The Psychological Power of Self-Admiration: Why Science Agrees with Socrates

Summary

The video script explores universal human ideals, such as the sage or Buddha, and the concept of self-actualization, suggesting that there are consistent virtues across cultures and eras. It emphasizes the importance of personal values and the lifelong process of earning self-admiration, which is linked to well-being. The speaker encourages studying admired figures to understand and embody virtues, and discusses how self-esteem and social standing influence behavior. The core message is that happiness is tied to the virtues we exhibit and admire in ourselves, advocating for a life of continuous personal growth and self-improvement.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The concept of the 'sage' or 'ideal person' has been present across different cultures and eras, suggesting universal human values and ideals.
• 🔍 Research by Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson identified 24 virtues that are consistent across cultures and eras, indicating a shared human moral framework.
• 👁️‍🗨️ Each individual has unique values, akin to fingerprints, which require personal inquiry to understand and embody.
• 📚 The speaker encourages studying individuals one admires from philosophy, history, and fiction to gain insight into one's own path of personal growth.
• 💡 The speaker's new book 'Become Who You Are' emphasizes the importance of identifying and emulating the traits one admires in others to achieve personal development.
• 🌱 The speaker's personal experience with summer breaks illustrates the importance of setting goals and structure to prevent feelings of aimlessness and promote growth.
• 🧘‍♂️ Contrary to the belief that doing nothing leads to happiness, engaging in meaningful activities that one is proud of is more fulfilling and builds self-esteem.
• 🤔 Self-esteem is not solely dependent on social approval but is an internal mechanism that evaluates one's own behaviors and actions.
• 🌡️ Moods are on a spectrum, with eudaimonia (a state of fulfillment) at one end and depression at the other, influenced by our perception of our own virtue.
• 🏆 High self-esteem can lead to socially active behaviors, capitalizing on opportunities and displaying one's virtues, while low self-esteem may lead to withdrawal and risk-aversion.
• 💪 Personal well-being is closely tied to self-approval and the admiration of one's own actions, independent of social feedback or status.

Q & A

What is the concept of the 'sage' or 'Buddha' in different cultures and how does it relate to universal human ideals?

The 'sage' or 'Buddha' represents an ideal figure in various cultures, embodying wisdom and enlightenment. The script suggests that these figures, along with others like Nietzsche's 'Overman' and Maslow's 'self-actualizing individual', share similarities across different eras and cultures, indicating a set of universal human ideals that people strive to achieve.

How have researchers like Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson contributed to our understanding of universal human virtues?

Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson have conducted research that identified 24 different virtues that are consistent across cultures and eras. Their work supports the idea that there are universal values that humans share, even among the most indigenous tribes.

What is the significance of individual values in personal growth and how do they compare to universal values?

Individual values are unique to each person and can be considered as personal 'fingerprints'. While they are largely similar to universal values, they have slight differences that are crucial for personal development. The script encourages individuals to explore their own unique ideals and values to foster personal growth.

Why is it important to study people we admire according to the speaker's perspective?

Studying people we admire provides clues about the kind of person we need to become. It helps us identify the virtues and behaviors we admire in others and learn how to embody them in our own lives, which is a central message of the speaker's new book, 'Become Who You Are'.

How did the speaker's approach to summer breaks during high school influence their personal growth?

The speaker realized that setting big goals and structuring their days during summer breaks led to periods of significant personal growth. This approach prevented the feelings of aimlessness and dissatisfaction that came from doing nothing, thus turning summer breaks into times of productive activity.

What is the relationship between self-esteem and our behaviors according to the speaker?

Self-esteem is built on our behaviors and the degree of virtue we perceive in them. When we engage in behaviors that we admire, our self-esteem increases, which in turn motivates us to take socially active and exploitative behaviors.

How does the speaker describe the effect of social feedback on self-esteem?

Social feedback can significantly impact self-esteem. Positive feedback from respected individuals can boost self-esteem, while negative feedback can be devastating. However, self-esteem is also an independent mechanism that is influenced by our self-approval and the virtues we observe in our own behaviors.

