Tony Robbins Helps Theo Deal With Low Self Worth

Summary

In this emotional and insightful dialogue, the host and guest explore the complexities of self-worth and the struggle to feel pride in one's achievements. They delve into the concept of an 'emotional home' and how early life experiences shape our emotional patterns, leading to a cycle of negative self-perception. The conversation emphasizes the importance of breaking these patterns by seeking new experiences that foster positive emotions, such as love and gratitude, which can overpower feelings of inadequacy and self-pity. The host encourages the guest to recognize and embrace their progress, reframe their narrative, and cultivate self-love as a means to overcome past emotional traumas and build a healthier emotional home.

Takeaways

• 🤔 The struggle with self-worth and pride is a common emotional challenge that can feel deeply ingrained and difficult to overcome.
• 🔒 There's a concept of an 'emotional home' where individuals may feel a sense of familiarity and comfort in negative emotions due to past experiences.
• 🛠️ Personal growth involves reprogramming oneself to break away from old emotional patterns that no longer serve us.
• 💧 Emotional vulnerability can be a strength, allowing for deeper connections and a more authentic self-expression.
• 🏠 The idea of leaving behind negative emotions can feel like abandoning a part of oneself, but it's actually about embracing a healthier emotional state.
• 🌱 Growth involves pushing beyond one's comfort zone and challenging the old narratives that limit our potential.
• 🧠 The brain can rewire itself to new experiences, allowing for the replacement of negative emotions with more positive ones.
• 👀 Recognizing and acknowledging progress is crucial for personal development and can help to reinforce new, healthier emotional patterns.
• ❤️ The core desire for most people is love, and the fear of not being enough can often be a barrier to achieving this.
• 🚫 Negative emotions, such as self-pity, can be addictive and have a detrimental effect on one's energy levels and overall well-being.
• 🌈 Gratitude is a powerful tool for cultivating self-love and can naturally lead to a more positive emotional state.

Q & A

What is the main issue the speaker is discussing in the script?

The main issue discussed is the struggle with feeling proud of oneself and the emotional barriers that prevent one from embracing positive self-regard.

What does the speaker refer to as their 'emotional home'?

The 'emotional home' refers to the set of emotions one is accustomed to from their past, which can be difficult to leave even if they are not positive.

Why does the speaker mention the example of people rebuilding in areas prone to natural disasters?

The example illustrates the concept of an 'emotional home', showing that people often return to what they know, even if it's harmful, because it's familiar.

What is the speaker's view on the emotions one should have towards oneself?

The speaker believes that one should aim to have positive emotions towards oneself, and that negative emotions are often old patterns that can be changed.

What does the speaker suggest as a way to break the pattern of negative emotions?

The speaker suggests creating new experiences that evoke positive emotions and consciously reprogramming one's thoughts to break the pattern of negativity.

Why does the speaker say that the emotions of not feeling good about oneself can feel like 'home'?

The speaker explains that these emotions can feel like 'home' because they are familiar and what one has known for a long time, making them feel comfortable despite being negative.

What is the significance of the speaker's mention of his own past and upbringing?

The speaker uses his own past to illustrate how one's upbringing can shape their 'emotional home' and how personal growth can lead to overcoming these early emotional patterns.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with feelings of impostor syndrome?

The speaker advises recognizing that impostor syndrome is rooted in fear of not being enough and suggests building new patterns of thought to overcome this fear.

How does the speaker relate his work of feeding people to his own past experiences?

The speaker relates his charitable work to his own experiences of hunger and the kindness of strangers, which inspired him to help others and spread happiness.

What is the core emotion that the speaker identifies as most powerful for the person they are talking to?

The core emotion identified is love, which the speaker believes can overpower negative emotions and is the underlying desire behind feelings of self-pity.

What is the final message the speaker conveys about personal growth and self-love?

The final message is that personal growth involves recognizing and changing old emotional patterns, and that self-love can be cultivated through practices like gratitude.

Outlines

00:00

🔐 Emotional Home and Self-Worth

The speaker discusses the struggle of feeling proud of oneself and the concept of an 'emotional home.' This emotional home is a set of familiar emotions from one's past that can be difficult to leave behind, even if they are negative. The speaker shares personal experiences of overcoming a troubled past and emphasizes the importance of reprogramming oneself to break free from these old emotional patterns. The conversation touches on vulnerability, the fear of change, and the process of creating new, positive experiences to replace the old, negative ones.

