What Does it Take to Be a Mediator? | #Mediation with Bob Bordone

Summary

In this insightful video, Harvard Law School's Bob Bordone explores the role of a mediator, emphasizing the importance of neutrality and active listening. He outlines key qualities such as reframing conflicts, fostering creativity, and designing effective processes for resolution. Bordone also offers guidance for aspiring mediators, including training options and the diverse career paths where mediation skills are invaluable.

Takeaways

• 🧘 Becoming a mediator might be for you if you find yourself often helping to resolve conflicts or if you're interested in the field.
• 👤 A mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates resolution in conflicts or disputes.
• 🌐 Mediators can be found in various contexts such as family, commercial, community, and international settings.
• 🚫 Mediator's neutrality is crucial; they strive not to take sides, despite having personal opinions or views.
• 👂 Good mediators are excellent listeners, ensuring all parties in a dispute feel heard.
• 🔄 Mediators are skilled at reframing discussions to encourage creative thinking and problem-solving.
• 🤝 The ability to connect emotionally and ask open, curious questions is essential for mediators.
• 💡 Mediators foster creativity by asking parties for their ideas, presuming they have some, to work out conflicts.
• 🛠 Designing a process that allows parties to engage with each other is a key role of a mediator.
• 📚 For those interested in mediation, starting points can include formal training, classes, or master's programs in conflict resolution.
• 💼 While it's not easy to get full-time work as a mediator, the skills are valuable and applicable in various professions.

Q & A

What is the primary role of a mediator according to the video?

A mediator is a neutral third party who helps facilitate a resolution when others are in conflict or in a dispute with each other.

What are some contexts where mediators can be found?

Mediators can be found in various contexts such as family mediations, commercial mediations, community mediations, and even at the international level where diplomats may act as mediators.

What is the importance of neutrality and impartiality for a mediator?

Neutrality and impartiality are crucial for a mediator as they strive not to take sides in the conflict, allowing them to effectively facilitate a resolution.

How does the video address the controversy surrounding the possibility of being neutral in mediation?

The video acknowledges the controversy but emphasizes that for newcomers to the field, the key is to understand that mediators strive to remain neutral, despite having personal opinions or views.

What are some qualities that make for a good mediator?

Good mediators are excellent listeners, skilled at reframing situations to encourage creative thinking, and adept at fostering creativity and designing processes for parties to engage with each other.

What does the video suggest as a strategy for dealing with implicit biases in mediation?

The video mentions that it will share more about how to handle implicit biases in future videos, indicating the importance of addressing this issue for effective mediation.

Can you provide an example of reframing from the video?

The video provides an example of reframing during a family estate mediation, where the mediator rephrases the siblings' accusations into a shared problem without agreeing with either side.

What is the role of listening in mediation according to the video?

Listening is crucial in mediation as it allows the mediator to understand all sides of the conflict, make everyone feel heard, and connect with the parties on an emotional level.

How can someone interested in becoming a mediator get started?

For those interested in becoming mediators, they can start by checking the laws of their state for formal training requirements, taking classes on negotiation and mediation, or considering master's programs in conflict resolution.

What are some career paths that require mediation skills mentioned in the video?

The video mentions career paths such as family counselors, corporate and university ombuds, diplomats, and human resource professionals as roles that require mediation skills.

What is the Cambridge Negotiation Institute and how can it help someone interested in mediation?

The Cambridge Negotiation Institute is an organization founded by Bob Bordone, offering classes on negotiation and mediation, which can help individuals build their skills and decide if they want to pursue mediation further.

Outlines

00:00

🕵️‍♂️ Introduction to Mediation and the Role of a Mediator

The video script introduces the concept of mediation and the role of a mediator, with a focus on the qualities and skills necessary to be effective in this field. The speaker, Bob Bordone, a senior fellow at Harvard Law School, explains that a mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates resolution in conflicts or disputes. He discusses the various types of mediators, such as family, commercial, and community mediators, and their respective contexts. The importance of neutrality and impartiality in mediation is highlighted, along with the acknowledgment of the challenges in achieving true neutrality due to personal biases. The speaker also outlines key qualities of a good mediator, including being an excellent listener, connecting emotionally with parties, asking open questions, and reframing situations to promote creative thinking.

