How I Knew I Was A Cocaine Addict

Summary

The speaker shares their journey into addiction, starting with alcohol at 14 due to family history and then cocaine in their early 20s. Initially, cocaine made them feel invincible and confident. Despite attempts to control use, obsession grew, leading to daily use and chasing the first high. They acknowledge the struggle of addiction, the need for support, and the importance of wanting to stop. They encourage those struggling with cocaine addiction to seek help, emphasizing that recovery is possible.

Takeaways

• 🍻 The speaker's initial addiction was to alcohol, which was both legal and prevalent in their family, leading to an early start at the age of 14.
• 🌟 The first experience with cocaine was during a divorce in the speaker's early 20s, which introduced a feeling of invincibility and boosted confidence.
• 🚫 Despite the initial positive feelings, the speaker acknowledges that not using cocaine again was a crossroads moment that could have prevented addiction.
• 💊 The speaker differentiates between prescription medication use and addiction, noting that needing a substance more and more is a sign of addiction.
• 🧠 Addiction is described as an obsession that rents a spot in the brain, leading to a constant desire for the substance.
• 💰 Cocaine addiction became a financial burden as the speaker attempted to budget its use but eventually succumbed to daily use.
• 🔥 The chase for the first high is a continuous struggle for addicts, as subsequent highs rarely match the initial experience.
• 🏃 The speaker emphasizes that addiction is not just about physical dependence but also the obsessive thoughts and behaviors surrounding the substance.
• 🔗 The speaker shares resources for support, such as NA (Narcotics Anonymous), and encourages those struggling to seek help and know they are not alone.
• 💪 Recovery is presented as a personal choice and journey, with the speaker highlighting the importance of wanting to stop and the strength to resist the urge.

Q & A

What was the speaker's first experience with alcohol?

The speaker started drinking alcohol at the age of 14, indicating that alcoholism runs in their family and they became an alcoholic quite easily.

How did the speaker's first encounter with cocaine occur?

The speaker first tried cocaine in their early 20s with a friend while going through a divorce, and it was offered to them casually during a game of pool.

What were the immediate effects of cocaine on the speaker?

The first time the speaker used cocaine, they felt invincible, with a boosted ego, increased confidence, and energy, which made them feel good.

What is the difference between the speaker's use of prescribed medication and their cocaine addiction?

While the speaker can go months without taking prescribed medication like Adderall for ADHD and still be fine, their use of cocaine became an obsession, leading to addiction.

How does the speaker define addiction in the context of their experience?

For the speaker, addiction is characterized by an increasing need for a substance, chasing a high, and an obsession with the drug that租s a spot in one's brain.

Why did the speaker decide to use cocaine only during special times?

The speaker wanted to control their use of cocaine and avoid becoming addicted, so they initially planned to use it only during special occasions.

What was the turning point for the speaker that led to daily cocaine use?

The turning point was when the speaker started doing cocaine more frequently, eventually leading to daily use as they chased the high and became obsessed with the drug.

How does the speaker describe the challenge of achieving the first high in addiction?

The speaker mentions that the first high is usually the best, and addicts are always chasing that initial high, which becomes increasingly difficult to replicate.

What advice does the speaker give to those struggling with cocaine addiction?

The speaker suggests seeking support and help, and being open about one's addiction, emphasizing that recovery is possible and that one must hit rock bottom to start the journey to sobriety.

What is the significance of the speaker's mention of N.A. and A.A.?

The speaker provides links to Narcotics Anonymous (N.A.) and Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) as resources for those struggling with addiction, indicating that these organizations can offer community and support.

How does the speaker describe the feeling of being addicted to cocaine?

The speaker describes the feeling as an obsession, a constant desire, and a fight against the urge to use the drug, even after being sober for a significant period.

Outlines

00:00

🌪️ The Descent into Cocaine Addiction

The speaker shares their personal journey into addiction, highlighting alcohol and cocaine as their drugs of choice. They discuss how alcoholism was almost inevitable due to family history and how they started drinking at a young age. Cocaine, on the other hand, was a new territory for them, with their first experience during a divorce in their early 20s. The initial high from cocaine was described as invigorating and confidence-boosting, but it was this very experience that led to a slippery slope. The speaker explains the concept of addiction, emphasizing the obsessive nature and the constant chase for the initial high, which is often unattainable. They also touch upon the economic burden and the psychological hold that cocaine can have, leading to a daily battle with the urge to use. The narrative concludes with the speaker acknowledging their addiction and the struggle to resist the drug's allure, even after achieving sobriety.

