Accountability is a love language | Tafadzwa Bete Sasa | TEDxLusaka

Summary

This speech shares a personal story about overcoming academic struggles through accountability. The speaker reflects on how an initial failure in university led to a pivotal conversation with their HR director, Mrs. Gapari, who emphasized the importance of creating a plan for improvement. This lesson of accountability, learned in that moment, became a cornerstone of the speaker's personal development and career as a high-performance coach. The message encourages having tough, yet caring conversations to address problems and create solutions, framing accountability as a powerful tool for growth and a 'love language' that helps others succeed.

Takeaways

• 📚 The speaker faced academic failure and had to confront the consequences with their scholarship provider.
• 🤝 Mrs. Gapari, the HR director, instead of punishing, challenged the speaker to reflect and devise a plan to improve.
• 🎬 The speaker realized they failed not due to partying, but because they struggled with the transition to university life and mismanaged their time watching Bollywood movies.
• 📈 The speaker and Mrs. Gapari collaboratively created a plan that led to academic recovery and graduation with good grades.
• 💡 The speaker discovered the value of 'accountability conversations' which are crucial for personal development and professional coaching.
• 🗣️ Accountability conversations involve addressing issues directly with kindness and firmness, rather than ignoring or avoiding them.
• 👥 These conversations are essential at various levels of society, from personal health to family issues and workplace performance.
• 🔍 The speaker emphasizes the importance of not normalizing deviations from expected behaviors or standards.
• 🤔 The process of accountability conversations involves asking 'what happened', holding space for reflection, and creating a plan for improvement.
• ❤️ Accountability is presented as a form of love language, showing care by guiding someone to correct their course through constructive dialogue.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial reaction to their first semester results?

The speaker was shocked by their first semester results, which included one distinction, three low passes, and two fails.

Why did the speaker feel the need to show their results to Mrs. Gapari?

The speaker had to show their results to Mrs. Gapari, the HR director, because they were a scholarship student and had to report their performance to her.

What was Mrs. Gapari's initial response to the speaker's poor results?

Mrs. Gapari was surprised and expressed that the results were unlike the speaker, questioning what had happened to cause such a deviation from their usual performance.

What was the main reason behind the speaker's academic struggles during that semester?

The speaker struggled to navigate the transition from a highly structured boarding school to the freedom of university, leading to a lack of self-management and excessive watching of Bollywood movies.

What was the speaker's initial plan to improve their academic performance?

The speaker's initial plan was to simply 'study harder,' without a specific strategy or timeline.

How did Mrs. Gapari challenge the speaker's plan to 'study harder'?

Mrs. Gapari pushed back on the speaker's vague plan by asking for specifics such as when, how long, and where the studying would take place, indicating that a more detailed and actionable plan was needed.

What is the 'gift of accountability' mentioned by the speaker?

The 'gift of accountability' refers to the willingness to have open and honest conversations about issues, addressing problems directly with kindness and firmness, which the speaker learned from Mrs. Gapari and now uses in their work as a high-performance coach.

Why is it important to ask 'What happened?' in an accountability conversation?

Asking 'What happened?' is crucial as it acknowledges the existence of a problem and is the first step towards identifying the behaviors and choices that led to the issue, which is necessary for finding a solution.

What is the significance of 'holding the space' in accountability conversations?

Holding the space involves suspending judgment and assumptions, creating a safe environment for the person to reflect on their actions without becoming defensive, which is essential for understanding what truly happened and fostering self-awareness.

Why is the question 'So what's the plan?' important in accountability conversations?

This question is important because it moves the conversation from identifying problems to creating a concrete and actionable recovery plan, which details what needs to change, what behaviors need to start or stop, and how to achieve different results.

How does the speaker view accountability as a form of love?

The speaker views accountability as a form of love because it involves caring enough to intervene, suspend judgment, and support someone in understanding and improving their situation, which is a loving and empowering act.