UNFREEZE Your Nervous System To Get Stuff Done

Summary

The video script discusses the impact of childhood trauma on adult life, often manifesting as procrastination and a sense of inadequacy. It features Jacob's story, who struggled with feelings of inferiority and underachievement due to an abusive and neglectful upbringing. The speaker suggests that understanding trauma's effects on the nervous system, such as 'freeze mode,' is crucial for healing and overcoming procrastination. Strategies like seeking support, learning from YouTube, and establishing a morning routine are recommended to help individuals regain control over their lives and businesses.

Takeaways

• 😔 Childhood trauma and neglect can lead to procrastination and a sense of inadequacy in adulthood.
• 👨‍👧 Jacob's story illustrates the impact of an explosive and self-centered parent, coupled with a codependent one, setting him up for failure.
• 🏠 Growing up in a rural area with no social support and a lack of activities contributed to Jacob's feelings of isolation.
• 🔄 Joining the military provided Jacob a sense of belonging and competence, but returning to the family business extinguished his drive.
• 💡 Despite having talents and opportunities, Jacob struggles with a pattern of inaction and self-doubt, which he attributes to his past.
• 🧠 The script suggests that trauma can cause nervous system changes, leading to 'freeze mode', which might be the root of Jacob's procrastination.
• 🛑 Understanding and addressing the trauma response of 'freeze mode' could be a key to overcoming procrastination and inaction.
• 🤝 The speaker recommends seeking support and community, such as through 12-step meetings, to help with healing and connection.
• 📚 Learning about nervous system regulation and implementing simple techniques can assist in overcoming underfunctioning due to trauma.
• 🌳 Engaging in outdoor activities and establishing a morning routine can help in breaking out of 'freeze mode' and re-regulating the nervous system.
• 📈 For individuals with complex PTSD, targeted strategies and community support are more effective than generic coaching or training.

Q & A

What is the common issue faced by people with childhood trauma as described in the script?

People with childhood trauma often struggle with procrastination, feeling stuck, and difficulty getting work done due to nervous system changes that make them prone to 'freeze mode'.

Who is Jacob in the context of the script?

Jacob is a pseudonym for a man who wrote a letter to the speaker, describing his feelings of inadequacy and struggles with productivity and business due to his childhood experiences.

What was Jacob's childhood like according to his letter?

Jacob's childhood was marked by an explosive and self-centered parent who wanted him to be an adult, a codependent parent, and a lack of social interaction with peers. He felt constantly criticized and was made to work hard physically without proper guidance.

How did Jacob's military experience impact his self-perception?

Jacob's military experience helped him make friends and realize that he was not as 'dumb and useless' as he previously thought.

What challenges did Jacob face when he returned to work in his family's business?

Jacob faced a lack of effective guidance and constant comparison with others, which extinguished his 'fire and go-getter personality' and led to feelings of inadequacy.

What is the term used to describe the state Jacob might be experiencing, and what does it mean?

Jacob might be experiencing 'freeze mode,' which is a nervous system state where a person becomes paralyzed and unable to take action, often a response to trauma.

What is the speaker's advice for Jacob regarding his business and prospecting?

The speaker suggests that Jacob consider hiring a partner or an employee to handle the prospecting part of his business, allowing him to focus on the service delivery, as not everyone is suited to be a salesperson.

What resources does the speaker recommend for Jacob to learn more about business and communication?

The speaker recommends using free resources like YouTube and books, specifically mentioning 'The E-Myth' by Michael Gerber, to learn about business operations and communication skills.

What is the speaker's suggestion to help Jacob get out of 'freeze mode'?

The speaker suggests going outside, moving around, and engaging in activities that bring joy and connection with nature, as well as establishing a morning routine to help regulate the nervous system.

What are some simple techniques the speaker recommends to help regulate the nervous system?

The speaker recommends techniques such as washing hands in cold water, walking outside, banging feet, pressing the tongue to the roof of the mouth, deep breathing, and box breathing.

How does the speaker suggest Jacob can connect with others and overcome isolation?

