Interactions "Going Nowhere" -- Why You Have Escalation Issues

Summary

The transcript discusses the concept of escalation in social interactions, particularly in the context of dating and attraction. It outlines four types of escalation: verbal, physical, logistical, and through the steps of a system. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having a clear sequence of steps or 'stack' for each type of escalation to progress the interaction naturally. They provide examples of how to implement physical and verbal escalations, suggesting that as one form of escalation progresses, it naturally leads to escalation in other areas, such as moving to more intimate venues or deepening the conversation. The goal is to keep the interaction moving forward without stagnation, and if an escalation attempt fails, to retreat and try a different approach at an appropriate level.

Takeaways

• 🔍 Identify your next stage: Always have a clear idea of what the next step in the interaction should be and plan accordingly.
• 🛑 Choose your escalation type: Decide whether to escalate verbally, physically, logistically, or through the system's steps, and stick to your chosen method.
• 🤝 Start with small physical steps: If opting for physical escalation, begin with minor, non-threatening actions to break the physical barrier.
• 💃 Sequence your moves: Have a planned sequence of physical escalations, such as handshake, high-five, spinning, hugging, lifting, and kissing.
• ⏱️ Pace is important: The time between escalation steps can vary; focus on progressing to the next step rather than rushing.
• 🔄 Adjust if needed: If an escalation attempt doesn't work, retreat, improve the vibe, and try a different move at the same level.
• 💬 Use verbal escalation strategically: Plan a series of verbal interactions, including premises, evaluations, narratives, and closing lines to drive the conversation forward.
• 🏢 Plan logistical moves: Choose a sequence of venues or locations to move through as part of your logistical escalation strategy.
• 🔄 Combine escalation methods: As you escalate in one area (e.g., physically), it's natural to escalate in others (verbally and logistically) as well.
• 📈 Progress is key: Regardless of the driving force, the main goal is to continuously progress through the interaction without stagnating.

Q & A

What are the four types of escalation mentioned in the transcript?

The four types of escalation mentioned are verbal escalation, physical escalation, logistical escalation, and escalation through the steps of the system.

What is the importance of having a framework for interaction according to the transcript?

Having a framework for interaction is crucial as it helps in planning the next step and how to get there, ensuring a progression in the interaction rather than stagnation.

Can you explain the concept of 'verbal escalation' as described in the transcript?

Verbal escalation involves using a sequence of premeditated lines or statements to drive the interaction forward, with the aim of increasing intimacy and connection through conversation.

What is the initial physical move suggested in the transcript for someone who hasn't been physical yet?

The initial physical move suggested is a small, non-threatening action, such as showing concern or sympathy, to break the physical barrier gently.

How does the transcript describe the progression of physical escalation?

The transcript describes a sequence of physical escalation starting with a small gesture, moving to more significant actions like dancing or hugging, and potentially leading to more intimate behaviors.

What is the purpose of having a sequence of moves in physical escalation?

The purpose of having a sequence of moves is to ensure a natural progression in the interaction, with each move building upon the previous one to create a sense of momentum and connection.

What should one do if a move doesn't work according to the transcript?

If a move doesn't work, one should back off, improve the vibe of the interaction, and then try a different move of an equivalent level rather than repeating the same unsuccessful move.

How does the transcript relate physical escalation to conversation and logistical escalation?

The transcript suggests that as physical escalation occurs, it naturally leads to more intimate and sexual conversations, and it also makes sense to escalate logistically, such as moving to different locations.

What is the role of verbal escalation in driving the set forward according to the transcript?

Verbal escalation serves as a driving force by using a series of planned lines and statements to move the interaction forward, which can naturally lead to increased physicality and changes in the interaction's setting.

How does logistical escalation fit into the overall strategy of escalating an interaction?

Logistical escalation involves moving the interaction to different venues or locations, which can complement physical and verbal escalation by providing new environments that facilitate increased intimacy.

What is the final recommendation for a general driving force in escalating interactions according to the transcript?

The final recommendation is to use the stages of the system as the general driving force, which involves progressing through various stages of interaction in a natural and integrated manner.

Outlines

00:00

🤝 Escalation Techniques in Social Interactions

This paragraph discusses the importance of having a clear idea of one's next stage in social interactions and the various types of escalation one can choose from: verbal, physical, logistical, and through the steps of the system. It emphasizes the need to think about the next step at every point in the interaction. The speaker provides examples of physical escalation, such as breaking the physical barrier with a light touch and progressing to more intimate actions like hugging, lifting, or kissing. The paragraph also touches on the idea of having a sequence of moves and the importance of progressing to the next step rather than stagnating. It suggests that if an escalation attempt doesn't work, one should retreat and try a different move at an equivalent level. The paragraph concludes by highlighting the natural progression of conversation as physical escalation increases, and the potential for logistical escalation to follow physical escalation.

