Why Your Dismissive Avoidant Ex Wants To Be Friends! | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Relationships

Summary

In this personal development video, Tais Gibson discusses three reasons why a dismissive avoidant ex might want to be friends after a breakup. The first reason is a genuine interest in reconciliation, which is common despite dismissive avoidants usually not seeking friendships post-breakup. The second is a mix of regret and hesitation about the breakup, leading to a push-pull dynamic. The third reason, more common in early stages of dating, is seeking attention or positive reinforcement. Gibson also touches on the importance of clear communication and setting boundaries in these situations.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Dismissive-avoidant exes rarely seek friendship after a breakup; they typically desire space and independence.
• 🔄 The most common reason for a dismissive-avoidant ex to reach out is potential interest in reconciliation, although they might not communicate this directly.
• 😕 They may exhibit a push-pull dynamic, being open yet hesitant due to their fears, which can confuse the other party.
• 🕒 The timing of the breakup influences their behavior; early-stage breakups might see them seeking attention or reassurance.
• 🗣️ Communication is key when dealing with dismissive-avoidant exes, as they might not clearly express their intentions.
• 🔗 Long-term friendships before a relationship can alter the dynamic, with dismissive-avoidant individuals possibly wanting to maintain or return to friendship.
• 🔄 They might reach out sporadically, seeking positive reinforcement without committing to ongoing communication.
• 🚫 It's crucial to establish boundaries to prevent an emotional cycle of healing and reopening old wounds.
• 🧩 The dismissive-avoidant's behavior can be influenced by the relationship's stage, whether it was a power struggle or dating phase when it ended.
• 📈 The speaker offers a series of webinars to delve deeper into attachment styles and their interactions in relationships.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is discussing the reasons why a dismissive avoidant ex-partner might be interested in being friends after a breakup.

What are the three major patterns that show up in terms of dismissive avoidant ex reaching out after a breakup?

The three major patterns are: 1) The person is interested in trying to get back together. 2) They regret breaking up and are looking for connection. 3) They are seeking attention or positive reinforcement.

Why is it rare for a dismissive avoidant person to want just a friendship after a breakup?

It is rare because dismissive avoidants usually want to close down, take space, and focus on themselves after a breakup. They typically don't want to associate with someone who hurt them.

What is the common reason for a dismissive avoidant ex reaching back out after a breakup?

The most common reason is that there is still some interest in trying to get back together.

How does a dismissive avoidant person communicate their interest in getting back together?

They often do not communicate this directly, which can leave the other person confused. They may assume their intentions are obvious from their behavior.

What is the second most common reason for a dismissive avoidant ex to reach out after a breakup?

The second reason is that they regret the breakup and are interested in seeing if the relationship could still work, but they are hesitant.

What does the behavior of a dismissive avoidant person look like when they are hesitant about rekindling a relationship?

Their behavior may show a push-pull dynamic, being open and connected but not too much, with their walls still up a bit, then retreating back into their shell.

Why can dismissive avoidant people stay in the 'gray area' longer than others?

They can stay longer because they get many of their needs met from themselves and don't feel as tortured by the uncertainty as other attachment styles.

What is the third reason a dismissive avoidant ex might reach out after a breakup?

The third reason is to get their need for attention, significance, or positive reinforcement met.

How can you tell if a dismissive avoidant person is just seeking positive reinforcement rather than wanting to invest in the relationship?

They might reach out, but not carry on the conversation after you respond, indicating they are just getting a need met without wanting to invest in the relationship.

What is the effect of having been friends before a relationship on the dynamics after a breakup?

If friends for a long time before becoming romantic, a dismissive avoidant might just want to maintain the friendship or try to get back to it after a breakup.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Understanding Dismissive Avoidant Ex's Interest in Friendship

In this video, Tais Gibson discusses why a dismissive avoidant ex might want to be friends after a breakup. Three main reasons are explored: 1) The ex is interested in getting back together, which is common as dismissive avoidant individuals don't usually seek friendships post-breakup. 2) The ex regrets the breakup and is hesitant about rekindling the relationship, often leading to a push-pull dynamic. 3) The ex seeks attention or positive reinforcement, typically seen in early stages of dating and breakups. The video emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics to navigate post-breakup interactions effectively.

