How To Say No To Unimportant Things In Life | Buddhism In English

Summary

The video script emphasizes the importance of learning to say 'no' to unimportant things in life to focus on what truly matters. It discusses the struggle with saying 'no' due to societal pressures and fear, and offers practical tips for developing self-awareness and discipline to make conscious decisions. The speaker encourages viewers to value their time, ask the 'magic question' of necessity before committing, and identify their life's larger purpose to better prioritize their actions.

Takeaways

• 📢 Saying 'no' can be challenging because we are accustomed to agreeing to trivial matters, which can prevent us from focusing on what truly matters in life.
• 🔍 To be more productive, it's essential to master the art of saying 'no' to unimportant things and 'yes' to the important ones.
• 🧘 The Buddhist principle of 'do less' suggests focusing on fewer activities to achieve more meaningful outcomes.
• 🤔 The struggle to say 'no' often stems from fear, such as the fear of missing out, disappointing others, or making wrong decisions.
• 🤳 Distractions, like checking a phone notification, can pull us away from what is truly important, like studying or meditating.
• 💡 Building self-awareness is the first step towards saying 'no' effectively; it involves understanding what truly matters to you.
• 🛡️ Self-discipline is crucial for saying 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities that may hinder your progress.
• 🗣️ Saying 'no' politely and explaining your reasons can help others understand and respect your decisions and values.
• ⏰ Recognizing the value of time is key; it's a limited resource that should be spent wisely on important activities.
• 💎 Asking the 'magic question'—'Is it really necessary?'—before committing to an action can help filter out unimportant tasks.
• 🎯 Identifying what is truly important in life allows you to focus on your larger purpose and say 'no' to distractions that don't align with it.

Q & A

Why is it difficult for people to say 'no'?

People find it difficult to say 'no' because they are accustomed to saying 'yes' to many unimportant things in life, which leads to missing the opportunity to focus on what truly matters.

What happens when we say 'yes' to unimportant things?

When we say 'yes' to unimportant things, we miss the chance and time to say 'yes' to the important things that really matter to us.

What does the Buddha suggest in terms of doing less rather than more?

The Buddha suggests that to be more productive and focused, one should do less and not do more, as doing more does not necessarily lead to increased productivity or fulfillment.

Why do we often say 'yes' to unimportant things?

We often say 'yes' to unimportant things due to fear, such as the fear of missing out, letting someone down, or making the wrong decision.

What is the first step to saying 'no' to unimportant things?

The first step is to build good self-awareness, understanding what really matters to you and why you say 'yes' or 'no' to certain things.

What is the importance of self-discipline in learning to say 'no'?

Self-discipline is crucial because it takes courage and determination to say 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities that distract from what truly matters.

How should we approach saying 'no' to people?

We should learn to say 'no' politely and explain why we are saying 'no', so that others can understand and respect our time and values.

Why is it important to view our time as a valuable asset?

Our time is limited and irreplaceable, so treating it like money and being serious about how we spend it helps us focus on what truly matters and avoid wasting it.

What is the 'magic question' that can help us decide whether to say 'yes' or 'no'?

The 'magic question' is 'Is it really necessary?' which helps us evaluate if what we are about to agree to is truly needed or beneficial.

What should we do to understand what really matters in our lives?

We should take quiet time to reflect on what has larger purpose and value in our lives, allowing us to focus on those things and say 'no' to distractions.

Why is it essential to say 'no' to achieve a happier and more disciplined life?

Saying 'no' is essential because it allows us to eliminate distractions and focus on what truly contributes to our happiness, calmness, and discipline.

Outlines

00:00

🚫 Overcoming the Difficulty of Saying 'No'

The speaker emphasizes the challenge of saying 'no' in a society that often encourages constant affirmation. They discuss the importance of discerning between important and unimportant matters, suggesting that habitually saying 'yes' to trivial things can detract from focusing on what truly matters in life. The speaker introduces the concept of 'doing less' as a principle from Buddhist teachings, which advises prioritizing quality over quantity in life's pursuits. They propose sharing tips to help viewers learn when to say 'no' and to focus on significant life aspects.

05:02

🤔 Cultivating Self-Awareness and Discipline

This paragraph delves into the reasons why individuals often say 'yes' to unimportant things, attributing it to various fears such as fear of missing out or disappointing others. The speaker outlines steps for learning to say 'no' effectively, starting with building self-awareness to understand personal values and priorities. They stress the importance of self-discipline, even when it involves saying 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities. The speaker also advises explaining one's reasons for saying 'no' to gain respect and understanding from others.