05:01

🌱 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Negative Self-Talk

This paragraph delves into the challenges of recognizing and embracing one's own success and the difficulty of feeling pride in personal achievements. The concept of 'rewiring' oneself through positive affirmations and the power of storytelling in shaping one's beliefs are explored. The speaker addresses the impostor syndrome and the fear of not being enough, suggesting that these feelings stem from old patterns that can be changed. The importance of changing one's internal narrative to foster growth and self-acceptance is highlighted, along with the acknowledgment of progress and the encouragement to stack positive experiences.

10:02

❤️ The Power of Love and Gratitude in Personal Growth

The final paragraph focuses on the role of love and gratitude in personal development. The speaker shares a personal story of overcoming a difficult childhood and using those experiences to fuel a mission to help others, emphasizing the transformative power of love. The conversation discusses the tendency to fall into self-pity and how it can be a form of self-care in disguise. The speaker suggests that gratitude can be a pathway to self-love and higher energy states, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and positive life.

Keywords

💡Pride

Pride in this context refers to a feeling of satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, which is a central theme in the video. It is shown as something the speaker struggles with, indicating a disconnect with self-appreciation. The script mentions, 'I feel like, I'm proud of myself like if I actually, feel proud of myself it'll go against, some script that I've always had written,' highlighting the internal conflict with embracing pride.

💡Emotional Home

The concept of 'Emotional Home' is introduced as a metaphor for the set of emotions one is most familiar with, often formed in early life. It is integral to the video's narrative as it explains why individuals might resist change or new emotions. The script uses the metaphor of natural disaster-prone areas to illustrate the idea: 'we have an emotional home we have certain emotions that got built up in your youth'.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability is presented as a strength and a means for personal growth in the video. The speaker appreciates the host's openness, which serves as a role model for viewers. It is exemplified when the script says, 'I really, appreciate you being so vulnerable, because people watching there seeing, that allow them to be vulnerable because, you're a role model of that.'

💡Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a 'fraud'. It is related to the video's theme of self-doubt and the struggle to accept one's success. The script touches on this concept: 'and some people feel like you know the, word people use is impostor syndrome, it's all [ __ ] [ __ ] it's just fear, that you're not enough.'

💡Self-Pity

Self-pity is depicted as an unhelpful emotional state that can be addictive and detrimental to personal growth. It is discussed in the script as a pattern that needs to be overcome: 'self-pity if you're in self-pity right, now 0 to 10 10 is total high energy, Zero's no energy where are you in, self-pity where would you put it oh two.'

💡Gratitude

Gratitude is posited as a powerful tool for cultivating positive emotions and self-love. It is tied to the video's theme of emotional transformation. The script illustrates this: 'because when you're grateful, love flows naturally.'

💡Emotional Pattern

An emotional pattern refers to the recurring emotions or responses that individuals develop over time. In the video, breaking these patterns is key to emotional growth and self-acceptance. The script discusses this: 'those are not your friends, and you're not going to, abandon those parts of yourself you're, going to find these other parts of, yourself that need to be in charge.'

💡Fear

Fear is identified as a barrier to embracing positive emotions and self-worth. It is a prevalent theme in the video, linked to the struggle with pride and self-acceptance. The script mentions: 'it's just fear, that you're not enough we all have that, fear brother I feel that at times I, don't feel it much now but I'm 63 years, old.'

💡Personal Growth

Personal growth is the overarching goal presented in the video, involving overcoming emotional barriers and embracing a more positive self-image. It is exemplified through the host's journey and advice given. The script states: 'I look, back on her I can honestly tell you if, she was the mother I'd hope she'd been, like if I was wellfed you really think, I'd be trying to feed a bill you know a, billion people now I'm trying, to feed a 100 billion people.'

💡Love

Love, particularly self-love, is depicted as the ultimate emotional state to strive for, as it can overcome negative emotions and lead to a fulfilling life. It is central to the video's message of emotional well-being. The script highlights this: 'what you're really wanting is not self-pity, you're wanting self-love you just, haven't learned how to give it to, yourself.'

Highlights

Discussion on the difficulty of feeling proud of oneself and the internal conflict it may cause.

The concept of an 'emotional home' and how early life experiences shape our emotional patterns.

The idea that negative emotions can be comforting due to familiarity, even if they are not beneficial.

The struggle with self-imposed limitations and the fear of breaking away from them.

The emotional vulnerability shared during the conversation and its importance for personal growth.

The transformative power of reprogramming one's emotional responses and breaking old patterns.

The analogy of emotional patterns to natural disasters, highlighting the difficulty of change.

The importance of creating new experiences that challenge and redefine one's emotional home.

