Want To Improve? Give Up On Self Improvement...

JulienHimself
2 Jun 202417:26

Summary

TLDRThe speaker critiques the self-help culture's reliance on epiphanies for change, emphasizing that knowledge alone doesn't equate to problem-solving. They argue that true transformation requires personal willingness and action, not just passive consumption of content. The script challenges the audience to reflect on their own motivation and the potential pitfalls of waiting for a 'rock bottom' moment to spur change, advocating for immediate and intentional self-improvement.

Takeaways

  • ๐Ÿง  Epiphanies are not enough for change: The speaker emphasizes that having insights or 'epiphanies' from self-help content is not the same as taking action to solve problems.
  • ๐Ÿ“š Knowledge vs. Action: Understanding the root of one's problems is important, but without action, it doesn't lead to resolution.
  • ๐ŸŽญ The Illusion of Procrastination: Using self-help as a form of productive procrastination doesn't lead to personal growth; it's a way to avoid taking real steps towards change.
  • ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ Responsibility for Change: The responsibility to change lies with the individual. Coaches and helpers can guide, but they cannot impose the desire to change.
  • ๐Ÿด Leading Horses to Water: A metaphor used to illustrate that one can show the way, but cannot force someone to take the necessary steps for self-improvement.
  • ๐Ÿ•ฐ๏ธ Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds: Contrary to popular belief, waiting doesn't make problems easier to solve; it often makes them more ingrained in one's life.
  • ๐Ÿ’‰ The Myth of a 'Spider-Man' Moment: There is no external catalyst that will suddenly motivate you to change; the decision must come from within.
  • ๐Ÿ‘ถ Rock Bottom Realization: Often, people wait until they hit rock bottom before they decide to change, which is a painful and unnecessary path.
  • ๐Ÿ‘ฅ Living for Others vs. Living for Yourself: The speaker advises to stop seeking validation from others and to focus on what is authentic and fulfilling for oneself.
  • ๐Ÿšซ No One Is Coming to Save You: The harsh truth is that no one is obligated to save you from your problems; you must take control of your own life.
  • ๐Ÿ“‰ The Downward Spiral of Inaction: Inaction leads to a downward spiral, not just in terms of problems but also in terms of becoming more entrenched in one's comfort zone.

Q & A

  • What does the speaker suggest is the misconception about epiphanies from self-help content?

    -The speaker suggests that people believe having more epiphanies will lead to change, but in reality, it often only leads to a deeper understanding of one's problems without actually solving them.

  • Why does the speaker compare self-help consumption to a drug?

    -The comparison is made because, like a drug, self-help content can provide temporary highs of realization, but it doesn't necessarily lead to lasting change or improvement in one's life.

  • According to the speaker, what is the difference between knowing about a problem and solving it?

    -Knowing about a problem involves understanding its origins and details, while solving it requires taking action and making changes to address the issue.

  • What does the speaker imply about the effectiveness of self-help content for productive procrastination?

    -The speaker implies that self-help content can be used as a form of productive procrastination, where individuals feel they are learning and thus less guilty about not taking actual steps towards change.

  • What is the speaker's view on the role of a coach in helping others change?

    -The speaker believes that a coach can guide and support individuals, but ultimately cannot impose the willingness to change on them; the desire for change must come from the individual.

  • What famous quote does the speaker use to illustrate the limits of a coach's influence?

    -The speaker uses the quote, 'You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink,' to illustrate that a coach can provide the means for change, but cannot force the individual to take action.

  • Why does the speaker argue that waiting to make changes in one's life can be detrimental?

    -The speaker argues that waiting to make changes allows individuals to become more entrenched in their comfort zones, making it harder to break free and address the issues in their lives.

  • What does the speaker suggest is a common illusion people have about time and personal growth?

    -The speaker suggests that people commonly believe that time will make their problems easier to handle, but in reality, time often makes the situation worse by deepening the individual's attachment to their current state.

  • How does the speaker describe the process of waiting for a 'magical moment' to change one's life?