10:02

⏰ Valuing Time and Prioritizing Life's Essentials

The speaker underscores time as a precious and finite resource, advocating for its careful and mindful allocation. They suggest treating time with the same seriousness as money, avoiding wastefulness. The paragraph introduces the 'magic question'—'Is it really necessary?'—as a tool for evaluating whether an activity is worth the investment of time. The speaker encourages viewers to identify their life's larger purpose and to focus on activities that align with it, thereby enabling them to say 'no' to distractions and 'yes' to meaningful engagements.

Keywords

💡Self-awareness

Self-awareness refers to the conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. In the context of the video, it is the first step towards learning to say 'no' to unimportant things. It is essential for understanding what truly matters to an individual and why they might be inclined to say 'yes' to certain things. For example, the speaker mentions building a good self-awareness to discern between what is important and what is not, asking oneself 'why am I saying yes to this?' before agreeing to something.

💡Self-discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to control one's feelings and overcome one's weaknesses to achieve one's goals. The video emphasizes that it is the most challenging part of saying 'no' because it requires courage and grit. It is the second step in the process, where one must be disciplined enough to decline unimportant things that may be enjoyable but not productive. An example from the script is the choice between going to a party or studying, where self-discipline helps one to say 'no' to the party and focus on the study.

💡Fear

Fear is an emotional response to perceived threats or dangers. The video discusses how fear often drives people to say 'yes' to unimportant things due to various concerns such as missing out, disappointing others, or making wrong decisions. It is a key reason why individuals struggle to say 'no' and must be overcome to focus on what truly matters.

💡Productivity

Productivity is the efficiency of an individual's or system's performance in producing desired outcomes. The video argues that doing more does not necessarily lead to increased productivity. Instead, it suggests mastering the art of saying 'no' to unimportant tasks to focus on what really contributes to one's productivity and life goals.

💡Focus

Focus refers to the state of concentrating attention on a particular object or activity. The video's theme revolves around the importance of being focused on important things in life. It suggests that by learning to say 'no' to distractions and unimportant matters, one can concentrate better on what truly matters, leading to a more meaningful and successful life.

💡Time

Time is a measure in which the duration of events and the intervals between them can be compared and quantified. The video emphasizes that time is a valuable and limited resource, and it should be respected and used wisely. It suggests treating time as one would money, being cautious not to waste it on unimportant activities.

💡Values

Values are the principles or standards of behavior transmitted through cultural or educational institutions within a society. The script talks about respecting one's values and time, and by doing so, one can make better decisions about what to say 'yes' or 'no' to. It implies that understanding and upholding one's values can guide the decision-making process.

💡Decision-making

Decision-making is the process of selecting a course of action from multiple alternatives based on the evaluation of various factors. The video highlights the importance of making conscious decisions about what to accept or decline in life. It encourages asking oneself if something is 'really necessary' before making a decision, which is a part of the process of learning to say 'no'.

💡Distractions

Distractions are things that divert one's attention from a task or goal. The video discusses the need to say 'no' to distractions such as social media notifications or unplanned social events that can steal valuable time away from more important activities. By eliminating distractions, one can be more focused and productive.

💡Purpose

Purpose refers to the reason for which something is done or created, or for which something exists. The video encourages individuals to identify their larger purpose in life and to align their actions with that purpose. By understanding what truly matters, one can better discern what to say 'yes' or 'no' to in order to achieve their life goals.

💡Buddhism

Buddhism is a spiritual tradition and religion originating in India more than 2,500 years ago. The video mentions the teachings of Buddha, specifically the concept of 'do less' as a way of life, which contrasts with the societal pressure to 'do more.' The script uses this concept to illustrate the idea that focusing on fewer, more meaningful activities can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Highlights

The struggle of saying 'no' is a common challenge due to habitually saying 'yes' to unimportant things.

Saying 'yes' to unimportant things can lead to missing opportunities for important ones.

Learning to say 'no' helps focus on what truly matters in life.

The concept of 'doing less' in Buddhism emphasizes quality over quantity in life's pursuits.

Society often encourages doing more, which can be counterproductive to achieving true productivity.

Fear is a common reason for saying 'yes' to unimportant things, such as fear of missing out or disappointing others.

