Are we chasing dreams or just running? | Sofía Tuane | TEDxVitacura

Summary

In this TEDx Talk, Sebastian Betti challenges the audience to reflect on their life goals and whether they are truly their own or influenced by societal expectations. Sharing personal experiences as a volleyball player and a law student, Betti discusses the pursuit of goals at the expense of enjoying life's journey. He introduces the concept of 'flow' by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, advocating for a focus on the process rather than just the end result. Through personal anecdotes and exercises, he encourages the audience to find happiness in the present moment and to appreciate the path to their goals.

Takeaways

• 🚀 The importance of envisioning a future where personal goals and desires have been achieved, and reflecting on the happiness that comes from such accomplishments.
• 🤔 The need to question the source of our aspirations, discerning whether they stem from personal desires or societal expectations.
• 👀 The realization that the future we imagine may not be the only possible one, prompting us to consider alternative paths.
• 🏃‍♀️ The metaphor of life as a constant chase after goals, urging us to pause and evaluate if we are truly pursuing our dreams or just running aimlessly.
• 🏐 A personal narrative of striving for excellence in sports and academics, highlighting the relentless pursuit of success and the eventual questioning of its true value.
• 🏆 The feeling of emptiness and lack of fulfillment despite achieving significant milestones, suggesting that the journey and the process are as important as the destination.
• 🤷‍♀️ The challenge of balancing the pursuit of goals with the enjoyment of life's moments, and the difficulty of finding happiness in a life focused solely on outcomes.
• 🌟 The concept of 'flow' introduced by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, which emphasizes the joy and productivity that come from being fully immersed in an activity.
• 🔄 The transformative power of reevaluating past goals and achievements, and the insight gained from reflecting on what was truly desired versus what was pursued out of obligation.
• 🌱 The personal transformation that comes from shifting focus from goal achievement to enjoying the journey, embracing individuality, and living in the present moment.
• 🌈 The call to action for the audience to embrace the process of life, to savor each moment, and to find joy in the path towards their goals rather than just the goals themselves.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speech?

The main theme of the speech is the importance of enjoying the journey towards one's goals rather than just focusing on the end results.

Why did the speaker feel like they didn't fit in?

The speaker felt like they didn't fit in because they were very tall and often the tallest person in their class, which made them feel different and out of place.

What sport did the speaker excel in and why was it suggested to them?

The speaker excelled in volleyball, which was suggested to them by a teacher who believed it was a sport where their height could be an advantage.

What was the coach's first lesson to the speaker during her time in the national volleyball team?

The coach's first lesson was not to celebrate until the match was won, emphasizing the importance of staying focused on the ultimate goal.

How did the speaker's approach to volleyball influence their approach to other areas of life?

The speaker's goal-driven and result-focused approach from volleyball influenced them to set and pursue goals in their academic and professional life with the same intensity.

What was the speaker's ultimate achievement in their academic career?

The speaker's ultimate achievement in their academic career was becoming the first woman of her generation to have her title from the Supreme Court.

Why did the speaker feel a void after achieving their big goal?

The speaker felt a void after achieving their big goal because they realized they had been running towards goals without enjoying the process and had missed out on many aspects of life.

What is the concept of 'flow' as mentioned in the speech?

The concept of 'flow' is a state of total immersion and enjoyment in an activity, which improves concentration, creativity, satisfaction, and overall well-being.

What three steps did the speaker take to change their life's approach?

The speaker took three steps: reviewing their past and making a list of accomplished goals, analyzing what they did for their own desires versus others' expectations, and becoming more present and aware of the moments they were living.

What exercise does the speaker invite the audience to do at the end of the speech?

The speaker invites the audience to take three deep breaths, focusing on sensations and the present moment, to enhance their awareness and connection to the current experience.

What is the speaker's final message about the pursuit of goals?

The speaker's final message is that the most important aspect is not only to achieve goals but to enjoy the process towards them, as life is defined by every moment, challenge, and lesson, not just the goals we accomplish.