    -The speaker describes this process as a fairytale belief, where people wait for a sudden burst of motivation or a 'rock bottom' moment to spur change, rather than taking proactive steps.

  • What is the speaker's advice for individuals who are struggling with the desire to change but are not yet ready?

    -The speaker advises individuals to reflect on the amount of pain they are willing to endure and to recognize that no one else is coming to save them; they must take control of their own lives.

  • What does the speaker mean when they say 'You want to be Spider-Man, bite yourself'?

    -The speaker is using this phrase to emphasize that individuals must take personal responsibility for their own transformation and cannot rely on external factors or events to bring about change.

  • Why does the speaker believe that people should stop trying to live for others?

    -The speaker believes that people should live for themselves because, ultimately, others are not as focused on them as they might think, and living for others can lead to a lack of authenticity and personal fulfillment.

  • What is the speaker's perspective on the societal trend of short attention spans and its impact on deep conversations?

    -The speaker is concerned that the trend of short attention spans is preventing society from having deep, nuanced conversations, as people are unable to focus for extended periods and quickly move on to the next distraction.

  • What advice does the speaker give for those who want to improve their ability to focus and learn from content?

    -The speaker advises to challenge oneself by watching a video for an extended period without distractions, suggesting that even a 20-minute video can be beneficial if one truly focuses and engages with the content.

Outlines

00:00

๐Ÿ” The Illusion of Epiphanies in Self-Help

The speaker discusses the self-deceptive nature of seeking epiphanies through self-help content, like Instagram reels and TikTok videos, which can lead to a false sense of personal growth. They point out that knowing about one's problems is not the same as solving them. The speaker uses the analogy of a coach leading a horse to water but not being able to make it drink, emphasizing that change must come from within the individual. They also touch on the idea that productive procrastination, such as watching educational videos instead of Netflix, is still procrastination if no action is taken.

05:01

๐Ÿšซ The Fallacy of Waiting for Change

This paragraph delves into the misconception that time will make personal change easier. The speaker argues that time actually entrenches individuals deeper into their comfort zones, making change more difficult as responsibilities and age accumulate. They dispel the myth of a sudden, magical moment of motivation, suggesting that such a moment often represents 'rock bottom.' The speaker encourages the audience to reflect on their willingness to endure pain and to take action, rather than waiting for an external catalyst for change.

10:02

๐Ÿ•ท๏ธ The Myth of the Motivational Spider-Man

The speaker challenges the audience's expectations of an external force that will trigger their transformation, using the example of Spider-Man's origin story. They emphasize that no 'spider' will come to bite and provide the motivation for change; it must come from within. The speaker also addresses the harsh reality that no one, not even family, will perpetually care or attempt to save an individual from their self-destructive path. They highlight the importance of self-ownership and the responsibility each person has for their own life trajectory.

15:02

๐ŸŽฏ Living Authentically Beyond the Opinions of Others

In this paragraph, the speaker encourages the audience to live authentically and to stop seeking validation or trying to prove others wrong. They share a personal anecdote about posting a picture after a successful speech, expecting admiration from former peers but receiving little attention, illustrating that people are preoccupied with their own lives. The speaker advises the audience to let go of the need for external approval and to focus on what feels genuine and good for them as individuals.

๐Ÿ“š The Importance of Depth Over Surface- Level Consumption

The speaker addresses the societal shift towards short attention spans and the preference for quick, digestible content, such as TikTok and Instagram stories. They express concern over the inability to engage in deep, nuanced conversations due to these trends. The speaker suggests that true personal growth and learning require focused attention and depth of engagement, recommending that individuals challenge themselves to watch longer videos without distractions to foster a deeper understanding and application of the content.

Mindmap

Keywords

๐Ÿ’กEpiphanies

Epiphanies refer to sudden, intuitive realizations or insights that are often profound and can lead to significant changes in one's perspective or behavior. In the context of the video, the speaker critiques the self-help culture that thrives on such epiphanies, suggesting that having many epiphanies does not equate to actual change or problem-solving. The speaker uses the metaphor of 'high off of epiphanies' to illustrate the addictive nature of these fleeting moments of clarity without follow-through.