Distractions, like mobile phone notifications, can lead to saying 'yes' without considering the importance.

Self-awareness is crucial for understanding what truly matters and why we make certain decisions.

Asking oneself 'why am I saying yes to this?' can increase self-awareness and decision-making clarity.

Self-discipline is key to saying 'no' and requires courage to prioritize important life goals.

Saying 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities can lead to achieving more significant life achievements.

It's important to explain why you're saying 'no' to gain understanding and respect from others.

Time is a limited and valuable resource that should be treated with the same seriousness as money.

Asking 'is it really necessary?' before committing to an activity can prevent wasting time on unimportant matters.

Understanding and identifying what is truly important in life helps in focusing on goals and saying 'no' to distractions.

Practicing these tips can lead to a happier, calmer, and more disciplined life by focusing on what truly matters.

Transcripts

Nam

budhaya if there is one simple word that

we all struggle to say and that is

no n o no two simple letters one simple

word but saying no can be the most

hardest thing in life to do why we

struggle to say no the reason why we

struggle to say no is because we have

gotten used to say yes to many

unimportant things in life okay when we

say yes to unimportant things in life

what happens to us we miss the chance

and we miss the time to say yes to the

important things in life and to the

things that really matters to us okay

and that is why we need to learn how to

say no to unimportant things and how to

say yes and how to be more focused on

say saying yes to the important things

in life okay so the reason why I'm doing

this video is because couple of days ago

I came across this word when I was

chanting I came across this word in

Karas the Buddha

sayso do

less if you practice the Buddhist

teachings if you practice the spiritual

path or in any area of your life you

have to do less to know not do

more now the society says the quite

opposite thing to us the society says

that do more the more you do the more

you achieve do many things as much as

you can then the then you will achieve

but turns out doing more will not will

will not help us to be more

productive okay to be more productive in

what we are doing to be more productive

what really matters to in life so that

is why we have to master to say no to

certain things in

life and really be focused on what

really matters to us so from this video

I'm going to be sharing with you fa tips

that will help you to say no to

unimportant things in life and to say

yes and to be more focused on what

really matters to you before learning

how to say no to unimportant things in

life we have to understand why we say

yes to unimportant things in life the

reason why we say yes to unimportant

things is because of fear most of the

time sometimes it is because of the fear

of missing out sometimes it is the fear

of letting someone down sometimes it is

the fear of the only one to say no okay

sometimes it is the fear of making the

wrong decision so that is why we say

yes to unimportant things in life and

sometimes we say yes not only to the

people but also for the things in life

okay for an example let's say you're

studying while you're studying you have

the mobile phone beside you okay all of

a sudden you see a notification pops up

in on your

phone now you know that you're studying

and you know that you have to be really

focused on that okay but you pick up the

phone and you check what it is sometimes

it is not necessary for you but you

check it and you say yes to that that

distraction let's say sometimes you plan

to learn or to meditate in an evening

all of a sudden you get a call from your

friend and say that they ask for for you

to come with them to go shopping maybe

go to a party or to go to a walk because

of fear of putting that person down or

letting that someone down or to say no

we say yes to

them okay so when you say yes to them

sometimes we miss the chance and we miss

that valuable time to be focused to be

more focused on what really matters to

us okay what really helps us to achieve

our larger purpose in life and that is

why we have to learn how to say no

correctly so here are the few steps that

you can help you to achieve that the

first step to saying no to un important

things in life is to build a good

self-awareness okay you have to have a

good understanding what really matters

to you and why you say yes to certain

things and why you say no to certain

things when you aware of that then you

can easily say yes to important things

in life and no to unimportant things in

life so before saying yes to something

just ask from yourself this question why

why am I saying yes to this okay before

saying yes to something or to a person

just figure out why you say yes to that

person or why you say yes to that that

thing okay before you say no to certain

things you have to you have to figure

out why you saying no to certain things

in life for an example let's say you

need to check your mobile phone okay

your mind says to check your mobile

phone before doing that you have to ask

from yourself why why am I doing this

why should I do this when you ask from

from yourself that question you become

more aware of

yourself you become more aware of what

you are doing the buha says before you

do something or before you say something

something just ask from yourself that is

it helpful for

me is this thing that I'm going to do is

helpful for me or helpful for others is

it good for me is it good for others

when you ask from yourself that question

and if you come to the answer that yes

this is really worthy of saying yes this

is really worthy of saying uh this is

really important to me then do it but if

you come across the answer that no this