05:01

🤝 Developing Skills and Becoming a Mediator

This paragraph delves into the skills required for effective mediation, emphasizing the importance of fostering creativity and designing processes that facilitate resolution. The speaker shares an example of reframing a conflict between siblings over an estate to transform it into a shared problem, illustrating the mediator's role in guiding parties towards a resolution. The paragraph also discusses the different approaches a mediator might use, such as keeping parties in the same room or conducting separate discussions (shuttle diplomacy). The importance of setting ground rules for the mediation process is highlighted, with the mediator being the expert on the process while the parties are experts on the substance. The speaker provides advice for those interested in becoming mediators, including checking state laws for required training, exploring involvement in mediation without formal training, and considering advanced education in conflict resolution. The paragraph concludes with a note on the rewarding nature of mediation work and its applicability in various professional fields.

Keywords

💡Mediator

A mediator is defined as a neutral third party who facilitates the resolution of conflicts or disputes between parties. In the context of the video, the role of a mediator is central to the theme, as the speaker discusses the qualities and skills required to be an effective mediator. The script provides examples of different types of mediators, such as family mediators, commercial mediators, and community mediators, each operating in distinct contexts to help resolve disputes.

💡Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution refers to the process of addressing and resolving disagreements or disputes. It is a key concept in the video, as the speaker's expertise and the video's purpose are centered around teaching and discussing how to effectively resolve conflicts. The video script illustrates this through the example of a contentious mediation involving siblings feuding over an estate.

💡Neutrality

Neutrality in mediation means maintaining an impartial stance, not favoring any party in the dispute. The video emphasizes the importance of neutrality for mediators, stating that they strive not to take sides, even though they may have personal opinions. The script mentions the controversy around the possibility of being truly neutral, which is a critical aspect of the mediator's role.

💡Listening

Listening is a fundamental skill for mediators, as they must patiently hear all sides of the conflict to ensure everyone feels heard. The video script highlights the difference between listening and agreeing, with the latter being discouraged in mediation. Effective listening is exemplified in the script through the mediator's approach to acknowledging the emotions and perspectives of both siblings in the estate dispute.

💡Reframe

Reframing in mediation involves rephrasing or reinterpreting a statement to facilitate a more constructive dialogue. The video provides an example of reframing when the mediator recasts the siblings' accusations into a shared problem, helping them to see the situation from each other's perspective without taking sides.

💡Emotional Connection

Establishing an emotional connection is important for mediators to build trust and rapport with the parties involved. The script illustrates this through the mediator's ability to connect with the parties on an emotional level, which is essential for creating a conducive environment for conflict resolution.

💡Creativity

Creativity in mediation is about encouraging innovative thinking and solutions. The video script mentions the mediator's role in fostering creativity between parties, asking open-ended questions like 'What ideas do you have?' to stimulate brainstorming and the generation of novel solutions to the conflict.

💡Process Design

Process design in mediation refers to the structuring of the interaction between parties to facilitate effective communication and resolution. The video discusses the mediator's responsibility to design a process that works for the parties, including setting ground rules and deciding when to brainstorm or make decisions.

💡Ground Rules

Ground rules are the basic guidelines that govern the mediation process, such as when to speak or listen, and when to brainstorm or decide. The script emphasizes the importance of mediators setting these rules to ensure a structured and有序 process that leads to resolution.

💡Implicit Bias

Implicit bias refers to the unconscious attitudes or stereotypes that can influence a mediator's perception and behavior. The video script mentions that the speaker will address how to handle implicit biases in future videos, indicating the importance of self-awareness and neutrality in the mediation process.

💡Professional Development

Professional development in the context of the video pertains to the various ways one can learn and improve their mediation skills. The script suggests formal training, taking classes, and pursuing higher education in conflict resolution as avenues for those interested in becoming mediators.

Highlights

The video discusses what it takes to be a mediator and the qualities that make a good one.

Mediators are neutral third parties who facilitate resolution in conflicts or disputes.

Different types of mediators exist, such as family, commercial, and community mediators.

International mediators, like diplomats, can help bring peace or end conflicts.