The speaker encourages Jacob to find ways to connect with other people, such as attending 12-step meetings or joining community groups, to share experiences and work through challenges together.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Childhood Trauma and Procrastination

The first paragraph introduces the script's theme, focusing on the connection between childhood abuse or neglect and the development of procrastination and self-doubt in adulthood. It presents a letter from 'Jacob,' who has struggled with feelings of inadequacy and a sense of being unworthy since childhood. Jacob's upbringing involved an explosive, self-centered parent and a codependent one, leading to a tense and abusive home environment. His disconnection from others continued into high school, and joining the military provided a brief respite and a sense of accomplishment. However, upon returning to work in the family business, his confidence waned, and despite efforts to start his own business, he continues to grapple with procrastination and a lack of direction.

05:01

😖 Understanding Trauma's Impact on the Nervous System

The second paragraph delves into the psychological impact of trauma, specifically discussing how it can lead to a state of 'freeze mode' within the nervous system. This state is characterized by underfunctioning, where an individual is unable to take action despite the desire and need to do so. The speaker empathizes with Jacob's feelings of squandering talents and opportunities, suggesting that these may not be the result of poor choices but rather the effects of trauma on his nervous system. The paragraph also touches on the idea that not everyone is suited to be a salesperson and suggests that partnering with someone or hiring an employee could be a solution for Jacob's business challenges. The importance of learning and building confidence in sales and prospecting is highlighted, with recommendations to utilize free resources like YouTube and books to gain the necessary skills.

10:02

🌱 Overcoming Freeze Mode and Nervous System Disregulation

The third paragraph offers practical advice for individuals like Jacob who may be stuck in 'freeze mode.' It emphasizes the importance of physical movement, particularly outdoors, as a means to reregulate the nervous system. The speaker recommends developing a morning routine and suggests that engaging in group activities or joining support groups could help alleviate feelings of isolation and promote positive connections. The paragraph also introduces the concept of 'disregulation boot camp,' a program designed to help individuals heal their nervous system disregulation. The speaker encourages Jacob to take steps towards healing, offering hope that by addressing the underlying trauma and nervous system issues, he can regain control over his life and business.

Keywords

💡Procrastination

Procrastination refers to the act of delaying or postponing tasks or actions, often due to a lack of motivation or fear of failure. In the video, it is associated with the struggle of individuals with childhood trauma, who find themselves stuck and unable to complete work efficiently. The speaker suggests that understanding the root cause of this behavior, such as trauma-induced nervous system changes, is crucial for overcoming it.

💡Childhood PTSD

Childhood Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing traumatic events during childhood. The video discusses how childhood abuse or neglect can lead to PTSD in adults, causing issues like procrastination and difficulty in work performance. Jacob's story exemplifies how such a past can impact an individual's self-perception and ability to function effectively in adulthood.

💡Freeze Mode

Freeze mode is a trauma response characterized by a state of immobilization or paralysis, often resulting from overwhelming fear or shock. The concept is introduced in the video to explain why someone might struggle with productivity, as it relates to the nervous system's reaction to past trauma. Jacob's inability to work effectively is suggested to be a manifestation of being stuck in freeze mode.

💡Nervous System

The nervous system is a complex network of nerves and cells responsible for transmitting signals between different parts of the body. The video script mentions that trauma in the past may have caused changes in the nervous system, making individuals vulnerable to entering freeze mode. Understanding these changes is key to addressing the issues related to procrastination and underfunctioning.

💡Underfunctioning

Underfunctioning, as discussed in the video, is a state where an individual is unable to perform at their expected level, often due to trauma-induced nervous system responses. It is exemplified by Jacob's experience of sitting at his desk, intending to work, but being unable to do so, which is indicative of the challenges faced by those in freeze mode.

💡Complex PTSD

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is a psychological condition that develops in response to prolonged, repeated experiences of trauma. The script suggests that in addition to childhood PTSD, Jacob might also be dealing with C-PTSD due to the chronic and ongoing nature of the stress he experienced, contributing to his current struggles.

💡Disregulation

Disregulation refers to the inability of an individual to self-regulate or manage their emotional and physiological responses effectively. The video emphasizes the importance of learning to reregulate the nervous system for those in freeze mode. Techniques such as deep breathing and physical movement are suggested as methods to achieve this.

