Building a Strong Foundation for your Relationship Through Couples Therapy Ft. Dr Sowmya Reddy|S1E1

Summary

In this insightful episode, Dr. Samya Reddy, a counseling psychologist, delves into the world of couples therapy, discussing its benefits for both established and budding relationships. She outlines the common issues couples face, such as conflicts, trust, and financial stress, and emphasizes the importance of addressing childhood attachment issues that may resurface in adult relationships. The conversation explores how therapy can help couples recognize and resolve deep-seated traumas, improve communication, and establish healthy boundaries. Dr. Reddy also offers practical advice on setting expectations for therapy and the role of partners in supporting each other through the healing process.

Takeaways

• 👫 Couples therapy is a form of counseling aimed at resolving conflicts and issues within a relationship, involving two people and focusing on issues like medical, financial, or trust problems.
• 🌱 It is beneficial for both established couples and those just starting out, helping to clarify doubts, identify patterns, and prevent potential issues from escalating in the early stages of a relationship.
• 🤔 Common issues addressed in couples therapy include fights, interference from extended family members, financial stress, trust issues, fidelity concerns, and sexual problems.
• 🔍 Signs of attachment issues stemming from childhood affecting a marriage can include insecurities, anxieties, trust issues, and a fear of abandonment, which can be recognized when these feelings persist without a clear cause.
• 😢 Trauma from childhood or past experiences can indeed resurface in adulthood, affecting an individual's ability to trust and form secure attachments in romantic relationships.
• 👩‍⚕️ Couples therapy can assist in addressing and resolving trauma-related issues by identifying patterns of insecure attachment and providing strategies for partners to reassure and support each other.
• 📝 The therapy process involves initial sessions to understand the issues, followed by activities, tests, and homework to help couples navigate their problems and build stronger relationships.
• 👥 Specific therapy techniques such as CPTs (Corrective Pattern Therapies) and the 'safe house' technique are used to help couples establish healthy communication and boundaries.
• 💬 The 'Love Languages' technique is highlighted as particularly effective in resolving conflicts by understanding and catering to each partner's unique love language.
• 🚧 Setting healthy boundaries is crucial in couples therapy to prevent overstepping and to ensure that each partner respects the other's emotional needs and personal space.
• 🤝 Couples can support each other through the healing process by understanding and addressing their own issues, providing reassurance, and creating a supportive environment for growth and healing.

Q & A

What is the primary purpose of couples therapy?

Couples therapy is a form of counseling primarily aimed at conflict resolution and addressing various issues such as medical, relationship, and financial concerns that the couple is unable to resolve on their own or with the involvement of their family.

Can couples therapy be beneficial for couples who are not yet married?

Yes, couples therapy can be beneficial for those who are just starting their relationship. It helps in clarifying doubts, identifying patterns, and resolving issues early on to strengthen the relationship.

What are some common issues that couples bring to therapy?

Common issues include frequent fights, conflicts with extended family members, financial problems, trust issues, fidelity concerns, and sexual issues.

How can childhood attachment issues affect a marriage?

Childhood attachment issues can lead to insecurities, anxieties, trust issues, and a constant fear of abandonment in a marriage, which can create distress and affect the relationship negatively.

Can unresolved trauma from childhood be triggered in adulthood?

Yes, unresolved trauma from childhood can be triggered in adulthood, especially during times of stress or when faced with similar situations that evoke past distress.

How can couples therapy help address trauma-related issues in a relationship?

Couples therapy can help by identifying trauma-related issues, providing reassurance, and offering strategies to manage insecurities and fears. It can also involve exploring childhood experiences to understand their impact on current behaviors.

What can couples expect from a couples therapy session?

Couples can expect to discuss their issues, participate in activities and exercises, and receive homework to practice skills between sessions. The duration and number of sessions can vary based on the couple's needs.

Are there specific therapy techniques used in couples therapy to address attachment issues?

Techniques such as CPTs (Corrective Pattern Therapies) for unresolved attachment issues and the 'safe house' technique for creating a sense of safety in the relationship are used.

How can couples set healthy boundaries around unresolved trauma?

Couples can set healthy boundaries by understanding and respecting each other's comfort levels, avoiding overstepping each other's limits, and communicating clearly about what is acceptable and what is not.

What role can the non-traumatized partner play in the healing process?