Outlines

00:00

🚀 Dreaming of the Future and Reflecting on Goals

The speaker invites the audience to envision their lives five or ten years in the future, imagining all their goals and wishes fulfilled. They ask the audience to consider the source of these aspirations—whether they are personal desires or societal expectations. The speaker shares a personal story of her own journey, starting with her unusual height and the pressure to fit in, which led her to volleyball and eventually the Chilean national team. She reflects on the relentless pursuit of goals in sports and academics, and the impact this had on her life, including the feeling of being less capable when she entered university on a sports scholarship.

05:01

🏆 Achieving Goals but Missing the Joy

Despite achieving significant milestones, such as being the first in her generation to earn a title from the Supreme Court, the speaker felt a void and anguish after reaching her goals. She realized she had been so focused on the end results that she missed out on the smaller, meaningful aspects of life. She discusses the societal pressure to achieve and the common belief that life is a series of goals to be checked off. The speaker introduces the concept of 'flow,' a state of complete immersion and enjoyment in an activity, which can lead to better performance and satisfaction, as described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

10:02

🌟 Taking Control and Embracing the Journey

The speaker decided to change her approach to life, focusing on enjoying each day and not just the goals. She emphasizes the importance of individuality and the beauty of being different. She shares three steps she took to change her life: reviewing her past achievements, distinguishing between goals she pursued for herself and those for others, and becoming more present and aware of her current experiences. The speaker encourages the audience to live in the moment and enjoy the process, rather than just the achievement of goals.

15:05

🌈 The Importance of Enjoying the Journey

In her conclusion, the speaker reflects on the lessons she has learned, emphasizing that it's not just about achieving goals but enjoying the journey towards them. She points out that most of our time is spent in preparation rather than in the achievement itself. The speaker hopes that the audience will not only achieve their dreams but also truly enjoy the path to get there, questioning whether we are truly chasing dreams or just running.

Keywords

💡Dreams

Dreams in the context of the video refer to the aspirations and goals that individuals envision for their future. The speaker encourages the audience to imagine a future where they have achieved all their goals, highlighting the common human desire to reach a state of fulfillment. However, the video also prompts a reflection on whether these dreams are truly one's own or influenced by societal expectations.

💡Goals

Goals are the specific objectives that individuals set for themselves to achieve in their personal and professional lives. The video discusses how people often focus on reaching these goals, sometimes at the expense of enjoying the journey. The speaker's personal story illustrates the relentless pursuit of goals in her volleyball career and academic life, which eventually led to a sense of emptiness despite achieving them.

💡Flow

Flow is a psychological concept introduced by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, which describes a state of complete immersion and enjoyment in an activity. In the video, the speaker explains that experiencing flow can lead to better performance and a more satisfying life. It contrasts with the relentless pursuit of goals, suggesting that focusing on the process rather than just the outcome can lead to a more fulfilling experience.

💡Achievement

Achievement is the act of accomplishing a goal or reaching a desired outcome. The video explores the common narrative that life is about achieving goals, but it questions whether this focus on achievement truly leads to happiness. The speaker's own experience of achieving significant milestones in her career and education led to a realization that the process of getting there is just as important as the achievement itself.

💡Process

Process in this video refers to the journey or the series of steps and experiences one goes through to achieve a goal. The speaker emphasizes the importance of enjoying the process, suggesting that the journey towards a goal is just as significant as the goal itself. This is in contrast to the traditional mindset that often overlooks the value of the experience in favor of the end result.

💡Enjoyment

Enjoyment is the feeling of pleasure or satisfaction derived from an activity or experience. The video argues that true fulfillment comes from enjoying the journey towards one's goals, not just the achievement of them. The speaker's shift in perspective allows her to find joy in everyday moments and activities, which was previously overshadowed by her goal-oriented mindset.

💡Volleyball

Volleyball serves as a metaphor in the video for the speaker's early life, where she was driven by the goal of success in the sport. It symbolizes the intense focus on results and the relentless pursuit of excellence, which later in life led her to question the value of such a single-minded approach.

💡Supreme Court

The Supreme Court is mentioned in the context of the speaker's academic and professional goals, where she aimed to be the first woman in her career to receive a title from it. This represents a significant milestone in her life, which she initially believed would bring ultimate satisfaction but later realized that the journey and the present moment are equally important.

