Keeping the humanness at work when using Reality-Based Leadership

Summary

In this episode of the Reality Based Leadership podcast, S Wakeman and Alex Dore discuss the misconception that eliminating drama in the workplace leads to a loss of humanness. They argue that by using reality-based leadership tools, employees can transcend the ego-driven drama and tap into their authentic, compassionate selves, fostering a more supportive and innovative work environment. The hosts emphasize the importance of validating feelings while challenging the stories behind them, encouraging leaders to help their teams move beyond limitations and towards greater impact.

Takeaways

• 🤝 The fear of removing drama from the workplace is a concern for many, as they worry it may lead to a loss of humanness and emotional expression.
• 💡 Reality Based Leadership (RBL) aims to diminish drama, not human emotions, encouraging a more evolved expression of humanness in the workplace.
• 🧠 The human brain has a tendency to default to drama, but RBL tools help raise awareness and guide individuals to move beyond these patterns.
• 🌟 Instead of being robots, people who practice RBL can tap into a more evolved version of themselves, using their full intelligence and emotional capacity.
• 🚫 The concept of 'bringing your whole self to work' is challenged; instead, it's encouraged to bring your 'most evolved self', leaving behind primitive reactions.
• 🧐 RBL encourages individuals to question their stories and feelings, reducing the charge of emotions that are based on assumptions or grievances.
• 🛠️ The 'Edit Your Story' tool helps in breaking down large emotions to their factual core, which can then guide clear and purposeful action.
• 💖 After removing drama, the true humanness emerges, which includes increased compassion, kindness, and the desire to find win-win solutions.
• 🔄 The natural state of humans is to be accountable, innovative, and emotionally rich, which is achieved when drama and ego are set aside.
• 🌈 RBL practices lead to a workplace where people feel more connected, supported, and engaged, focusing on shared dreams and positive contributions.

Q & A

What is the main concern discussed in the podcast about reality-based leadership?

The main concern discussed is the fear that by reducing drama in the workplace, leaders might also reduce the humanness, leading to a robotic work environment where employees cannot express emotions or have their needs met.

How does the podcast address the misconception that reducing drama leads to a lack of humanness?

The podcast explains that reducing drama does not equate to removing humanness. Instead, it's about raising awareness of the human condition and gently moving beyond it, using tools and strategies to think differently and maintain human connection.

What does the term 'Human Condition' refer to in the context of the podcast?

In the podcast, 'Human Condition' refers to the innate human tendencies to default to drama, which can lead to patterns of behavior that are not productive or healthy in a workplace setting.

What is the significance of 'thinking inside the box' in the context of maintaining humanness in the workplace?

'Thinking inside the box' is a tool that encourages leaders to work within the constraints of reality-based leadership (RBL) while still maintaining their humanity. It's about finding the balance between using RBL tools and staying authentically human.

How does the podcast suggest leaders validate employees' experiences without validating their faulty sense-making?

Leaders are encouraged to acknowledge and validate the feelings employees have, such as frustration or discomfort, but to challenge the stories and assumptions that employees make about their experiences. This helps employees question their thinking and move towards a more productive mindset.

What is the role of emotions in a drama-free workplace according to the podcast?

In a drama-free workplace, emotions are not suppressed but rather channeled in a constructive way. Emotions based on stories and assumptions are reduced, but genuine human emotions like compassion, joy, and the desire to help others are enhanced.

How does the podcast differentiate between 'feelings' and 'drama'?

According to the podcast, 'feelings' are genuine emotional responses that can be acknowledged and validated, while 'drama' arises from stories, judgments, and assumptions that are often based on things that haven't happened or are speculative in nature.

What advice does the podcast give to leaders about dealing with their own feelings and biases?

Leaders are advised to work on their own biases, feel their feelings, and use the tools of reality-based leadership on themselves first. This self-awareness and practice enable them to better help their teams manage their emotions and thoughts effectively.

How does the podcast suggest using the 'edit your story' tool to deal with strong emotions?

The 'edit your story' tool involves breaking down a big, emotionally charged story into factual elements. This process can help individuals identify the core feelings without the weight of the story, which can then lead to clear action or a better understanding of how to respond to the situation.

What is the ultimate goal of reality-based leadership as presented in the podcast?