The role of positive emotions like love and gratitude in overcoming negative emotional states.

The recognition of impostor syndrome as a manifestation of fear and self-doubt.

The process of identifying and embracing one's core desires and emotions for personal development.

The impact of personal stories and experiences on shaping one's emotional landscape.

The significance of changing one's narrative to foster self-love and self-acceptance.

The exploration of the fear of success and the potential loss of familiarity with one's struggles.

The insight that negative emotions can sometimes serve as a form of self-care, albeit an unhealthy one.

The realization of self-pity as a form of emotional addiction and its detrimental effects.

The strategy of using gratitude as a tool to cultivate self-love and shift emotional patterns.

The importance of acknowledging progress and stacking positive experiences to build a healthier emotional home.

Transcripts

sometimes I have a tough time feeling

proud of myself do you know what that do

you know and I think I've had other

people call in our our show that have

talked about that you know what do you

think it is I don't know I feel like um

I almost feel like there just there's a

disconnect like it doesn't even land on

me or I feel like maybe if I feel like

I'm proud of myself like if I actually

feel proud of myself it'll go against

some script that I've always had written

or

some some thing that was always written

inside of me you know it's like it it's

almost like it wouldn't if I wrote on

the wall of myself I'm proud of you it

wouldn't even [ __ ] show up on the

wall what emotion would you feel if you

saw that um like what emotion would I

feel if I saw what I'm proud of myself

would you go [ __ ] would you be

pissed off by it would you be annoyed

would you just no I think I feel ashamed

to myself for even thinking it that's

interesting and pro an emotion in you

just now even when you just thought

about it I saw that flash in your eyes

just a little bit of water a little bit

of fluid oh yeah dude dude [ __ ] we cry

on here every week sorry dude beautiful

no it's okay but yeah we don't have any

we don't have any Shame about that no

you shouldn't but I'm saying liquid Le

leaving your body in a public place as

long as Through Your Eyes is not a

problem that's what I'm talking about

huh yeah yeah don't ask don't ask right

but my point is there's a real anchor

for you there so let me explain it to

you everybody has what I call an

emotional home yeah do you ever watch

like a a place here and let's say you

know where the Cyclone happens every 2

or 3 years it wipes out everything or

tornado comes through and you see these

poor people all their stuff's all over

the ground and they're picking it up and

you could have a Heart of Stone not to

feel they rebuild two years again it

happens again two years later happens

again some part of you eventually goes

why don't you move you know it's like

why don't you move a lot of vietnams

like that it floods New Orleans is like

that it floods New Orleans like that so

here's why don't they move because it's

home it's what they know we have an

emotional home we have certain emotions

that got built up in your youth you I

had four fathers I had a mother that was

pretty intense and I had a lot of

emotions that came out of that

experience if I didn't reprogram myself

I wouldn't be sitting here with you

today because my emotional home was not

good feelings it's what I was used to so

even though it didn't feel good you go

there because it's what you know yeah

it's comfortable so yeah it almost feel

like I was deserting myself if I felt

good about myself which is crazy i'

almost feel like I was

leaving I don't know yeah it's almost

like I knew those feelings finish that

thought I'm leaving what well it's

almost like I feel like I know those

feelings of not feeling good about

myself so well that I would be I don't

want to leave them alone because we

always had each other and it was like if

I leave

them you know if have you ever have you

ever had a friend I leave him I just I

won't I don't know does that make sense

though yeah it does you want what if I

leave them I'll just be letting them

down and they're not even yeah they're

not even real but they're to part of me

some part of me inside of me I can't

even access they're like his brothers

that's right they're your home home

brother and by the way I I I really

appreciate you being so vulnerable

because people watching there seeing

that allow them to be vulnerable because

you're a role model of that it's because

you're funny as [ __ ] but to be able to

be that vulnerable is beautiful but let

me just tell you

something those are not your friends

yeah you know and you're not going to

abandon those parts of yourself you're

going to find these other parts of

yourself that need to be in charge it's

not to say that you can't have negative

emotions or fears or feelings but the

ones that don't support you you got to

break that pattern and the way you break

the pattern first first is you start to

see you get a new experience if I get

you an experience where you feel like

you actually felt proud of yourself

without those feelings and there was no

sense of loss and I did that with you

for days and days you'll never go back

wow cuz your brain will go what the f

I'm not going back to that [ __ ]

