Heal These Trauma Wounds and Watch Your Productivity Soar

Summary

The video script discusses the profound impact of childhood trauma and neglect on adult life, particularly in the form of procrastination and 'paralysis.' It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing the root causes of procrastination as a symptom of complex PTSD. The speaker shares personal experiences and strategies for overcoming this paralysis, including developing a new understanding of procrastination, setting intentions, and taking small, consistent actions to build momentum and regain control over one's life and productivity.

Takeaways

• 🕊 Procrastination can be a symptom of deeper issues such as childhood trauma and neglect, leading to a cycle of avoidance and stress that can severely impact one's life.
• 🌪 The speaker overcame personal procrastination and developed a YouTube channel, courses, live shows, and a team, demonstrating that it is possible to break free from the paralysis of inaction.
• 🤔 The word 'procrastination' is more than just laziness; it represents a deeper struggle that can sabotage one's self-concept and ability to take positive action.
• 🏥 Understanding procrastination as a form of 'paralysis' is crucial for addressing it effectively, as it can manifest in both minor daily tasks and major life decisions.
• 🔄 The speaker suggests that the root of procrastination often lies in the difficulty of committing to tasks, especially when compounded by the exhaustion and emotional turmoil associated with trauma.
• 💪 Finding joy and purpose in work, such as publishing YouTube videos, can be a powerful motivator to overcome procrastination, despite the challenges of preparation and emotional toll.
• 🌱 Starting work can be the hardest part, and the speaker often found distractions more appealing than the task at hand, highlighting the struggle between desire and action.
• 🚫 Procrastination is not a solution to stress; it often exacerbates it, creating a vicious cycle that is particularly challenging for those with childhood PTSD.
• 🛠 Taking action, even when it feels difficult, is presented as the key to breaking the cycle of procrastination and stress, leading to a more ordered and fulfilling life.
• 💡 The importance of setting intentions and following through is emphasized as a way to build integrity and combat the negative self-perception that can accompany procrastination.
• 🌟 The speaker's personal journey from struggling with procrastination to creating a successful online presence serves as an inspiration and a testament to the power of taking action despite adversity.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the video script?

The main issue discussed in the video script is the impact of childhood abuse and neglect on adult life, particularly in terms of procrastination and its deeper psychological effects, which the speaker refers to as paralysis.

Why does the speaker compare procrastination to a 'parasite'?

The speaker compares procrastination to a 'parasite' because it infects one's will and sabotages self-concept, making it difficult for individuals to take positive action on their own behalf.

What does the speaker identify as the biggest reason for procrastination?

The speaker identifies the biggest reason for procrastination as the difficulty of committing to and accomplishing tasks, especially when combined with the exhaustion and stress that often accompany trauma symptoms.

How does the speaker describe the feeling of being overwhelmed by life's demands?

The speaker describes the feeling of being overwhelmed as life already being too hard, making it difficult to take on additional tasks or responsibilities.

What is the speaker's personal experience with procrastination?

The speaker shares that they used to experience procrastination frequently, which was demoralizing, but they managed to overcome it and build a successful YouTube channel and team.

What is the speaker's advice for dealing with procrastination?

The speaker advises that the solution to procrastination lies in taking action, starting with small steps and gradually building momentum, rather than avoiding tasks due to stress.

Why does the speaker mention the term 'freeze mode'?

The speaker mentions 'freeze mode' as a nervous system state that can result from trauma, causing individuals to become paralyzed and unable to take action, which can contribute to procrastination.

What is the speaker's suggestion for someone who is stuck in 'freeze mode'?

The speaker suggests going outside and moving around, engaging in activities that give joy and involve nature, as a way to get out of 'freeze mode' and start healing.

How does the speaker describe the process of healing from childhood PTSD?

The speaker describes the healing process as understanding that trauma may have caused nervous system changes, learning about and working on nervous system regulation, and taking small, consistent actions to build momentum.

What is the speaker's view on the relationship between doing and being?

The speaker believes that both doing and being are important, with doing being essential for earning a living, expressing oneself, and fulfilling one's personal mission.

What is the speaker's personal takeaway from overcoming procrastination and childhood PTSD?

The speaker's personal takeaway is the importance of taking action and not giving up, focusing on strengths and vision, and committing to not letting oneself down.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Overcoming Procrastination and Childhood Trauma

The speaker discusses the struggle with procrastination, which is often exacerbated by childhood abuse and neglect. They share their personal experience of how procrastination, likened to a 'paralysis,' once demoralized them but was eventually overcome. The talk emphasizes that procrastination is not mere laziness but a serious impediment to life's progress, affecting self-concept and daily activities. The speaker also touches on the difficulty of starting tasks and the importance of developing a new understanding of procrastination to combat it effectively.

05:00

🔄 Breaking the Cycle of Procrastination and Stress

This paragraph delves into the misconception that procrastination eases stress, using the analogy of a battery charging. The speaker clarifies that avoiding tasks does not alleviate stress but rather compounds it, especially for those with childhood PTSD. They describe the vicious circle of stress leading to avoidance, which in turn leads to more stress. The speaker advocates for taking action on pending tasks as a way to reduce stress and suggests starting with small, manageable actions to build momentum and gradually strengthen one's ability to tackle larger tasks.

10:01

🌱 The Power of Action and Momentum in Healing

The speaker reflects on the importance of taking action as a means to build momentum and overcome the inertia caused by procrastination and trauma. They share their journey from years of procrastination to taking a seminar that propelled them into action, leading to the creation of their YouTube channel and other accomplishments. The paragraph highlights the significance of not waiting for the 'right' moment to start but to take small, consistent steps that can lead to significant life changes, even when dealing with the challenges of complex PTSD.

15:02

💼 Overcoming Workplace Challenges and Self-Sabotage

The speaker recounts their experience of feeling inadequate and undervalued in their family business, leading to a sense of failure and self-sabotage. They discuss the impact of their upbringing and the lack of guidance in their career, which contributed to their struggle with procrastination and inability to take decisive action. The paragraph also touches on the speaker's eventual realization that they needed to take control of their life, leading to the establishment of their own business and the steps they took to move forward.

