Dating NAS Daily & Getting Divorced | Alyne Tamir

Summary

In this episode, Elene shares her journey through a divorce and the aftermath. She discusses the challenges of being raised religiously, the impact on her sex life, and her struggle with societal expectations of marriage and motherhood. She also touches on her evolving relationship with her faith and the pressures of conforming to traditional roles.

Takeaways

• 💔 The speaker, Elene, discusses her divorce after three years of marriage, highlighting the emotional and psychological challenges faced during the relationship.
• 🔒 Elene mentions a significant 'breaking point' that occurred after one year of marriage, which led to the eventual divorce.
• 🚫 A major issue in the marriage was the lack of sexual intimacy, which Elene attributes to her upbringing and the negative messages she received about sex from her religious background.
• 👗 Elene describes the societal and religious pressures that led her to feel shame about her body and sex, impacting her ability to be intimate with her husband.
• 🤔 Despite being a sexual person, Elene's body 'shut down' during her marriage, preventing her from having sex, which she plans to discuss further in a book.
• 💔 The divorce was not directly due to the lack of sex, as Elene believes her husband could have ended the marriage earlier if that was the primary issue.
• 🙏 After the divorce, Elene initially became more religious, possibly as a coping mechanism or in search of answers and solace.
• 🏛 Elene's experience with the Mormon Church and her divorce led her to question and eventually leave the church, marking a significant change in her life.
• 👶 Elene discusses societal expectations around having children, noting that she does not have a maternal urge and prefers to be a mother in a different way.
• 🌐 The speaker emphasizes the importance of respecting individual choices regarding parenthood, acknowledging that not everyone wants or needs to have children.

Q & A

Why did Elene get divorced?

Elene got divorced after three years of trying to make her marriage work. The relationship ended up in divorce after a significant breaking point occurred, and they stayed married for two more years before finally separating.

What was the main issue in Elene's marriage?

A major issue in Elene's marriage was that they never had sex during their three years together. Elene's body was unable to engage in sexual activity, which she attributes to being raised with religious beliefs that instilled shame around sex.

How did Elene's upbringing affect her views on sex?

Elene was raised in a religious environment where she was taught to cover her body and feel shame about her sexuality. This upbringing led to a psychological block that prevented her from having sex in her marriage.

What was Elene's experience like after her divorce?

After her divorce, Elene initially became more religious, seeking solace in her faith. However, this did not resolve her feelings of loss and confusion about her life and her role in society.

Why did Elene's husband divorce her?

It is not explicitly stated in the script that her husband divorced her because of their lack of sexual activity. Elene believes it was not the primary reason, as he could have divorced her earlier if that were the case.

What is Elene's view on having children?

Elene does not have a maternal urge to have children and prefers to be a mother in a different way. She believes that not wanting to have children is a valid choice and that societal expectations should not dictate personal decisions.

How does Elene feel about societal pressure to have children?

Elene feels that societal pressure to have children can be overwhelming and unfair. She emphasizes the importance of respecting individual choices and not assuming that everyone wants to have children.

What is the significance of a temple marriage in Mormonism?

In Mormonism, a temple marriage is considered the peak of life. It is a significant religious and social milestone, symbolizing a high level of commitment and spiritual connection.

How does Elene's experience compare to that of women in the Philippines?

Elene's experience is similar to that of women in the Philippines, where marriage and having a family are seen as the ultimate goals in life. This societal expectation can be limiting and pressuring for individuals who have different life goals or desires.

What is Elene's current stance on her religious beliefs?

The script does not provide specific details on Elene's current religious beliefs, but it does mention that she went through a phase of increased religiosity after her divorce, suggesting a complex relationship with her faith.

Outlines

00:00

💔 Divorce and Religious Struggles

Elene shares her personal experience of divorce after three years of marriage. She discusses the emotional and psychological challenges she faced, particularly around sex and intimacy due to her religious upbringing. Despite their efforts, she and her husband could not reconcile their differences, leading to their divorce. Elene also touches on the societal expectations and pressures related to marriage and family in religious communities, highlighting the importance of understanding personal choices and respecting individual paths.

