Tony Robbins Helps Theo Deal With Low Self Worth
Summary
TLDRIn this emotional and insightful dialogue, the host and guest explore the complexities of self-worth and the struggle to feel pride in one's achievements. They delve into the concept of an 'emotional home' and how early life experiences shape our emotional patterns, leading to a cycle of negative self-perception. The conversation emphasizes the importance of breaking these patterns by seeking new experiences that foster positive emotions, such as love and gratitude, which can overpower feelings of inadequacy and self-pity. The host encourages the guest to recognize and embrace their progress, reframe their narrative, and cultivate self-love as a means to overcome past emotional traumas and build a healthier emotional home.
Takeaways
- 🤔 The struggle with self-worth and pride is a common emotional challenge that can feel deeply ingrained and difficult to overcome.
- 🔒 There's a concept of an 'emotional home' where individuals may feel a sense of familiarity and comfort in negative emotions due to past experiences.
- 🛠️ Personal growth involves reprogramming oneself to break away from old emotional patterns that no longer serve us.
- 💧 Emotional vulnerability can be a strength, allowing for deeper connections and a more authentic self-expression.
- 🏠 The idea of leaving behind negative emotions can feel like abandoning a part of oneself, but it's actually about embracing a healthier emotional state.
- 🌱 Growth involves pushing beyond one's comfort zone and challenging the old narratives that limit our potential.
- 🧠 The brain can rewire itself to new experiences, allowing for the replacement of negative emotions with more positive ones.
- 👀 Recognizing and acknowledging progress is crucial for personal development and can help to reinforce new, healthier emotional patterns.
- ❤️ The core desire for most people is love, and the fear of not being enough can often be a barrier to achieving this.
- 🚫 Negative emotions, such as self-pity, can be addictive and have a detrimental effect on one's energy levels and overall well-being.
- 🌈 Gratitude is a powerful tool for cultivating self-love and can naturally lead to a more positive emotional state.
Q & A
What is the main issue the speaker is discussing in the script?
-The main issue discussed is the struggle with feeling proud of oneself and the emotional barriers that prevent one from embracing positive self-regard.
What does the speaker refer to as their 'emotional home'?
-The 'emotional home' refers to the set of emotions one is accustomed to from their past, which can be difficult to leave even if they are not positive.
Why does the speaker mention the example of people rebuilding in areas prone to natural disasters?
-The example illustrates the concept of an 'emotional home', showing that people often return to what they know, even if it's harmful, because it's familiar.
What is the speaker's view on the emotions one should have towards oneself?
-The speaker believes that one should aim to have positive emotions towards oneself, and that negative emotions are often old patterns that can be changed.
What does the speaker suggest as a way to break the pattern of negative emotions?
-The speaker suggests creating new experiences that evoke positive emotions and consciously reprogramming one's thoughts to break the pattern of negativity.
Why does the speaker say that the emotions of not feeling good about oneself can feel like 'home'?
-The speaker explains that these emotions can feel like 'home' because they are familiar and what one has known for a long time, making them feel comfortable despite being negative.
What is the significance of the speaker's mention of his own past and upbringing?
-The speaker uses his own past to illustrate how one's upbringing can shape their 'emotional home' and how personal growth can lead to overcoming these early emotional patterns.
What advice does the speaker give for dealing with feelings of impostor syndrome?
-The speaker advises recognizing that impostor syndrome is rooted in fear of not being enough and suggests building new patterns of thought to overcome this fear.
How does the speaker relate his work of feeding people to his own past experiences?
-The speaker relates his charitable work to his own experiences of hunger and the kindness of strangers, which inspired him to help others and spread happiness.
What is the core emotion that the speaker identifies as most powerful for the person they are talking to?
-The core emotion identified is love, which the speaker believes can overpower negative emotions and is the underlying desire behind feelings of self-pity.
What is the final message the speaker conveys about personal growth and self-love?
-The final message is that personal growth involves recognizing and changing old emotional patterns, and that self-love can be cultivated through practices like gratitude.