20:03

🤔 Identifying Barriers to Action and Success

In this paragraph, the speaker addresses the ongoing challenge of identifying and overcoming barriers that prevent action and success. They discuss the pattern of knowing what needs to be done but being unable to take the necessary steps, leading to a sense of paralysis and self-blame. The speaker also explores the possibility of being stuck in 'freeze mode,' a response to trauma that can manifest as underfunctioning and avoidance of tasks, and suggests that understanding this state could be key to breaking the cycle of inaction.

25:04

🛠️ Tools for Overcoming Underfunctioning and Procrastination

The speaker provides practical advice for individuals who may be stuck in underfunctioning or freeze mode due to trauma. They recommend learning about and working on the nervous system responses, such as disregulation, and suggest simple techniques to help re-regulate and regain momentum. The paragraph also encourages seeking support from others, whether through community groups or professional help, and emphasizes the importance of aligning with one's goals and taking small steps to build confidence and momentum.

30:05

🔄 The Cycle of Success and Crashing

This paragraph explores the experience of 'crashing' that can follow periods of success or increased productivity, particularly for those with a history of trauma. The speaker describes the emotional and neurological patterns that lead to a withdrawal or decline in motivation and productivity after a high point. They discuss the importance of recognizing this cycle and the need for strategies to manage the ups and downs of energy and focus, suggesting that understanding and addressing the underlying trauma can help mitigate the impact of crashing.

35:06

📉 The Impact of Sabotage and Crashing on Personal Growth

The speaker shares personal anecdotes of how crashing and sabotage, both self-inflicted and from others, have hindered their personal and professional growth. They recount specific instances where they were held back by false beliefs and the consequences of not confronting those who undermined their efforts. The paragraph serves as a cautionary tale about the long-term effects of crashing and the importance of recognizing and addressing the emotional and psychological barriers that prevent one from pursuing their passions.

40:07

🚫 Overcoming Suppression and Returning to One's Path

In this paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of overcoming external and internal suppression that can prevent individuals from following their true path. They discuss the feelings of frustration and low-level depression that can arise from not being able to sustain one's natural pursuits and the need to make these pursuits sustainable. The speaker provides strategies for modulating crashes, such as developing routines, maintaining consistency, and managing emotional triggers, to help individuals regain control over their lives and achieve their goals.

45:08

🛑 Managing Crashes and Maintaining Balance

The speaker concludes by discussing the importance of managing crashes associated with CPTSD and the need for a balanced lifestyle to maintain emotional and physical health. They compare the management of CPTSD to managing a chronic condition like diabetes, where lifestyle choices can significantly impact the condition's control. The paragraph offers advice on creating routines, maintaining a consistent sleep and diet schedule, seeking support, and managing emotional triggers to prevent crashes and promote resilience in the face of challenges.

Keywords

💡Procrastination

Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing tasks or actions, often despite knowing that it may result in negative consequences. In the video, it is described as a form of 'paralysis' that can deeply affect one's life, particularly for individuals with a history of childhood abuse or neglect. The speaker discusses how it's more than just laziness; it's a 'soul sickness' that can sabotage one's self-concept and life progress.

💡Childhood PTSD

Childhood PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing traumatic events during childhood. The script emphasizes how childhood PTSD can lead to chronic procrastination and a tendency to go into 'freeze mode,' which is a nervous system response to trauma that results in a lack of action or productivity.

💡Freeze Mode

Freeze mode is a trauma response characterized by a state of inaction or numbness, often as a result of overwhelming fear or shock. The video script uses this term to describe a state where individuals are unable to take positive action on their own behalf, which can manifest as procrastination or a paralysis in the face of tasks or responsibilities.

💡Neurological Disregulation

Neurological Disregulation refers to a disruption in the normal functioning of the nervous system, which can affect one's ability to focus, feel, and react appropriately to stimuli. The video discusses how trauma from childhood can lead to this state, making it difficult for individuals to sustain effort and maintain routines, contributing to the cycle of procrastination and crashes.

💡Crashing

Crashing, in the context of the video, refers to a psychological and emotional state where one experiences a sudden drop in motivation, focus, or energy, often following a period of high productivity or after facing stress. The script describes it as a common experience for trauma survivors, which can lead to self-sabotage and a retreat from pursuing personal goals or ambitions.

💡Self-Care

Self-care is the practice of taking actions to maintain or improve one's own health and well-being, particularly when under stress or facing emotional challenges. The video emphasizes the importance of not mistaking procrastination for self-care and encourages finding healthy ways to manage stress and trauma responses to avoid falling into destructive patterns.

💡Intention

Intention in the video is discussed as a critical component of overcoming procrastination and paralysis. It refers to the determination or aim to achieve a particular goal or action. The speaker shares their personal journey of setting and maintaining their intentions as a way to build integrity and accomplish their mission.

💡Integrity

Integrity is defined as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. In the context of the video, it is tied to the concept of following through on one's intentions and commitments. The speaker uses their own experience to illustrate how maintaining integrity by sticking to their intentions helped them overcome procrastination and build a successful career.

💡Stress

Stress is a physical or emotional strain or tension resulting from demanding circumstances. The video script discusses how stress is a common trigger for procrastination and trauma responses like 'freeze mode.' It also highlights the vicious cycle of stress causing avoidance of tasks, which in turn leads to more stress.

💡Action

Action in the video is presented as the antidote to procrastination and paralysis. It refers to the act of taking steps towards completing tasks or achieving goals. The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking action, even when small and consistent, as a means to build momentum and overcome the challenges associated with childhood PTSD and procrastination.

💡Momentum

Momentum is the impetus or driving force that helps to maintain movement or continue a course of action. In the video, the concept of building momentum through consistent action is highlighted as a way to make progress easier and more natural, ultimately leading to a sense of accomplishment and happiness.

Highlights

The impact of childhood abuse and neglect on adult procrastination, leading to a life of paralysis and depression.

