Why finding friends is difficult for people with Aspergers

Summary

The speaker, a 30-something male from Melbourne, discusses the unique challenges of making friends as an individual on the autism spectrum. Despite having strong communication skills, he finds it difficult to connect due to differing interests, such as not enjoying popular activities like watching TV, listening to mainstream music, or engaging in sports. He emphasizes the importance of friendship and the necessity of maintaining a support network, highlighting the value of authentic relationships where he can be himself without the need to conform to others' expectations.

Takeaways

• 🧩 Making friends on the autism spectrum is challenging, not due to a lack of communication skills, but because of the difficulty in finding common interests and activities.
• 🌐 The speaker emphasizes that even with good communication skills, having different interests can make forming friendships hard.
• 🏙️ The speaker, a 30-something male in Melbourne, finds it difficult to connect with others due to his lack of interest in popular activities like watching TV, listening to popular music, or playing football.
• 🍻 He does not enjoy typical social activities like going to the pub or drinking beer, which further complicates social interactions.
• 🤼‍♂️ Despite the challenges, the speaker has managed to make friends through shared interests such as Tae Kwon Do, hacky sack, cryptic crosswords, and listening to Metallica.
• 💡 The importance of friendship is underscored, as it provides a necessary social and emotional support network that is vital in today's society.
• 🔄 The speaker suggests that trying to fit in and be interested in what others are interested in can be draining and not sustainable for long-term friendships.
• 🌟 Authentic relationships where one can be themselves without having to expend extra energy to maintain appearances are the most valuable.
• 👫 Friends who accept and support the speaker for who he is, without requiring him to conform to societal norms or interests, are the ones he values most.
• 🚫 The speaker discourages the idea of giving up on making friends, emphasizing that while it may be difficult, it is absolutely necessary.
• 🔑 The final takeaway is that maintaining friendships requires energy and effort, but the support and acceptance from true friends are worth the investment.

Q & A

What is the main barrier to making friends for individuals on the autism spectrum according to the speaker?

The main barrier is the difficulty in finding common interests and activities, which are the foundation of friendships, due to potentially having unique interests that differ from the mainstream.

Why does the speaker mention that having good communication skills doesn't necessarily make it easier to make friends?

Even with excellent communication skills, the speaker points out that the lack of shared interests can still make it challenging to connect with others and form friendships.

What personal example does the speaker give to illustrate the difficulty of making friends?

The speaker, a 30-ish year old male living in Melbourne, explains that his lack of interest in popular activities such as watching TV, listening to popular music, or engaging in sports like football and cars makes it hard to find common ground with others.

What are some of the activities the speaker participated in to make friends at university?

At university, the speaker made friends through participating in activities such as Tae Kwon Do, playing hacky sack, doing cryptic crosswords together, and listening to Metallica.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of maintaining friendships despite the challenges?

The speaker believes that friends are not optional and are necessary for social support, especially in today's society where it's almost impossible to get by without a support network.

What advice does the speaker give to those who are having trouble finding friends?

The speaker advises to seek help and keep trying, emphasizing that it's not worth giving up because it is possible to find friends who accept and support you.

What does the speaker suggest about the energy required to maintain friendships?

The speaker suggests that friendships made by trying to fit in and be interested in what everyone else is interested in require too much energy to maintain and are not sustainable in the long run.

What kind of friendships does the speaker find most worthwhile and why?

The speaker finds friendships most worthwhile when they are with people who accept him for who he is and do not require him to engage in activities that drain his energy. These relationships are authentic and reliable.

What is the speaker's final tip on making and maintaining friendships?

The speaker's final tip is to focus on building relationships with people who accept and support you when you are authentically yourself, as these are the relationships that are truly valuable and worth investing in.

How does the speaker describe the process of finding friends who accept him for who he is?

The speaker describes it as finding that 'one in a thousand, one in a million person' who does not ask him to do things that he doesn't have the energy for, allowing him to be authentic in the relationship.

What does the speaker imply about the value of authenticity in friendships?

The speaker implies that authenticity in friendships is incredibly important, as it allows for the development of deep and reliable relationships that can be counted on during times when one may not have the energy to look after oneself.