F Kennedy was
part of of the Harvard group Ben Bradley
who was the longtime editor of the
Washington Post The Boston Strangler was
part of the inner city group but most
people were not famous they weren't
Infamous they were just living their
lives and then how did you follow them
because it didn't end with just this
sort of one series of interviews no and
most studies do end that way or most
studies that try to follow people over
time stop before 10 years are up because
too many people drop out so this
study followed people year after year
with questionnair how's your life going
interviews every 10 years where we went
to their homes and sat down with them
and talked about their lives medical
exams um getting their medical records
from their doctors and then and this is
the coolest thing eventually we brought
in new techniques so we studied the same
big things like you know physical health
mental health work life relationships
but we started bringing in new
techniques as science developed them so
now we draw blood for DNA and messenger
RNA those things weren't even imagined
in 1938 we put people into the MRI
scanner and look at their brains and how
they light up when we show them
different images again people would have
thought this was like something from
Outer Space if we had told you in 1938
we could put you in a scanner and look
inside at your brain so it's a really
exciting way to see how we can bring in
the new tools of science to look at the
same questions about
well-being what is the biggest takeaway
from this 86 yearl long
study the biggest takeaway is that the
people who live the longest stay the
healthiest and are the happiest are the
people who have more relationships with
other people and warmer relationships
with other people that the people who
literally saw more people in in a given
week um the people who felt happier with
their relationships actually lived years
longer and they stayed healthier they
didn't develop the diseases of Aging as
soon if they developed them at all
compared to people who were more
isolated who didn't care about
relationships what was the most
surprising the surprise was not that
relationships keep us happier cuz sure
if we have warmer relationships we're
going to be happier the surprise was
that they keep us physically healthier
so how could relationships get into the
body and shape our physiology so that
good relationships make it less likely
that we'll get coronary artery disease
they make it less likely that we will
get type 2 diabetes how is that even
possible so in the last 10 years that's
what we've been studying in our
laboratory how is it possible well it
turns out so the best hypothesis we have
with good data is that it has to do with
stress that relationships are stress
Regulators so if you think about it
we're stressed at different times all
day long right like I might leave here
and an hour from now something really
stressful might happen and I I can
literally feel my body rev up my heart
rate revs up my breathing gets faster
all that right fight ORF flight response
what we know is that if I can go home
and talk to somebody if I can call
somebody on the phone or talk to someone
at home I can literally feel my body
calm down and that's what the body's
meant to do so it's good that the body
gets all revved up in response to
stressors to meet a stressor but then
it's meant to calm down and what we
think happens when we don't have good
relationships is that we stay in a kind
of lowlevel fight ORF flight mode where
we have higher levels of circulating
stress hormones higher levels of white
blood cells ready to fight off danger
and that those things gradually break
down multiple systems in the body over
time one of the things that I thought
was really interesting was that in the
study that you could determine and
predict who was going to be healthy at
the age of 80 based on certain things
you could see in the present can you
tell us about that yeah so we had
studied everybody out to age 80 and we
thought okay we have all this
information about them year after year
after year let's look back at them in
middle age so we picked 50 let's look
back at everything we know about them
and say what are the strongest
predictors since we know what they look
like at age 80 what's the strongest
predictor of who's going to be healthy
and happy at age 80 when we look at age
50 and when we looked it wasn't their
cholesterol levels it was how happy they
were in their relationships initially we
didn't believe it we reanalyze the data
because we said this can't be true and
then other studies of different groups
of people began to find the same thing
and that's how you know you have a
scientific truth not when one study even
our study shows something it's when many
studies point to the same thing so Dr
waldinger can you talk directly to the
person
listening because there are so many
people that write in and listen to the
show around the world who either feel
super lonely or they are not happy in
relationships what is your message to
that person about what's
possible for them yeah well you know if
if you think about it there are many
reasons why you might not be happy in
your
relationships and there are many reasons
why you might be lonely so let's start
with your current relationships what are
the reasons for not being happy so at
the worst end there are really toxic
relationships there are abusive
relationships relationships where we
might feel afraid of a partner those are
relationships where when we can we need
to step away if there's violence if
there's terrible emotional or physical
or sexual abuse okay that's at the
extreme end but most of our
relationships aren't troubled in that
way most relationships have difficulties
you know I've been married for 38 years
years do I ever have disagreements with
my wife of course I mean any
relationship with friends or family
that's of any importance is going to
have disagreements so then the question
is are those relationships worth the
work of working out difficulties and in
many cases they are worth the work so
then the question is can you work it out
can you in fact first of all accept
other people for the things you don't
like as well as the things you like uh
just as we hope they'll accept us for
the ways that I'm annoying and don't
even realize it maybe but then can you
also work out differences can you talk
about what you care about what's
difficult for you in the relationship