The non-traumatized partner can provide reassurance, support, and understanding, helping to create a safe environment for the traumatized partner to heal. However, it's also important for the traumatized partner to engage in self-healing.

Can unresolved trauma in parents impact their children?

Yes, unresolved trauma in parents can impact their children, especially in how they bond and interact with them. Children may perceive a lack of love or abandonment if the parents are unable to provide consistent care due to their own trauma.

Outlines

00:00

👩‍❤️‍👨 Introduction to Couples Therapy

In the first paragraph, the host introduces Dr. Samya Reddy, a counseling psychologist with extensive experience in couples therapy. The discussion revolves around the purpose of couples therapy, which is to resolve conflicts and issues within a relationship, including medical, financial, and trust issues. Dr. Reddy clarifies that therapy is not only for married couples but also for those starting relationships to prevent future issues. Common problems addressed in therapy are highlighted, such as fights, financial issues, trust, fidelity, and sexual issues.

05:00

🔗 Understanding Attachment and Childhood Issues in Relationships

The second paragraph delves into how childhood attachment issues can affect a marriage. Signs of attachment issues are discussed, such as insecurities, anxieties, and trust problems stemming from unresolved childhood traumas. The paragraph explains how trauma can manifest in adulthood and impact current relationships, leading to a cycle of fear and mistrust. The role of therapy in identifying and addressing these deep-seated issues is emphasized.

10:01

🤝 How Couples Therapy Addresses Trauma and Insecurities

This paragraph focuses on the therapeutic approach to dealing with trauma and insecurities in couples. The discussion includes how therapy helps couples recognize and understand the impact of childhood experiences on their current relationships. Techniques such as the CPT (Corrective Pattern Technique) and the use of 'Love Languages' are mentioned as effective methods to resolve conflicts and build trust. The importance of reassurance and support within the relationship is also highlighted.

15:03

🛡️ Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

The fourth paragraph discusses the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships to manage unresolved trauma and attachment issues. It explains how a lack of boundaries can lead to overstepping and emotional distress. The paragraph outlines the process of establishing boundaries, including identifying personal comfort levels and respecting the other person's limits. The role of therapy in guiding couples to create and maintain these boundaries is emphasized.

20:05

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Supporting Each Other Through Healing

In the final paragraph, the conversation turns to how couples can support each other in the healing process. The importance of self-healing and the role of the partner in providing reassurance and support are discussed. The paragraph also touches on the potential impact of unresolved trauma on children and the family dynamic. The host concludes the interview by emphasizing the importance of seeking therapy to overcome relationship challenges and personal traumas.

Keywords

💡Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a form of counseling that focuses on resolving conflicts and issues within a relationship. It involves two people working together to address medical, financial, or relationship issues that they cannot resolve on their own. In the script, Dr. Samya Reddy emphasizes that couples therapy is not only for those who are married but also for those who are just starting their relationships, as it helps in identifying patterns and resolving issues early on.

💡Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution refers to the process of managing disagreements or disputes within a relationship. In the video, it is mentioned as one of the primary goals of couples therapy, where the therapist helps the couple to navigate through their issues and find solutions that work for both parties.

💡Insecurities

Insecurities are feelings of self-doubt and vulnerability that can affect a person's behavior and relationships. The script discusses how insecurities can be a sign of unresolved attachment issues from childhood, manifesting in a relationship as trust issues and fears of abandonment.

💡Trust Issues

Trust issues are difficulties in believing that another person will act in one's best interest or be reliable. In the context of the video, trust issues can stem from past traumas or insecurities and are a common topic in couples therapy, where partners learn to rebuild trust and foster a secure attachment.

💡Attachment Issues

Attachment issues refer to a lack of secure emotional bonds that can affect a person's ability to form close relationships. The script explains that these issues can originate from childhood experiences and can impact adult relationships, leading to behaviors such as clinginess or fear of abandonment.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have long-lasting effects on an individual's mental and emotional state. In the video, Dr. Reddy discusses how unresolved trauma from childhood can be triggered in adulthood and affect a person's relationships, necessitating therapy to process and heal.

💡Fidelity

Fidelity in a relationship refers to the loyalty and faithfulness of one partner to another. The script mentions fidelity issues as a common problem that couples may bring to therapy, which can involve trust breaches and emotional distress.