๐Ÿ’กSelf-help

Self-help is a broad term that encompasses various forms of personal assistance, typically self-administered, aimed at improving one's mental, emotional, or physical well-being. The video discusses the potential misuse of self-help as a form of procrastination or as a means to avoid taking real action towards change. The speaker implies that self-help content can sometimes be consumed passively without leading to the necessary internal work for personal development.

๐Ÿ’กProductive Procrastination

Productive procrastination is a concept where one engages in seemingly productive activities that, in reality, serve as a distraction from more important tasks. In the video, the speaker uses this term to describe how people might choose to watch self-help videos instead of taking direct action on their issues, under the guise of learning and self-improvement, when in fact they are avoiding the real work of change.

๐Ÿ’กKnowing vs. Solving

The distinction between 'knowing' and 'solving' is a central theme in the video. 'Knowing' refers to being aware or having information about something, whereas 'solving' implies taking action to resolve an issue. The speaker emphasizes that understanding one's problems deeply does not necessarily lead to their resolution, and that actual change requires more than mere knowledgeโ€”it requires action.

๐Ÿ’กWillingness to Change

Willingness to change is the readiness or inclination to make alterations in one's behavior, mindset, or circumstances. The video discusses the importance of having this willingness as a prerequisite for personal growth. The speaker suggests that without the genuine desire to change, no amount of knowledge or self-help content will lead to transformation.

๐Ÿ’กFree Will

Free will is the power of making choices that are neither determined by natural causality nor predestined by fate or divine will. In the context of the video, the speaker mentions free will to highlight that individuals cannot be forced into change; it must come from their own volition. This concept is used to explain why guidance and support can only go so far in helping someone change.

๐Ÿ’กComfort Zone

A comfort zone is a psychological state in which a person feels familiar, safe, and at ease. The video script mentions the comfort zone to describe a state where individuals may be resistant to change because it requires stepping out of this familiar territory. The speaker warns that staying in one's comfort zone can lead to stagnation or even regression in personal development.

๐Ÿ’กRock Bottom

Rock bottom refers to the lowest point in a situation or a person's life, often used metaphorically to describe a crisis that forces one to confront their issues and change. The speaker uses the term to illustrate the point at which some individuals may finally decide to take action and alter their course, suggesting that waiting for such a moment may not be the best strategy for change.

๐Ÿ’กImposition

Imposition is the act of forcing one's opinions, ideas, or actions onto others. In the video, the speaker warns against imposing self-help practices or changes onto others, as it can lead to resistance and failure to adopt the new behaviors. The speaker uses personal anecdotes to emphasize that change must be self-motivated and not enforced.

๐Ÿ’กAuthenticity

Authenticity is the state of being genuine, original, and not copied; true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. The video encourages living authentically by focusing on personal values and desires rather than seeking validation or trying to impress others. The speaker suggests that the drive for change should come from within and align with one's true self.

๐Ÿ’กStagnation

Stagnation refers to a state of inactivity, lack of change, or decline. The speaker argues against the misconception that one can remain static in life, stating that there is no such thing as stagnationโ€”individuals are either progressing or regressing. This concept is used to motivate the audience to take action and avoid the slow decline that comes with inaction.

Highlights

Epiphanies from self-help content can be addictive but do not equate to actual change.

Knowing about one's problems is different from solving them, and self-help can sometimes be a form of procrastination.

People can be knowledgeable about their issues without taking action to resolve them.

The importance of distinguishing between productive learning and avoidance of personal work.

The challenge for coaches in motivating clients to take action towards change.

The famous quote 'You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink' illustrates the limits of influence.

The concept of free will and the inability to impose change on others.

Anecdote about a friend who tries to impose self-help on partners, leading to relationship breakdowns.

The necessity for change to come from an individual's own willingness and initiative.

The myth that time makes solving problems easier, when in reality it can entrench individuals in their comfort zones.