Mediators strive for neutrality and impartiality, avoiding taking sides in conflicts.

Good listeners are essential in mediation, ensuring all parties feel heard.

Mediators should connect emotionally and ask open, curious questions.

Reframing is a key skill for mediators to encourage creative thinking.

An example of reframing is provided involving siblings in a contentious estate dispute.

Mediators foster creativity by presuming parties will have ideas for resolution.

Designing a process for parties to engage with each other is a crucial mediator skill.

Mediators may use different strategies, such as keeping parties in the same room or conducting separate discussions.

Setting ground rules is important for the mediation process.

Mediators are experts on process, while parties are experts on the substance of the dispute.

For those interested in mediation, formal training may be required for court-connected mediation.

Involvement in mediation does not necessarily require formal training and can be explored through various avenues.

Master's programs in conflict resolution are available for those looking to make mediation a profession.

Mediation skills are valuable in various jobs, including family counseling, corporate roles, and diplomacy.

The video offers further workshops and information on mediation through the Cambridge Negotiation Institute.

Transcripts

- As someone who's taught and written about mediation

at Harvard Law School for more than two decades,

I often get asked the question,

so what does it take to be a mediator?

- I don't think you want people answering that question.

- So maybe you're thinking about becoming a mediator

or maybe people in your family come to you

to help work out family conflicts.

Maybe you just find yourself bridging differences at home

or at work.

If you're answering yes to any of these questions,

mediation might be for you.

In this video,

I'll share with you what it is that a mediator does

and what kinds of qualities and qualifications

make a good mediator.

In addition, I'll share with you

the tips for how you can become

a really terrific mediator yourself

and get out there in the world

and help resolving people's conflicts.

(gentle music)

I'm Bob Bordone.

I'm a senior fellow at Harvard Law School

and the founder and former director of Harvard Law School's

Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program.

In addition, I mediate conflicts around the world

and I'm the founder and principal

of the Cambridge Negotiation Institute.

First, you're probably thinking, what is a mediator anyway?

- Yeah, pretty much.

- The simplest way to answer that question

is a mediator is a neutral third party

who helps facilitate a resolution

when others are in conflict or in a dispute with each other.

There are all different kinds of mediators

and they could be found in all sorts of contexts

around the world.

For example, there are family mediators

who will help a couple going through a divorce

figure out how to divide their assets

or grant alimony or child care or custody,

but there's some people who are commercial mediators.

They help resolve a business dispute

perhaps between big companies

or between a vendor and a customer.

There are also community mediators

and they might help work out a resolution

around some public community issues.

For example, if there's a controversy

about whether an undeveloped land at a community

should be made into a park or developed into a mall,

a mediator might bring community members together

to work out a resolution.

In the international level,

diplomats can sometimes act as mediators

to bring about a peace or to end a conflict.

Typically, a mediator is charged

with being neutral and impartial,

meaning they strive not to take sides in the conflict.

Now, for those who study mediation like me,

there's a lot of controversy

about whether it's even possible to be neutral,

but for someone new to the field,

the important thing to know

is that mediators strive not to take sides in a conflict,

even though at some deeper level,

they may have opinions or views

about who's right or who's wrong.

- I know.

- In future videos,

I'll share more about how to handle implicit biases

in negotiation and mediation.

For now, let me share with you some of the qualities

that make for a good mediator.

First and most importantly,

mediators are really good listeners.

They can listen patiently to all the sides in a conflict

and strive to make everyone in a dispute feel heard.

That's really different

from agreeing with anyone in the conflict.

Agreeing with anyone is a real no-no in mediation.

But being able to connect with the parties

on an emotional level

and being able to ask open and curious questions

are essential qualities for a mediator.

- Exactly.

- Second: Mediators are really great at reframing

to get parties to think creatively.

Now, what do we mean by reframing? So here's an example.

Few years ago, I was involved in a contentious mediation

between siblings who were feuding over a large estate

owned by their parents.

At one point in the mediation,

one sibling declared to the other,

"After you left for college,

the only time you even visited here was during holidays,

and even then reluctantly.

You just tried to be spiteful."

