Unattractive Men Can Still Get Beautiful Women | Sadia Khan

Summary

The transcript discusses societal perceptions of attractiveness and the dating strategies of men and women. It suggests that men can compensate for a lack of physical attractiveness through humor, intelligence, or success, becoming more appealing to women. Conversely, women are perceived to have fewer compensatory strategies, with kindness or niceness not altering a man's perception of their beauty. The conversation also touches on unrealistic dating preferences, advising individuals to align their preferences with those who reciprocate interest, to avoid psychological disappointment and foster mutual respect in relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Men can compensate for unattractiveness with qualities like humor, intelligence, or success, which can make them more attractive to women.
• 😔 Women are perceived to have fewer compensatory strategies for physical attractiveness, with kindness and niceness not being as convincing as humor is for men.
• 🤔 The idea that women are more likely to find a man attractive if he is funny or successful, whereas men are less likely to find a woman attractive for her personality alone.
• 🏆 Men are suggested to have a 'charm' or 'banter' that can make them sexually attractive, even if they lack physical attractiveness.
• 🚫 The notion that women's attractiveness is more rigidly defined and less open to being influenced by other qualities.
• 🤷‍♀️ Women are advised to adjust their preferences if the type of man they are attracted to does not reciprocate their interest.
• 🔄 The concept that both men and women should be open to changing their 'type' to match those who are attracted to them.
• 🤔 The discussion of societal expectations and the potential for 'settling' if one's preferred type does not reciprocate interest.
• 💔 The potential for psychological failure if one insists on pursuing a type of partner who is not interested.
• 🤝 The suggestion that mutual attraction and respect are key to a successful relationship, rather than forcing a connection with someone who is not genuinely interested.
• 🧐 The idea that choosing a partner who chooses you can lead to self-respect and mutual respect within the relationship.

Q & A

What is the main argument presented in the transcript about attractiveness and compensatory strategies between men and women?

The transcript suggests that men can compensate for a lack of physical attractiveness through humor, intelligence, or success, and become more attractive to women. However, it argues that women do not have the same compensatory strategies and that being nice or kind does not make them more physically attractive to men.

According to the transcript, why might a woman consider changing her 'type' of preferred man?

A woman might consider changing her 'type' if the men she is attracted to are not showing interest in her. The transcript suggests that if a certain 'type' of man is consistently showing interest in her, she should consider them, as it indicates a mutual attraction.

What does the transcript imply about the psychology behind women setting specific criteria for men on dating apps?

The transcript implies that women may set specific criteria for men on dating apps based on their preferences, but if those men are not showing interest, it may be more beneficial to adjust the criteria to match those who are attracted to them.

How does the transcript suggest men and women can improve their chances in the dating market?

The transcript suggests that both men and women should adjust their preferences to align with those who are attracted to them, rather than pursuing those who are not interested, which can lead to feelings of rejection and disrespect.

What advice does the transcript give to someone who is consistently attracting the wrong 'type' of partner?

The transcript advises that if someone consistently attracts the wrong 'type' of partner, causing drama and disrespect, they should consider changing their 'type' to match those who genuinely reciprocate their interest and respect.

What does the transcript mean by 'the type of person that chooses you'?

The transcript refers to 'the type of person that chooses you' as someone who is genuinely interested in you and responds positively to your advances, indicating a mutual attraction and respect.

How does the transcript discuss the concept of 'settling' in the context of changing one's type?

The transcript addresses the misconception that changing one's type equates to 'settling'. It suggests that choosing a partner who is interested in you is not settling but rather a practical approach to finding a relationship with mutual respect and attraction.

What is the transcript's stance on the idea that physical attractiveness is the only currency women have in the dating market?

The transcript challenges this idea by stating that while physical attractiveness may be highly valued, it is not the only factor. It emphasizes the importance of mutual attraction and respect in forming a successful relationship.

How does the transcript relate the concept of 'type' to feelings of rejection and respect in dating?

The transcript suggests that pursuing a 'type' that does not reciprocate your interest can lead to feelings of rejection. Conversely, choosing a partner who is attracted to you can foster feelings of respect and mutual attraction.

What does the transcript suggest about the importance of mutual interest in romantic relationships?

The transcript emphasizes that mutual interest is crucial for a healthy romantic relationship. It suggests that both parties should be attracted to and interested in each other to establish a foundation of respect and reciprocity.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Attraction and Compensatory Strategies in Dating

The speaker discusses the perceived differences in how men and women can compensate for physical attractiveness in dating. Men, according to the script, can become attractive through humor, intelligence, or success, while women are said to lack such compensatory strategies. The speaker suggests that being nice or kind might not make a woman more attractive to a man, but being funny can make a man more handsome to a woman. The script also touches on societal expectations and stereotypes, such as the preference for tall men, and the idea that women should adjust their dating preferences based on who is attracted to them, rather than solely on their ideal type.