Dispelling the illusion of a magical moment that will suddenly motivate change.

The harsh reality that people must take responsibility for their own lives and choices.

The realization that no one is coming to save you and the importance of self-reliance.

The idea that people often live for the opinions of others rather than for their own authenticity.

The speaker's personal experience of seeking validation from others and the realization that it was unnecessary.

The societal trend of short attention spans and its implications for deep, meaningful conversations and learning.

The importance of engaging deeply with content, rather than passively consuming it in the background.

The challenge of imparting deep lessons in a society accustomed to quick, flashy content.

The advantage of an older mindset where content was consumed with depth and action was taken.

Transcripts

play00:00

- You get high off of epiphanies.

play00:04

That's the drug of the self-help junkie.

play00:07

Scrolling through Instagram reels, little TikTok videos

play00:10

and just getting, "Oh, epiphany,

play00:12

oh, epiphany, oh that was good.

play00:15

Oh, that made me think,

play00:16

oh, I didn't consider that,

play00:18

Oh, oh!"

play00:18

(speaker mimics)

play00:19

(audience laughing)

play00:21

And then you think that the more epiphanies you have,

play00:24

eventually you're gonna change.

play00:26

But that's not true.

play00:27

What happens is that you simply learn

play00:31

a lot about your problems

play00:34

and you know a lot about them,

play00:37

but knowing about your problems doesn't equal

play00:40

solving your problems.

play00:44

You'll see people like this.

play00:45

They know everything about their problem.

play00:47

"Like look, I know that

play00:48

you know what I'm dealing with comes from trauma.

play00:50

When I was four years old, this thing happened

play00:52

and then it affected my first relationship this way,

play00:55

and then this thing and that thing happened.

play00:56

That a relationship would affected me this way and this."

play00:58

They can tell you everything about it.

play01:00

They know every little detail,

play01:03

but it didn't solve it.

play01:06

There's a difference between knowing versus solving.

play01:08

And people use self-help just to know.

play01:11

They also use self-help to just productively procrastinate.

play01:15

Meaning, say you're not gonna actually work on yourself

play01:19

and change and you have two options.

play01:21

One is to watch some Netflix,

play01:23

the other is to watch a Julian YouTube video.

play01:27

(audience laughing)

play01:29

- If you're not gonna take action on it and do the work,

play01:32

both are a waste of time,

play01:36

but it's easier

play01:39

to not feel guilty about not taking action

play01:43

if it feels like you're learning in the meantime.

play01:45

So this is where you have to sit down

play01:47

and say, am I going to actually put in the work

play01:50

and change or not?

play01:51

Do I have the willingness to change or not?

play01:54

And it's very few people who do.

play01:56

As a coach, it can be very challenging too.

play01:58

'Cause you're like, I want everyone to change.

play01:59

And it can be baffling.

play02:00

You're like, "Why don't some change?"

play02:02

And then there's that famous quote, which is,

play02:04

"You can lead a horse to water,

play02:06

but you cannot make it drink."

play02:08

And any of you who are coaches,

play02:10

you have to come to peace with that

play02:11

saying, "Look, there's what's in my control

play02:13

and what's out of my control."

play02:15

In the end, you can't control other people.

play02:19

And that's also part of free will.

play02:21

You can't control them.

play02:22

You can help them and guide them

play02:26

based upon their own drive

play02:29

or inspiration, their own willingness,

play02:33

but you can't impose that willingness on them.

play02:36

And anytime you try,

play02:39

people will always fight back and rebel.

play02:43

I have a friend of mine,

play02:45

every single person he dates, he tries to...

play02:48

I think it happens more so unconsciously,

play02:50

impose a lot of self-help and success things on that person.

play02:54

But because the willingness

play02:55

to work on themselves doesn't come from the person,

play02:57

it's like, "Let's do this, you should do,

play02:59

come try this, check this out."

play03:00

Eventually they all break up

play03:02

'cause they're like, "Nah, I don't want this."