Keywords

💡Divorce

Divorce refers to the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body. In the video script, the speaker, Elene, mentions that she is divorced, indicating the end of her marriage after three years of trying to make it work. This is a central theme as it sets the stage for her subsequent experiences and reflections.

💡Religious

Religious in this context refers to being deeply committed to a religious faith or set of beliefs. Elene discusses how her religious upbringing influenced her views on sex and her ability to engage in sexual activities within her marriage. This is a significant aspect of the narrative as it explores the impact of religious teachings on personal relationships and sexuality.

💡Sex

Sex, in this context, refers to sexual activity or the act of sexual intercourse. Elene reveals that she and her husband never had sex during their three-year marriage, which is a pivotal point in her story. The script delves into the psychological and emotional struggles she faced due to her religious background and societal expectations around sex.

💡Shame

Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or guilt for having done something wrong or foolish. Elene talks about the shame associated with sex in her religious community, which she believes contributed to her inability to have sex with her husband. This concept is crucial as it highlights the societal pressures and internal conflicts that can arise from religious teachings.

💡Mormon Church

The Mormon Church, or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is a Christian denomination with a unique set of beliefs and practices. Elene mentions her participation in the Mormon Church and how her divorce led her to reevaluate her religious beliefs. This is a key element in understanding her personal journey and the broader cultural context of her experiences.

💡Temple Marriage

A temple marriage in Mormonism is a religious ceremony that is considered the ultimate goal for devout members, symbolizing a union that is intended to last beyond death. Elene discusses how she had a temple marriage, which was supposed to be the pinnacle of her life according to her religious beliefs. This concept is significant as it underscores the high expectations and pressures placed on individuals within the Mormon community.

💡Catholicism

Catholicism is a branch of Christianity that is the largest Christian denomination globally. The script mentions Catholicism in the context of societal expectations in the Philippines, where getting married and having a family is seen as the ultimate purpose of life. This comparison helps to illustrate the broader cultural norms and expectations that influence personal decisions and life paths.

💡Maternal Urge

The maternal urge refers to the instinctual desire to have and care for children. Elene expresses that she has never felt this urge, challenging traditional expectations of women to have children. This is an important aspect of her personal narrative as it reflects her individual choices and the societal pressures she faces.

💡Orthodox Jewish Women

Orthodox Jewish women are women who adhere to the strict religious and cultural practices of Orthodox Judaism. Elene mentions this group as an example of women who face similar struggles with sex and shame due to their religious beliefs. This provides a broader context for understanding the challenges faced by religious women in different communities.

💡Personal Choice

Personal choice refers to the ability of an individual to make decisions based on their own preferences and values. Elene emphasizes the importance of respecting personal choices, whether it involves having children or not, as she discusses her own decision not to have kids. This concept is central to the video's message about individual autonomy and the right to make personal decisions without societal pressure.

💡Superhuman with Will Dasovich

Superhuman with Will Dasovich is presumably a podcast or a show mentioned in the script, where the full episode can be heard. This reference is used to promote the platform and encourage listeners to engage with the content further. It serves as a call to action for the audience to explore more of the story and related discussions.

Highlights

Elene shares her experience of divorce after three years of marriage.

She hoped for a happy ending but faced a breaking point after one year.

They stayed married for two more years before the divorce was finalized.

Elene discusses the psychological impact of being raised religiously and its effect on her ability to have sex.

She mentions the shame associated with sex in religious communities and its impact on her marriage.

Elene clarifies that her inability to have sex was not the reason for her divorce.

She describes the societal expectations of having children and the pressure it puts on individuals.

Elene talks about her personal choice not to have children and the importance of respecting individual decisions.

She discusses the aftermath of her divorce and how it led her to become more religious.

Elene reflects on the cultural similarities between Mormonism and Catholicism in terms of life goals.

She emphasizes the importance of understanding that everyone has different life paths and priorities.

Elene shares her thoughts on the societal pressure to conform to traditional family structures.

She highlights the need for respect and understanding towards those who choose not to have children.

Elene discusses her journey and how it led her to question and eventually leave the Mormon Church.