05:01

🚀 Progression and Escalation in Social Dynamics

The second paragraph focuses on the concept of progression in social dynamics, suggesting that one should ideally be driving with all forms of escalation together over time until it becomes natural. It offers a strategy for those having trouble escalating by using an explicit stack or checklist to guide one's actions, such as a sequence of verbal lines or logistical moves. The speaker encourages the idea of having a clear driving force in one's social interactions, whether it's physical, verbal, or logistical escalation, and stresses the importance of moving forward with each interaction. The paragraph concludes by reinforcing the end goal of making escalation a natural and normal part of one's social repertoire.

Keywords

💡escalation

Escalation refers to the process of increasing intensity or advancing in a situation. In the context of the video, it pertains to the steps taken to progress interactions, whether verbally, physically, logistically, or through system stages. The speaker emphasizes having a sequence of moves to ensure continuous progression, like moving from verbal to physical interactions or advancing through different locations.

💡verbal escalation

Verbal escalation involves increasing the intensity of communication to progress an interaction. It includes using specific lines or comments to move the conversation forward. In the video, examples include using premise lines, evaluation lines, and narrative lines to drive the interaction towards a more intimate or connected state.

💡physical escalation

Physical escalation refers to progressively increasing physical contact during an interaction. This can range from a simple touch to more intimate gestures like hugging or kissing. The video describes a sequence of physical moves, such as shaking hands, high-fiving, dancing, and lifting the person, to ensure a smooth transition in physical closeness.

💡logistical escalation

Logistical escalation involves changing the physical setting or context to advance an interaction. This could mean moving from one venue to another, such as from a club to a quieter place, to facilitate more intimate interactions. The video outlines steps like taking someone to the bar, then outside for fresh air, and eventually to a more private setting.

💡system stages

System stages refer to predefined steps or levels in a structured interaction approach. In the video, this concept involves progressing through stages such as opening a conversation, using premise lines, evaluating responses, and advancing towards a close. The speaker suggests using system stages as a driving force to ensure a natural and consistent progression.

💡sequence of steps

A sequence of steps is a planned series of actions to achieve a goal. The video emphasizes the importance of having a clear sequence of steps, whether verbal, physical, or logistical, to guide the interaction. Examples include starting with a handshake, progressing to dancing, and eventually leading to more intimate physical contact.

💡driving force

A driving force is the primary method or strategy used to advance an interaction. In the video, the driving force could be verbal, physical, logistical, or through system stages. The speaker stresses the importance of choosing a driving force to ensure continuous progression and avoid stagnation in interactions.

💡premise lines

Premise lines are specific statements used to set the foundation of a conversation or interaction. They can be subtle or explicit and are used to guide the interaction towards a desired direction. The video suggests using premise lines early in the conversation to establish a certain tone or context.

💡evaluation lines

Evaluation lines are comments or questions used to gauge the other person's response and adjust the interaction accordingly. In the video, these lines help determine the level of interest or comfort, allowing the speaker to decide the next steps in the escalation process.

💡narrative lines

Narrative lines are statements that create a shared story or understanding between the individuals involved. They help build a sense of connection and mutual interest. The video mentions using narrative lines to advance the interaction by creating a sense of intimacy and rapport.

Highlights

Importance of having an idea of the next stage in an interaction

Four options for escalation: verbal, physical, logistical, and through the system's steps