and see if you and the other person can
come to a better understanding many
times that's possible tell tell us about
what you learned based on this study and
the experience of being lonely you know
one of the things we've learned when we
study loneliness is that the causes of
why we're lonely are many and so again
the first step is to think about why do
I feel lonely so remember loneliness is
that experience of feeling less
connected to other people than I want to
be so I could be lonely in my marriage I
could be lonely in a crowd it doesn't
necessarily mean being alone on a
Mountaintop the can can I just stop you
right there because I think I just got
something I just probably five years ago
was struggling profoundly with
loneliness I was extraordinarily busy
but I felt very disconnected from my
husband Chris I felt like I never saw my
friends I didn't feel connected to the
community that I lived in and even
though I was surrounded by people all
the time and on planes at work even
standing in the kitchen with my husband
Chris I felt this deep sense of
disconnection but I read it as something
is wrong with me
as just this sort of indictment that
I've done something and the way that you
just said it I had this little Epiphany
where I was like oh wait a minute what
if when you feel lonely it's just like a
signal sort of like hunger or thirst
that there's something that you want
there's nothing wrong with you other
than the fact that you need human
connection you need this this feeling of
belonging in your relationships so I
just wanted to make sure that as you're
listening that I highlighted that and so
one takeaway already is in those moments
where you find yourself lonely catch
yourself on that default making yourself
wrong and go oh wait a minute I remember
from this interview that I heard that
this is actually a signal that there's
something to do exactly that is perfect
you know and and that moment of making
yourself wrong or making the world wrong
that if we can get out of the mode of
blaming anybody but just say oh this
means I want connection it can be so
helpful and actually when couples come
into therapy and they're angry at each
other often what you get to help them
see is that underneath what they're
yearning for is I want to be closer to
you and that once they get that oh my
gosh everything changes so once we stop
blaming ourselves or anybody else and we
just say oh I'd like more connection
what's making that difficult right now
and then we start looking at the the
things that we might be able to do to
make more connection so if you were to
take that and turn it into something
that somebody can do so if you're
listening and you do feel lonely or
you're listening and you're like oh I
relate to what Mel just said like
feeling very disconnected from your
partner is a simple step to Simply go up
and say I've been feeling very lonely
and I miss feeling connected to
you yes although that could feel like
blame to a partner but many partners
will be okay with hearing that some
Partners may just need to hear I'd love
to spend a little more time could we go
for a walk after dinner tonight making a
positive suggestion might be a place to
start I feel like I just got really good
advice because I tend to go to Chris and
just vomit the problem
Chris like but making a positive
suggestion for connection yes yes
because often when we vomit the problem
which I do too at times um when we vomit
the problem the other person is like
well what do I do about that right but
what if we come with a suggestion of
something that would help me feel more
connected and it can be small it can be
you know taking a walk it can be could
we plan a night just the two of us to go
out to dinner this week something very
specific that's not hard to say yes
to to try that first
now what if you're lonely and what you
realize is that I get scared when I'm
with other people like I'm afraid of
being rejected so that's something
that's possible to work on there are
first of all books you can read about
getting through social anxiety there's
therapy for it the perhaps you have a
trusted friend or a family member who
you could talk to about what it's like
to walk into a room and realize that
you're afraid that people aren't going
to like you because many of us have that
feeling so social anxiety is one common
reason why we hold ourselves back from
people sometimes it's that we need to
put ourselves in situations where
connection is easier the way to do that
they've actually studied this in
research the quickest way to make
friends is to do something you care
about or something you love to do do it
alongside other people and do it again
and again with those same other people
so let's say you love gardening let's
say you love pickle ball let's say you
love fighting for cl I'm a protection
right anything that you love or that
you're passionate about put yourself in
a situation where you can do that
activity with other people because first
of all brings you in contact with new
people it also puts you in a situation
where you share something we both are
worried about climate change or we both
love bird watching so you have an
immediate place to start conversations
if you're feeling awkward well how do I
talk to this stranger and so that turns
out to be the quickest way to make new
relationships the other thing that's
worth remembering when you're thinking
about talking to someone new is it's not
going to go well every time and that's
okay think of it more like being up to
bat in baseball like if you hit the ball
one time out of three you are doing
amazing and chances are you're going to
get a friendly response from a stranger
many more times than one out of three
most of the time people are going to be
kind to you and going to respond well
but don't worry if somebody doesn't it
might mean that they're just having a
bad day or they're not in the mood to
talk
so remind yourself that it's okay to try
multiple times to talk to new people and
that sometimes it's going to go well I
don't even know if I can get through the
opening of this I literally am so
excited for today because
[Music]
over and over and over again living a
good life is about the things that are
right in front of you that you're not
seeing yeah what's the strongest
predictor of who's going to be healthy
and happy at age 80 when we look at age
50 and when we looked
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