What role does self-approval play in our well-being according to the script?

Self-approval is a crucial determinant of our well-being. It is not solely dependent on social status or external validation but is also influenced by our internal evaluation of our own behaviors and the virtues they exhibit.

How does the speaker explain the connection between virtue and happiness?

The speaker concludes that what truly drives our happiness is the admirability we observe in our own behaviors, which is closely related to the concept of virtue. Engaging in behaviors that allow us to exercise our strengths and virtues contributes to our happiness.

What advice does the speaker give for identifying and developing personal strengths?

The speaker suggests reflecting on what one has always thrived at and is naturally good at. By focusing on and enhancing these strengths, one can build a 'virtue portfolio' that contributes to personal satisfaction and happiness.

How does the speaker view the concept of virtue in the context of personal development?

The speaker views virtue as a spectrum with infinite shades, rather than a set of rigid moral mandates. It is about identifying and nurturing personal strengths and unique traits that one can bring out in their life.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Universal Ideals and Personal Values

The paragraph delves into the concept of universal human ideals, such as the sage or Buddha, and how these have been consistent across different cultures and eras. It highlights the work of Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson, who identified 24 virtues found universally. The speaker emphasizes the importance of individual values, suggesting they are akin to unique fingerprints, and encourages self-inquiry to understand one's own ideals. The speaker also advocates for studying individuals one admires to identify personal growth paths, as outlined in their new book 'Become Who You Are'. The paragraph concludes with personal anecdotes about the importance of setting goals during free time to foster self-esteem and personal growth.

05:01

🔍 Self-Esteem and Social Behavior

This paragraph explores the relationship between self-esteem and social behavior, suggesting that self-esteem is a reflection of our perceived social approval. It discusses how our brains use self-esteem as a motivator for social strategies, driving us towards actions that capitalize on our social standing when our self-esteem is high. Conversely, low self-esteem triggers risk-averse behaviors to protect social standing. The speaker also touches on the idea that self-esteem is not solely dependent on social feedback but is an internal mechanism that can be influenced by our own self-approval, independent of others' opinions.

10:02

🏔 Climbing the Mountains of Life with Virtue

The final paragraph focuses on the concept of virtue as a driving force for happiness and personal growth. It discusses how virtues, or personal strengths, are the key to climbing life's metaphorical mountains, regardless of external circumstances. The speaker argues that virtues are not just moral mandates but are diverse and colorful traits that can be unique to each individual. The importance of identifying and nurturing one's own virtues is emphasized, as well as the need to avoid situations that might suppress these strengths. The paragraph concludes with the idea that our happiness is closely tied to the virtues we exercise in our lives.

Keywords

💡Sage

A 'sage' traditionally refers to a wise person who has attained a high level of understanding or insight. In the context of the video, the term is used to describe an ideal figure who embodies virtues and wisdom, such as the Buddha or the Bodhisattva, which are central to the theme of striving for personal growth and understanding of universal human values.

💡Stoics

The 'Stoics' were a school of Hellenistic philosophy that taught the development of self-control and fortitude as a means to overcome destructive emotions. The video references the Stoics to highlight the historical pursuit of virtue and personal development, which aligns with the video's message about the importance of embodying virtues.

💡Socrates

Socrates was a classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy. The script mentions Socrates in the lineage of thinkers who have contributed to the concept of the 'sage' or wise individual, emphasizing the long-standing human quest for wisdom and virtue.

💡Nietzsche's Übermensch

The 'Übermensch' is a philosophical concept from Friedrich Nietzsche that refers to a person who creates their own values and transcends traditional morality. The video uses this term to illustrate the evolution of the ideal human archetype, which is a key theme in the discussion of personal ideals and virtues.

💡Maslow's Self-Actualizing Individual

Abraham Maslow's 'Self-Actualizing Individual' is a concept from his hierarchy of needs, representing a person who has reached the highest level of personal development. The video script refers to this concept to underscore the idea of achieving one's full potential, which is integral to the theme of personal growth and virtue.