💡Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the value and respect an individual holds for themselves. In the video, Jacob's low self-esteem is evident in his belief that he is not as capable as others. The script suggests that addressing the trauma and its effects on the nervous system can help improve self-esteem and overall functioning.

💡Isolation

Isolation refers to the state of being alone or disconnected from others. The video mentions Jacob's childhood isolation and how it continued into adulthood, affecting his ability to form relationships and contributing to his struggles with business and personal growth.

💡Nervous System Reregulation

Nervous system reregulation is the process of restoring balance to the nervous system after it has been disrupted by trauma. The video suggests simple techniques for reregulation, such as cold water immersion and physical movement, as a way to overcome the effects of trauma and improve daily functioning.

💡12-Step Meeting

A 12-Step Meeting is a structured support group, often used for individuals recovering from various addictions or dealing with trauma. The video script encourages Jacob to attend such meetings to connect with others, share experiences, and find support in overcoming his challenges.

Highlights

People with childhood trauma often struggle with procrastination and underfunctioning.

Childhood neglect and abuse can cause nervous system changes leading to a 'freeze mode' response.

Jacob's childhood was marked by explosive and self-centered parenting, contributing to his feelings of inadequacy.

Jacob felt disconnected and isolated, which continued into his high school years.

Joining the military helped Jacob realize his potential and make friends.

Returning to the family business extinguished Jacob's drive and led to feelings of failure.

Jacob struggled to make progress in his own business due to procrastination and lack of focus.

Investments in coaching and training did not resolve Jacob's procrastination issues.

Understanding trauma's impact on the nervous system is crucial for healing and overcoming procrastination.

Trauma responses include fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, with freeze mode being a common issue for underfunctioning.

Therapy and self-help strategies may not be enough for individuals with complex PTSD.

Finding workarounds to assist the nervous system can help individuals break out of freeze mode.

Sales prospecting is a critical skill for business success, but it can be challenging for those with confidence issues.

YouTube and books can be valuable, cost-effective resources for learning business skills.

The book 'The E-Myth' by Michael Gerber offers insights into business growth and delegating tasks.

Physical activity and outdoor time can help regulate the nervous system and break the freeze mode.

Developing a morning routine and engaging in group activities can aid in nervous system reregulation.

Connecting with others, especially those with similar challenges, can provide support and motivation.

Disregulation boot camp offers a community and tools for healing from childhood trauma and nervous system disregulation.