05:01

🤔 The Psychology of Choosing a Partner Based on Mutual Attraction

This paragraph delves into the psychological implications of choosing a partner who may not be your 'type' but is attracted to you. It suggests that if a person is not the type that their desired partner is attracted to, there may be a sense of disrespect in the relationship. The speaker advises choosing someone who reciprocates your feelings to ensure mutual respect and a healthier dynamic. The paragraph also addresses the idea of changing one's type to align with those who show interest, as a strategy to avoid the emotional distress of unrequited attraction.

Keywords

💡Compensation

Compensation in this context refers to the idea that individuals can make up for perceived shortcomings in one area by excelling in another. In the video, it's suggested that men can compensate for bad looks with attributes like humor, intelligence, or success, which can make them attractive to women. For example, the script states that 'men can compensate bad looks' by being 'super funny' or 'super intelligent'.

💡Attraction

Attraction is a central theme in the video, discussing how it's influenced by various factors beyond physical appearance. It's mentioned that for men, being funny can make them 'super handsome' in the eyes of women, while for women, physical attractiveness is seen as a more rigid requirement. The script implies that attraction is multifaceted and can be influenced by personality traits and social success.

💡Physical Appearance

Physical appearance is a recurring concept in the script, where it's contrasted with other attributes in terms of its impact on attraction. The video suggests that for men, physical unattractiveness can be offset by other qualities, while for women, it's portrayed as a more critical factor. The script uses the phrase 'if you're unattractive, you're unattractive' to emphasize the perceived limitations for women.

💡Humor

Humor is presented as a compensatory trait that can enhance a man's attractiveness. The script notes that being funny is one of the 'easiest ways' for men to become likable and attractive to women, indicating that humor can play a significant role in social and romantic interactions.

💡Intelligence

Intelligence is mentioned as another attribute that can compensate for physical shortcomings, particularly for men. The video implies that intellectual prowess can be an attractive quality, as it's listed alongside humor and success as a way for men to become more appealing.

💡Success

Success is portrayed as an attribute that can make a man more attractive, especially if he is not conventionally good-looking. The script suggests that success can be a form of compensation for men, contributing to their overall appeal in the dating landscape.

💡Dating Apps

Dating apps are mentioned as a modern context where certain preferences and criteria for potential partners are expressed. The script refers to the common practice on dating apps where women may specify preferences like height ('six foot'), illustrating how these platforms can reinforce or challenge traditional dating standards.

💡Type

The concept of 'type' refers to the specific preferences individuals have when seeking a romantic partner. The video discusses the idea of changing one's 'type' to match those who are attracted to them, suggesting a strategy for increasing the likelihood of mutual attraction and reducing the experience of rejection.

💡Rejection

Rejection is a key concept in the video, highlighting the emotional impact of not being chosen by the type of person one is attracted to. The script suggests that changing one's type can help avoid the negative feelings associated with rejection, such as being 'left on read' or having dates canceled.

💡Respect

Respect is discussed in the context of choosing a partner who reciprocates one's feelings. The video argues that when a person is with someone who has chosen them, there is an 'underlying respect,' leading to a healthier and more balanced relationship dynamic.

💡Settling

Settling is presented as a potential concern for individuals who may feel they are compromising their ideal partner preferences. The video challenges this notion by suggesting that changing one's type is not settling but rather a pragmatic approach to finding a partner who is genuinely interested and invested in the relationship.

Highlights

Men can compensate for bad looks with humor, intelligence, or success, becoming attractive to women.

Women lack a compensatory strategy for unattractiveness, unlike men.

Being nice or kind does not make a woman more attractive to men.

Men can become more handsome in a woman's eyes if they are funny or have a certain charm.

Men are not blinded by a woman's kindness or niceness if she is unattractive.

Women's attractiveness is often solely based on their looks.

Men have the option to be charming or witty to be sexually attractive, even if not conventionally attractive.

Tall men are still considered sexually attractive despite other physical traits.

Women are advised to change their type if the men they are attracted to do not reciprocate their interest.

Dating apps often reflect unrealistic expectations in terms of physical attributes.

Women should adjust their preferences based on who is attracted to them for a more successful dating experience.

Majority of women may have unrealistic expectations about the type of men they want.

Realistic expectations in dating involve mutual attraction and interest.

Men and women should change their type to those who are interested in them to avoid feelings of rejection.

Choosing a partner who is attracted to you can lead to mutual respect and a healthier relationship.

Disrespect can occur in relationships where one partner is not truly attracted to the other.