She talks about the personal growth and self-discovery that occurred as a result of her experiences.

Elene encourages listeners to listen to the full episode on Spotify for more insights.

Transcripts

yeah why did he divorce you

my name is elene and i am divorced

i grew up got married and hoped for the

happy ending but sadly after three years

of trying our hardest it didn't work out

and we ended up divorcing after one year

something happened and it was like a big

breaking point then we stayed married

two more years and then he just i don't

know i don't know what happened after

those two years we'd been together three

years

and it just happened and something i'll

talk about in the book as well is we

never had sex

we were married for three years and my

body just like could not have sex i

think because of being religious for so

long that's something and like

the shame and weird things associated

and it happens to a lot of religious

women

that when they get married it's like oh

your whole life you're like shameful

shameful cover your body shame shame

wait you should wait sorry i just

realized you're supposed to have sex

when you get married yeah but we i

couldn't

you're supposed to have your choice to

not have sex or it wasn't a choice my

body was like you will not enter my body

just was like

shut down just like

like it couldn't nothing could enter

my body it was just it's it's a it's

like a weird psychological thing so

that's why he broke up with you no

that's not why

you

that's not why

no that's not why though that's

definitely why he broke up with me no

he's not he could have done it after one

year

he got no no i i know him i know him

he did not because of that i promise you

three years you would do it after six

months

you do it after two years you wouldn't

no you do it on the day of your

honeymoon of the wedding

i mean we did other stuff you can

imagine what all the other options are

well not all of them dude

i don't get it but you're i yeah i don't

get it like why you just couldn't do it

you just mentally you couldn't get a

girl boner that's what it's called right

well for a woman's body you need to be

relaxed

yes you need to be relaxed yes

and

when you are raised with all these

negative messages around sex yeah and

like cover your body cover your chest

cover your shoulders and wash to be

scared of sex kind of yeah it happens to

a lot of women it happens to a lot of a

lot of orthodox jewish women there's

such a shame around sex shame shame

shame like you're a if you have

sex you're a bad person okay and so then

you get married one day

and now you're supposed to be

go from the virgin to the sexy person

and my body just

couldn't it was very weird it was very

weird because i am also a like i am a

sexual person like i have no problem

making out of my voice anymore now i'm

not but i never had sex with my husband

okay i'm a virgin no you're not

i don't believe you

i can't tell if you're joking continue

your story

he divorced you and then

yeah how did this

lead to you ending

your participation in the mormon church

and going 180. right after the divorce i

became more religious

because you know you became more

religious more after getting divorced

listen your whole life is get grow up go

to byu religious university get married

in the church have a temp that's that's

the peak of life having a temple

marriage in mormonism that's like you

have peaked that is all that matters and

i had lost everything and i think it's

kind of the same in the philippines in

catholicism like getting married and

having a family like that's the whole

point of life basically exactly and i

think the majority of people don't see

or don't think of anything more than

like being

greater than that like that's the

purpose of life because i watch your

video

called

like why you don't want to have kids so

why don't you want kids

you know sometimes i wish that i did

want kids i feel like my life would be a

lot easier but i also think it's just as

valid to not want to have kids if you're

a woman you're taking on all the work

physical mental work and if i was a guy

maybe i'd have kids even if you have a

great partner it's it's ultimately on me

as the woman bottom line i've never had

the maternal urge to have a kid and i

want to be a mom in a different way

yeah everyone's situation is different

so what's right for you might not be

what's right for them oh yeah and that's

very powerful because

a lot of people need to understand that

again we all come from different places

in the western world this is a lot more

normal compared to

other places where you're expected to

have children like you have to and then

your fan base like just puts so much

pressure on you and oh yeah all the time

i tell you you need to have kids when

are you having kids and it's like dude

this is a personal thing some people

don't want to do that and you have to

respect that and you can't assume that

everyone just wants to have kids and

have a family ever or just or right now

maybe they don't want to do that right

now and yeah if you liked what you saw

and you want to listen to the full

episode then download spotify and follow

us at superhuman with will dasovich it's

completely free it's linked below and

easy to use