💡Communication

Communication is the exchange of information, ideas, or feelings between individuals. The video script highlights the importance of effective communication in resolving conflicts and building strong relationships, with therapy often focusing on improving communication skills.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits or edges of what is considered acceptable behavior in a relationship. The script discusses setting healthy boundaries as a crucial aspect of couples therapy, helping individuals to maintain their individuality and respect the needs and limits of their partners.

💡Healing Process

The healing process refers to the journey of recovery and growth after experiencing emotional or psychological distress. In the video, Dr. Reddy talks about the importance of supporting each other through this process in a relationship, with therapy providing tools and strategies for partners to assist in each other's healing.

💡Love Languages

Love languages are the ways in which people express and understand love. The script mentions the concept of love languages as a technique used in couples therapy to identify and bridge gaps in how partners express affection and appreciation, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts.

Highlights

Couples therapy is a form of counseling for conflict resolution and various issues within a relationship.

Dr. Samya Reddy has over eight years of experience with over 50 couples and 100 plus clients.

Couples therapy is not only for married couples but also for those starting their relationships.

Common issues addressed in therapy include fights, financial problems, trust issues, fidelity concerns, and sexual issues.

Signs of childhood attachment issues affecting a marriage include insecurities, anxieties, and trust issues.

Trauma from childhood can be triggered later in life, affecting romantic relationships.

Couples therapy helps partners address and resolve trauma by identifying and working through attachment issues.

Therapy sessions involve hearing out issues, giving activities, tests, homework, and monitoring progress.

Specific therapy techniques like CPTs and the 'safe house' technique are used to work through issues.

The importance of identifying love languages to resolve conflicts in a relationship.

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for couples dealing with unresolved trauma.

Couples can support each other through the healing process by understanding and reassurance.

Unresolved traumas in parents can impact the attachment and bonding with their children.

The importance of not isolating oneself and seeking help for abandonment issues and trust problems.

The role of the other partner in the healing process and the need for self-healing as well.

Couples therapy can also address unprocessed trauma from the loss of a loved one.

The necessity of medication in severe cases of mental health issues alongside therapy.

The tailor-made approach to setting boundaries and support mechanisms for each couple.

Transcripts

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

and today we are talking about couples

therapy so whether you're already in the

relationship of thinking of starting

well this episode is for you joining us

today is Dr samya Reddy Godzilla a

counseling psychologist from Hyderabad

with over eight years of experience in

this field she has held on 50 plus

couples with 100 plus clients so without

any further Ado let's get right into it

hi Dr samya thank you so much for

joining me how are you doing today

we will thank you

so I'm good as well thank you so much

for asking

question that what is couples therapy

so couples

is a form of counseling mostly for

conflict resolutions issues of any kind

that we resolve it's basic form of

country but it involves two people

that's

so we focus on resolving the issues it

will be medical issues relationship

issues Financial issues

is where did not know how to resolve the

issues for themselves or there is

extreme family involved also most of the

times did not find solution to the

problem or they do not know how to

resolve it and that is

so can people who are not married

they're just starting their relationship

can also can they also take couples

therapy yes definitely see it's

constantly right it is mostly sometimes

it is clarifying for the doubts and

issues also identifying three patterns

in their relationship also if they are

having few fights upon them initial

stages of relationships

want to avoid any of those things and

their relationship also how much

stronger we do see those videos

awesome so what are the common issues

that couples that come to you bring to

the table

couples that combinations the basic ones

would be fights that they are having

orals extended family members if they're

married there's Financial issues and

this comes the complicated One Trust

Issues if there is then Fidelity

involved on those things right sexual

issues everything hard like the

communicate simple to complicated ones

various things do come to us

so

what are some signs that attachment

issues to Childhood or affecting a

marriage and you know how do couples

recognize that they may need therapy to

address these issues

so when we see that there are

insecurities in the world there are

anxieties that are involved because

Central insecurity

trust issues are there when there is no

history of unique equivalent credilities

but still there's a lot of insecurity

involved losing one part out of fear

there are models that they are

predicting things

[Music]