05:00

🔄 The Persistent Battle with Addiction

In this paragraph, the speaker delves deeper into the psychological aspects of addiction, particularly the obsession with cocaine. They describe the moment of realization when their brain 'flipped' and cocaine became a daily fixation. The speaker emphasizes the relentless nature of addiction and the constant internal struggle to resist the urge to use. They also discuss the empowering feeling that cocaine provides, which can be a double-edged sword, leading to a sense of invincibility but also to a dangerous obsession. The paragraph concludes with a call to action, encouraging viewers to seek help and support, and to recognize that addiction is a fight that can be won with determination and the right resources.

Keywords

💡Addiction

Addiction refers to a chronic disease characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences. In the video, the speaker shares their personal journey with addiction, particularly to cocaine, illustrating the concept by describing the transition from occasional use to a daily obsession that significantly impacted their life.

💡Alcoholism

Alcoholism is a term used to describe the condition of being addicted to alcohol. The script mentions that alcoholism runs in the speaker's family, indicating a genetic predisposition, and the speaker started drinking at a young age, which is a common factor in the development of alcohol use disorders.

💡Cocaine

Cocaine is a powerful stimulant drug that can cause intense feelings of euphoria and increased energy. The speaker's initial experience with cocaine is described as making them feel 'invincible' and 'energized,' which are common effects that can lead to addiction as users seek to replicate these sensations.

💡Crossroads

A crossroads metaphorically represents a critical point or decision that can significantly affect one's life. In the context of the video, the speaker discusses the first time they tried cocaine as a crossroads where they had a choice to continue or avoid the path to addiction.

💡Obsession

Obsession is a persistent, recurring thought, image, or desire that dominates a person's mind. The speaker uses this term to describe their relationship with cocaine, emphasizing that their addiction was characterized by an all-consuming preoccupation with the drug.

💡High

In the context of drug use, 'high' refers to the pleasurable sensations or altered state of consciousness that users experience. The speaker mentions 'chasing the high,' which is a common behavior among addicts as they continually seek to recreate their initial, most intense experiences with the substance.

💡Sobriety

Sobriety is the state of not being under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The speaker discusses being 'five years sober,' indicating a significant period of time where they have abstained from using cocaine, which is a key milestone in recovery from addiction.

💡Support

Support refers to the assistance and encouragement provided by others, which is crucial in the recovery process from addiction. The speaker emphasizes the importance of getting help and letting others know about their addiction, suggesting that a support system is vital for overcoming addiction.

💡Budgeting

Budgeting, in the context of the video, refers to the speaker's initial attempt to control their cocaine use by limiting how much they spent on it. However, this strategy failed, illustrating the difficulty of managing addiction through self-regulation alone.

💡Rock Bottom

Reaching 'rock bottom' is a phrase used to describe the lowest point in a person's life, often associated with addiction, where they are compelled to change their behavior. The speaker implies that hitting rock bottom can be a catalyst for seeking help and beginning the recovery process.

💡NA and AA

NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) are support groups for individuals recovering from drug and alcohol addiction, respectively. The speaker provides links to these organizations in the video, suggesting that they can be valuable resources for those struggling with addiction.

Highlights

Alcoholism runs in the speaker's family, and they became an alcoholic at a young age.

Cocaine addiction started after a divorce in the speaker's early 20s.

The first experience with cocaine made the speaker feel invincible and confident.

Addiction is characterized by an increasing need and obsession, not just regular use.

The speaker saved some cocaine after the first use, which was a turning point towards addiction.

Addicts are constantly chasing the initial high they experienced.

The speaker attempted to budget their cocaine use but failed, leading to daily use.

The realization of addiction came when the speaker couldn't stop thinking about cocaine.

Cocaine addiction is expensive and obsessive, unlike prescribed medications which the speaker took as directed.

The speaker fears cocaine even after five years of sobriety due to the persistent temptation.

Support and help from others were crucial in the speaker's journey to sobriety.

Cocaine addiction is often misunderstood, with many not believing it's possible to become addicted.

The speaker emphasizes that addiction can be beaten and one is stronger than their addiction.

The desire to stop using is essential for recovery, and it's a personal choice.

The speaker shares resources for NA and AA to help those struggling with addiction.

Addiction is a daily struggle, and the speaker encourages viewers to fight the urge.