The speaker's personal journey from being demoralized by procrastination to creating a successful YouTube channel and team.

A new understanding of procrastination as a 'parasite' that sabotages self-concept and productivity.

The connection between procrastination and the inability to take positive action due to the exhaustion associated with trauma.

The importance of recognizing the joy and fulfillment in accomplishing tasks, despite the initial difficulty.

The speaker's struggle with the initial steps of starting a project and the eventual satisfaction it brings.

The concept of integrity as sticking to intentions and the role it plays in overcoming procrastination.

The vicious circle of stress leading to avoidance, which in turn causes more stress and further avoidance.

The idea that the path of least resistance is often to do the things that are causing stress, leading to a reduction in stress over time.

The importance of taking action at a healthy pace to build strength and avoid overwhelming oneself.

The role of self-compassion in avoiding the trap of identifying with trauma and the paralysis it causes.

The strategy of breaking down tasks into small, manageable actions to build momentum and reduce the overwhelm.

The transformative power of taking consistent small actions that lead to significant life changes over time.

The speaker's personal experience with the 'crappy childhood fairy' and how it launched them into action.

The realization that doing meaningful work provides a sense of fulfillment and peace at the end of the day.

The encouragement to pursue one's true calling despite the fear and challenges, as it is the key to genuine happiness.

The story of Jacob, illustrating the lifelong struggle with feelings of inadequacy and the impact of a difficult childhood.

The concept of 'freeze mode' as a trauma response and its effect on one's ability to take action and be productive.

The importance of understanding and addressing the symptoms of complex PTSD to overcome procrastination and inaction.

The recommendation to seek out morning routines and group activities to help re-regulate the nervous system.

The advice on finding workarounds, such as delegating tasks or partnering with others, to overcome personal limitations.

The emphasis on learning from free resources like YouTube and books to develop necessary skills for success.

The speaker's personal account of crashing after achieving success and the journey to understand and overcome this pattern.

The idea that crashes can be modulated by developing routines and maintaining a consistent, balanced lifestyle.