those weren't my friends it'd be like

you know it's like having a friend that

beats the [ __ ] out of you every single

day and it's like I'm letting him down

if I don't let him beat the [ __ ] out of

me right it's like oh no I I got to be

there for him cuz I got to be either it

beat the [ __ ] out of me all the place

right that's pretty much what happen

here dude you're like Dam here we go

again and so then what happens though is

the reason you went for the

antidepressants is it's so overwhelming

that numbing at least feels a less I'd

rather see you cry and feel the pain

even though I want you to feel pain as a

brother yeah no I'm grateful to feel it

I want it out of my system that's right

but the next step for you is drawing a

line on the sand of how you really want

to feel so I'll have people in an event

right down I give them like a minute I

go draw a line down the middle right

down the left side all the positive

emotions you feel in an average week not

once a year not once a month the ones

you regularly feel whatever good

feelings the average emotions in a POS

in a positive week posi so what are some

ones you feel in a week in a week uh

feel at least at least once a week okay

any emotion uh positive start with the

positive positive empowering emotion

hopeful okay um thankful yeah um loving

yeah um

and uh maybe some pride good and so so

the pride the pride is sneaking in now

that's not e Pride that's pride of like

you're growing well I'm learning about

Pride I mean it's like I said it's

really hard for me to feel pride of

myself you know so stop saying that okay

cuz every time you say that you're

rewiring it back into your body over and

over it's a story it's like there's an

old phrase that says tell a lie big

enough tell a lie big enough loud enough

and long enough sooner or later people

believe it you know who said that Hitler

Oh I thought you say fouchy well same

difference but yeah I didn't know who

was going to be we're aligned on that

one brother quicker you're were quicker

thinker than I am but no so yeah we hear

what we're saying but you the

conversation you've said with yourself

you've done how many times do you think

you've said that said what that you know

I'm it's hard for me I you know I say I

say it a lot yeah it's because I think

I'm yeah it's like having a new story

for myself I you know part of me still

there's a heavy bit even to my whole new

story having a new story even having s

some success in my life it's almost like

some of it feels embarrassing you know

and some people feel like you know the

word people use is impostor syndrome

it's all [ __ ] [ __ ] it's just fear

that you're not enough we all have that

fear brother I feel that at times I

don't feel it much now but I'm 63 years

old and I've done a shitload of things

for 40 years you know you built enough

pattern yeah I built up new patterns

it's like a muscle you know everybody's

got the muscle if you use it it grows if

you don't use it you lose it right it

doesn't ever disappear though it just

looks like it's not there but if you

demand it you push it beyond what it's

comfortable with and that's what you're

doing right now you're pushing beyond

your comfort you were settling for

Comfort to try to survive now like f

that I want more out of this life you

know I'm not going to settle for that

[ __ ] but then you keep telling yourself

the old story so change your story

change your life it sounds overly

simplistic but it is true oh I love it I

appreciate you saying it yeah yeah I

think a lot of this chat has been about

that and but look at the posive emotions

you wrote down so you just told me

verbally right so you're hopeful you

have are you playful or funny or what

would be your term around that part of

you because I didn't hear that part of

you I know it's there no I feel like

that part of me became such my work that

I haven't had as much free time to be

that as on your own okay cool well so

those are the positives what are the

negatives you feel in an average week at

least once a week not once a month once

a year what are the negative emotions

you feel um ugly okay um I feel um

incapable angry

um and I feel uh disappointing okay so

which which of those emotions is most

powerful for you um the positive list or

the negative

list

the negative list is more powerful and

that's true for most people watch this

what's an emotion that if it became the

dominant emotion your life one or two it

would get rid of those negas like they

would have any power over

you what would be an emotional state

would it be like courage or would it be

playfulness or would it be uh uh let's

say Joy or would it be gr you've already

got gratitude more gratitude what be an

emotion that's so strong that it would

get rid of the disappointment probably

love you know there you go and that's

that's your core brother I didn't hear

you say that on the first one that's all

you really want it's probably why you do

this podcast it's probably why you make

people laugh me too by the way the only

reason I do it I do is I love people and

I love to see people happy because I was

so unhappy myself and I got out of it so

I was so grateful it's like I don't it's

like you know I feed you know 100

million people a year 100 million meals

do I've done a billion meals in the last

eight years Christ dude that's almost

that's what that's what McDonald's did

is it and it was free they're pretty

cheap at McDonald's but dang dude but I

did it not because I'm a good person I

did it because I grew up and I had no

money and no food when I was 11 somebody

came and fed us on Thanksgiving and I

was like that made me believe strangers