05:01

🤔 Navigating the Gray Zone with Dismissive Avoidant Exes

The second paragraph delves into how dismissive avoidant individuals can remain in a 'gray zone' for extended periods due to their ability to meet many of their needs independently. This can lead to confusion for the other person involved, who may not understand the dismissive avoidant's intentions. The video also touches on the behavior of dismissive avoidants reaching out for brief interactions without committing to a deeper relationship, which can be indicative of seeking attention or validation. The importance of setting boundaries and maintaining healthy communication is stressed, especially in cases where the relationship started after a long-term friendship.

Keywords

💡Dismissive Avoidant

Dismissive Avoidant refers to an attachment style where individuals tend to be emotionally distant and avoidant of close relationships. In the context of the video, this term is used to describe the behavior of a type of ex-partner who might be interested in maintaining a friendship or potentially rekindling a romantic relationship. The video discusses how a Dismissive Avoidant ex might reach out after a breakup, which is not typically to just be friends but could be due to unresolved feelings or interest in getting back together.

💡Personal Development

Personal development encompasses the activities that individuals engage in to improve their personal and social skills, emotional intelligence, and overall well-being. The video is part of a series focused on personal development, aiming to provide insights and strategies for navigating relationships, particularly those involving different attachment styles like the Dismissive Avoidant.

💡Attachment Style

Attachment style is a psychological concept that describes the dynamics of long-term interpersonal relationships between humans. It is central to the video's theme, as it explores how different attachment styles, specifically Dismissive Avoidant, influence post-breakup behaviors and the motivations behind wanting to be friends or not.

💡Breakup

A breakup refers to the termination of a romantic relationship. The video script frequently mentions breakups as a pivotal event that can lead to various outcomes, including the ex-partner reaching out to the other person. It discusses the different reasons why a Dismissive Avoidant individual might reach out post-breakup.

💡Friendship

Friendship is a bond between two or more people that is typically characterized by mutual affection and respect. In the video, the concept of friendship is examined in the context of post-breakup scenarios, particularly questioning the motivations behind a Dismissive Avoidant ex wanting to be 'friends' and whether it's a genuine desire for platonic connection or a sign of unresolved romantic interest.

💡Regret

Regret is a feeling of sadness or disappointment over something that has happened or been done, typically a loss or missed opportunity. The video discusses how a Dismissive Avoidant ex might reach out due to regret over the breakup, indicating a potential desire to reconnect or reassess the relationship's end.

💡Hesitant

Hesitant means showing or feeling doubt or uncertainty. In the context of the video, it is used to describe the behavior of a Dismissive Avoidant ex who may be unsure about their intentions or feelings towards their former partner, leading to a push-pull dynamic in their communication.

💡Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is a psychological principle where a behavior is increased in frequency by rewarding the individual for that behavior. The video suggests that a Dismissive Avoidant ex might reach out to receive positive reinforcement, such as attention or validation, even if they are not ready to commit to a deeper relationship.

💡Communication

Communication is the process of exchanging information, ideas, or feelings. The video emphasizes the importance of clear and transparent communication in understanding the intentions of a Dismissive Avoidant ex, especially when they reach out after a breakup and the nature of their interest in maintaining a connection.

💡Honeymoon Stage

The honeymoon stage refers to the initial period of a romantic relationship when everything seems perfect and both partners are deeply infatuated. The video mentions that if a breakup occurs during or shortly after the honeymoon stage, a Dismissive Avoidant ex might reach out, possibly seeking the positive feelings and attention from that initial phase of the relationship.

💡Boundary

A boundary is a limit or extent of an area, often used metaphorically to describe limits in relationships. The video advises setting boundaries when dealing with a Dismissive Avoidant ex, especially if their reaching out is causing emotional distress or preventing the healing process post-breakup.

Highlights

Dismissive avoidants rarely seek friendships after a breakup, preferring space and independence.

The most common reason a dismissive avoidant ex reaches out is that they may still be interested in getting back together.

Dismissive avoidants often do not communicate directly, leading to confusion about their intentions.