The other sibling retorted,

"Just 'cause I actually went off

and built a life outside of the family estate unlike you

doesn't mean I don't care about

or have a right to my share of this."

Now, a skillful mediator has to reframe these two statements

without agreeing with either,

but also while taking care to make both sides feel heard.

So what I said was,

"I can see both of you feel really strongly about this,

and I can see there's a lot of history

and strong emotion here.

It sounds like from your perspective,"

pointing to the first sibling,

"It's hard for you to accept

that your sister genuinely wants or cares about the property

because they haven't spent much time here

since you were both kids.

And for you, this is a real marker

of whether one is truly invested

or perhaps has another agenda."

"Yes," said the first sibling.

To the second sibling I said,

"And it sounds like for you,

it's just really hard to hear your brother accuse you

of not even caring,

though you both made really different choices

with respect to whether you stayed in your home

or moved away.

It also sounds like for you

whether you have a claim on the property is not as connected

to whether you spend time here or not.

Is that right?"

"Yup," said the second sibling.

Okay, so it sounds like the goal for neither of you

is to convince the other

that your view of the situation is right

and that the other's is wrong.

The real question it seems to me

is to hear from each of you what ideas you have

of how we can work this out,

while acknowledging that you're probably both

gonna just continue to see

this situation really differently.

So let me just ask each of you, what ideas do you have?

And then I stopped.

So what I did there is try to listen really well

to both parties, acknowledge their emotions,

and reframe the conflict into a shared problem.

So this example leads me to yet another important skill

of a good mediator,

which is they have to foster creativity between the parties.

Notice my last question to the parties.

I said, "What ideas do you have?"

I didn't say, "Can you think of any ideas?"

Because when I say, "Can you think of any ideas?"

It's really easy to just be like, "I cannot."

But when I say, "What ideas do you have?"

The presumption is these parties will have some ideas,

so I'm just gonna stop and wait.

- Oh, good.

- So a good facilitator will help the parties

create that process and that forum

for working things out creatively.

And this goes to yet another important quality

of a mediator, which is designing a process

by which the parties could engage with each other.

Now, at times, a mediator will want and keep

all the parties in the same room for the entire time.

Sometimes the mediators might separate the parties

in different rooms and run back and forth between them,

conducting a kind of shuttle diplomacy.

All the times the mediator will need to set

some kind of ground rules.

When does someone speak? When does someone listen?

When are we brainstorming new solutions?

When are we actually making decisions?

Mediators need to be skilled in setting a process

that works for the parties and that facilitates resolution.

I always say that mediators are the experts on the process

and the parties are the experts on the substance.

- You think I need your help?

- So if you're listening to this and you're thinking,

hey, like, this sounds right up my alley

and I think I'd be pretty good at this, I wanna learn more.

Where do I get started?

Here's a few tips.

First, if you wanna do court-connected mediation,

check out the laws of your state

for whether there's a formal training required.

If so, it's likely you could find an organization

in your region that's certified to offer these trainings.

In Massachusetts where I live, for example,

a 32-hour training is required

for court-connected small claims mediation,

but maybe you just wanna get more involved

in mediation generally.

You don't need to take a formal training for that.

And there's lots of ways to get involved and to learn more.

For example, I offer classes on negotiation and mediation

through the Cambridge Negotiation Institute,

and these are a really great way to build your skills

and to consider whether you want to get more involved

in this field.

For those who are ready to make this their profession,

you might consider master's programs in conflict resolution.

Schools like George Mason in Washington DC

and the University of Massachusetts

at Boston and Massachusetts

or Pepperdine University on the West Coast

or Hamline University in the middle of the country,

all offer formal certificate or degree programs

in mediation or conflict resolution.

It's not easy to get full-time work as a mediator,

but I can tell you it's incredibly rewarding.

And there are so many jobs that require mediation skills.

They range from family counselors

to corporate and university ombuds

to diplomats to human resource professionals,

and those are just a few of them.

I'll address some more typical questions about mediation

in some of my other videos

and I hope you'll join me for some of the workshops I teach

through the Cambridge Negotiation Institute.

If you wanna keep learning more

and gain some really useful information

on mediation and other contexts, keep on watching.

(gentle music)