💡Void

Void in the video represents the emptiness or lack of fulfillment that the speaker felt after achieving her goals. It illustrates the disconnect between the expectation of happiness from achievement and the reality of a deeper, more complex emotional landscape that includes the need for enjoyment and presence in the process.

💡Presence

Presence refers to the state of being fully engaged and aware in the current moment. The video encourages the audience to practice presence as a way to enjoy life more fully. The speaker's own transformation includes learning to be present in her daily experiences, which allowed her to find joy and satisfaction beyond the pursuit of goals.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. In the video, the speaker encourages the audience to pursue their authentic dreams and desires, rather than those influenced by external expectations. Authenticity is presented as a key to a more fulfilling and enjoyable life journey.

Highlights

The speaker invites the audience to envision their life in the distant future and reflect on their achievements.

Questions are posed to the audience to consider the source of their aspirations and whether they are truly desired or influenced by external expectations.

The speaker shares a personal story of feeling out of place due to her height and finding a sense of belonging in sports.

A vivid description of the rigorous training and competitive nature of playing volleyball at a national level.

The realization that life had become a series of goals to achieve, often at the expense of enjoying the journey.

The struggle of balancing professional sports with academic pursuits and the pressure to succeed.

The speaker's pursuit of becoming the first woman in her career to achieve a title from the Supreme Court.

The emptiness and anguish experienced after achieving a significant goal, leading to a reevaluation of life's purpose.

The importance of not just chasing goals but also enjoying the process and the little things in life.

The concept of 'flow' introduced by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, emphasizing total immersion and enjoyment in an activity.

The speaker's decision to take control of her life, focusing on living in the present and enjoying each day.

A three-step process the speaker used to review her past, understand her motivations, and become more present in her life.

The idea that life is not just about achieving goals but also about the journey and the experiences along the way.

A call to action for the audience to reflect on their own lives and consider whether they are chasing dreams or just running.

The speaker's hope that the audience will not only achieve their dreams but also truly enjoy the journey towards them.

Transcripts

Transcriber: yasmin tarek Reviewer: Sebastian Betti

I want you to join me closing your eyes for a second.

Now, let’s dream together.

Imagine that we fly to a distant future, five or ten years from today.

When you picture your life in that future, what do you see?

Probably, you've accomplished all your goals and fulfilled all your wishes.

Surely, you feel happy and ecstatic with a warm heart

for having achieved everything you ever wished for.

Some of you may picture yourselves married or with children.

Others may imagine having a top tier position in your current workplace.

You've reached the number of clients you always dreamed of.

Or if you have a startup, you imagine the moment

when it succeeds and turns into a unicorn.

I know that future sounds amazing,

but now I’m going to ask you to press pause on that magical movie

to open your eyes and think of the following questions.

First, how much of what you imagined comes from your own desire

and how much has to do with what you think others expect from you?

Second,

is that the future you truly desire,

or it’s the only scenario you can think of?

Finally, are we chasing dreams or just running?

I want to tell you a personal story

that was what made me asked myself this same questions.

As you can tell,

I'm tall, very tall.

I'm six foot.

And to be honest, I never really felt like I fitted in my world.

In fact, when I was nine years old,

I was the tallest girl in my class,

which has repeated throughout time.

One day a teacher told me that if there was a place

where he could fit in and be good at, it was a sport in particular.

And that was volleyball.

So I joined the school team.

I started getting better and getting more serious about it.

And when I was 14, I was called in to join the Chilean national volleyball team.

I remember that in my first practice in the national team,

the coach told me I had to work on my spike.

So he put me in front of a wall all by myself, while all my teammates

were practicing behind me, to spike the ball for two straight hours.

That happened for the next three practices until I turned good enough

to start practicing and playing with the others.

I played competitively until I was 22.

For 13 years my life revolved around volleyball.

For 13 years, I was always focused on winning.

If we lost a set, let's go.

Let's focus on the next one.

But if we won a set, great, but we still need to win the next one.

So no relaxing.

Let me put it this way.