Transcripts

have you ever had the experience where

you know you should do something like

get to work on time or put the laundry

away or finish a creative project or

just brush your teeth before bed but you

just couldn't do it everybody

procrastinates sometimes but for people

who experienced abuse and neglect in

childhood procrastinating can take over

your life it can hold you back it can

make you depressed that you're stuck day

after day in the same old rut it's kind

of like a

paralysis so what is that this is

something that used to happen to me all

the time it was so

demoralizing and then I made it stop and

I wouldn't be here doing this YouTube

channel and the courses and the live

shows I do and the team of seven people

I have on my team I would never have

been able to grow this unless I had

cracked you know how to keep my

productivity going strong but when

people ask me how I did it

most of them don't like the answer they

get so if you want to hear how I did it

I will tell you okay so first I had to

develop a new understanding of what

procrastination is because the word is a

bit of a euphemism it's not just like oh

I'm being lazy haha it ruins your life

actually like a parasite that infects

your will and it sabotages your

self-concept as someone whose life is

important and deserves time and work so

I use the word paralysis because you

find yourself unable to take positive

action on your own behalf and this can

be in little day-to-day things like you

browse the internet when you have to

work or in bigger things that affect

more people in a profound way like not

getting around to mailing the utility

bill and leaving the whole family

without electricity so that used to

happen in the home where I grew up now

you can procrastinate to the degree that

you ruin your relationship your career

your integrity your finances and your

health so that's not just being lazy

that's a kind of Soul

sickness so why can't we act honestly I

think the biggest reason is that doing

things you know committing ourselves

spending energy creating something out

of nothing the reason we put it off is

because it's hard and the difficulty of

truly accomplishing something combines

with a kind of

exhaustion that goes along with trauma

symptoms you know depression conflicts

emotional outbursts a feeling of

overwhelm there's a feeling that life is

already too hard and you can't take on

anything more than what you have right

in front of you so that you can survive

and it's not like there's nothing to

that but it's not a mindset that helps

you solve the trauma problem for example

one of the great joys of my life is

publishing videos on YouTube and I'm

doing that work right this second as I

record this I love publishing videos and

then reading all the comments and

discussions that people like you

contribute making these videos is a joy

it's also how my family earns an income

but you know what the days when I'm

supposed to be planning and researching

and scripting those videos it's like

torture and I'm craving to just go lie

down and not do the work because the

whole process it takes days of

preparation probably about 6 to 8 hours

of focused creative work goes into every

video I make and it's a little less when

I share older videos or read a letter

though reading all the letters I get and

choosing a few that I'll answer in

videos each week that takes hours too

and hearing about so many people

suffering can can take a toll on my

emotions too but the hardest part is

just getting started when it's time to

really lay out what the videos for the

week are going to be about and actually

make them I suddenly just get you know

so interested in my plants and getting

that crud out of the little aluminum

track at the bottom of sliding Windows

that's what I was doing yesterday and oh

look you know people are what are they

saying on Twitter and it makes no sense

because window crud and Twitter make me

feel bad about myself and releasing

these videos makes me feel good but

doing the work that leads up to that

moment of taping is hard you know I just

had to get straight with my myself it

makes me happy to set my intention and

stick to my intention this is what

Integrity is it's accomplishment it's

the way I fulfill my personal mission to

help other people who have childhood

PTSD to recover and I'm proud of my work

I also see flaws in my work but being

engaged in trying you know just creating

sharing serving people in the world it

is what keeps me going and makes my life

good

procrastinating is an attempt to solve

the problem of stress and stress is a

problem and it can seem like if I could

just procrastinate a little while I'll

get all this energy and focus as if you

know procrastinating is like a battery

charging or like a defibrillator at the

things that you you know they do this

and they put it on somebody's chest if

their heart stops and they go charged

and then and then you leap into action

except that's not how it works there's a

time to rest and care for yourself but

blowing off the work you know you need

to do is not the same thing it doesn't

d-stress you it causes stress for people

with childhood PTSD especially when

there's a lot of unhealed stuff you're

in a state of stress pretty much all the

time so everything is hard and that's

the Vicious Circle stress makes things

hard so you avoid tasks which makes you

more stress which prompts you to avoid

tasks even more and so on people who

don't have childhood PTSD have no idea

idea how much work it is for some of us

to do ordinary things it's exhausting

it's stressful just being in the world

sometimes right people are hard going

out of the house is hard sticking to a

schedule is hard expressing yourself is

hard hearing other people's opinions

when you disagree with them is hard

making money is hard but you know what's

harder not doing all these things and

that's why when you feel overwhelmed and

stressed the solution isn't always to

give yourself permission to

procrastinate Sometimes the best way to

calm stress is to take the chaos of your

unfinished tasks from the Heap of to-do

items and forgotten emails and

unfinished projects and just get to work

on them so you might want to stop

thinking about stress and overwhelm and

stop telling yourself that the solution

is to avoid everything that's stressful

for you because in the end the path of

least resistance is to do these things

anyway and that's the thing most people

do not want to hear but that's how life

gets easier when we make order out of

chaos it feels good it feels inspiring

it makes you happier so how do you get

started maybe you know the feeling of

just getting the urge running out there

with the intention to do it all right

this is such a childhood PTSD thing to

go from I can't do anything too I have

to do everything and there are times

when that makes sense but that there's a

time when it's just wishful thinking

that you'll be able to tackle your

entire list in a single day now I don't

want to discourage all that positive

problem solving but what can happen is

you make a list of 20 things you start

on the first three all at the same time

and then you get overwhelmed and you

fall back into

procrastination so taking action at a

healthy pace is like a muscle you can

start to work it out slowly just a

little at a time at first and that's a

good way to get strong so whether you do

a little at a time or go on a cleaning

binge I'll tell you what the solution is

not the solution is not to give up on

yourself don't identify with the trauma

and mistake paralysis and giving up for

self-care don't go to Instagram and read

all the posts from people who speak

tenderly about how broken they are they

can do that if they want to but you are

focusing on your strengths and your

vision and your commitment to not let

yourself down when you let yourself down

your worst behaviors will start to

appear and when you fall short of your

own goals you know what your cpsd wants

to do it wants to find someone to blame

in fact if you start having random

thoughts about how people are against

you or you're going over and over and

over some harm done to you in the past

ask yourself is there something I'm

avoiding right now am I actually angry

at myself for not following through on

what I need to be doing and by the way

if you're not sure if complex PTSD is

driving some of your self-defeating

actions you can take a quiz I developed

it's right down in the description

section near the top there's a link to

the free tools page of my website you'll

find all my quizzes there and my free

course so most people don't want to hear

this but the solution for

procrastination lies in action but

that's action taken in right proportion

to Your Capacity now when you've been

deep in procrastination and avoiding

your life don't wait until you know it

feels right to get started if you've

been skipping brushing your teeth at

night just take that one step and do it

even when you're tired just for practice

just to get a tiny experience of