💡Virtues

In the script, 'virtues' are described as positive moral qualities or excellences that are consistent across cultures and eras. The video discusses the work of Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson, who identified 24 different virtues, emphasizing the universal human ideals that individuals should strive to embody.

💡Self-Esteem

'Self-Esteem' is the value or regard that a person places on themselves, which is discussed in the video as a byproduct of our behaviors and actions. The script explains that self-esteem is linked to our perception of our own virtues and is crucial for well-being, but it is not solely determined by social approval.

💡Personal Ideals

The term 'personal ideals' in the video refers to the unique values and virtues that each individual should strive to embody. The script encourages viewers to identify and pursue their own ideals, which is a central theme in the message of the video about self-discovery and personal development.

💡Admiration

'Admiration' is used in the script to describe the feeling of respect and approval for someone or something. The video argues that our happiness is closely tied to the degree to which we admire our own behaviors and virtues, which is a key point in the discussion of self-esteem and personal growth.

💡Virtue Ethics

While not explicitly mentioned, 'Virtue Ethics' is an ethical theory that emphasizes character, virtues, and the development of moral excellence. The video's discussion of virtues and their importance in achieving happiness aligns with the principles of Virtue Ethics, suggesting that moral character is central to a fulfilling life.

💡Genes and Fingerprint Metaphor

The 'genes and fingerprint metaphor' is used in the script to illustrate the idea that while human values may be largely universal, there are individual differences that make each person unique, much like fingerprints. This metaphor helps to convey the video's message about the importance of understanding and embracing one's individuality in the pursuit of personal ideals.

💡Mastery and Pleasure

The script mentions 'mastery and pleasure' as outcomes of engaging in activities that align with one's virtues. These terms are used to describe the positive feelings that result from activities that allow us to exercise our strengths and contribute to our sense of well-being and happiness.

Highlights

The concept of the sage or the Bodhisattva has been present across different cultures and eras, suggesting universal human ideals.

Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson identified 24 virtues consistent across cultures and eras.

Individuals should inquire into their own unique ideals to get closer to universal human values.

Values are likened to fingerprints, being 99% the same yet slightly different for each individual.

Studying admired figures in history and fiction can provide clues on personal growth and becoming the person one admires.

The author's new book, 'Become Who You Are,' emphasizes the importance of identifying and embodying admired traits.

Summer breaks can serve as 'mini retirements' for personal growth and setting ambitious goals.

The idea that stopping work leads to happiness often has the opposite effect, emphasizing the need for self-admiration.

Self-esteem is a byproduct of our brain's optimization for social outcomes and is linked to our mood.

High self-esteem can lead to socially active behaviors, while low self-esteem triggers risk-averse behaviors.

Self-approval is a key determinant of well-being, independent of social status or external validation.

Our brains evaluate our behaviors in a similar way to how we would evaluate others, focusing on the virtues displayed.

Engaging in activities that trigger mastery and pleasure can lead to higher well-being, even in social isolation.

Happiness corresponds to the ancient Greek concept of virtue and the unique strengths one can bring out regularly.

Virtue is a spectrum with infinite shades, and individuals have unique virtues that they can enhance.

The author concludes that admirability observed in one's own behaviors is the key to happiness, drawing from ancient philosophy and modern psychology.

Bad events can provide opportunities to exercise new strengths, while good events can sometimes limit the expression of virtues.

The importance of making decisions and trade-offs to focus on personal strengths and virtues.

Transcripts

[Music]