When you’re playing an important match and you’re down 14-12 in the last set,

that 13th point you score, you don’t celebrate enthusiastically

and even less enjoy it

because you have to score points 14, 15 and 16 to win the match.

It’s that moment when coaches teach you your first lesson:

Don't celebrate until you win the match.

Goal driven, seeking results, always searching for the next challenge.

That same brain structure remained in my brain when I had to develop

the more traditional part of my life, like studying a good career

in a good university.

Balancing professional sports with studies is not an easy task.

And although I gave my everything in the admissions test,

my score just wasn't enough

to study law at Universidad Catolica as I had hoped for.

But luckily for me, since I dedicated so much time

to professional volleyball, I made it with a sports scholarship.

For some reason, there was something in me

that, having entered as an athlete, made me feel less

as if I were a less capable or not good enough.

So I set myself up for another goal.

I wanted to be the first woman in my career

to get my title from the Supreme Court.

And I knew that for me, in order to win that big match,

I had to start winning specific sets.

The first set was graduating quickly with straight A's

while I was still playing volleyball.

I knew I couldn’t permit myself to fall behind,

so at the time I failed a class,

I said goodbye to my vacations

and passed it in my first summer of university.

You can imagine that I never failed a class ever again.

The second set in this match

of being the first woman to have the lawyer title of my generation

was being one of the first ones passing the bar exam.

So then I would just have to win the last set

doing my professional practice in the exact six months that the state required.

And with that, I had won the match.

I just had to wait for the medal, which was my title given

by the Supreme Court.

My life had turned into a series of goals that I had to achieve.

Being unable to enjoy the process

and without questioning myself if I really wanted them,

I was running from one place to another without stopping to think

and without actually feeling the satisfaction of each achievement.

And the story ends with me

being the first woman of my generation to have her title from the Supreme Court.

And although I felt incredibly happy with all the congratulations

and cheering for being the first one,

after a while,

I fell into a void,

maybe an anguish that lasted for weeks,

even months.

I remember that one day I woke up in anguish

and started desperately crying in my room,

sitting on the floor with my back against the door.

Feeling tiny.

Very tiny.

As if the room grew bigger as I dropped each tear.

I do not understand anything.

I didn't understand why I was crying

if I had achieved everything I ever wished for.

I didn't understand where my life was going or what was my life's purpose.

I realized I had won the match.

I had achieved “the” big goal.

And I had to keep searching for bigger goals to achieve.

And then

I got tired of running.

And I got tired being very young.

I realized that because I’d been running since I was nine,

I missed the little things that in the long run, finally compose life.

I distance myself from my high school best friends.

I didn't share with my friends in the college patio or even had a college life.

And I missed many Sunday family lunches for being focused on studying or training

because I always was focused on the results.

I realized that I had been running towards goals

that I didn’t know if I really wanted.

I didn't know which one was the ultimate goal.

Or even if there was an ultimate goal.

It turns out that I wasn't the only one feeling this way.

I spoke with several people and lots also felt that

they had been running towards goals without enjoying the ride.

Following a path that we believe is marked for us,

without opening up to the possibilities of perhaps choosing a different option

that could make us happier.

Since we were little, we'd been asked, What do you want to be when you grow up?

How long until you finish your studies?

Do you want to get married?

Do you want to have kids, etc.?

We have been led to believe that life

is only about results and not about processes.

It is as if the only important thing is fulfilling proper goal

so we can check off a list and move on to the next one.

But will there ever be an end to that infinite list of goals?

At what point and for how long are we really happy?

A study by the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania

and the Statistic Brain Research Institute

found that only 8 percent of people who set goals in one year

succeed in achieving them.

So what about the other 92 percent?

Would it mean they failed?

My past self is sure they did.

But now I understand that they did not.

Because now I understand that

sometimes results come when we focus on the path

towards those same results.

Because now I understand that life is not measured

by how successful we are or appear to be,

but perhaps by how happy we were.

In researching and questioning these issues,

I came to discover the concept of flow coined by psychologist and professor

at the University of Chicago,

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

He defines flow as a state of total immersion and enjoyment in an activity

that makes people who experience this flow not only enjoy more the process,

but also tend to perform better and achieve their goals more successfully.