Integrity around intention and follow

through and then the next day do the

laundry if you're still feeling good you

can reply to emails that people wrote

you weeks ago but you never answered you

can schedule a haircut you can pop into

the gym that you pay for but you never

visit you can review your credit card

bill for all the monthly subscriptions

you forgot were still draining your

finances for things you never use so you

could throw out the moldy takeout

container and the yellow broccoli in

your fridge which is something I need to

do today and sweep the front steps also

something I need to do today so you know

the good actions you need to be taking

next you may have to push yourself not

like a maniac but some every day you

know that saying you hear sometimes it's

like don't be a human doing be a human

being being well it's a good sentiment

but doing and being are both really

important and doing is how we earn a

living and it's how we express ourselves

I mean how are you going to become fully

yourself if you don't do things it's not

just the thing you get done it's the

momentum you build the more you take

action the easier it becomes and the

more natural it feels to keep taking

action I procrastinated for years on the

idea for crappy childhood fairy and it

was in my mind for two decades before I

had the inner power to do it and I'm so

glad I did the thing that launched me

into action was I finally signed up for

a seminar about how to share your own

life story as a way to teach others and

I wanted to do it but I was terrified to

do it you know what if I got judged what

if my work was bad what if I was

successful and then committed to always

working hard that was the big fear and

you know what my fear has come true my

work as the fairy can be hard it's you

know a full-time job plus a lot of work

on nights and weekends sometimes but

finally you know finally in my life I'm

actually bringing to the world what I

have to give and I never really felt

like that in all the previous

incarnations of my work I was getting

paychecks but I felt like my life was

passing me by and I wasn't being

me this that I'm doing now this is so

who I am and feels great so do you

relate to this the reason I encourage

you to do the work and the learning to

do what you're really meant to do and to

go toward what you're capable of

becoming is because I believe it's the

only thing that really makes a person

happy it's what gives you that feeling

that it was a worthwhile day and you can

go to bed with peace and know that you

spent your day well and it doesn't have

to be this giant accomplishment every

day I mean that's not realistic for me

the things that make me feel like I

really live today are connecting with my

family and friends in a loving way um a

little each day and being outside and

walking every day and then doing work

that I know is genuinely making a

difference in other people's lives so I

used to feel envious of people who build

roads I always thought oh gosh they get

to go home and at night and say to

themselves I help build a 100t of

Highway today and then they know they

did an honest day's work that helps

people well I didn't have that fully

until I started doing what I do now I

didn't know how to start but then I

started when I slapped down it was

$2,000 for that seminar and that was

just to get in the door for 4 days and I

had to stay at a hotel kind of expensive

and eat in restaurants the whole time

and get to the city where it was held

and I'd never spent so much money on

this kind of thing in my life and you

know what I got stomach flu on the

afternoon of the third day and I missed

that part of the day and the whole

fourth day but the point is I got

started and that was the day that the

feeling that life was passing me by

ended and I stopped feeling like I had

wasted my time and my talents you know

and the all the advantages I've had in

life of like I have food I have a roof

over my head I'm reasonably healthy I

have an education like all of that I

just knew it was meant for something

more so I felt like I owed it to the

world to give it back and to give my

best and so I launched crappy childhood

fairy as a Blog and immediately you know

that failure feeling just went away I

started to feel good and it was on the

side I had this other you know I was

doing other work at the time I was doing

this in the evenings but it grew and

being the crappy childhood fairy you

know it is a lot of work and emotionally

it's hard sometimes and the work um you

know can really pile up but it's never

as hard as my life used to be when I

knew that I could create this channel

but I didn't make the

effort that is why it felt like life was

passing me by because it was every day

for me for you time is ticking and the

world is just waiting for you to step up

and take your true place in it the world

needs you and you can do that by taking

action you can start with just one

action you can do it

today small consistent actions are the

most effective they're sustainable you

can keep adding to them they have a

little they have little spaces between

each step when you can catch your breath

and get your equilibrium again and if

you keep going this series of small

actions leads to massive change but they

give you a little breather between small

actions you know by keeping them small

you get to equilibrate between actions

you take because if you have cptsd it

can be a little rough sometimes so you

come back to Center and then keep going

so if you have spent years of your life

constrained from letting your light

shine you're your spirit is going to

love this you're getting somewhere

accomplishment feels good now when you

finally act does success always follow

no not always but but what does follow

is Vibrance your Al and having the

adventure of your life and you may or

may not reach the goal you may not even

want the goal in the end but the act of

taking small steps each day and trying

will open your life up to all kinds of

unexpected connection and possibilities

you are in the game and you know it

you're open for business your strength

is action all over the world people who

were abused or neglected in childhood

are

procrastinating and they're thinking

that they're the only one freezing up

getting stuck struggling to get work

done it's all so common for people with

childhood PTSD and as long as you look

at it as just laziness or a character

flaw you might be making your

procrastination

worse understanding that trauma in the

past may have caused nervous system

changes that make you vulnerable and

prone to go into what's called Freeze

mode might just be what sets you free my

letter today is from a man I'll call

Jacob and he writes hi Anna as far back

as I can remember I've always had the

sense that everyone else is better than

me I've got my fairy pencil I'm going to

circle things I want to come back to on

a second reading but let's go through

and see what Jacob's got going

on he says they're better at sports

better at school better at making

friends or having friends just a general

sense of always being not good enough my

childhood had one parent who was and

still is explosive self-centered and

wanted his children to be adults and not

children the other parent was a

codependent also just trying to survive

my older sister and I were set up in to

fail in most cases or accused of being

lazy

when in fact neither was the case my

family were the lowbudget crew for the

family business and most things were

hardly hired out I can remember cutting

the lot for our new home in the middle

of July the driveway is a quarter of a

mile long we moved all the brush and

chipped it the hardwood was dragged off

by hand and stacked most of that time we

were all being yelled at particularly me

for being lazy he says all right walking

on eggshells was the daily ritual at my

house and never knowing who was going to

get the Wrath or why we lived in a very

rural area and there wasn't any there

weren't any kids from school nearby and

we weren't offered to um be put into any

activities with local kids at school it

was a small community most of the kids

were pretty pretty close-knit because of

sports Church neighbors and so on so I

always felt outside of things I spent

the majority of my childhood alone or at

least connected from most everyone this

continued through high school and my

only way out was to join the military

then I did make friends and learned I

wasn't as dumb and useless as I thought

when I came home I went to work in the

family business and all of my fire and

go-getter personality seemed to be

extinguished there wasn't any effective

guidance I was just thrown to the wolves

and why can't you do as well as Xyz or

XYZ is kicking our butt and took took

this deal or that

at this point about four years had

passed and I had spent thousands on

coaching training and so on and just

couldn't seem to make a go I left the

company more or less and moved 1500

miles away but continued to contract