themselves feelings and stressed but

then we know that we're happy and

of the relationship

so because you talked about trauma I

would like to ask that you know if they

say the trauma sticks with you so say

for example somebody who is 13 and

something terrible happened to him right

so can that drama be triggered when he

turns 39

yes it came see trauma is a discomfort a

distress situation or evidence of

situations like in a series of

situations which have caused you several

distressed pain sadness

or fear too sometimes if you have

witnessed something in the childhood

they are this is called Drama so trauma

can be acute one event or could be

continuing images so that you have been

experiencing for so long also like so

when things have happened inside

you haven't processed it well see if you

what happens this it creates a sense of

withdrawal from your surroundings that's

covered crowd of trust issues that sit

on you that you know you know you don't

feel like trusting because you are

experiencing that something can happen

you're predicting it there is a

possibility

Fusion as well so that we see them

it will be romantic relationships in

future this directly proportionally it

comes and shows up here

and properly comes

from

it's not what couples tell me now how

can couples therapy help you know help

Partners address and resolve dramas

so when a couple comes with stronger

related issues or if they haven't

identified that there is a neutroma but

they have to go early and the resistance

all these things happen

foreign your Channel and check

attachment is

where they are

when we see that they are showing up in

secured attachment

there is a third attachment of where is

insecure attachment s

deserve an instrument as well now when

we see that they are falling in insecure

attachment

actually that something has happened

with your childhood or even if it has

not happened they have perceived their

childhood tattoo sometimes they say that

nothing has happened but I felt unloved

by myself I felt as an unwanted child

but I I felt that nobody loves me at all

but it would show up that much as when

it shows up when you have gotten married

or

something pops up because it becomes who

you are in your inner voice and your

inner child who's always feeling that

I'm not laughing now

don't really loves me that much as

yourself I am giving you Deli

this is like the perception they have

right now that show some humor then the

hospital devices I actually love you and

I'm there for you but you can sleep

as well

we give instructions and tips to the

other department involved how to

reassure them when needed because

suddenly one morning they wake up and

say that are you going to abandon me I

feel like me and I constantly have this

and it is not just a casual doubt that

every wife asks or every husband asks

right that's most of them ask your

relationship

inside

the abandonment feeling which is very

scary for them and very distressful for

them to go through it as well so when

that constantly pops up they reassure

them they don't know about they are sure

they feel it is on them that they their

comforts

if my husband asked the wife saying I

think you're going to leave me because

of some other person or nobody but I

just feel they also feel that world

right okay so my husband or my wife has

trust issues

that's where these fights happening to

be tell them that they need help and

these are the ways that to be assured

they will get better they will come out

of this attachment we would help them

apart you have to hold on to this

situation for a little bit more time

reassure that be there verbally tell me

because it will be sure

and in single sessions we go back to

childhood

foreign

stop yourself there think in analyze is

it true as it has happened before

if your partner giving you your

apartment if there is

how please

so what I would like to ask is like is a

therapy the answer to every kind of

unresolved Karma say for example

somebody suffered from the loss of a

paragraph This is also an unprocessed

trauma so uh you know does couples

therapy resolve this kind of from as

well yes because

you have lost your loved one so it is

it should show somewhere else because it

is showing you no relationship most of

the times not all need their video If

you are going through a lot of apparents

most often your other partner can also

help you come out of it your friends

also can help you come out

come out all Races have your processes

also help but when these things are not

working at all

that is

if all these patterns are of course in

severe other mental health illnesses too

which are very severe if you get they're

going to depression anxiety any other

things okay then

medications also come into place

where we suggested because here

sometimes it has gone out of this

proportion where this will be a negative

thoughts are there or the person suicide

that as well medications

so what can they exactly expect from a

session like how long should they take

couples therapy

so any session you would say would be

more than

applications

the couple sessions that being said and

this session usually happens there is

not recommendable count or an organizing

number this is not a very ongoing thing

unless needed so initially when wake up

we'll be hear out the issues we see the

complaints what are they facing gives

certain activities and that's all the

tests and give homeworks and then slowly

people could one-on-one as well and

start like I said the heal if they have

any issues close it up and what are they

currently facing you give the avoidance

first he stopped when initially a little

bit

avoid the things that are hurting them

say slowly what to do also first what

you want to do then what to do and how

they are going it's mostly after few

sessions it's just monitoring like you

know so how have you been doing this

week are you doing this this is it

continues some cases no matter what we

do the issues

and sometimes if your issues are so

serial and and you're not ready to

convenient even after trials there is

so are there any specific therapy

techniques that you use to work through

these issues in a couple's therapy

setting

these settings as in uh we go through

cpts if there is unresolved attachment

to the issues from poor childhood and

hands aren't available at this point you

know the single child technique you do

just all the technique where it is

so these are the pattern techniques that

we usually use but otherwise The Next

Step will be like I said

save cups techniques that you do that

helps conserving onions mostly

governments Love Languages

[Music]