Transcripts

all over the world people who were

abused or neglected in childhood are

procrastinating and they're thinking

that they're the only one freezing up

getting stuck struggling to get work

done it's all so common for people with

childhood pts and as long as you look at

it as just laziness or a character flaw

you might be making your procrastination

worse understanding that trauma in the

past may have caused nervous system

changes that make you vulnerable and

prone to go into what's called Freeze

mode might just be what sets you free my

letter today is from a man I'll call

Jacob and he writes hi Anna as far back

as I can remember I've always had the

sense that everyone else is better than

me I've got my fairy pencil I'm going to

circle things I want to come back to on

a second reading but let's go through

and see what Jacob's got going

on he says they're better at sports

better at school better at making

friends or having friends just a general

sense of always being not good enough my

childhood had one parent who was and

still is explosive self-centered and

wanted his children to be adults and not

children the other parent was a

codependent also just trying to survive

my older sister and I were set up in to

fail in most cases or accused of being

lazy when in fact neither was the case

my family were the lowbudget crew for

the family business and most things were

hard hired out I can remember cutting

the lot for our new home in the middle

of July the driveway is a quarter of a

mile long we moved all the brush and

chipped it the hardwood was dragged off

by hand and stacked most of that time we

were all being yelled at particularly me

for being lazy he says all right walking

on eggshells was the daily ritual at my

house and never knowing who was going to

get the Wrath or why we lived in a very

rural area and there wasn't any there

weren't any kids from school nearby and

we weren't offered to um be put into any

activities with local kids at school it

was a small community most of the kids

were pretty pretty close-knit because of

sports Church neighbors and so on so I

always felt outside of things I spent

the majority of my childhood alone or at

least disconnected from most everyone

this continued through high school and

my only way out was to join the military

then I did make friends and learned I

wasn't as dumb and useless as I thought

when I came home I went to work in the

family business and all of my fire and

go-getter personality seemed to be

extinguished there wasn't any effective

guidance I was just thrown to the wolves

and why can't you do as well as Xyz or

XYZ is kicking our butt and took took

this deal or that at this point about

four years had passed and I had spent

thousands on coaching training and so on

and just couldn't seem to make ago I

left the company more or less and moved

1500 M away but continued to contract

disliking it all I decided to start my

own business and continue part-time

however after about 20 years it was

easier to earn money from the old

business than to focus on my business

I've again spent thousands of dollars on

coaching and more training and built

systems and so on and have monthly costs

besides living bills I know exactly what

needs to be done prospecting I know I'm

very skilled at it very polished and I

need to do a great job when I fall into

an opportunity most days I spend at my

desk staring at my computer not doing

work not building either business and

just watching as everything falls apart

around me until some random deal Falls

in my lap two or three times a year and

I survive nothing I've done up to now

has helped me take the right actions I'm

blind to what is holding me back and

regardless of journaling hypnosis

screaming forc saying I do not do what

is necessary this pattern has been an

ongoing challenge for my entire adult

life I gave up on ever having a family

due to poor choices and mates so far

I've given up on my financial security

and freedom even though I know that I

have been for lack of a better word

blessed with talents and opportunities

and have knowingly squandered them

whoa I just cannot see what the barrier

is or how to address it okay Jacob I got

you let's talk about

this so what you described about your

childhood but your Youth and your young

adulthood where you were basically

getting verbally abused all the time by

your dad your mom didn't do anything

that's enough to do some nervous system

damage to a kid and it was chronic and

it was ongoing and that's that does you

know that's where cptsd comes from

chronic ongoing intense stress from

abuse or neglect um in the case of kids

there are other reasons people get cptsd

and I think you might have picked those

up too along the way

but one of the ways that trauma

manifests in US is we go into freeze

mode so there's these trauma reactions

there's roughly four of them you could

make a longer list but fight flight

freeze and fawn so we've all met the

type who was traumatized in the past and

they're just very full of conflict they

get into fights they're always suing

people that's fight flight is running

away you know just avoiding the whole

thing you came back you're sitting at

your desk I think you might be in freeze

mode and that's a nervous system State

and there's very good news about this

the nervous system states are ones that

you can work on and get some healing

around if it is freeze mode I really

encourage you to read more about it you

know this has to do with your um central

nervous system and your sympathetic

nervous system which which gets all

freaked out when everything's upsetting

and then it calms down with the

parasympathetic response so another word

for living in freeze mode is

underfunctioning there are some people

who overun function as a trauma response

you know they just try to do everything

they'll work themselves to ex exhaustion

they get into perfectionism and then

there's underfunctioning and under

functioning is what you're talking about

where you sit at your desk you're you

know intending to get a lot done you

really need to work to get money but you

just can't seem to do it you're

paralyzed at your desk so it's

underfunctioning it's not uncommon so

first of all what really hurt my heart

is when you just said you know um I've

given up on relationships and um because

of poor choices which is what we do

that's another thing that can be healed

but that you've been blessed with

talents and opportunities and have

knowingly squandered them you know could

we just consider that there's another

thing going on that you didn't knowingly

squander them that you actually tried

your best but because of trauma you went

through your nervous system had gets

stuck sometimes and can't kick into gear

and what you need is a workaround to