Transcripts

how I realized and became a cocaine

addict my big drugs of choice was

alcohol and cocaine alcohol came first

alcohol was the easiest alcohol was

legal alcoholism runs in my family

alcohol I became an alcoholic very

easily I was almost kind of bred for it

in a lot of Senses I started drinking at

14.

cocaine is a little bit different no one

in my family ever had any addiction to

any drugs of any kind of sort until me I

get to be the one that at least openly

admits that hey I was a cocaine addict

and cocaine addiction it wasn't the very

first time that I tried cocaine or I did

cocaine that made me an addict uh I

first tried cocaine in my early 20s my

early 20s I was with a friend we were

shooting pool he's like hey do you want

to do some coke I was going through a

divorce at the time I'm like hey why not

like I've never done this drug before

the first time I did cocaine made me

feel Invincible made me feel Invincible

it boosted my ego it gave me confidence

it gave me energy it just it made me

feel good uh and at that time I wouldn't

say necessarily I was an addict but that

was my Crossroads to hey don't ever do

this again or hey you're gonna be an

addict uh I had the ability at that time

to save some of this drug and not use it

all at the same time and what people

don't realize about addiction is people

call other people addicts all the time

if somebody's on a medication and

they're prescribed it and they don't

take it Non-Stop and they

um they're able to take it as prescribed

I wouldn't necessarily say that's an

addict addicts we need it more and more

and more we're chasing that high we're

trying to maintain that high and it's

always there Adderall is a good example

I'm prescribed Adderall for my ADHD and

Adderall I can go months without taking

it and I'm fine I can go my normal

diagnosis of how I'm supposed to take it

is twice a day and I'm fine I maintain

but when it came to cocaine I ended up

getting the point that I became obsessed

with it and when you become obsessed

with something is when I became an

addict I became an addict of cocaine in

my early 20s because what ended up

happening is after that first experience

with it I wanted to start doing it more

and more and it rented a spot in my

brain and as soon as something rents a

spot in your brain it's always there I

think that's when you really go down

that addiction route and I knew I had it

I knew it was there but I wanted to only

use it during special times and I didn't

want to be an addict and it's expensive

and I'm just going to kind of budget it

and that didn't work and next thing you

know I started doing it and I started

doing it on a daily basis and I started

chasing the high and I always wanted

that first high and that's one of the

challenges with an added is our first

high is usually one of our best highs

and we are always chasing that high it's

chasing the dragon and it's starting to

do it non-stop when you get to the point

that all you do is obsess and think

about a drug if it's sitting in your

house and your thoughts hit on that drug

in your house you are an addict and I

hate to say it I mean I've been there

before and I'm not here to diagnose with

anyone with an addiction problem I'm not

here to tell anybody that they're an

addict but I can tell from my experience

at that time is when I became an addict

because I obsessed about this drug

I started doing it as often as I could

as much as I could and I wouldn't stop

it's like Lay's potato chips you just

can't have one

that was just a flip of the switch and

that is the challenge that we run into

and when we are addicts we do acquire

these drugs of choice I mean I've taken

other medications and they are

medications and I was prescribed them

and I took them as directed but for

other people that are a nightmare uh

benzos are a great example I've taken uh

opiates or painkillers that have been

prescribed for different reasons and it

never became a true Obsession but

cocaine was a true Obsession I it's

cocaine something I can't be around and

I even to this day still fear the drug

even though I'm five years sober because

I know if I'm around the drug that

Temptation that desire that want is

always there you're always thinking

about it you're always fighting it and

you're always resisting it and that

shows how obsessed with something you

truly are so if you're out there and

you're struggling I mean one of the

biggest ways I got sober is one is I got

support I got help and I let everybody

know I was an addict and cocaine

addiction that's a weird one to tell

people you're an addict to because a lot

of people don't believe that you can get

addicted to cocaine but you can and it

becomes a very expensive and very

obsessive drug and the worst is

you feel Unstoppable you feel Invincible

you feel empowered you feel just this

Rush of energy that's going through you

and you don't want it to stop and you

begin to fight that so if you are

struggling with cocaine addiction and

you do find yourself in that obsessive

thought pattern of you have to have it

you have to have it and you constantly

keep seeking it out I got links down

below for n a and a a if you are out

there struggling just know that you're

not alone know that it does get better

know that you can beat your addiction

you are stronger than your addiction but

it comes down to the want of wanting to

stop and you have to hit rock bottom no

one's going to get you sober but you and

sometimes we get sober standing up and

sometimes we get sober underground and

it's all a choice on our own but when I

realized I was obsessed with cocaine was

at that point when my brain flipped and

it decided that this drug is going to

rent space and desire in my head every

day and now it has become a thing of

every day you fight and resist that urge

and that's what addiction is addiction

will kill you addiction won't stop but

you you're strong and you're not going

to stop either hit the like And

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for the journey