PIES: The 4 Ways To Attract Your Spouse

Summary

In this video, Kimberly Holmes, CEO of Marriage Helper, reveals the truth about attraction and love. She explains that attraction is much more than physical appearance; it involves four key areas—Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual (PIES). By focusing on personal growth in these areas, individuals can strengthen their relationships and continue to grow in love over time. Kimberly shares her personal story of how improving herself using the PIES method transformed her marriage, showing that self-care and emotional intelligence are key to long-lasting love. She encourages viewers to work on themselves for personal growth, which ultimately benefits their relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Attraction is more than just physical appearance; it involves the PIES model: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual attraction.
• 😀 Physical attraction is the first thing we notice but is not the most important factor in sustaining love or attraction.
• 😀 Intellectual attraction is about finding someone you can communicate with and share interests, which deepens the connection.
• 😀 Emotional attraction is the most important area; it's about evoking positive emotions in your partner and avoiding negative behaviors that make them feel bad.
• 😀 Spiritual attraction relates to shared beliefs and values, which can be more crucial than religious compatibility when forming strong, lasting connections.
• 😀 Falling in love is a process, not fate. You must actively follow a process of attraction to fall in love and keep the love growing.
• 😀 If you stop nurturing the four areas of attraction (PIES), even after marriage and children, you risk falling out of love.
• 😀 To transform your relationship, focus on improving yourself in the PIES areas. Working on your personal growth can reignite attraction and love.
• 😀 Kimberly Holmes emphasizes personal responsibility in relationships. The only person you can change is yourself, not your partner.
• 😀 Real-life application: When you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, it can positively impact your relationship and even save marriages.
• 😀 Marriage Helper offers workshops, online courses, and coaching to help individuals and couples work on their PIES and transform their relationships.

Q & A

What are the four areas of attraction, according to Kimberly Holmes?

The four areas of attraction are physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. These are referred to as the PIES framework, which plays a critical role in both falling in love and maintaining attraction in a relationship.

Why is physical attraction not considered the most important area of attraction?

While physical attraction is often the first thing people notice, it is not the most important. According to Kimberly, the other areas of attraction, such as intellectual, emotional, and spiritual, hold more weight in maintaining long-term attraction and a successful relationship.

What does intellectual attraction involve?

Intellectual attraction is about being able to have enjoyable conversations and share common interests. It's essential to be with someone who you can engage with intellectually, either through shared interests or by being open to each other's interests.

What is emotional attraction, and why is it considered the most important?

Emotional attraction involves evoking positive emotions in each other and making the other person feel good about themselves. It is considered the most important aspect because negative emotions can cause harm to the relationship, while positive emotions strengthen it.

What is the role of spiritual attraction in a relationship?

Spiritual attraction doesn't necessarily relate to religion but focuses on shared beliefs and values. Being aligned in core values and principles is crucial for long-term compatibility in a relationship.

How does Kimberly’s personal experience illustrate the importance of the PIES framework?

Kimberly shares how her marriage faced struggles after moving to Korea. She became less attractive to her husband, not due to physical changes but due to emotional and intellectual disconnect. She focused on working on herself through the PIES framework, improving her physical appearance, intellectual growth, emotional well-being, and spiritual life, which ultimately helped improve her marriage.

What is the process of falling in love, as explained in the video?

Falling in love is not just fate or about finding a soulmate, but a process. If you follow the steps of the PIES framework, you will fall in love. If you stop following the process, even after marriage, you can easily fall out of love.

Why does Kimberly emphasize focusing on oneself rather than changing the partner in a relationship?

Kimberly emphasizes focusing on personal growth because, ultimately, you cannot change or control your partner. The only person you can change is yourself, and by working on becoming the best version of yourself, it will positively impact the relationship.

What advice did Kimberly give to a client whose husband was having an affair?

Kimberly advised her client to work on her PIES: physically by taking care of her body, intellectually by engaging in activities and learning new things, emotionally by surrounding herself with supportive people, and spiritually by reconnecting with her faith. She encouraged the client to focus on herself, not just for her husband but for her own well-being.

What is the significance of the PIES Bootcamp that Kimberly mentions?

The PIES Bootcamp is a resource offered by Marriage Helper that dives deeper into the PIES framework. It includes videos and a 30-day tracker to help individuals focus on each area of attraction to improve themselves and their relationships.