play03:05

'Cause it's imposed.

play03:08

You must change, you must do this.

play03:09

It's like, no, that has to come from them.

play03:12

So it's the good old lead as many horses

play03:15

to water as possible.

play03:16

Show them where the water is.

play03:18

You might have friends and acquaintances like that too.

play03:20

You're like, "If they just put in the work,

play03:21

why don't they?"

play03:22

Well show them where the solution is,

play03:24

show them where the water is,

play03:25

but in the end, they have to drink.

play03:27

You can't take the tongue out and

play03:29

(speaker mimics)

play03:30

get them to drink for you.

play03:31

The drinking has to come from them.

play03:34

And then turning the mirror around on you is,

play03:36

well, are you ready to drink?

play03:39

And if not, how much more pain are you willing to endure?

play03:44

Time doesn't make things easier.

play03:45

That's the other big illusion.

play03:46

We think that the longer we wait,

play03:48

maybe it'll get easier after a period of time.

play03:49

That's not true.

play03:51

You know what time does?

play03:52

It gets you more entrenched in your comfort zone.

play03:56

Guess what, the more you act in your comfort zone,

play03:58

the more addicted you are to it, right?

play04:02

Yes, no?

play04:02

- [Audience] Yeah!

play04:03

- Yeah!

play04:04

Well, if you think, well,

play04:05

maybe I'll wait a bit longer,

play04:07

then you're giving more time to yourself

play04:09

to be even more addicted to your comfort zone.

play04:13

Not just that, but you also get older.

play04:16

You get more tired, there's more responsibilities,

play04:18

it doesn't get easier with time.

play04:22

Literally, the longer you wait, the worse it gets.

play04:24

If you wanna make things way harder on yourself, wait.

play04:28

And then also stop believing in fairytales

play04:30

thinking that there's gonna be this magical moment

play04:32

where suddenly you're motivated.

play04:34

Suddenly things change.

play04:35

You're like, "Yes, I'm gonna do it."

play04:38

There isn't, and if there is it's called rock bottom.

play04:42

Let that land.

play04:43

They tell this by the way in terms of alcoholics, right?

play04:48

There was an acquaintance of ours,

play04:50

a couple friends way back in the day, who would drink a ton.

play04:53

And they're just going down this deep spiral

play04:56

and we'd try to help him, but nothing would work.

play04:58

And we talked to someone in AA funny enough,

play05:00

and the advice they said is,

play05:02

"Well, there's not much you can do

play05:04

except that hope that he reaches rock bottom

play05:07

sooner than later and hope that it's not terrible."

play05:11

But he has to reach that point where it hits rock bottom,

play05:13

where he wakes up

play05:15

and the decision and willingness to change comes from him.

play05:19

Just as we talked about,

play05:20

if we try to impose it like, "Don't drink, don't drink."

play05:23

He's gonna find a way to drink.

play05:25

That initial spark has to come from that person.

play05:27

And then they can seek support so on and so forth,

play05:29

but spark has to come from within.

play05:32

And usually people wait till things are so terrible

play05:34

that that's what wakes them up.

play05:36

So if you're waiting for some special moment,

play05:38

you're waiting for rock bottom.

play05:41

Otherwise it ain't gonna come.

play05:44

And that's what's more what Disney movies tell you.

play05:46

Superheroes tells you, right?

play05:49

It's the good old Spider-Man.

play05:51

People see Peter Parker

play05:52

before being bit by a spider,

play05:54

just being a friendly little nerd.

play05:56

Then the spider bites him and what happens?

play05:58

(speaker mimics)

play05:59

Spider-Man.

play06:01

And you think, "Well, when's my spider coming?

play06:03

When's my spider coming to bite me?"

play06:06

That spider's not coming.

play06:08

You wanna be Spider-Man, bite yourself.

play06:10

It's on you, you decide.

play06:12

No one's gonna decide for you,

play06:14

no one's gonna wake you up

play06:15

and no one's also gonna lose sleep over you

play06:17

and that's part of the harsh truth too.