Outlines
🔐 Emotional Home and Self-Worth
The speaker discusses the struggle of feeling proud of oneself and the concept of an 'emotional home.' This emotional home is a set of familiar emotions from one's past that can be difficult to leave behind, even if they are negative. The speaker shares personal experiences of overcoming a troubled past and emphasizes the importance of reprogramming oneself to break free from these old emotional patterns. The conversation touches on vulnerability, the fear of change, and the process of creating new, positive experiences to replace the old, negative ones.
🌱 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Negative Self-Talk
This paragraph delves into the challenges of recognizing and embracing one's own success and the difficulty of feeling pride in personal achievements. The concept of 'rewiring' oneself through positive affirmations and the power of storytelling in shaping one's beliefs are explored. The speaker addresses the impostor syndrome and the fear of not being enough, suggesting that these feelings stem from old patterns that can be changed. The importance of changing one's internal narrative to foster growth and self-acceptance is highlighted, along with the acknowledgment of progress and the encouragement to stack positive experiences.
❤️ The Power of Love and Gratitude in Personal Growth
The final paragraph focuses on the role of love and gratitude in personal development. The speaker shares a personal story of overcoming a difficult childhood and using those experiences to fuel a mission to help others, emphasizing the transformative power of love. The conversation discusses the tendency to fall into self-pity and how it can be a form of self-care in disguise. The speaker suggests that gratitude can be a pathway to self-love and higher energy states, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and positive life.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Pride
💡Emotional Home
💡Vulnerability
💡Impostor Syndrome
💡Self-Pity
💡Gratitude
💡Emotional Pattern
💡Fear
💡Personal Growth
💡Love
Highlights
Discussion on the difficulty of feeling proud of oneself and the internal conflict it may cause.
The concept of an 'emotional home' and how early life experiences shape our emotional patterns.
The idea that negative emotions can be comforting due to familiarity, even if they are not beneficial.
The struggle with self-imposed limitations and the fear of breaking away from them.
The emotional vulnerability shared during the conversation and its importance for personal growth.
The transformative power of reprogramming one's emotional responses and breaking old patterns.
The analogy of emotional patterns to natural disasters, highlighting the difficulty of change.
The importance of creating new experiences that challenge and redefine one's emotional home.
The role of positive emotions like love and gratitude in overcoming negative emotional states.
The recognition of impostor syndrome as a manifestation of fear and self-doubt.
The process of identifying and embracing one's core desires and emotions for personal development.
The impact of personal stories and experiences on shaping one's emotional landscape.
The significance of changing one's narrative to foster self-love and self-acceptance.
The exploration of the fear of success and the potential loss of familiarity with one's struggles.
The insight that negative emotions can sometimes serve as a form of self-care, albeit an unhealthy one.
The realization of self-pity as a form of emotional addiction and its detrimental effects.
The strategy of using gratitude as a tool to cultivate self-love and shift emotional patterns.
The importance of acknowledging progress and stacking positive experiences to build a healthier emotional home.