assist your nervous system to sort of

start up again to get going to start

governing your body and your ability to

pay attention and remember and when you

can do those things you can get a lot

more confidence about Prospect

prospecting now for anybody who's never

done sales prospecting is where you make

phone calls or network or find people

who are potential customers for you and

it's part of having a business and you

know what a lot of people do when they

start a business is they don't want to

deal with that part and they even will

say formally I don't want to do it you

you're taking you're accepting that it

has to be done but Jacob could I just

say that sometimes a partner or an

employee to do your sales for you your

prospecting for you could possibly be a

great fit salespeople will sometimes

work on commission which is cool so if

they can sit there and do the

prospecting part and you can do the

follow-through and deliver the service

that you provide I don't know exactly

what you do but not everybody's cut out

to be the salesperson and that's okay a

lot of people don't realize that going

into business or being a contractor or a

consultant that about half your work

roughly unless you're famous which who

is it's going to be like trying to find

customers and a lot of people with

trauma really trip up around this one

because it takes so much confidence you

know some people have kind of like a

mask that they can wear a false self to

go out there and go hey I can provide

this really good service it's high

quality it's good pricing you can talk

to me about it some people that comes

naturally but it doesn't come naturally

to everybody and so I really recommend

that you do your research you don't need

any more coaches or anything expensive

there's this thing called YouTube I I

started up my second business entirely

learned from YouTube I learned the whole

thing from YouTube you can learn a lot

there but learning how um how people do

the communication and appear confident

and have Charisma say the things that

lead to a sale I think half of the

procrastination and lack of confidence

around that has to do with being too

Frozen a lot of the time to have done

adequate research to know how to do it I

mean everybody knows a little bit how to

do it but really how to do it and uh I I

want I coach a lot of people who are

business people and who are

entrepreneurs or you know they have a

they're solopreneurs and this is a big

issue for almost everybody and they want

to avoid it they want to minimize it

they want to believe they already know

something but I promise you you can

learn from YouTube also from books

there's very good business books about

how to do this and uh

they help me to realize like of course I

can't do every job and after a while in

a business you start to realize which

job are you a book that was world

changing for me is called The e- Myth by

Michael Gerber I loved that book and

what it helped me understand is that in

starting up any business you wear all

the hats and gradually you don't wear

all the hats that the only way you're

ever going to be able to grow the

business is to be able to start bringing

in other people to wear some of the

other hats and so I'm guessing because

of your coaching you do know all of this

but I think a lot of coaching it's not

really well targeted for people who have

complex PTSD you got what you got from

the coaching so good you know that

knowledge is in there right now it's

time to get out of freeze mode the

number one thing that is recommended for

people in freeze mode is to go outside

and move around and so what's

interesting is that one of your

traumatic experiences was having to

clear this like half mile drive of brush

and tree

in July heat which sounds like torture

it does sound like torture and so I

don't know what you do right now but

going outside in a and doing something

that gives you Joy hopefully getting

some nature getting a little sunlight

and moving your body is how you can get

out of freeze mode a lot of us benefit

from having a morning routine and the

morning routine is something that I

teach in my disregulation boot camp um

you can find a link to that down below

in the description section so freeze

mode is one aspect of nervous system

disregulation it's one aspect now all of

us are capable of going into multiple

trauma responses sometimes we fight

sometimes we freeze we Fawn we're like

please like me or we run away but we

often have a dominant one so this is the

one hurting you everybody can benefit

from learning to reregulate their

nervous system and so what I encourage

you to do is learn about disregulation

learn about it start working on very

simple things that you can do they don't

cost any money

you can um wash your hands in very cold

water you can walk around outside you

can bang your feet one left right left

right you can press your tongue to the

roof of your mouth these are easy tips

to just start bringing yourself into

regulation you can take five deep

breaths or use box breathing where you

breathe in for a certain measure hold

for a certain measure exhale for a

measure hold for a measure breathe in

all of these things can start bringing

your nervous system system back online

for some people it is group activities

now somehow I get the feeling that

you're very isolated in your work so I

really am going to encourage you to find

a way to connect with other people

whether it's to go to an um adult

children of Alcoholics and other

disfunctional families 12-step meeting

good way to make make friends or another

12-step meeting or in some way connect

with Community especially with men

especially with business people people

who get it people who are working these

same challenges it's a completely

different game sitting at your desk

thinking in your head about what you're

going to do versus connecting with other

people and sharing with them what you're

going to do the window opens the oxygen

comes in good things can begin to happen

there needs to be nervous system

alignment and a sense of positive

connection to goals that you would like

to have in your life so you know having

a business and having it be successful

is a great joy not to mention the

financial benefits that help make life

so much easier so Jacob I hope you'll do

those things and if you need help come

on into my disregulation boot camp it's

easy it's fun if you like it you can

become a member at crappy childhood

fairy and there you'll find a lot of

people who are also working to heal

their disregulation and friends who are

working through their freeze mode too I

tell you what I'll put a link to the

disregulation boot camp right here and I

will see you very

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soon