The ultimate goal of reality-based leadership is to create a workplace where people can be their most evolved selves, fostering a culture of accountability, innovation, and compassion. It's about transcending the limitations of the human condition to unlock greater potential and impact in the world.

How does the podcast suggest leaders foster a more human workplace?

Leaders are encouraged to build relationships, connect with their teams on a personal level, validate experiences, and use reality-based leadership tools to help team members move beyond barriers. This approach helps uncover the authentic humanness that ego often hides, leading to a more supportive and impactful work environment.

Outlines

00:00

🎙️ Introduction to Reality Based Leadership

The podcast begins with host S Wakeman welcoming listeners to another episode of the Reality Based Leadership podcast. S introduces his co-host, Alex Dore, Vice President of People Evolution, and expresses excitement for their future co-hosting endeavors. The main topic of discussion is the concern that removing drama from the workplace, a key aspect of reality-based leadership, might also remove the human element. S and Alex aim to address this fear and explore how to maintain humanness while reducing unnecessary drama.

05:00

🤔 The Fear of Losing Humanness

S and Alex delve into the common fear that by reducing drama in the workplace, leaders might inadvertently turn employees into emotionless robots. They argue that this is a misconception and that the goal is not to eliminate human emotions but to raise awareness of the patterns that lead to drama. The discussion highlights the importance of shifting from default patterns that lead to drama to a more evolved state of being, where individuals can still express their feelings but in a constructive and drama-free manner.

10:06

🌳 Beyond the Human Condition

The conversation continues with S emphasizing that while it's impossible to completely remove the human condition, leaders can work towards transcending it. S introduces the idea of using tools and strategies to help individuals toggle between their primitive and evolved selves. Alex adds that bringing one's 'most evolved self' to work means being aware of one's biases and leveraging differences to foster an inclusive environment. The discussion also touches on the importance of not intellectualizing feelings into grievances but rather using them as information to guide actions.

15:10

💡 The True Nature of Humanness

S and Alex discuss the true nature of humanness, arguing that it is not about indulging in negative emotions or drama, but rather about uncovering the authentic, compassionate, and curious human being that lies beneath the ego's influence. They highlight the importance of leaders helping their teams to question their thinking and move beyond barriers to reach their full potential. The conversation also touches on the transformative power of shifting from a drama-filled environment to one that fosters positive emotions and a desire to make a meaningful impact.

20:13

🌟 Embracing Authentic Humanness

In the final paragraph, S shares a personal story from a workshop that illustrates the transition from judgment and negativity to a more authentic and supportive human interaction. The story demonstrates how focusing on facts and eliminating assumptions can lead to a more meaningful and emotionally positive conversation. S and Alex conclude by encouraging leaders to embrace their feelings, question their stories, and help their teams do the same. They invite listeners to provide feedback and share their experiences with reality-based leadership.

Keywords

💡Reality Based Leadership

A leadership philosophy that emphasizes dealing with the facts of a situation rather than being driven by personal emotions or ego. It involves taking the drama out of the workplace and encouraging individuals to bring their most evolved self to work, focusing on accountability, innovation, and emotional intelligence.

💡Drama

In the context of the podcast, drama refers to the unnecessary conflicts and emotional reactions that arise from personal stories, judgments, and assumptions, rather than from the actual facts of a situation. It is seen as a distraction from productive work and authentic human connection.

💡Ego

Ego, as discussed in the podcast, represents the self-centered part of an individual's psyche that can lead to defensiveness, resistance to change, and a desire for control. It is seen as a barrier to personal growth and effective leadership, as it can prevent individuals from embracing their most evolved selves and collaborating authentically with others.

💡Human Condition

The human condition refers to the innate characteristics and experiences that are universal to all human beings, including emotions, needs, and the capacity for personal growth. In the podcast, it is emphasized that while the human condition includes tendencies towards drama, it also encompasses positive qualities such as compassion and the desire for connection and impact.

💡Emotions

Emotions are the feelings and affective states that individuals experience in response to various stimuli. In the context of the podcast, emotions are differentiated between those that arise from drama and those that are based on facts and reality. The latter are seen as valuable information, while the former are considered distractions from effective leadership and collaboration.