Transcripts
sometimes I have a tough time feeling
proud of myself do you know what that do
you know and I think I've had other
people call in our our show that have
talked about that you know what do you
think it is I don't know I feel like um
I almost feel like there just there's a
disconnect like it doesn't even land on
me or I feel like maybe if I feel like
I'm proud of myself like if I actually
feel proud of myself it'll go against
some script that I've always had written
or
some some thing that was always written
inside of me you know it's like it it's
almost like it wouldn't if I wrote on
the wall of myself I'm proud of you it
wouldn't even [ __ ] show up on the
wall what emotion would you feel if you
saw that um like what emotion would I
feel if I saw what I'm proud of myself
would you go [ __ ] would you be
pissed off by it would you be annoyed
would you just no I think I feel ashamed
to myself for even thinking it that's
interesting and pro an emotion in you
just now even when you just thought
about it I saw that flash in your eyes
just a little bit of water a little bit
of fluid oh yeah dude dude [ __ ] we cry
on here every week sorry dude beautiful
no it's okay but yeah we don't have any
we don't have any Shame about that no
you shouldn't but I'm saying liquid Le
leaving your body in a public place as
long as Through Your Eyes is not a
problem that's what I'm talking about
huh yeah yeah don't ask don't ask right
but my point is there's a real anchor
for you there so let me explain it to
you everybody has what I call an
emotional home yeah do you ever watch
like a a place here and let's say you
know where the Cyclone happens every 2
or 3 years it wipes out everything or
tornado comes through and you see these
poor people all their stuff's all over
the ground and they're picking it up and
you could have a Heart of Stone not to
feel they rebuild two years again it
happens again two years later happens
again some part of you eventually goes
why don't you move you know it's like
why don't you move a lot of vietnams
like that it floods New Orleans is like
that it floods New Orleans like that so
here's why don't they move because it's
home it's what they know we have an
emotional home we have certain emotions
that got built up in your youth you I
had four fathers I had a mother that was
pretty intense and I had a lot of
emotions that came out of that
experience if I didn't reprogram myself
I wouldn't be sitting here with you
today because my emotional home was not
good feelings it's what I was used to so
even though it didn't feel good you go
there because it's what you know yeah
it's comfortable so yeah it almost feel
like I was deserting myself if I felt
good about myself which is crazy i'
almost feel like I was
leaving I don't know yeah it's almost
like I knew those feelings finish that
thought I'm leaving what well it's
almost like I feel like I know those
feelings of not feeling good about
myself so well that I would be I don't
want to leave them alone because we
always had each other and it was like if
I leave
them you know if have you ever have you
ever had a friend I leave him I just I
won't I don't know does that make sense
though yeah it does you want what if I
leave them I'll just be letting them
down and they're not even yeah they're
not even real but they're to part of me
some part of me inside of me I can't
even access they're like his brothers
that's right they're your home home
brother and by the way I I I really
appreciate you being so vulnerable
because people watching there seeing
that allow them to be vulnerable because
you're a role model of that it's because
you're funny as [ __ ] but to be able to
be that vulnerable is beautiful but let
me just tell you
something those are not your friends
yeah you know and you're not going to
abandon those parts of yourself you're
going to find these other parts of
yourself that need to be in charge it's
not to say that you can't have negative
emotions or fears or feelings but the
ones that don't support you you got to
break that pattern and the way you break
the pattern first first is you start to
see you get a new experience if I get
you an experience where you feel like
you actually felt proud of yourself
without those feelings and there was no
sense of loss and I did that with you
for days and days you'll never go back
wow cuz your brain will go what the f
I'm not going back to that [ __ ]
those weren't my friends it'd be like
you know it's like having a friend that
beats the [ __ ] out of you every single
day and it's like I'm letting him down
if I don't let him beat the [ __ ] out of
me right it's like oh no I I got to be
there for him cuz I got to be either it
beat the [ __ ] out of me all the place
right that's pretty much what happen
here dude you're like Dam here we go
again and so then what happens though is
the reason you went for the
antidepressants is it's so overwhelming
that numbing at least feels a less I'd
rather see you cry and feel the pain
even though I want you to feel pain as a
brother yeah no I'm grateful to feel it
I want it out of my system that's right
but the next step for you is drawing a
line on the sand of how you really want
to feel so I'll have people in an event