disliking it all I decided to start my

own business and continue part-time

however after about 20 years it was

easier to earn money from the old

business than to focus on my business

I've again spent thousands of dollars on

coaching and more train training and

built systems and so on and have monthly

costs besides living bills I know

exactly what needs to be done

prospecting I know I'm very skilled at

it very polished and I need to do a

great job when I fall into an

opportunity most days I spend at my desk

staring at my computer not doing work

not building either business and just

watching as everything falls apart

around me until some random deal Falls

in my lap two or three times a year and

I survive nothing I've done up to to now

has helped me take the right actions I'm

blind to what is holding me back and

regardless of journaling hypnosis

screaming forcing I do not do what is

necessary this pattern has been an

ongoing challenge for my entire adult

life I gave up on ever having a family

due to poor choices and mates so far

I've given up on my financial security

and freedom even though I know that I

have been for lack of a better word

blessed with talents and opportunities

and have knowingly squandered them

whoa I just cannot see what the barrier

is or how to address it okay Jacob I got

you let's talk about

this so what you described about your

childhood but your Youth and your young

adulthood where you were basically

getting verbally abused all the time by

your dad your mom didn't do anything

that's enough to do some nervous system

damage to a kid and it was chronic and

it was ongoing and that's that does you

know that's where cptsd comes from

chronic ongoing intense stress from

abuse or neglect um in the case of kids

there are other reasons people get cptsd

and I think you might have picked those

up too along the

way but one of the ways that trauma

manifests in US is we go into freeze

mode so there's these trauma reactions

there's roughly four of them you could

make a longer list but fight flight

freeze and fawn so we've all met the

type who was traumatized in the past and

they're just very full of conflict they

get into fights they're always suing

people that's fight flight is running

away you know just avoiding the whole

thing you came back you're sitting at

your desk I think you might be in freeze

mode and that's a nervous system State

and there's very good news about this

the nervous system states are ones that

you can work on and get some healing

around if it is freeze mode I really

encourage you to read more about it you

know this has to do with your um central

nervous system and your sympathetic

nervous system which which gets all

freaked out when everything's upsetting

and then it calms down with the

parasympathetic response so another word

for living in freeze mode is

underfunctioning there are some people

who over function as a trauma response

you know they just try to do everything

they'll work themselves to ex exhaustion

they get into perfectionism and then

there's underfunctioning and

underfunctioning is what you're talking

about where you sit at your desk you're

you know intending to get a lot done you

really need to work to get money but you

just can't seem to do it you're

paralyzed at your desk so it's under

function

it's not uncommon so first of all what

really hurt my heart is when you just

said you know um I've given up on

relationships and um because of poor

choices which is what we do that's

another thing that can be healed but

that you've been blessed with talents

and opportunities and have knowingly

squandered them you know could we just

consider that there's another thing

going on that you didn't knowingly

squander them that you actually tried

your best but because of trauma you went

through your nervous system had gets

stuck sometimes and can't kick into gear

and what you need is a workaround to

assist your nervous system to sort of

start up again to get going to start

governing your body and your ability to

pay attention and remember and when you

can do those things you can get a lot

more confidence about Prospect

prospecting now for anybody who's never

done sales prospecting is where you make

phone calls or network or find people

who are potential customers for you and

it's part of having a business and you

know what a lot of people do when they

start a business businesses they don't

want to deal with that part and they

even will say formally I don't want to

do it you you're taking you're accepting

that it has to be done but Jacob could I

just say that sometimes a partner or an

employee to do your sales for you your

prospecting for you could possibly be a

great fit salespeople will sometimes

work on commission which is cool so if

they can sit there and do the

prospecting part and you can do the

follow through and deliver the service

that you provide I don't know exactly

what you do but not everybody's cut cut

out to be the salesperson and that's

okay a lot of people don't realize that

going into business or being a

contractor or a consultant that about

half your work roughly unless you're

famous which who is it's going to be

like trying to find customers and a lot

of people with trauma really trip up

around this one because it takes so much

confidence you know some people have

kind of like a mask that they can wear a

false self to go out there and go hey I

can provide this really good service

it's high quality it's good pricing you

can talk to me about it some people that

comes naturally but it doesn't come

naturally to everybody and so I really

recommend that you do your research you

don't need any more coaches or anything

expensive there's this thing called

YouTube I I started up my second

business entirely learned from YouTube I

learned the whole thing from YouTube you

can learn a lot there but learning how

um how people do the communication and

appear confident and have Charisma say

the things that lead to a sale

I think half of the procrastination and

lack of confidence around that has to do

with being too Frozen a lot of the time

to have done adequate research to know

how to do it I mean everybody knows a

little bit how to do it but really how

to do it and uh I I want I coach a lot

of people who are business people and

who are entrepreneurs or you know they

have a they're solo preneurs and this is

a big issue for almost everybody and

they want to avoid it they want to

minimize it they want to believe they

already know something but I promise you

you can learn from YouTube also from

books there's very good business books

about how to do this and um they help me

to realize like of course I can't do

every job and after a while in a

business you start to realize which job

are you a book that was world changing

for me is called The e- Myth by Michael

Gerber I loved that book and what it

helped me understand is that in starting

up any business you wear all the hats

and gradually you don't wear all the

hats that the only way you're ever going

to be able to grow the business is to be

able to start bringing in other people

to wear some of the other hats and so

I'm guessing because of your coaching

you do know all of this but I think a

lot of coaching it's not really well

targeted for people who have complex

PTSD you got what you got from the

coaching so good you know that knowledge

is in there right now it's time to get

out of freeze mode the number one thing

that is recommended for people in freeze

mode is to go outside and move around

and so what's interesting is that one of

your traumatic experiences was having to

clear this like half mile drive of brush

and trees in July heat which sounds like

torture it does sound like torture and

so I don't know what you do right now

but going outside in a doing something

that gives you Joy hopefully getting

some nature getting a little sunlight

and moving your body is how you can get

out of freeze mode a lot of us benefit

from having a morning routine and the

morning routine is something that I

teach in my disregulation boot camp um

you can find a link to that down below

in the description section so freeze

mode is one aspect of nervous system

disregulation it's one aspect now all of

us are capable of going into multiple

trauma responses sometimes we fight

sometimes we freeze we Fawn we're like

please like me or we run away but we

often have a dominant one so this is the

one hurting you everybody can benefit

from learning to re-regulate their

nervous system and so what I encourage

you to do is learn about disregulation

learn about it start working on very

simple things that you can do they don't

cost any money you can um wash your

hands in very cold water you can walk

around outside you can bang your feet

one left right left right you can press

your tongue to the roof of your mouth

these are easy tips to just start

bringing yourself into regulation you

can take five deep breaths or use box

breathing where you breathe in for a

certain measure hold for a certain

measure exhale for a measure hold for a