you know as early as you know the Buddha

and the stoics and you know Socrates

we've had this ideal of the sage or the

Buddha the Bodhi satva and then we've

got things like n's Overman and and

maso's self-actualizing individual we've

got a lot of ideals that have been

presented that look eerily similar when

you really study them and so that

suggests that there are these Universal

values that humans have and have had

across eras and cultures and then

there's also a lot of research that

suggests that's very much true you know

Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson

have found what they've sort of broken

up into 24 different virtues that are

consistent across cultures and eras we

observe it in in even the most sort of

indigenous tribes like our our ancestors

lived um and so that tells us that there

are these sort of universal human ideals

that we can strive to study and and

learn to embody I also think that in

some ways you know our values are kind

of like our genes or our fingerprints or

something they're pretty much the same

they're maybe 99% the same they all

pretty much look look like fingerprints

and not like volcanoes or something but

um but they're all slightly different

and so I think we all need to inquire

into our own individual you know

idiosyncratic ideals to really get close

I think those those differences do

matter on an individual level and we

have to figure out what we value

uniquely and and how we can learn to

embody them I encourage people to study

the people that they admire most in

their lives you know in philosoph iCal

history and and fictional material

potentially anything that you can

identify an Impulse of admiration in

your own mind that gives you a huge Clue

Into who you need to become and this is

essentially the message of my new book

become who you are it's finding out who

you are in the sense of what you most

admire in other people and learning you

know how can I gradually become more

like this how can I build these

psychological habits so I become the

person I most admire

I talk about my time in high school and

how like summer breaks were kind of like

mini retirements in a way you know I

would get to the end of the school year

and be like Oh I'm so excited I'm G to

do nothing I'm G to sleep in play video

games all day and uh you know inevitably

I would end up feeling kind of terrible

after like three weeks and and almost be

ready to go back to school by the end of

the summer and at one point I kind of

realized okay I can prevent this from

happening next summer you know I'm going

to set big goals and Ambitions I'm going

to structure my days so I'm actually

doing things that I'm proud of and I I

ended up turning those later Summers

into like some of the best periods of

growth in my life and I you know really

satisfying but ultimately that idea that

you know when we finally are able to

just stop doing the things that our

self-esteem really is built on uh that

we're going to somehow be thrilled it it

often has the opposite effect so we need

to give ourselves reason to admire

ourselves and we don't ever really get

to stop we don't ever get to ride off

into the sunset and stop doing this it's

a lifelong process of earning your own

admiration self-esteem is just kind of a

byproduct that matters to us and our

well-being uh because it's important for

our brains to optimize these social

outcomes this part of our brain whatever

it is that's monitoring us it also

evolved to move us along a scale of mood

right essentially uh with this udonia at

the top and and depression at the bottom

and what this does I is it's built to

incentivize certain behaviors to

motivate us to take certain types of

actions or social strategies you could

say so when we perceive a high degree of

virtue uh in our own behaviors and so we

have a high sense of self-esteem right

this means that that we have an

opportunity in our social World from a

genetic standpoint right this is a time

for exploiting that high self-esteem and

high social standing that it corresponds

to right so so we when we are in a good

mood we have a positive view of

ourselves we take certain socially uh

you could say active exploitative

behaviors where we're capitalizing on

social opportunities we're putting

ourselves out there we're making

ourselves seen and our virtues and our

behaviors seen on the other hand uh if

you have low self-esteem meaning your

internal simulator decided you weren't

highly approvable by your tribe right

it's best to uh trigger socially risk

averse behaviors right so instead of

putting yourself out there you're going

to withdraw you're going to stick to

yourself socially you're going to be

really Vigilant about disapproval and

particularly sensitive to other people's

expressions of disapproval and actions

you're going to generally uh be kind of

withdrawn and lethargic because this

will

make you less susceptible to damage to

your social standing right and this is

what your genes want is for you not to

experience a lot of social disapproval

and be ostracized by your tribe and

potential mates wouldn't necessarily be

how high you perceive your social esteem

to be um because we can examine this you

know you imagine um that that you're in

a group of people and you over hear

someone uh saying really negative things

about you and these are people you have

a a ton of respect for right they're

just trashing you um right that that

would be absolutely just devastating for

your self-esteem you're going to feel

terrible after overhearing that kind of

thing on the other hand imagine some

people that you really don't care about

that you're not invested in uh they're

not good at the kind of things you

admire uh they're talking negatively