💡Accountability

Accountability in the podcast refers to the responsibility individuals take for their actions, thoughts, and emotions. It is a key aspect of reality based leadership, where leaders and team members are encouraged to own their contributions to a situation and work towards solutions rather than blaming others or avoiding responsibility.

💡Innovation

Innovation is the process of creating new ideas, methods, or products. It is one of the natural states of human beings when they are 'toggled up' and not hindered by drama or ego-driven thinking. In the context of the podcast, innovation is fostered by a workplace culture that practices reality based leadership, where individuals are encouraged to think expansively and creatively.

💡Edit Your Story

This concept refers to the practice of examining and revising one's personal narrative or interpretation of events to focus on factual information rather than assumptions or judgments. It is a tool used in reality based leadership to help individuals recognize and let go of unproductive stories that lead to negative emotions and behaviors.

💡Toggling Up/Down

This metaphor is used in the podcast to describe the process of shifting one's mental state between being 'toggled down' in the primitive brain, driven by ego and drama, and 'toggled up' in a state of brain coherence, where one can access full intelligence, emotional intelligence, and innovation. It represents the ability to move beyond reactive, drama-based responses to more evolved, thoughtful actions.

💡Humanness

Humanness encompasses the full range of human qualities, including emotions, empathy, creativity, and the capacity for connection and growth. In the podcast, the hosts argue that by practicing reality based leadership and reducing drama, individuals can actually enhance their humanness, as they are able to express their authentic selves more freely and constructively.

💡Sense Making

Sense making is the process of interpreting and understanding experiences or situations. In the context of the podcast, it refers to the stories and judgments individuals create around their feelings, which can lead to unproductive behaviors if not questioned. Leaders are encouraged to help their teams make sense of their experiences in a way that aligns with reality and supports growth.

Highlights

The discussion revolves around the concept of reality-based leadership and its impact on the humanness in the workplace.

The fear that removing drama from the workplace might also remove the human element is a common misconception.

The human condition, including ego, is an inherent part of everyone, and it's not about rejecting it but understanding and managing it.

The idea of bringing one's 'whole self' to work is challenged, with the suggestion to bring one's 'most evolved self' instead.

Drama is often confused with emotions, but it stems from stories and assumptions that may not be based on facts.

The practice of editing one's story to reach the facts can lead to clearer emotions and actions, rather than leading to inaction or robot-like behavior.

The humanness in the workplace is not diminished by removing drama; instead, it allows for a more authentic and impactful expression of humanity.

Leaders are encouraged to validate feelings but not the stories or assumptions that employees make about their experiences.

The use of tools and strategies like 'Thinking Inside the Box' can help leaders and teams navigate complex emotional and interpersonal situations.

Authentic human connection and support can be enhanced by focusing on shared dreams and aspirations rather than dwelling on grievances.

The natural state of humans is to be compassionate, kind, and solution-oriented, which is often obscured by ego-driven drama and judgments.

The transition from ego-based to reality-based leadership can lead to a more positive, inclusive, and emotionally intelligent work environment.

The importance of leaders being in touch with their own emotions and capable of questioning their stories to better support their teams.

The potential for teams to experience a shift from negative bonding over judgments to positive collaboration on dreams and goals.

The call to action for leaders to embrace reality-based leadership as a means to enhance the human experience in the workplace.

The podcast format is designed to be more casual and relatable, reflecting the kind of discussions that happen at a kitchen table.

The invitation for listeners to engage with the podcast, share it with their teams, and provide feedback for continuous improvement.

Transcripts

hello everyone and welcome to another episode of  the reality based leadership podcast I'm s Wakeman  

hopefully you're here because you know at least  my name and I'm hoping you know Alex Dore our vice  

president of people Evolution he is uh here today  um and hopefully on every episode going forward  

with me we're GNA um co-host these things so hey  Alex how's life in your world Life's good this way  

and I'm excited for this topic got today so hope  everybody's well it's it's going to be um a good  

one the topic Alex and I wanted to bring up today  is um if you practice reality based leadership and  

if you really work to take the drama out of your  workplace a big fear is if we take the drama out  

do we take the humanness out like that's really  the work of the ego right like people will say  