which one is yours we identify that and

then he gets a help thank

is

[Music]

so this weighs also 50 of the conflicts

will be resolved by this because what

you want to do is different from what

you are doing

something that also helps

so is it anything like uh you know a

more effective technique

now languages have been proven very

effective the safe house because

it is like you know what are you doing

to keep your hands very much safe this

has proven the most effective one in

your federal Solutions and when we talk

about healthy boundaries so how can

couples set healthy boundaries around

unresolved trauma elevation

what happens is the sense of Abandonment

and the predictions of worst happenings

always kneel to them with drama from

reality

and kind of that kind of stuck to the

boundaries and going to the other person

and make things

certified

it kind of oversteps the boundary of the

other person's and they do not have

their own boundaries too

[Music]

so we created

the saying that

and that's imagine there was a virtual

boundary there it will work and what not

you should share or you should expect

function take your instructional student

a

ID which one's around these it is

mostly tailor-made for each person as

well what do you feel comfortable

sharing the what do you feel come

uncomfortable to do that is when you

drop only things

okay

the other person is uncomfortable doing

this then don't do don't believe about

it

is

so does setting heavy boundaries help

definitely it helps because it's not it

is giving the

thing that is also giving you your

s and all of those with it so

technically that setting boundaries is

one of those important tasks it again

Falls in what to do what not to lose in

the immediate first two sessions only we

start doing all these things

and the last question I have is like how

can couples support each other through

the healing process I think this is the

most important question

so then

the relationship we mostly label your

department to heal this person because

the other partner is somebody that can

act Ive if there is a vacuum a

chieve that's been created to trauma but

that has to be

able to end the other partner assembly

believe 50 percent of it the other 50

should be done by the self what are the

calculators which the initially so then

we give them tips and help that you know

you have to do these things whenever she

or he feels

it this could be another way it felt

like okay so she or he has issues while

my field

because this is initial damage controls

to give self-assurance to the other

person confidence to the other person

that you're not going to leave you are

going to be there and support her only

when you love enough so this is direct

process where we create a kind of

confidence there so this other problem

plays a major role in destination phase

until the beginning and ended against

how to support it

because again how to support mechanism

is made for each one right we give the

instructions these are the things that I

will continue to do when the situation

happens this way every time in front of

the partner is also anything else you

want them to do when you're feeling busy

sometimes they themselves they you know

when he or she says this to me when I'm

crying because

we hold on to them again we depend on

them

so if the mother is a trauma say for

example so does it manifest in future on

the child that can happen

so unresolved traumas if the mother is

having

spent in the Train sometimes it does get

impacted not always the effect how much

it has on your marriage

[Music]

but how do you are creating the

attachment for your child

it impacts the

in case if the drama is severe how you

are bonding with your child have your

shoes

that gets impacted that is how this

person is

isn't it from the parents so most often

sometimes if they are unresolved it

passes

[Music]

for your child when needed you might

love them but at that instances you

might not be there because you are

suffering a lot inside you might be

going through divorce you won't be going

through it so your traumas which are

under the normal people are lost in your

own mind the child perceives it as not

being loud enough abandonment neglect

these are their normal tissues again so

often we see there is

holding a child and that child is

left

sense

to pass they don't realize the oh from

there I started thinking

anything else that you would like to add

to a discussion so what I would like to

add is done just having the feelings of

Abandonment very severely trust issues

all of your best friendship people

around you rather than with joining

ourselves from the surroundings it

isolated or cutting off all these people

from your life

get out rather than happiness

because there is an issue sitting there

that's why you're constantly feeling

that everybody around you is not making

your growing up

because it's not that

many of them is never like that so

you're eating these patterns and relief

partners of yours that you abandoning

them very quickly within few you know

I would say situations or a few months

into the relationship

also started feeling

within many days in many relationships

that's when you say

get into therapy so you will come over

because it's distance for demons

foreign

[Music]

thank you so much thank you so much for

being a part of the show it was a

pleasure having you thank you thank you

for giving me the opportunity thank you

okay

thank you so much for tuning in if you

found this helpful subscribe to my

channel and hit that notification Bell

to get notified whenever the upload new

contents and also make sure to leave

yourself review in the comment section

down below we would love to hear your

thoughts

take care and we will see you the next

episode of Life happens