about you uh you know you can imagine

what they're saying uh things you don't

care about basically uh that's not going

to sting that much that's not going to

have that much effect on your

self-esteem and so while self-esteem

does exist to simulate social approval

it's not it it is an independent

mechanism in itself and so it really is

our self-approval that is determining

our well-being uh it's not just purely

manipulated by our our social status or

how we perceive ourselves um so you

could imagine someone who uh is in a

temporary position where they're not

well-liked in their tribe but they still

have a strong sense of who they are they

are still approving of their own actions

uh and and this would likely be someone

who has a a high degree of well-being

even though at that time their social

status isn't great uh we're not always

getting social feedback we're not

constantly having people demonstrate

approval or disapproval uh so we have to

be able to simulate these things to some

extent on our own we have to be able to

say well how would I evaluate someone

else okay that's how I'm going to

evaluate myself right and so our brains

much of the evidence that our brains

take in on this front is by looking at

our own behaviors independently of

anyone else's response to them and

saying how much do I admire uh the

traits I'm seeing in these behaviors and

that's why even if you take someone who

is socially isolated right and they are

currently just laying around in bed and

they're streaming and they're scrolling

and they're not really doing a lot of

what we would call virtuous Behavior

they're going to be a lot more depressed

than someone

who is also socially isolated but who is

engaging in a lot of activities that

trigger Mastery and pleasure they're you

know they're reading and they're

exercising and they're going on walks

and they're doing these things and so

what this suggests is that our brains

are evaluating yes multiple factors but

they're particularly looking at our

behaviors the same way someone else

would look at our behaviors and decide

how much we admire the virtues that are

being exercised through those behaviors

self- admiration it's the idea that the

more reason we give ourselves to admire

ourselves the more satisfied we're going

to feel at that point in our lives and

so you know there are times when you

know taking that job with the higher

salary and the you know the beautiful

location really is the thing that's

going to make us happier because that

job is going to bring out more of our

greatest strengths and give us more

reason to admire ourselves there are

other times when that thing that seems

best on paper is actually going to

suppress our our greatest strengths you

know some people will retire and think

this is what they've been working for

their whole lives this is going to be

amazing and then they find they don't

have an outlet for what was essentially

earning their self-esteem before and now

they they lose that positive view of

themselves that they held before and so

this is this is what I argue from a lot

of different angles throughout this book

is that our happiness actually

corresponds to what the ancient Greeks

called virtue or rete um and and the

unique signature virtues that each of us

are able to bring out on a regular basis

in our

lives what is actually pulling the

strings of our happiness well I have

come to the conclusion both from

studying uh ancient philosophy like like

stoicism and AR Aristotle's work to

Modern psychology evolutionary and and

neurobiology and basically conclud that

what's really pulling the strings of our

happiness is the admirability that we

observe in our own behaviors you might

use the word Virtue uh but this kind of

sounds outdated to us today um but

really virtue historically has been a

much more interesting colorful thing

than just sort of mandates of moral

Purity uh that we think of today and so

what this means is that if something

happens in your life that enables you to

bring out more of your personal

strengths more of your uh unique traits

that that you have thrived at throughout

your life uh then that's going to move

you up in this Z axis it's going to help

you climb these mountains whether or not

it's a good thing to happen to you on

paper right sometimes very bad things

can happen to you that we all label as

bad instinctively but they actually give

us an opportunity to exercise new

strengths that we didn't have in our old

life and vice versa sometimes something

great will happen to you and you end up

doing something with that that limits

your ability to bring out those

strengths there could be thousands of

possibilities uh traits that we tend to

admire in other people so when you see

someone and you say oh that person's

really creative oh that gu's really

funny right uh that person is really

compassionate or courageous right these

are all examples of Virtues and I think

there are you know infinite Shades

essentially of these virtues you may

have virtues that are yours and yours

alone that that no one else really

shares with you um but essentially this

is the I would say the right way to

think about virtue it's a spectrum and

and there are a lot of different virtues

that a person can have and you really

can't have them all realistically you're

you're going to have to make decisions

and trade-offs and so often the best

thing to ask is what have I always

thrived at what am I naturally good at

and how can I really double down on

those strengths and kind of enhance that

virtue

portfolio uh lifted up through my life

life um and and most important

protecting them from situations in your

life that might limit them or block them

off

[Music]