Jordan Peterson - What Nobody Tells You About Growing up

Summary

This script discusses Carl Jung's concept of retrogressive restoration of the persona, where individuals struggle to return to their old identities after transformative experiences. Using Pinocchio's story as an analogy, it explores the difficulties of reverting to former selves and the psychological impact of trying to fit into outdated roles. The script delves into the complexities of parental influence, the transition to independence, and the symbolic death of the idealized parent, emphasizing the importance of personal growth and individuation.

Takeaways

• 🔄 The concept of 'retrogressive restoration' by Carl Jung is introduced, highlighting the struggle of individuals trying to revert to their old identities after personal growth.
• 🏠 Pinocchio's attempt to return home illustrates the impossibility of going back to one's past self, as changes in both the individual and their environment prevent a return to the old status quo.
• 👨‍👦 The 'Peter Pan' syndrome is discussed, particularly in men, where they remain under the influence of their fathers, often due to a fear of losing their father's approval.
• 🤔 The exercise of comparing the importance of parents' opinions to those of peripheral acquaintances is suggested to help individuals understand their reliance on parental validation.
• 🧠 The idea that one's parents' opinion should not hold more weight than that of other adults is questioned, challenging the notion that parents inherently understand more about what is best for their children.
• 👀 Jung's perspective on the 'god image' in parents is mentioned, suggesting that not separating this image can lead to an unhealthy dependence on parental approval.
• 💬 Freud's assertion that one cannot be a man unless his father has died is contrasted with Jung's idea that this death can be symbolic, emphasizing the importance of psychological separation from parental influence.
• 💡 The realization that parents do not have all the answers is a pivotal moment in an individual's life, leading to a more independent relationship with them.
• 👵👴 The transition from being cared for by parents to caring for them is a significant shift that can only occur once the idealized image of parents is let go.
• 🚫 The necessity of letting go of the image of perfection in parents is emphasized, as it exposes individuals to the reality that they must navigate life's challenges independently.

Q & A

What is the phenomenon Carl Jung described that is mentioned in the script?

Carl Jung described a phenomenon called 'retrogressive restoration of the persona,' which means that sometimes people take a leap forward and learn new things but cannot form a new identity. They then try to revert to their old identity, but this doesn't work because they have changed and learned something new, and their old self no longer fits them.

Why can't Pinocchio return to his old life according to the script?

Pinocchio can't return to his old life because things have changed, and he has learned and grown. His father is not at home anymore, symbolizing that his old life is no longer available or suitable for him.

What happens to people when they try to revert to their old identities?

When people try to revert to their old identities, it doesn't work because they have changed. They have to cut parts of themselves off in a destructive manner to fit back into their old persona, which can be painful and ineffective.

What example does the speaker use to illustrate people staying under the influence of their fathers?

The speaker uses the example of 'Peter Pan type' men who often stay under the thumb of their fathers, constantly seeking their approval and being subject to their tyrannical judgment, even though it might be an unpleasant place to be.

What thought experiment does the speaker suggest regarding parents and their opinions?

The speaker suggests a thought experiment where you consider whether you care more about your parents' opinions than those of their peripheral friends. This leads to questioning why your parents' opinions should matter more than those of other people their age, challenging the idea of their unique authority.

What is meant by the 'god image' in the context of parents' opinions?

The 'god image' refers to the idea that you haven't separated your perception of authority from your parents. If your parents' opinions matter more to you than those of others their age, you might still see them as omniscient figures, which Jung suggests should change for personal growth.

What does Freud's statement about becoming a man imply?

Freud's statement implies that no one can fully mature into an independent adult (a man) unless his father has died, meaning one must overcome the paternal authority. Jung adds that this can happen symbolically rather than literally.

How does realizing your parents don't know more than you impact your relationship with them?

Realizing your parents don't know more than you signifies a symbolic death of the idealized image of them. It marks a transition to a more individual and equal relationship, where you might start taking care of them instead of the other way around.

What is a 'tyrant-slave relationship' with one's father, as mentioned in the script?

A 'tyrant-slave relationship' with one's father is one where the child remains inferior, constantly seeking the father's approval and guidance, which provides a sense of security but also limits the child's independence and growth.

What does the speaker suggest is necessary for establishing an individual relationship with parents?

The speaker suggests that letting go of the image of parents as perfect and all-knowing is necessary for establishing a more individual relationship. This process can be painful but is essential for personal growth and mutual respect.