play06:19

You can succeed or not.

play06:21

In the end, you're the only person living your life.

play06:24

No one cares.

play06:25

Say you decide to just not change

play06:28

and let everything go to trash.

play06:31

You might think someone's gonna come save you.

play06:32

'cause as a kid, your parents might have come

play06:34

or whoever raised you,

play06:35

It's like, "Oh, here, I'll help."

play06:37

But after a while, they'll stop.

play06:39

And after a while you'll start spiraling down.

play06:41

And at first they'll care.

play06:42

At first they'll start feeling sorry.

play06:44

Like, "Oh, did you hear about,

play06:45

did you hear about Julian?

play06:47

Oh, that's not good.

play06:49

What can we do to help him?"

play06:51

And they'll try to help

play06:53

and they'll try to help some more.

play06:55

Time will pass, they'll help some more.

play06:57

And eventually they'll get used to the idea

play07:00

that you're just a failure

play07:02

and that's just you.

play07:04

And then the help will stop.

play07:06

And people will, instead of helping you

play07:08

and try to change will,

play07:09

every time when they see you,

play07:10

they'll just try to be nice

play07:12

and kind of look at you with pity.

play07:13

It's like, "Oh, are you doing okay?

play07:15

Aw, aw!"

play07:17

And then they'll talk behind your back

play07:19

about just how sad it is.

play07:21

So much potential wasted.

play07:23

But you know,

play07:26

can't save everyone.

play07:28

And eventually you'll have that label in everyone's mind

play07:31

and people won't think as much about you.

play07:33

They'll just accept it.

play07:35

And then that'll just be you and your life.

play07:38

No one's coming to save you.

play07:41

If you think your family is,

play07:41

that's what's gonna happen.

play07:42

They'll try and then nothing will change.

play07:44

And then they'll accept you

play07:45

and they'll cope and live with it.

play07:48

They'll hang out less too

play07:49

'cause seeing you makes them feel uncomfortable and sad.

play07:52

And go, "I don't wanna be depressing

play07:53

that sad piece of shh, let's avoid it."

play07:58

And that's the future.

play07:59

So in the end your life really is in whose control, yours.

play08:05

You're your own boss, you're your own CEO,

play08:08

you're your own parent.

play08:11

And some key things to reflect on,

play08:13

as I said, is, well,

play08:14

what am I actually hoping for in terms of this wake up call?

play08:19

Haven't I experienced enough pain.

play08:23

You know who told me this by the way,

play08:24

this is way back in the day in 2015, early 2015.

play08:32

I was very, at the time, self-destructive.

play08:34

That was part of the identity that ran me.

play08:36

And just like someone who is addicted

play08:39

to their comfort zone, that was my comfort zone.

play08:42

Just being very self-destructive.

play08:43

I just couldn't let success land.

play08:45

And I was at a party in the Hollywood Hills

play08:48

and there was a fancy party

play08:49

and there was a fortune teller at this party.

play08:52

So you go into this little side room

play08:54

and there was like the crystal ball

play08:56

and they tell you your future, right?

play08:58

Now, do I believe in that?

play09:00

Not really, but who knows, maybe.

play09:02

But I was curious.

play09:04

You're at a party, so I went in

play09:06

and the lady sat down and asked me and said,

play09:09

looked at my hands and all and she said,

play09:13

"You've had enough."

play09:15

I was like, "Had enough of what?"

play09:18

And takes the other hand, it's like,

play09:20

"You've had enough.

play09:23

It's like you've suffered enough,

play09:26

it's time to let go.

play09:29

You don't have to keep doing this,

play09:30

you've suffered enough."

play09:32

Now it's a very basic cold read,

play09:34

but it spoke to me.

play09:37

No joke, I was like, "She's right."

play09:40

Now, did it change anything long term?

play09:42

No, but it was a good, just funny story reminder.

play09:45

(audience laughing)

play09:46

No, what changed things long term was really doing the work.

play09:49

Like no one's words or sentence

play09:52

will ever change you long term.