People should choose partners who respond to them and care about them, regardless of their physical appearance.

Having a type can lead to drama and disrespect if the attraction is not mutual.

Transcripts

men can compensate bad looks women can't

when a man is not that good looking he's

super funny he's super intelligent he's

super successful he becomes attractive

especially if he's funny like this is

some of the easiest way to like you know

get women whereas women don't have a

compensatory strategy

you can be nice you can be kind but a

guy's not going to think wow you're

gorgeous he's just gonna think you're a

nice kind I'll marry you because you're

great but he won't convince himself that

you're beautiful and not really whereas

for women when you're the funniest guy

you become super handsome

it's like we get this like lens on us if

he's super or if he's super you can

become super handsome to a woman in her

lens but for a man if you're

unattractive you're unattractive even if

you're nice pretty kind caring they'll

still be with you I'm not saying they

won't choose you but they're not blinded

to your to your looks they're not going

to be like you're the most beautiful

girl in the world they'll still

recognize that you're not that

attractive it's so you're saying then

essentially that women

have only got their their looks to to

essentially trade off really well well

they've got this only you got their

looks but if you don't have it you don't

have it

it's that simple whereas for men if you

don't have it you've got charm you've

got banter you've got you got this is

something that you can put in there that

will make you sexually attractive right

on this in the sexuality sexually

attractive if you're super tall if

you're in shaping you're still sexually

attractive whereas for a women if we're

not attractive we're not attractive but

what's what's to go with um most women

say they want a man who's like sixth so

if you're not under if you're not over

six foot you're dead to me

um all this kind of stuff that they're

saying now and all the dating apps you

know I'm not on any dating apps now

myself but they do say that on dating

apps like what what is the psychology

behind that what I would say to women is

make your criteria in men the pool of

women a pool of men that are attracted

to you if you're a girl who wants a six

foot two in-shaped man but none of those

men are giving you attention change your

type

if that is the type of man that's

constantly coming for you keep that type

you're very lucky you can use it so

women should change the type predicated

on what's attracted to them absolutely

it would be a completely pointless

strategy being attracted to a man who

has no interest in you

no point if I'm a girl that is I don't

know me let's say for example I'm super

overweight or I'm super super short and

I'm not getting the type of guys that I

that I like change your type they're not

gonna like you you either stay single or

beg them to like you or use sex to get

them to like you or make them need you

because you don't know because you don't

feel like they want you you're gonna set

yourself up for psychological failure so

what percentage of women then are going

out there into the marketplace

misaligned on the type of man that they

even want majority

I would say majority here's the thing

that here's how you know you you have a

realistic expectation of what you want

those type of man that you want always

want you back

simple same with men men and women

here's how you know you've got the right

realistic expectations the type of

person that you walk into a room and you

look at and you think oh he's my type by

the end of the night he's speaking to

you without you saying a word or girl a

guy you look at it going you're like

that's my type she's equally interested

she responds to your texts but if you've

got this particular type you know no I

want this type I don't care I'm not

going to settle I'm not going to settle

but they don't come for you you're

deluded yes I've never even had this

conversation with many clients I didn't

think that you could kind of change your

type I never even thought the concept of

change in time well here's the thing

that works for men too right yeah men

and women change your type to the people

because here's the thing they're like

they see it as settling what if you

don't like what if you're a man though

who doesn't like the type that he's

attracted well then here's the thing you

might not like the type that you're

attracting but the type that you want

are giving you no time and energy so do

you like that feeling of rejection do

you enjoy that so if you enjoy like if

you change your type to that feeling not

the person I don't like the feeling of

somebody leaving me on red I don't like

the feeling of someone canceling a date

on me I don't like the feeling of

somebody saying no when I ask them out I

like the feeling of someone who responds

to me who cares about me so choose those

people whatever shape form size color

they come in so with me I have a type

what's your type what's your type babes

on paper no no

I've obviously got a type and and I've

been attracted to and I've and I've had

relationships with and then I've got

this other type that's also good looking

and spicy too but I kind of think when

you said that I was saying okay I've got

a type and I was going processing in my

mind and then I thought to myself

look I always wore with the these women

on my type because they're all but but I

still get with them but like they're

it's it's drama it's it's drama like

it's like it's being in a fight it will

be disrespect here's the underlying

feeling when you go for somebody that is

your type but you're not necessarily

their type you're there's an element of

disrespect always there's either I'll

cancel on you last minute I will talk to

other people there's an element of

disrespect if you're causing that person

to shift their type to be with you

they'll start disrespecting you because

they don't want to be there so what

happened yeah so what happens is when

you choose the person that chooses you

there's an underlying respect choose a

person that chooses you then you'll get

some self-respect and mutual respect