measure breathe in all of these things

can start bringing your nervous system

back online for some people it is group

activities now somehow I get the feeling

that you're very isolated in your work

so I really am going to encourage you to

find a way to connect with other people

whether it's to go to an um adult

children of Alcoholics and other

disfunctional families 12-step meeting

good way to make make friends or another

12-step meeting meeting or in some way

connect with Community especially with

men especially with business people

people who get it people who are working

these same challenges it's a completely

different game sitting at your desk

thinking in your head about what you're

going to do versus connecting with other

people and sharing with them what you're

going to do the window opens the oxygen

comes in good things can begin to happen

there needs to be nervous system

alignment and a sense of positive

connection to goals that you would like

to have in your life so you know having

a business and having it be successful

is a great joy not to mention the

financial benefits that help make life

so much easier so Jacob I hope you'll do

those things and if you need help come

on into my disregulation boot camp it's

easy it's fun if you like it you can

become a member at crappy childhood

fairy and there you'll find a lot of

people who are also working heal their

disregulation and friends who are

working through their freeze mode too if

you had trauma in the past you probably

struggle sometimes to get things done to

stick with things that you begin so why

is that even when you're actively

healing PTSD from childhood there are

trauma patterns that can come out of

nowhere that can make you fragile at

times one day you feel like you're good

you're full of energy and ambition and

you're focused you're working hard and

then the next day you're like hey why

don't I step up a little here and you

take on something new or you put

yourself out there in a new way and then

bam you crash it's a thing trauma

survivors do like a cycle or a wave

pattern you know have you had that where

you go up you go up you're doing good

you keep busy and then you withdraw it's

it's not depression that I'm talking

about here it's more like going into a

shell is it bad it can be very bad it

can ruin your chances of success in life

people don't really talk about this but

I've seen it over and over again I

suffered with it myself and yes there is

a way to heal it so here's what crashing

looks like first complex PTSD involves

neurological disregulation that can

activate when you're under stress or

sometimes for no reason at all when

you're disregulated it can be hard to

focus you get spaced out you can't

really feel how much time is passing and

you feel really sensitive sometimes or

even overreactive to negative things

like criticism or feeling left out so

these subtle ups and downs of

neurological functioning and there are

so many of them you know in your life

throughout the day it means that working

eight hours straight on a regular

schedule is like forcing a square peg

into a round hole I've noticed that

people with past trauma more more than

most people work in irregular bursts

Sprints and then quiet times when you're

on a roll you can focus for a period of

time it might be hours it might be days

if you're lucky could be even longer

than that oh that's a happy state right

so let's call that humming along and

then usually following a big step that

you take because you have some

confidence because you've been humming

along H you crash and crashes don't

always look like anything but they are

very much something it's a terrible

counterveiling force that comes to pull

you back down when you start getting a

little too free a little too real a

little too open and that fragile side of

you reaches in and tries to just pull

you back where it thinks you're safe

down here so the motivation is safety to

pull you back down you know something in

you is trying to keep you safe but the

outcome is

self-sabotage so you get a promotion

you feel guilty or you lose some weight

you gain it back and you get a little

money you waste it cptsd feels

uncomfortable when you ascend to a new

level Now crashes aren't always

devastating or life destroying it's

usually more like a period of sleepiness

or vagueness or sometimes resentment or

resistance you know you have your

reasons like I I really don't want to be

productive right now that's what it

feels like in the moment moment it

doesn't look like any big thing

necessarily you might stop going to work

but usually you keep going to work and

you keep going to the things that you go

to but you're totally

hiding if you're not trying to do

anything big in your life you can hide

that pretty well but if you're trying to

do something big and you're crashing you

might keep showing up for work but

things you know it might be not be

dramatic it's just that things don't go

anywhere you know you take on a project

and it goes on longer than you thought

it's not really getting off the ground

everyone knows what that's like the

project gets no liftoff you make a start

but you can't get it done or you never

start it's just talking about it I know

that one and because it's cyclical

eventually you'll have the urge to try

something again maybe months or years

later when things have been going well

for you and you've got a little momentum

you know and then you put yourself out

there and Bam the crash cycle begins

again so there are hard crashes and

there are subtle crashes which can be

just as destructive to anything real and

true and important you're trying to

create in your

life for me it was back when I wrote my

first book when I made my first film

also I did really well for a first timer

in both of those areas and I was

encouraged for real to keep pursuing

both of those things film and writing

but it was hard work and it involved aot

lot of putting myself out there and even

getting some criticism and feeling

exposed to the public and I remember

after the film was done a woman friend

who had participated at a couple of the

shoots as an extra was talking to me and

it was this great little film everybody

in it and their families came to the

screening we had a party the film won an

award and I was over the moon with my

accomplishment you know I did it all in

my spare time while I held down a

full-time day job as an ad men assistant

at a hospital and this woman friend who

had some issues of her own just out of

the blue said something like you think

everybody had a had a fun time but

actually it was really awful for

everyone because you were awful and she

called she said I was a and I

started crying and I really took it in

like I believed her and I was I remember

I was sitting on the floor next to the

coffee table in her living room and she

said yeah you know it wasn't just me it

was everyone who felt this way

and it was like you know it was like a

knife in my heart and I felt ashamed and

that night I I called everybody who had

been in the film and I asked them you

know was it really was I really bad and

they all said no no that was really fun

you were fine we loved it that was great

let's do it again but what did I do I

gave up I crashed I learned so much from

making my first film and instead of

taking all that learning and fun and

making another one I turned against

myself I kept just being an admin

assistant and instead of writing scripts

and setting up shoots with my friends I

just fell back into watching TV at night

like for years and this happened with my

book too the book did well and I started

getting all these invitations to speak

and be on radio shows and to write

columns but I had a boss at the time in

my day job who said that the head of the

whole organization had said that my

writing was a conflict of interest and

that if I wrote anymore I'd be fired

well my boss said you know that if it

were up to him of course I could write

but you know the boss's boss wasn't okay

with it I did stop writing but two years

later I was at a conference with the

president of the big National

Organization who had supposedly said

this that I couldn't do it anymore and I

asked her and I said you know I now that

we're kind of friends I just want to ask

about something that happened a couple

years ago you know I I wrote a book it

was doing really well and you said I had

to stop writing or I'd get fired and she

was just like what I never said that I

would never say that we want people who

are you know ambitious like that we

loved your book we thought it was great

we bought it we we loved it I could

hardly even compute it for a minute I

was like what so I was like okay thank

you but what I had to face is that the

boss that I had been working with for

years sabotaged me that he you know shut

me down out of who knows we can

speculate if he was jealous or I don't

know I don't I can't really see a

scenario where he was sincerely worried

that I wouldn't do my job I did a great