Framework for thinking about the next step in an interaction

Example of verbal escalation and how to progress through conversation

Physical escalation starting with small moves to break the barrier

Sequence of physical escalation steps from handshake to making out

The concept of not stagnating and always progressing to the next step

Adjusting the approach if an escalation move doesn't work

Natural progression of conversation as physical escalation increases

Using physical escalation to drive the interaction and conversation

The role of verbal escalation in driving the set forward

Combining verbal escalation with physical and logistical moves

Logistical escalation as a set of venues to move through during interaction

Escalating through the stages of the system as a general driving force

Practicing explicit stacks for clarity in driving an interaction

The end goal of natural and normal escalation in all levels

Using a checklist for explicit progression when having trouble escalating

Transcripts

you have to have an idea of what your

next stage is and you can choose any

escalation you like so you can choose a

verbal escalation you can choose

physical escalation you can choose

logistical escalation you can choose

escalation through the steps of the

system those are four good options you

can choose but at every point in the

interaction you need to be thinking what

is the next step and how do I get there

that's the framework you need to have so

let's say you had a verbal escalation

kind of view on things

all right so okay I haven't been

physical at all or such I say verbal I

said I say verbal or physical okay let's

say you had a physical escalation way of

looking at things alright let's say you

haven't been physical at all right well

if I'm talking you I haven't been

physical at all well the first physical

move I'm gonna make isn't gonna be a big

one especially we've been talking for a

few minutes I have it but then like

maybe like you say something you like

her kind of ass off something oh poor

girl

what are we gonna do with you right and

now I've broken the physical barrier now

maybe the next step after that maybe

we're sitting would be to like if you in

certain places like hey like pull her up

and like hey let's dance

alright maybe that's a that's a much

bigger physical escalation and then from

there on the dance floor you can do

stuff like hugging lifting her up

kissing her different things like that

but the point is you have a sequence of

steps all right and what I would ask you

to do if you chose physical as your like

you're kind of driving sequence you

could call it then what you should do is

have a sequence of moves alright and we

used to teach this on like we'd have an

exercise on mountain boot camps where

this is what we do is like your job is

to go in and first you're gonna

handshake and then you're gonna

high-five and you like spin the girl

around dance style and then you're gonna

hug her and they're gonna lift her up in

the air and then you're gonna make out

with her and it's not like you're gonna

do all those things one after another

after another although some students

would you give them this exercise they

try to do all over the first 20 seconds

which but sometimes work but it also

weird some girls out but the idea is

once you've done one your goal to see

it's the next one and your goals to get

the next one it doesn't matter if it

takes ten seconds between our five

minutes between it's just the goal is

the next one you know you're driving to

that next step and if you're not

progressing to the next step you're

stagnating in the set you're not going

anywhere alright now if you did try and

move and it didn't work then you'd like

back off chill out get the vibe good and

then try maybe not the same move but

something of an equivalent level and

then just keep escalating

alright so that's physical escalation

sequence and that could be your driving

escalation and if you do that it

natural that the conversation is going

to follow right so if you start dancing

with a girl and getting more physical

it's natural that the conversations get

more sexual and intimate too right

it's also natural as you're dancing

around to get more physical it's natural

you may pull the grow over the bar pull

it or sit down and so the the logistical

escalation can follow the physical as

well because when you're escalating one

way it's only natural to escalate on the

other levels that make sense so you

could choose physical escalation as

driver you can also choose verbal

escalation this driver so maybe you have

a couple premise uihlein's that you're

going to use early on maybe one that's

like subtle premise one or two that are

more like explicit premise then maybe

have some evaluation lines and then

maybe have some like kind of narrative

we like each other now lines and then

you have a close alright and your job

could be you have this list of like

eight lines are going to use the rest of

your set you're doing completely

whatever but you're gonna do first line

one and then once you've done line one

you're gonna talk talk talking at some

point your drop line to in some point

line three right and then now you're

driving the set forward with verbal

escalation alright and it's natural as

you're escalating verbally it might make

sense to get more physical it might make

sense to take your girl to go sit down

where you can be more intimate

especially when you're getting into

evaluation and narrative all right and

so you use the verbal as the driving

force but you're still going to be

escalating all these levels

you

and so for you what you might do if

you're used to driving the set verbally

but you're kind of nervous about getting

physical or something for one night go

out and use a physical stack and just

trust the verbal is gonna fill in

because you're used to it and make

yourself escalate physically you could

also buy oh you could also choose a

logistical escalation stack so now it's

a set of venues so you have the venue

where you met the girl so maybe it's

like meet the girl and then like next

step is like take her to the bar to sit

down her to your friends something like

that in the club venue right and then

maybe the next next move that you want

to make is to move her just outside of

the club let's go to the smoke let's go

like it's a little warm in here let's go

to smoking or just about to like get

like the word we can like get some fresh

air all right and then the next step

maybe is take her to like oh just down

the street and then to back to a near

your place and then your place and again

as you're escalating through this it's

going to make sense to a certain extent

at least to escalate verbally and

possibly definitely physically so you

can use physicality as the driving force

or the final one and actually I think

this is the best one to have it as a

general way but it's it's good to

practice the other ones because they're

more explicit I think the best general

one is to have the stages of the system

as your driving force

alright I'm open once I'm open I'm gonna

start doing a Prem supremacy lines then

some evaluation at Center etc right but

whatever the driving force in your set

is you need to be progressing right and

ideally like over time you're kind of

driving with all of them together and it

just becomes like natural for you and

normal for you to escalate that's the

end goal but if you're having trouble

escalating it's good to have that

explicit stack where I'm gonna have this

checklist and I do this then this then

this then this

you