doesn't really matters to me okay it is

not important to my life then by all

means do not do it because it steals

your time the valuable time in your life

so the first step of saying no learning

how to say no to unimportant things in

life is to build a good self-awareness

the second step of learning to say no to

unimportant things in life is to build a

good self self discipline and now this

is the most hardest part because it

takes a lot of courage and grit to say

no and you need to be more disciplined

to say no to unimportant things in life

because sometimes the things that we say

no we have to say no to unimportant

things in life maybe the most enjoyable

things in life okay let's say like we we

we all like to enjoy in life but

sometimes those things that makes us

enjoyable will not be help will not help

us to be more productive okay for an

example let's say you are going to study

and you're planning to study you're

planning to meditate but well sometimes

your friends ask ask you to come and

join to a party okay now you like to go

to a party but you know that the most

important thing in your life is the

learning process that is what help helps

you to achieve more success the most

important thing in life is to build a

good spiritual uh Str strong spiritual

base in your life so then it is very

difficult to say no to those things

because we fancy of in doing all those

things okay so that is where we need the

self discipline to be disciplined and to

say no this is what really matters to me

and I have to do it then you have to say

no to those people politely you can

explain why you are saying no okay I

heard this one quote saying that learn

to say no to people without explaining

yourself I would say learn to say no to

people and explain why you're saying no

to them then they can understand why you

saying no okay so then they will respect

your time and your values in your life

so that is why we have to learn to say

no politely and correctly the third step

is to understand that your time is

valuable time is the most valuable asset

that we have in our hand okay and our

time on this Earth is really limited you

don't have an infinite time on this

Earth we have a finite time and we have

to use that limited time very well so I

would suggest

look at your time like you look at your

money okay so when you get money you

don't spend that money lavishly or to

whichever the thing that you want you

don't put that money wherever you are no

we become more serious and you become

more serious about your money same like

that think about your time as you think

about your money okay

because money can be earned again but

the time cannot be earned again you

cannot take back the time it is limited

and that is why in this limited time you

have to do the best thing that you can

do okay be more serious when you when it

comes to time don't waste it okay it is

the most valuable asset that we have if

you value time if you respect your time

then you can say no to un important

things and to say then you can learn to

say yes to what really matters in your

life okay so respect your time and also

respect other people's time as well and

the next step is to ask this magic

question the magic question is is it

really

necessary before you say something

before you do something before you say

yes to someone or something ask if is it

really necessary do I really have to do

it okay sometimes because we say yes to

un important things in life is because

we don't know that it we don't really

need it for an example let's say you

came back home after tired day okay and

you say yes to social media and you

scroll through and it steals maybe one

or 2 hours of your valuable time in that

time there is someone that is valuable

that you can do maybe to talk with your

kids maybe talk with your parents maybe

talk with your children then you can be

more engaging with them and do something

valuable with them instead of hanging

out in social media and wasting that

valuable time just we can do something

valuable before doing that we have to

ask is it really necessary do I really

have to do it then you can decide what

to say no and what to say yes okay so

keep that in your mind and the final

step is to figure out what is really

important to you what really matters to

you now the most of the time the reason

why we say yes to unimportant things in

life is because we haven't figured out

what really matters in life in life okay

what really matters to us so that is why

if you have a good understanding what is

the larger purpose of your life what

really matters to you what is really

valuable in your life you can be more

focused on that and say no to other

things in life that really never helps

you to achieve the larger purpose in

your life so I would Suess take a quiet

time in your day to figure out what

really matters to me today what should I

do and what is the most important thing

that I should do today to achieve the

larger purpose of my my life in that way

you will have a good understanding what

really matters in your life and the

things that don't really matters in your

life and be more focused in doing those

things sometimes it is more enjoyable

doing unimportant things in life but

although it is enjoyable although it is

hard to say no to all those

distractions we we have to say no to

them because those are the things that

prevents us engaging and and achieving

the larger purpose in our life so

finally these are the tips that you can

practice to say no to unimportant things

and to say no to distractions in your

life and to be more focused on what

really matters so

finally saying no can be really hard I

know it is really hard but in order to

achieve a happy life and a calmer life

and a more more disciplined life we have

to say no and we have to learn to say no

to un important things in life so

practice these little tips and then

you'll be happy in your life Nam budhaya