well gosh if I diminish drama then my people just  seem to show up as robots and that's ego thinking  

because it's very polarized it's very like gosh  if I do the hard things you're telling me which  

the ego doesn't want to have it happen then you  know um we'll just have a robotic workplace where  

nobody can have feelings or get their needs met  or there can be like no humanness at work and  

it's absolutely not the case but it certainly  is a fear I think you hear it too Alex when we  

talk about ditching the drama people are like  so um we're just going to all you know be new  

and never have any emotion and just you know  be basically robots yeah it's like say yes to  

whatever we're ask not really have feelings if  a strategy shifts out of nowhere we can't really  

like feel that oh I was I worked on that project  for eight months I shouldn't feel that now we're  

going this way and uh and yeah and one thing  I said recently when I heard this is someone's  

like I'm a little nervous to take the humanness  out and I said it I don't totally agree with it  

but I'm like we're not taking the humanness out  we're trying to take a little bit of that Human  

Condition out now you can't really take you can't  take the Human Condition out it's going to come up  

and that's where we sometimes get into patterns  that we all have that default to drama but we're  

it's more about raising the awareness of The Human  Condition so we can gently move Beyond it it's not  

like taking it out because you can't really do  that but I thought that was the play on words  

I was trying to to just interrupt their thinking a  bit to say we we can we can keep the humanness and  

bring in a couple of rbl tools or ways to think  through a challenge differently so that's kind of  

how I've seen it come up as uh play on those words  with people I love it I love it and I think it's  

really key because you know for some people that  get deep into my work I'm really into internal  

family um systems as far as a a therapy concept  and that's where like our all parts are welcome  

like even your ego is not to be rejected or tried  to like if you're toggle down that's not the time  

to be like oh I gotta stop thinking that it's a  time to welcome and say Let me listen into what  

I'm thinking and work to get into inquiry so that  we can resolve um dissolve things so that we can  

resolve things and I think a way I shock people  too is people will say you know well you know  

in the in in my interpretation of you know Dei  work like I'm gonna bring my whole self to work  

and I often respond in a way that's disarming  I'm like please do not do that and the reason  

it's disarming is most people who know me know  I work pretty hard at my own biases and trying  

to be you know inclusive and leverage people's  differences and like all are welcome here right  

but when they say I want to bring my whole self  to work and for me I'm like don't do that please  

do not do that bring your most evolved self to  work and that's the recognition that we all this  

Human Condition we will come in toggle down at  times and we've got tools so that you can toggle  

up and make sure that you're bringing your most  intelligent self like when you're toggled down in  

ego you're working with your most primitive brain  and when you're toggled up and you're in brain  

coherence you really are using like all of your  intelligence whether it's emotional intelligence  

or um expansive thinking or innovation you know  because our Natural State really is accountability  

Innovation and all of that when U when we're  toggled up and when the drama gone so we're just  

asking people to not bring in drama and drama can  look like feelings it's mostly Behavior by the way  

it's not really feelings but drama is usually  if you have feelings feelings based on story  

or things that never happened so once you clean  up the story you clean up a ton of the feelings  

that come with the story yeah and I I and I've  thought about that often is the feeling as you  

clean up the story loses a bit of the charge you  still might be because some people are like oh  

so I use these tools and I edit my story get to  the facts and I'm like either a robot or I just  

go sit in a forest somewhere and drool and like  don't take action you know so it's like you're  

you're taking out all the humanist or you get  into inaction and what often happens I find  

with like an edit your story tool where you take  the big story that's causing the big feelings get  

down to the facts you might be left with still  being frustrated or that is a in the world and  

it gets you so clear that you have to take action  and kind of be a better human or it brings your  

your softest part out so you you can't even help  yourself to go help like you have to do it and  

and so um the humanness actually I find comes out  in its best way after you ditch the drama so it's  

counterintuitive to those that initially hear our  stuff they're like I feel like we're starting to  

take some of the you know the human out of human  resources or we're taking the human out of of the  

workplace and and I find people tap into a whole  different part of their humanness when the drama's  

gone that they didn't even know they had or it's  it's a bigger heart or it's bigger um impact they  

have from that because when we're into emotions  that come out of like drama and story we're not  

being helpful we're judging or we want to get even  or we want to isolate and um you know kick people  