Dismissive avoidants tend to think it’s obvious that they are reaching out because of ongoing interest, even when not stated.

A second common reason for reaching out is regret over the breakup and a desire to explore if the relationship can still work.

Dismissive avoidants may experience a push-pull dynamic based on their emotional state, but it is less extreme than that of fearful avoidants.

Dismissive avoidants can remain in a 'gray area' of uncertainty longer than other attachment styles without feeling the need for clarity.

Effective communication and transparency are crucial in managing these dynamics if re-engagement occurs post-breakup.

In early stages of dating or during the honeymoon phase, a dismissive avoidant may reach out post-breakup for attention or validation.

If dismissive avoidants do not maintain consistent conversations after reaching out, it may indicate they are only seeking positive reinforcement.

A lack of follow-up communication after initial outreach is a sign that they are not looking to invest in the relationship again.

In these cases, establishing boundaries is essential to avoid reopening emotional wounds.

Having a friendship prior to the relationship can alter some of these dynamics, as dismissive avoidants may wish to return to being friends.

Reaching out for attention, rather than reconnection, often manifests as brief conversations without ongoing communication.

It’s important for the person on the receiving end to recognize when a dismissive avoidant is hesitant and may be sending mixed signals.

Transcripts

hi my name is tais gibson and i'm the

creator of the personal development

school

this is your daily breakthrough video

and in this video i want to talk to you

a little bit about three reasons your

dismissive avoidant ex is interested in

being friends

so

a lot of people ask me about this inside

pds like on a very regular basis what

are the different dynamics why does this

take place why is this person reaching

out to me and before i dive into this i

do want to say that it can depend on a

variety of different factors like

there's obviously going to be a slight

difference if you're you know in your

early 20s and you've been dating for six

weeks versus if you've been dating for

seven years

living together have children together

and are perhaps in your late 30s so

these are important things to keep in

mind however irrespective of those

different dynamics and what stage the

relationship is in as well so were you

in the power struggle stage when you

broke up or was the dating stage

you know

what you will see still is that these

three major patterns tend to show up the

most in terms of what drives the

dismissive avoidance to reach out after

a relationship

um has ended so number one

is if this person is actually interested

in trying to get back together

dismissive avoidance are not the most

likely attachment style to want to like

just have a friendship for the sake of

having a friendship after a relationship

usually after a breakup they really want

to like close down take a lot of space

to really be able to have time to

themselves to focus on themselves and to

have that like sort of space to heal and

be independent and they usually don't

want to go back and move in the

direction of somebody that they

associate as having hurt them and so

it's very rare that dismissive avoidance

will will want to just have a friendship

to sort of hang out once a month touch

base see how you're doing

just be friendly like that's not really

a territory that a dismissive avoidance

tends to be in

so a lot of the times if i see a

dismissal void an x of somebody reaching

back out again the most common reason

overall

is that there is still some interest in

trying to get back together now often

times the dismissive award is not

communicating this directly

and so this can be problematic because

it leave the other person feeling like

confused like why are you reaching out

what's going on here

and the dismiss of avoiding themselves

often feels like it's obvious why

they're reaching out because we all tend

to project from our perception so we

sort of like expect other people to feel

like we would feel like and do as we

would do in situations at a subconscious

level without really consciously

realizing so in other words

often what we'll see is a dismissive

avoidance because they are reaching out

post-breakup

to them they're like oh isn't it obvious

that this is because i'd be still i'm

still interested in the connection

why else would i reach out to you

because i wouldn't want to just be

friends with you for no reason and so

oftentimes they'll think they're being

obvious just by their behaviors though

what's often happening is the person on

the receiving end really needs to hear

that positive reinforcement and and that

reassurance like no i am still

interested now the other thing that

often happens and this is our number two

thing here

is that they just regret breaking up and

they're just looking for that connection

from you and they're like let's not call

it they're trying to get back together

let's call it like a variation of that

is number two which is they're

interested in seeing if something could

still work but they're still hesitant

and a lot of times we'll see dismissive

avoidance in this dynamic sort of be

like in their feelings minus their fears

so if their feelings are really strong

and their fears are more minimal

then they may sort of move in a positive

direction

