I initiated sex every day for 28 days. Here's what happened.

Summary

Michelle Martinez, a certified sex, love, and relationship coach, shares her experience of initiating sex every day for 28 days to restore balance in her relationship. She discusses how initiating intimacy doesn't always mean intercourse, but can be about fostering connection, expressing desire, and focusing on each other's pleasure. Through this process, she learned the importance of transitioning from productivity mode to connection mode, and how intimacy can help both partners feel more emotionally connected. The video emphasizes the importance of mutual desire, consent, and emotional well-being in a thriving sexual relationship.

Takeaways

• 😀 Initiating sex doesn't always mean intercourse; it can involve other forms of physical connection that strengthen intimacy.
• 😀 Feeling desired and validated is an important aspect of intimacy, and both partners should seek affirmation from each other.
• 😀 The partner with a lower libido can still contribute to sexual intimacy by offering pleasure-focused experiences, even without wanting intercourse.
• 😀 Transitioning from 'productivity mode' to 'connection mode' is often necessary for those with responsive sexual desire to initiate intimacy.
• 😀 Productivity-driven individuals may experience a dampened sex drive because intimacy doesn't always align with a sense of productivity.
• 😀 Initiating sex can simply mean asking for what you want sexually, such as a back rub or a specific massage, to foster intimacy.
• 😀 Emotional and physical intimacy can thrive when one partner actively initiates desire, creating a positive feedback loop in the relationship.
• 😀 Sex should be focused on presence, pleasure, and deepening intimacy rather than being treated as a goal-oriented or productive task.
• 😀 Initiating intimacy regularly can help restore balance in a relationship and make both partners feel desired and emotionally connected.
• 😀 The experiment of initiating sex every day helped to improve both partners' emotional and physical connection, creating a more loving and balanced relationship.

Q & A

What was the main reason Michelle initiated a 28-day experiment of initiating sex every day?

Michelle initiated the 28-day experiment to restore balance in her relationship, as her partner, typically the initiator, felt the pressure of always taking on that role. She also wanted to prioritize sexual connection and intimacy in her life.

What is responsive sexual desire, and how does it impact Michelle's approach to sex?

Responsive sexual desire means that Michelle does not feel spontaneous sexual desire but rather needs context or a reason to feel turned on. This impacts her approach to sex by making her less likely to initiate intimacy without a specific trigger.

How does Michelle define sex, and what other forms of intimacy does she suggest for initiating sex?

Michelle defines sex beyond just intercourse, noting that for many, sex is about feeling connected, desired, and validated. She suggests offering physical closeness, compliments, or other intimate gestures like massages as valid forms of sexual initiation.

Why does Michelle emphasize the importance of affirmations and compliments for both partners?

Michelle highlights that both men and women need affirmation about their attractiveness and desire. She points out that men, too, need to feel desired by their partners, especially in intimate relationships, and it’s a universal human need.

How did Michelle manage to initiate intimacy when she wasn’t in the mood for penetration?

Michelle initiated sex by offering acts focused on her partner’s pleasure, like a linga massage. This allowed her to provide intimacy without the pressure to engage in intercourse when she wasn't feeling ready for it.

What does Michelle mean by 'finding your yes' to initiate sex?

Finding your yes refers to transitioning from a busy, work-focused mindset to a space of connection and intimacy. For Michelle, this often involved simple activities like asking for a back rub or going for a walk to shift her focus and prepare for intimacy.

What role does productivity mode play in Michelle’s experience with sexual desire?

Michelle recognizes that prioritizing productivity and work can dampen sexual desire because sex is not typically a 'productive' activity. She notes that sex requires being present in the moment and letting go of the need to be constantly productive.

How did initiating sex every day affect Michelle's relationship with her husband?

By initiating sex every day, Michelle helped her husband feel more desired and emotionally connected. This shift in dynamic allowed him to be more loving, complimentary, and emotionally available, enhancing their overall connection.

What did Michelle learn about the importance of emotional safety in sexual relationships?

Michelle stresses that emotional safety and connection are crucial for sexual intimacy. She warns that if a partner feels emotionally disconnected or abused, initiating sex may not be a solution, and emotional well-being should be prioritized.

What resource does Michelle offer for learning more about sexual healing massages?

Michelle offers access to her Sexual Healing massage course, where viewers can learn techniques like the linga and Yoni massages she mentioned in the video. Interested individuals can get a week of free access by using the link in the video description.