out of our lives like we really only have some  primitive options like fight flight freeze spawn  

and once you really get in there and you edit your  story like what do I know for sure your natural  

helping inclination it naturally leads you to the  next question um how can I help and that's why in  

my tedex talk and if you all haven't seen that  go out to YouTube and check it out in my tedex  

talk I talked about the three questions that  will naturally move you very humanly through  

a place that you can really make a difference  in people's lives that it's not about burning  

yourself out and churn and who's to blame and  feeling victimized and feeling like you need to  

play defense and come up with the big Strate it's  really like what do I know for sure what could I  

do next that would help and then if we were great  like what would what would great look like um and  

that goes with our philosophy of venting like I  want people to share their feelings and a lot of  

us need to grieve a true loss and um there's a  lot of feelings to be had in the world but most  

of the time we start to feel a feeling and we  intellectualize it into a grievance like I wake  

up anxious and I'm like why am I anxious well if I  really looked at why I'm anxious because we're in  

a world that has some unsettling things going on  and I care a lot and so if I'm being responsible  

to my feelings I'm saying given I'm anxious how  should I move through the world today like use  

my feelings this information I'm anxious I'm G  to move through the day more carefully I'm not  

going to expect people to read my mind I'm going  to really make sure that I'm not using alcohol  

or something else to medicate I'm gonna today is  an anxious day I'm going to you know make sure I  

do my meditation and then move softly through the  world so instead what most people do is they go I  

feel anxious and then they go I wonder why oh my  gosh my boss never communicates anything to me or  

my organization hasn't kept me psychological safe  and what that's doing is it's intellectualizing  

your feelings into a grievance and so with the  drama inventing it's like I want you to share  

your feelings and some context around that but  the minute you go into story and justification  

and speculation and conspiracy theory about like  who's trying to do what to whom that's where you  

you've left it so what I like to invite leaders  to do is validate people's experience this is hard  

this is unexpected I I'm uncomfortable I see that  but don't validate the sense their making of their  

experience because a big part of accountability  is helping do sense making mentoring and if you  

don't validate the sense people are making  their experience and you invite invite them  

into to question their thinking and our tools and  curiosity and compassion you can get them back in  

a position where they actually could connect this  unpreferred reality to a different future it's  

our way of getting people back um in play and so  you might say like I'm really frustrated I go I  

see that but when you go on to say and you know  this person is trying to do this on purpose and  

they're trying to make me look bad and you know  they don't care about the customer I'm like time  

out it's all elaborate scheme to get someone else  a position you know yeah time out as a leader I  

need to invite you to question that so you see  people and you love them up you see their human  

but then you call them up to go beyond their  Human Condition and what you're going to get  

down to is who they authentically are which  are good people who are naturally accountable  

who care a lot about having impacts in the world  and that's the humanness we're trying to uncover  

that the ego is um hiding from us so you've got  to like do a lot of revealing there it's so well  

said and I don't know for the those watching  on the video I I I I'm a little bit of a nerd  

to the point where like visual tools which by  the way the ego loves you know verbal dialogue  

ambiguity which is why as s mentioned it loves  venting and so she kind of talked about if you  

can see this there's one line that's like sharing  the feeling but then the story on this other side  

we call this this means that or it's a way to  see what's happening there then the story gets  

really long with all those judgments assignments  and motive and in sometimes just seeing this um  

feelings are great it's that's the part we can  acknowledge and validate the feeling that you're  

frustrated but that other story there is what  to investigate and then from the feeling that's  

left over like I said earlier it you might still  be frustrated and then the next step and I think  

it's the most human thing you can do is I'm here  with you why you're struggling I see why you're  

frustrated and then two options let's impact it or  radically accept and let this one go kind of Grace  

and tolerance but a lot of times we think we're  being the human supporter by letting someone stay  

in what we call the third option which is kind of  stay and complain about it stay and hear you vent  

about it and it takes some discernment but I  think what people eventually see in a lot of  

our tools that support someone struggling is that  you you're doing the most human thing if you stay  

in there and hold the center with someone as they  go through that process and eventually through one  

of our tools and I want to bring up another one  so I'm kind of having a nerdy moment is uh when  

someone's like how do we keep the humanness in  the workplace while trying rbl I one time in a  

session just was about to answer it because we've  already gone through like three of our answers we  

would say and you might say well those sound kind  of good but I eventually you know what I would say  

people are like how do we how do we not take the  humanness out of it I'm like you just don't like  