but if their feelings are um strong but

their fears are huge

then you're going to see them sort of go

through their own version of a push-pull

dynamic but not quite like the fearful

avoidance where they're so there and so

available and so interested and then

pull so far back more like they're just

confused and you'll see it and feel it

in their behavior like they'll often

kind of be open and connected but not

too much and still with their walls up a

little bit and then only to go back into

their shell further it's almost like

their pendulum is still swinging but

just to a lesser extreme than a fearful

avoidant is for example um so that's a

really important dynamic to recognize by

the way if you want to join we for

january february march pds is doing what

we're doing is um i'm doing a fifth

webinar each week and it's all about

attachment style interaction so we're

doing like all the different attachment

cells in a relationship together the

needs how to fix the relationship

communication all the different patterns

of like

two um fearful avoidance in a

relationship together a da with an fa a

da with an ap an ap with a da all those

different major attachment cell dynamics

we're going to be covering so if you

want to join in there um for those live

course versions that we're doing once a

week please do it's a really great time

to go through all this kind of stuff in

a tremendous amount of more detail

anyways so back to this

so we'll see those first two sort of

variations either trying to get back

together we're still open to get back

together regrets the breakup wants to

sort of feel it out

but often times the disabled warden is

really like in resistance at the same

time it's like they're open and they're

sort of being pulled in that direction

but their guards kind of up and they're

sort of testing to see like do i want to

move in this direction where am i

actually at i don't know what's

happening and they can kind of get in

that like very

gray area and and the interesting thing

too about dismissive avoidance is they

can sit in that area longer because they

get so many other needs from themselves

they don't feel as like tortured so to

speak by

being in the gray zone as other

attachment cells do that just need that

certainty need to know what's going on

is it working or is it not working and

so they can sit there for a long time

kind of like feeling out the situation

and sort of assessing it which can be

harmful or really challenging for

somebody else who doesn't have the same

sort of bandwidth to be able to

withstand that um so it's really

important to just like organize healthy

communication to bring stuff up to ask

for transparency if you find yourself in

the stage at all

and number three this is usually

something we'll see more in an earlier

stage of dating like dating or honeymoon

stage and then there's a breakup and now

this person's your acts and they're kind

of reaching out sometimes it can be to

just get their their need met for like

attention or significance or positive

reinforcement sometimes the da just look

wants to see that you still care and you

would still want to be there

um but we won't see it as much like

later down the line we'll see that a lot

more so in in the dating and honeymoon

stage breakups that take place and then

this person sort of reaches out soon

after that and again it's usually just

for like some kind of positive

reinforcement that sort of thing what

you will see when you're looking for

that

the the sort of distinguishing factor

there is that the dismissable woman will

reach out you'll get back to them and

they won't really carry on the

conversation it'll be like hey how are

you and then you respond

and then they they don't really respond

again and then maybe a couple weeks

later they do the same thing don't

respond again usually that's the person

just kind of like feeling of the

situation getting some kind of need met

without wanting to invest in the

relationship in any way back so there

won't be a continuation there and

obviously if anybody's doing that of any

attachment style um that's a really good

time to just sort of have a boundary and

do the work to take a step back as well

because usually that's just gonna create

kind of like

a scab being like pulled off and then it

hurts and then it has to heal again and

then the scab gets pulled off again and

it hurts and has to heal again it can

sort of leave this like open wound so

it's a really important time to just

have a boundary around that as a whole

so

hopefully this all makes sense um one

other last thing i want to mention is

there can be a slight difference

if you've been friends for a long time

before the relationship started so maybe

you're friends with somebody for five

years then all of a sudden it turned

into a relationship then there was a

breakup that can change some of these

things a little bit um we're in that

very particular case sometimes dia can

just want to maintain a friendship or

try to figure out a way to get back to

the friendship um once again so

hopefully this all makes a whole lot of

sense thank you so much for watching and

for being here if you want to join and

go through all of our attachment cell

interaction courses live with our slides

and all that kind of stuff throughout

january february march um please do you

can click the link in the description

box below um and thank you so much for

being here and i will see you in

tomorrow's video

you