This state of flow

improves our concentration, creativity and satisfaction,

leading us to be more productive and improving our overall well-being.

Like right now, I'm enjoying this moment.

So why do we focus and insist on meeting and accomplishing goals

that we don't even know if we want to meet?

Why do we run like horses with blinders on

so we don't get distracted by the multiple possibilities that exist

and that we don't explore because we believe there's only one way,

and that is to cross the finish line?

Months after falling into the void,

I was telling you before,

I decided to take control of my life and make a change.

I started to breathe,

to enjoy life,

to live each day as if it were my last.

Without running,

without choosing the path that everyone else might choose.

Knowing that even if I like things that others don’t,

that is not a problem, but a virtue.

And it is the beauty of being a human, the difference and individuality

that distinguishes each one of us.

I changed my life completely.

I work and love, and as an individual.

And now I want to tell you the three things I did

when I started this path and that I keep repeating today.

First, I did a review of my past

and made a list of all the goals I felt I had accomplished.

A list that is written here

for the little things like giving the graduation speech in high school

to the big things like being on the board of a young leaders organization.

With that first exercise, I realized that I had done a lot of stuff

and that I had forgotten a big chunk of my life

because I’d been focused on pursuing goals.

I started to appreciate and think about all the steps I took,

the people I met, and the things I learned to achieve those goals.

Then I moved on to the second step.

I tried to focus and think about what things I had done

because I really wanted to

what I had done because others expected it from me

and what things I had done

because I believed there was the only possible scenario.

Then with that list of accomplishments and failures that I hadn't enjoyed

because it was focused on the results, I went on to a third step.

I grab that list, analyzed it,

realized everything I had forgotten, and made the decision

to start being more present and aware of the moments I was living.

And although today I still pursue goals,

I do it from a different place

and with a different point of view, living and enjoying.

I started to observe my surroundings

and I started to see but really see

my friends smiling, my little sister laughing.

To stop and see how the sun hid behind the Andes mountains every day

as I was sitting in my office desk.

I started to feel the sun on my face on winter days.

I started to smell and taste the coffee

I served myself in the morning.

I started to step back a bit

and see as a spectator everything I had

and nothing was related to having fulfilled the goal.

I started finally

to enjoy life.

This last step may seem harder than the other two,

which are more practical because they mean sitting down or writing a list.

But we all have, without exception, the ability to enjoy the process

because it is something we are born with,

something that is built into us,

and that something is our breath

and our senses.

I want you to join me doing a short exercise.

We're going to take three deep breaths,

inhaling through the nose in 3 seconds

and extending through the mouth in 3 seconds.

Let’s go with the first one,

two, three, two, three.

Now, try to feel the sensation

or texture of the place where you're sitting.

If it feels hard

or soft, if it feels smooth or rough,

if it has support or not.

Now let's do another deep breath.

Two, three,

two, three.

Focus your attention.

And what you're doing right now in this unique and unrepeatable moment,

listening to a TEDx Talk.

Let's breathe one last time.

Two, three,

two, three.

Think about what you're feeling right now.

Fear, intrigue,

happiness, warmth,

or coldness.

Think about the smell you may feel,

the taste you may have in your mouth,

what you're seeing

in the sound of my voice or your surroundings.

And when you grasp one or two senses,

come back to the present.

Now, as you come back to a present moment,

I want you to take this with you.

Life can be very long or very short,

depending on how fast we want to run to fulfill our goals.

With all this journey, I learned at my early 26 years

that every moment, every challenge

and every lesson is what really defines our path,

not the infinite list of goals we reach to accomplish before we die.

I learned that the most important thing is not only to achieve the goal,

but to enjoy the process towards the same goal.

Whether we succeed or fail.

Because if you think about it,

we spend more time preparing to achieve a goal

than actually achieving it.

I hope with all my heart that in five or ten more years

you will be all that you authentically dreamed of today.

But most of all, that you really enjoy the journey to get there.

Because otherwise we’re going to ask ourselves once again,

are we chasing dreams or just running?

Thank you very much.