I remember you said that as a response I was  sitting in that session I almost died laughing  

because you're like why don't we just keep you  keep being a human and then add a tool in there  

but one time I brought up our Thinking Inside  the Box I'm like I could answer this for you  

but let's just think through this differently  so I kind of did like a a reversal tool within  

the tool where I'm not going to answer this for  him and the person smiled at me and it was like  

well on one side let's keep the rbl tools let's  try those out and they want to do either or can  

I use rbl or can I keep the humanness and it's an  NE or it's the sucker's choice so I just said our  

goal is to have better well-being and a beautiful  workplace that's kind of the overall goal these  

aren't mutually exclusive and then cross out the  or for and so it's like given our goal is a great  

um workplace where we get good results given rbl  seems like you're interested in the option on one  

side but you're worried about the humanness how  can we think inside the box and the person next  

to the in the session kind of dropped the mic it  was a colleague just like dropped the mic because  

then the person that I did that to they smiled and  kind of the audience smiled because this is their  

answer it's the leadership magic is where you  work each day to stay human ask about people's  

kids connect with them build those relationships  and then feel those moments where it's validate  

your experience and let's get you beyond this  barrier and and so the Thinking Inside the Box  

is my favorite tool to do that but I almost called  them up with that within that question there and  

so it's like the ego was running from that call  to Greatness too and and they smiled and kind  

of thanked at thanked me at the end for staying  in there so instead of just answering it like a  

lot of us leaders do I was letting them kind of  process that and find the sweet spot where the  

humanist stays and we try a tool and and that's  where they if they're operating in there they're  

they're in the right direction that's what I was  that softly dissolves things so leaders can engage  

the ego I'm going to tell you it's possible are  tools just help us clarify reality up in front  

of you and then let you look at that you're  like well wait a minute now that you've got  

it out there on paper that makes no sense like  there's gotta way got to be a way that we can  

can do um both of those and I think what we need  to remember in our workplaces and the reason that  

they're challenging especially right now is that  most of us are not showing up who we authentically  

are as humans because I think authentically we  as humans are compassionate and kind and curious  

and that we want to find win-win Solutions and we  want inclusive work environments no one is really  

thrilled when there's conflict and yet we create  so much conflict because of our own thinking in  

our world a lot of people are feeling lonely but  what they don't understand is their own judgment  

is the first thing that separated them out from  from the the group and now they're out there  

alone they feel under supported and um you know  I believe our natural state is full of emotion  

and um that emotion can be like gratitude and  appreciation and um um connection and joy and  

you know um you know Victory and and and sometimes  I tell the story when people are concerned about  

this because I yet if you take what we're asking  take the drama out it feels at times like we're  

just taking the human out just come to work you  know agree with what we say don't you know people  

really you'll see the ego take our philosophy to  extremes and one time I was at a workshop where I  

was just really doing some deep work on editing  my story and questioning my thinking and it had  

been a long day and we were asked to go to dinner  together and we were asked and our our assignment  

was to just really hold each other accountable to  just speaking the truth no assignment of motive  

no assumptions no judgments and you know I'm  like I'm not a very judgmental person how hard  

can that be so we go to dinner and the first thing  that started to happen was our unconscious selves  

our ego coming out where we're like oh my gosh did  you hear about Brenda and her husband and they're  

divorcing and what is she thinking and then we  all were like well I bet she's thinking this and  