care strangers care about me and they

care about strangers and so I fell in

love with people and I want to make

people feel happy and I know what it

feels like not food I know what it feels

like to be absolutely depressed and

miserable and saying do I even need to

stick around in this life right so I

don't want anybody else to feel that so

it drove me to find answers not just for

me once I found it for me I wanted to

help as many people as I can but why I

want to do it because I love love

because when you help people that much I

mean I have so much love my life it's

ridiculous I get stopped on the street

every day and people don't come up and

say oh I like your show or something

come up go you changed my life oh my God

I love you Tony Robins and I always say

no I didn't do it you did it but I'm

glad I helped but I love the love that

comes from it yeah so we all really want

love but we're afraid we're not enough

and you my friend you are growing like a

weed right now cuz you're doing things

most people never get out of and I'm not

blowing smoke your way I'm not a

[ __ ] no I don't feel I don't feel

that man I appreciate you saying it yeah

truth but you got to you got to notice

your progress and you got you got to

stack the good and then you got to stop

the old story and the minute you start

to say that phrase [ __ ] that's an

old story it's not true anymore yeah I

think a part of me is afraid that I'm

going to leave a part of me like um if I

you know if I even if I be successful so

let's investigate that for a second like

if I be successful I'm going to leave a

part of me behind you know well then

you're effed right now cuz you're

already

successful know you got I don't know how

many millions of people I'm sure that

watch your podcast you make people laugh

all over the world you have people that

ad

sometimes but all those emotions are old

habits they're just habits so I

understand that and by the way when you

feel embarrassed or you feel these

negative emotions

yeah it also makes you feel for yourself

for a little bit so that's the other

part you might be afraid of like some

people take care of well like for some I

don't know if this is you but some

people are so busy trying to make

everybody else happy all the time they

don't take care of themselves unless

it's a big ass problem and then for the

first time even it's a negative feeling

at least I'm feeling for myself I'm

feeling for me and that might be what

you're afraid of losing let's try it for

a second here when if I told you you

could go back and feel like [ __ ] as much

as you want it'll never stop right but

you don't have to have it be the

predominant emotion of your

life that you this need to beat yourself

up or be ashamed or not be too happy

that it's an old story that got wired a

long time ago and it has nothing to do

with who you really are but when you

keep telling yourself it's like my

friend I need take care of I'm lose a

part of myself no you'll never lose that

part there's a part of me that would be

a victim very easily I was beat as a

child my mom was a beautiful woman I'm

not denigrating her but when she put but

she put when she put alcohol together

with prescription drugs she was crazy

and I was 5-1 in high school believe it

or not I'm 67 now I told people the

difference I tell people the difference

is personal growth right but I had a

tumor in my brain that made me grow but

I was this little guy she would slam my

head against it she'd Put liquid soap

down my throat cuz she said I was lying

and I wasn't lying and when the person

you love most is trying to hurt you you

can do a number on your head but I look

back now and fortunately I didn't let

that stop me and I didn't settle for

that I struggled for a long time I look

back on her I can honestly tell you if

she was the mother I'd hope she'd been

like if I was wellfed you really think

I'd be trying to feed a bill you know a

tri not a billion people now I'm trying

to feed a 100 billion people you think I

would be spending my time doing that if

I was a well-fed kid I don't think so if

she had been the mother I want I

wouldn't have become the man I'm proud

to be yeah so those emotions are not you

they were a part of your past they were

a pattern it's a pattern of what you do

with your body and breathe but it meets

some of your needs to feel feel yourself

or feel sorry for yourself or feel sad

right you follow me it's like a

self-pity thing a little bit but what

you're really wanting is not self-pity

you're wanting self-love you just

haven't learned how to give it to

yourself my way of doing that is

gratitude because when you're grateful

love flows naturally is that a common

pattern that sometimes because I noticed

over like a about two years ago I

noticed that I one of my biggest

addictions sometimes was self-pity I

didn't even realize it I thought I was

helping myself by like focusing on

myself but really I'd been too I was

feeling too pitiful yeah I I didn't it

was it was man it was I realized my

alcohol was self-pity anytime I also

also alcohol is a depressant so what's

going to do is lower it feels good in

the moment but then it lowers your

energy and your blood sugar everything

right same for self-pity self pity same

thing now your energy think about it

self-pity if you're in self-pity right

now 0 to 10 10 is total high energy

Zero's no energy where are you in

self-pity where would you put it oh two

yeah where are you when you're feeling

excited um where's my energy 0 to 10

yeah uh my energy when I'm feeling

excited is like a nine yeah which one do

you want to be I'd rather be the nine

yeah why the [ __ ] want it's just do that

I

know