job on that

job so I was faced with the horrible

reality that somebody I trusted would do

that to me and so what did I do did I go

back to him and say Hey you told me your

boss said I couldn't publish again or

I'd get fired but that's not true like I

know her really well now and she didn't

do that so why did you threaten my

livelihood like that why did you make me

stop doing this great thing that was

making me

successful well that's not what I said I

said nothing I never said anything I

crashed so I kept working for him for

years and because I participated in his

sabotage of me I didn't write again for

18 years until I started the crappy

childhood fairy blog in all I worked

under that guy for 10 years and I wish I

had just cut it short as soon as I

recognized that that kind of level of

sabot was going on it was such a dead

end for me but because I took it on

inside and got you know Frozen and

melted down and then also then I was

having kids and all these things

happened that I didn't carry on so

technically I could have written but

sometimes the greatness in you is held

back by a fear that seems small but is

so significant that you could go your

whole life never becoming your real self

or doing the the really good thing that

you're capable of doing so until I

started crappy childhood fairy uh I

didn't write and now I write and write

and write and I do it every week I do it

every day so six plus years ago I wrote

my first blog post for crappy childhood

fairy and I was very Rusty at first I

had a really hard time getting anything

on paper I did a blog post I don't know

at first maybe every month or something

sometimes i' go three months it was

really hard to do and I was doing it on

the side on top of the job I already had

and what happened was

that Movement Like beginning you just

start writing and then you get momentum

like something is liberated in you

because now you're Freer and I'm Freer

because every year that goes by in my

life I've used my daily practice more

and more to really like like unearth the

the real me out of all the fearful and

resentful thoughts that have been just

suppressing me and thinking I had to go

along with somebody who would tell me I

can't write or I'd lose my job right so

I'm following my calling and if you're

going to do that and I I recommend you

you seek that out because this is where

happiness is where you really get to do

what you're best at What You're Made to

do but you you get stuck from doing it

when you feel suppressed by your life

circumstances by the fear and resentment

that you've got and how that will

manifest is that you try but you cannot

sustain it that's what a crash is it's

just it's the unsustainability of you

following your natural path so you're

making it sustainable and until you can

do that when you're suppressed like that

through outer things and inner things

when you can't get yourself you know

just out there to do what you were made

to do you will feel frustrated there

will be a low-level depression every

time you think about it you'll be

confronted sometimes with the indignity

and the sort of insult of people being

hard on you about doing things that were

not really what you were meant to be

doing anyway and you took the job so

it's their right to expect you to do the

job right but you took the wrong job you

followed the wrong path because you were

you were so accustomed to crashing you

thought that you could not dare to

follow the path you wanted so it's all

about get back on your path get back on

your path and make it sustainable for

yourself so how do you do that here it

is I learned to modulate my crashes that

means make them not like this but like

this not so intense if you're a person

who crashes if you fall off your game

from time to time to the degree that

it's really taking away from the quality

of your life and your sense of freedom

and confidence to pursue what you really

want to be doing I want to tell you how

to modulate your

crashes crashing follows a very similar

pattern to a lot of other things that go

with cptsd notice that crashing looks a

lot like neurological disregulation it

gets triggered by something you don't

notice it at first necessarily it

distorts your perception making you

really vulnerable to discouragement and

criticism it comes with a physical state

sometimes it's like physical agitation

or a bit of a torper you know you can't

get your energy going there is often a

full self attack involved and self

attack doesn't help right it can feel

like the crashing experience is

something someone is doing to you like

so and so really upset me and now I

can't focus but notice that even when

another person goes along with you on

this maybe apologizes for upsetting you

it doesn't solve the problem they can't

fix it because the the crash has already

been set in motion so it's inside that's

because it's about the brain state that

you're now slogging around in and this

is a lot like disregulation if you're on

this channel much you know I talk about

neurological disregulation it's a common

you know little little glitch that your

nervous system can go into it goes with

with childhood trauma everybody in fact

gets disregulated sometimes most people

virtually all people can eventually

reregulate but when you had trauma it

can be harder to come back you go down

farther you stay there longer it's

harder to come back so when that crash

gets activated it colors everything you

see it makes you think your efforts are

they're all a waste your talent is

absolutely worthless nobody cares or

wants to read your stupid book or watch

your idiotic movie or eat the horrible

dinner you made or be your boy friend or

whatever terrible thought fills your

mind in there when you put yourself out

there and get met with

discouragement it is so important when

you realize you're in a brain state that

it's a normal reaction to stress or

discouragement which are always part of

life and therefore you can stop beating

yourself up beating yourself up only

makes it worse right when you notice

you're crashing just treat it like a

brain State and get to work supporting

your brain it's like you know you were

trying to get things done oops crash

let's get to work on my brain you know

change paths build myself back up so

that I can get back to work so here's

how you do that you can develop routines

our brains like routines and they find

them relaxing especially when trauma has

made things kind of chaotic and it's

hard sometimes to stick with routines

but you're going to need to keep

accepting that and embracing your

efforts anyway and it can take time to

get consistent you want consistency

because any kind of emotional drama or a

crazy schedule it drains your energy and

it's putting you at risk for a crash so

do you go long spells without eating

well I never do but I know some people

do you want to stay consistently

nourished do you stay up all night and

then sleep all day that's going to set

you up for a crash that your regular

sleep schedule if you tend to lose your

temper if you're emotionally

disregulated if you're a people pleaser

if you end up in quick relationships

with people you don't know all those

things can mess up the gentle routine

your brain loves and it sets you up for

a crash now you don't have to be boring

or live like a perfect little princess

that's my worst fear it's good to live

your life and do new things sometimes

but you want to overall keep things

within parameters that don't drain

everything out of you when you're

emotionally or physically exhausted your

mind plays tricks on you and self

sabotages right when things are hard

right when a new job brings a challenge

in front of you if your well is full you

can get through the challenge if you're

already drained from a bunch of crazy

stuff happening in your life you're

going to want to find an excuse to

withdraw and you will you call in sick

fall into resentment you believe that

you're helpless hopeless you lash out at

Society you give up and

disappear so you don't want big swings

here no big swings just walk in the path

remember cuz you have cptsd and in a way

it's like having diabetes where yes you

have it but if you take care of it and

follow a way of life that supports you

you can keep it under control and maybe

even reverse it so cptsd is like that

and this model also it's similar to

crashing diabetics take insulin and in

the same way you might need to do things

that keep you balanced and resilient and

able to handle hard things things risks

criticisms little embarrassments periods

of intense effort that wear you down you

keep yourself balanced with decent sleep

decent diet support from friends don't

skimp on that one hardly anything works

when you try to do it in isolation you

can learn to calm the triggers that tend

to set off the crash by becoming aware

and learning to discharge the fearful

and resentful emotions and thoughts that

cloud your thinking when you're crashing

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