right down I give them like a minute I
go draw a line down the middle right
down the left side all the positive
emotions you feel in an average week not
once a year not once a month the ones
you regularly feel whatever good
feelings the average emotions in a POS
in a positive week posi so what are some
ones you feel in a week in a week uh
feel at least at least once a week okay
any emotion uh positive start with the
positive positive empowering emotion
hopeful okay um thankful yeah um loving
yeah um
and uh maybe some pride good and so so
the pride the pride is sneaking in now
that's not e Pride that's pride of like
you're growing well I'm learning about
Pride I mean it's like I said it's
really hard for me to feel pride of
myself you know so stop saying that okay
cuz every time you say that you're
rewiring it back into your body over and
over it's a story it's like there's an
old phrase that says tell a lie big
enough tell a lie big enough loud enough
and long enough sooner or later people
believe it you know who said that Hitler
Oh I thought you say fouchy well same
difference but yeah I didn't know who
was going to be we're aligned on that
one brother quicker you're were quicker
thinker than I am but no so yeah we hear
what we're saying but you the
conversation you've said with yourself
you've done how many times do you think
you've said that said what that you know
I'm it's hard for me I you know I say I
say it a lot yeah it's because I think
I'm yeah it's like having a new story
for myself I you know part of me still
there's a heavy bit even to my whole new
story having a new story even having s
some success in my life it's almost like
some of it feels embarrassing you know
and some people feel like you know the
word people use is impostor syndrome
it's all [ __ ] [ __ ] it's just fear
that you're not enough we all have that
fear brother I feel that at times I
don't feel it much now but I'm 63 years
old and I've done a shitload of things
for 40 years you know you built enough
pattern yeah I built up new patterns
it's like a muscle you know everybody's
got the muscle if you use it it grows if
you don't use it you lose it right it
doesn't ever disappear though it just
looks like it's not there but if you
demand it you push it beyond what it's
comfortable with and that's what you're
doing right now you're pushing beyond
your comfort you were settling for
Comfort to try to survive now like f
that I want more out of this life you
know I'm not going to settle for that
[ __ ] but then you keep telling yourself
the old story so change your story
change your life it sounds overly
simplistic but it is true oh I love it I
appreciate you saying it yeah yeah I
think a lot of this chat has been about
that and but look at the posive emotions
you wrote down so you just told me
verbally right so you're hopeful you
have are you playful or funny or what
would be your term around that part of
you because I didn't hear that part of
you I know it's there no I feel like
that part of me became such my work that
I haven't had as much free time to be
that as on your own okay cool well so
those are the positives what are the
negatives you feel in an average week at
least once a week not once a month once
a year what are the negative emotions
you feel um ugly okay um I feel um
incapable angry
um and I feel uh disappointing okay so
which which of those emotions is most
powerful for you um the positive list or
the negative
list
the negative list is more powerful and
that's true for most people watch this
what's an emotion that if it became the
dominant emotion your life one or two it
would get rid of those negas like they
would have any power over
you what would be an emotional state
would it be like courage or would it be
playfulness or would it be uh uh let's
say Joy or would it be gr you've already
got gratitude more gratitude what be an
emotion that's so strong that it would
get rid of the disappointment probably
love you know there you go and that's
that's your core brother I didn't hear
you say that on the first one that's all
you really want it's probably why you do
this podcast it's probably why you make
people laugh me too by the way the only
reason I do it I do is I love people and
I love to see people happy because I was
so unhappy myself and I got out of it so
I was so grateful it's like I don't it's
like you know I feed you know 100
million people a year 100 million meals
do I've done a billion meals in the last
eight years Christ dude that's almost
that's what that's what McDonald's did
is it and it was free they're pretty
cheap at McDonald's but dang dude but I
did it not because I'm a good person I
did it because I grew up and I had no
money and no food when I was 11 somebody
came and fed us on Thanksgiving and I
was like that made me believe strangers
care strangers care about me and they
care about strangers and so I fell in
love with people and I want to make
people feel happy and I know what it
feels like not food I know what it feels
like to be absolutely depressed and
miserable and saying do I even need to
stick around in this life right so I
don't want anybody else to feel that so
it drove me to find answers not just for
me once I found it for me I wanted to
help as many people as I can but why I
