6 Signs It's NOT Real Love, It's Hoovering

Summary

This video script delves into the manipulative practice of 'hoovering', where individuals are lured back into toxic relationships through empty promises, excessive contact, love bombing, gaslighting, and crises. It outlines six signs to recognize hoovering and encourages victims to seek support and prioritize their well-being, emphasizing that leaving such a relationship is not selfish.

Takeaways

• 😢 Hoovering is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to draw someone back into an unhealthy relationship.
• 🤔 It's not easy to leave an unhealthy relationship due to the complexity of emotions and the manipulative strategies involved.
• 💔 Empty promises of change are a common sign of hoovering, where the abuser may not follow through on their commitments.
• 📞 Non-stop contact, including frequent and overwhelming messages, is another way a narcissist tries to maintain control.
• 🎁 Over-the-top gestures of love, such as lavish gifts and declarations, can be deceptive hoovering tactics to lure someone back.
• 🤨 Gaslighting, a form of subtle manipulation, is used by hooverers to make the victim question their reality and sense of self.
• 🆘 Hooverers may create or exploit crises to manipulate the victim into feeling responsible and returning to the relationship.
• 😐 Pretending that everything is fine and acting as if the relationship has not ended is a tactic to keep the victim close.
• 👥 It's important to confide in trusted family and friends to protect oneself from the manipulative tactics of a narcissist.
• 🚫 Going no contact and blocking the abuser's number can be a necessary step to limit their influence and regain control.
• 💡 Recognizing the signs of hoovering can aid in the healing process and help individuals avoid falling back into toxic relationships.

Q & A

What is the term 'hoovering' used to describe in the context of relationships?

Hoovering refers to the techniques used by narcissists to suck someone back into an unhealthy, toxic, and destructive relationship.

Why is it difficult for victims to leave an unhealthy relationship?

It is difficult to leave an unhealthy relationship because of the manipulative tactics used by the abuser, such as hoovering, which can make the victim feel confused, vulnerable, and emotionally trapped.

What are 'empty promises' in the context of hoovering?

Empty promises are when the person trying to hoover makes promises to change or fix the relationship but fails to follow through, leaving the victim with a whirlwind of emotions and a sense of manipulation.

How can 'non-stop contact' be a sign of hoovering?

Non-stop contact, where the narcissist frequently reaches out in an attempt to keep the victim's attention on them, can be a sign of hoovering, especially if the messages become increasingly frequent and overwhelming.

What is 'love bombing' and how is it related to hoovering?

Love bombing is an over-the-top gesture of love, including lavish gifts and declarations, used as a hoovering tactic to appease the victim and draw them back into the relationship. However, this excessive display of affection is usually not sustainable.

What does 'gaslighting' mean and how is it used in hoovering?

Gaslighting is a form of subtle manipulation designed to make the victim question their sense of reality. In hoovering, the person may use gaslighting to contradict the victim's memories and paint themselves as the victim, thereby confusing and controlling the victim.

Why might a person who is hoovering accuse the victim of being 'crazy'?

Accusing the victim of being 'crazy' is a form of gaslighting used to discredit the victim's experiences and perceptions, making them doubt their own sanity and potentially stay in the relationship out of confusion and self-doubt.

What are some examples of 'manufacturing sudden crises' as a hoovering tactic?

Examples of manufacturing sudden crises include feigning a medical or mental health crisis, the death of a pet or family member, or threats of self-harm and suicide, all designed to manipulate the victim into worrying and returning to the relationship out of guilt or concern.

What does it mean when a hoovering person 'pretends everything is fine'?

Pretending everything is fine means that the abuser continues to act as if nothing has changed, referring to the victim as their friend or significant other to others, and persistently contacting the victim in hopes that they will return, despite the relationship having ended.

What advice does the script offer for someone who feels they may be a victim of hoovering?

The script advises building a support system, keeping the abuser at bay, and taking proper measures to ensure one's safety. It also emphasizes the importance of self-care and seeking help from trusted friends, family, or professionals.

How can someone protect themselves from indirect contact attempts by a narcissist after ending a relationship?

One can protect themselves by confiding in family and friends about the end of the relationship, so they are aware and can help limit indirect contact attempts by the narcissist.