I know and and so we were way into judgment and  story and we called ourselves we like guys we need  

to yeah well and at least like let's not start  out negative it's so easy to you know um Talk  

negatively about someone so then we intentionally  tried to be positive and so somebody says oh my  

gosh like this chicken is really delicious and  then we started having fun we're like actually  

it's just chicken you can't really judge it to  be delicious that's the story we start laughing  

and then somebody's like do we even know it's  chicken for sure like what do we know and the  

chef has said yeah the chef has stated that it's  chicken but we don't even know and it was like the  

stars are beautiful and we're like oh actually if  we're sating facts there's 1.2 trillion stars in  

you know our galaxy or whatever people knew the  facts and what happened was we got super quiet  

because everything you would bring up to talk  about all that cheap bonding that bne brown talks  

about everything we' bring up to talk about was  like gosh can't really say that can't really say  

that and for a while there wasn't a lot to talk  about and then what we all started doing naturally  

is we started talking about our hopes and dreams  and what people wanted in the future like it was  

really the topic that was eligible for dinner that  night and the cool thing started happening is when  

somebody would bring up a topic they're like so  like let's talk about like what do you guys all  

dreaming and scheming about like what would be an  awesome thing that you would like to have happen  

in your life and somebody said you know gosh I  really do a lot with this charity for water and  

I really want to get more involved when I retire  in clean water and you know what the rest of the  

table did they jumped in how can I help somebody's  like I know a person in the Gates Foundation that  

works on that I'll introduce you everybody started  offering up ways to help people's dreams and how  

we could and the entire energy shifted emotion got  high again but it was excitement it was thinking  

of possibilities it was joyful it was um big  energy around what if we could well sounds like  

action too like email here's an email you got it  down ready to send when you get back you know yeah  

and and so it really took us from this passive  kind of complaining judging um emotion but emotion  

of you know we were even saying things like well  it just pisses me off when Brenda does X and she  

should recognize like Steve's a good guy like  we around the table it wasn't even our life we  

were mad about the choices this you know friend  who needed our support was making ugly side of  

the human condition but what I loved about that  evolution is is the evolution that has happened  

on our work team and every team I've worked with  to implement rbl the emotion doesn't leave the  

humanist doesn't leave we just get down to the  most beautiful humanist which is a judgment but  

the the humanist that's helpful and it's a reset  for our teams where you might think you're dealing  

and feelings and emotion but what you're probably  dealing in is those emotions generated from story  

and once you get rid of the story story you get  rid of a lot of the emotions there's not a lot to  

be angry about in the world um but there's a lot I  can get excited about and then step into my point  

of impact and really make a difference and that's  really the call we're making with reality based  

leadership is let's get this back transcending  our Human Condition so that in our humanness we  

can really plug and play in co-creative ways that  um really makes this world place and work work  

place better well and the last thing I want  to connect to something you said earlier is  

you know the first version of the group kind of  judging and stuff there's a lot of conversation  

it looks Lively although it's kind of negative  so you feel like in some ways that's my whole  

self like we're really connecting getting into  like sharing our feelings about that and you're  

learning about me because that frustrates me so  you feel like that's the humans coming together  

like if you're looking at that table like that's  a lot of good humanness going on they're really  

connecting but when you look at the difference  in the second phase that's what we're talking  

about like that evolved humanness that many of  us think we have but have is better intimacy it  

Wasing yeah so um I feel like that's kind of that  lesson there that I haven't heard it from that  

story said like that but that's really what we're  we're hoping to point to that's out there and and  

don't take art word for it um check it out for  yourself but a lot of what we've seen at the end  

of the practice of these these tools and some of  these philosophies is is that beautiful although  

it's a judgment that other way forward it really  is and leaders if you're listening to us you can't  

take teams where you have not gone so get in  touch with your own feelings grieve what you  

need to feelings feel your feelings I have a whole  chapter in life SP you live happy about feel your  

feelings they're good information um but don't  trust your feelings question your stories and so  

leaders if you aren't able to feel your feelings  and resist the urge to um intellectualize those  

interg grievances you can't help your people  um do that so use this on yourself first and  

and then move forward we hope you're loving this  new U more casual just Alex and I getting together  

um talking about things that we talk about when  we're together at the kitchen table um and if you  

are we would love for you to rate this podcast  share it um share it with your teams um talk at  

up out there we went from no ego to reality based  leadership and that switch we want to make sure  

we don't lose people um along the way so if you  subscribed to no ego or Alex's Carver those are  

great subscribe now to reality based leadership  it's going to be our format that we spend the  

next couple years in um playing with um what works  best for all of you and as always we'd love your  

feedback so ellex keep on being human just to  just people with it I'm gonna chew on this one  

some more but this was this was fun to get into  so um can't wait to hear the feedback awesome