want to do it because I love love
because when you help people that much I
mean I have so much love my life it's
ridiculous I get stopped on the street
every day and people don't come up and
say oh I like your show or something
come up go you changed my life oh my God
I love you Tony Robins and I always say
no I didn't do it you did it but I'm
glad I helped but I love the love that
comes from it yeah so we all really want
love but we're afraid we're not enough
and you my friend you are growing like a
weed right now cuz you're doing things
most people never get out of and I'm not
blowing smoke your way I'm not a
[ __ ] no I don't feel I don't feel
that man I appreciate you saying it yeah
truth but you got to you got to notice
your progress and you got you got to
stack the good and then you got to stop
the old story and the minute you start
to say that phrase [ __ ] that's an
old story it's not true anymore yeah I
think a part of me is afraid that I'm
going to leave a part of me like um if I
you know if I even if I be successful so
let's investigate that for a second like
if I be successful I'm going to leave a
part of me behind you know well then
you're effed right now cuz you're
already
successful know you got I don't know how
many millions of people I'm sure that
watch your podcast you make people laugh
all over the world you have people that
ad
sometimes but all those emotions are old
habits they're just habits so I
understand that and by the way when you
feel embarrassed or you feel these
negative emotions
yeah it also makes you feel for yourself
for a little bit so that's the other
part you might be afraid of like some
people take care of well like for some I
don't know if this is you but some
people are so busy trying to make
everybody else happy all the time they
don't take care of themselves unless
it's a big ass problem and then for the
first time even it's a negative feeling
at least I'm feeling for myself I'm
feeling for me and that might be what
you're afraid of losing let's try it for
a second here when if I told you you
could go back and feel like [ __ ] as much
as you want it'll never stop right but
you don't have to have it be the
predominant emotion of your
life that you this need to beat yourself
up or be ashamed or not be too happy
that it's an old story that got wired a
long time ago and it has nothing to do
with who you really are but when you
keep telling yourself it's like my
friend I need take care of I'm lose a
part of myself no you'll never lose that
part there's a part of me that would be
a victim very easily I was beat as a
child my mom was a beautiful woman I'm
not denigrating her but when she put but
she put when she put alcohol together
with prescription drugs she was crazy
and I was 5-1 in high school believe it
or not I'm 67 now I told people the
difference I tell people the difference
is personal growth right but I had a
tumor in my brain that made me grow but
I was this little guy she would slam my
head against it she'd Put liquid soap
down my throat cuz she said I was lying
and I wasn't lying and when the person
you love most is trying to hurt you you
can do a number on your head but I look
back now and fortunately I didn't let
that stop me and I didn't settle for
that I struggled for a long time I look
back on her I can honestly tell you if
she was the mother I'd hope she'd been
like if I was wellfed you really think
I'd be trying to feed a bill you know a
tri not a billion people now I'm trying
to feed a 100 billion people you think I
would be spending my time doing that if
I was a well-fed kid I don't think so if
she had been the mother I want I
wouldn't have become the man I'm proud
to be yeah so those emotions are not you
they were a part of your past they were
a pattern it's a pattern of what you do
with your body and breathe but it meets
some of your needs to feel feel yourself
or feel sorry for yourself or feel sad
right you follow me it's like a
self-pity thing a little bit but what
you're really wanting is not self-pity
you're wanting self-love you just
haven't learned how to give it to
yourself my way of doing that is
gratitude because when you're grateful
love flows naturally is that a common
pattern that sometimes because I noticed
over like a about two years ago I
noticed that I one of my biggest
addictions sometimes was self-pity I
didn't even realize it I thought I was
helping myself by like focusing on
myself but really I'd been too I was
feeling too pitiful yeah I I didn't it
was it was man it was I realized my
alcohol was self-pity anytime I also
also alcohol is a depressant so what's
going to do is lower it feels good in
the moment but then it lowers your
energy and your blood sugar everything
right same for self-pity self pity same
thing now your energy think about it
self-pity if you're in self-pity right
now 0 to 10 10 is total high energy
Zero's no energy where are you in
self-pity where would you put it oh two
yeah where are you when you're feeling
excited um where's my energy 0 to 10
yeah uh my energy when I'm feeling
excited is like a nine yeah which one do
you want to be I'd rather be the nine
yeah why the [ __ ] want it's just do that
I
know
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