play09:54

They can point you in the right direction,

play09:55

sure and have an impact that way,

play09:57

but I wish it was that easy, right?

play09:59

Like even sometimes on social media,

play10:01

I'll post something and a comment will be,

play10:03

"They just have to stop caring so much."

play10:06

I'm like, "Really?"

play10:08

If that's all they had to do,

play10:10

like if that worked, "Hey, you just gotta stop caring."

play10:13

I wish it was that easy.

play10:14

No, A little line or something won't work.

play10:17

But it's true and it got me thinking

play10:18

and for all of you too it's,

play10:20

well, how much more are you just willing to suffer?

play10:22

How much more pain are you willing to take

play10:24

until you do something about it?

play10:27

And that's a lot of people.

play10:28

It's like you know,

play10:30

and I experienced this even back in the day way early on.

play10:32

Like I used to drink a lot and I even smoke.

play10:36

And I knew it wasn't healthy,

play10:38

but I kept saying I got time.

play10:40

So I knew I was on a downward slope,

play10:43

but I wasn't towards that rock bottom yet.

play10:45

So I got time, I got time.

play10:47

Maybe when I get closer I'll experience that wake up call.

play10:49

I got time.

play10:51

And that's the slow death that gets people.

play10:54

Stop it now.

play10:57

Put that foot down now and do something about it.

play10:59

Get off the slow death slope.

play11:03

And you don't have that much time.

play11:07

And there is no such thing as stagnating.

play11:09

You're either moving up or you're moving down.

play11:12

If you don't realize you're moving up now,

play11:14

you're moving down.

play11:15

Feeling like you're staying the same

play11:17

is also moving down as we talked about

play11:18

'cause you get more entrenched in your comfort zone.

play11:20

So it's not actually staying the same,

play11:21

it's moving down.

play11:24

And that's on you.

play11:25

You can move up or down,

play11:27

but in the end, no one cares.

play11:29

And one final thing, no one also cares if you make it.

play11:32

I said, no one cares if you fail,

play11:34

but no one cares if you make it either.

play11:36

And this also comes down to realizing

play11:38

how we always try to live for others,

play11:40

but in the end, it's live for you.

play11:41

What feels good and authentic for you.

play11:46

Stop trying to prove people wrong or live to impress others.

play11:48

'cause they don't care,

play11:49

they're busy with their own lives.

play11:51

You know, it's funny,

play11:52

I grew up in, like I said, Switzerland.

play11:54

And my first, this is like 2010,

play11:57

I did a speech in front of a big crowd.

play12:00

And I remember posting a picture on Facebook, right?

play12:02

It was my personal Facebook.

play12:04

So all my friends from you know, high school,

play12:06

university, et cetera, would see.

play12:09

And I was not very popular in high school university.

play12:11

And I was like, "Look,

play12:13

that day where I said, I'll show them,

play12:15

one day they'll see who I am and how cool I am."

play12:19

And I posted that picture

play12:20

and it literally felt like today's the day.

play12:24

(speaker mimics) (audience laughing)

play12:25

Post, no one cared.

play12:28

(audience laughing)

play12:30

I literally thought all the comms would be like,

play12:31

"Oh my God, look, he changed.

play12:34

Look at him, we were all wrong.

play12:37

He's so cool."

play12:39

(audience laughing)

play12:40

No one cared.

play12:42

Literally, I think he just got a couple likes,

play12:43

a few likes and was like, cool.

play12:45

(audience laughing)

play12:46

Everyone's busy with their own stuff, they don't care.

play12:48

Literally, that whole idea of me proving them wrong

play12:51

was all self-generated and all in my head.

play12:55

I was like, "I'll prove them wrong."

play12:56

It's just all in your head.

play12:57

And then audit too the amount of

play12:59

in your head stories that you're creating, right?

play13:03

Like what I did is no different than,

play13:06

you know, I'll get weird emails,

play13:08

for example, from time to time.

play13:10

One was someone who'd emailed me a lot thinking

play13:12

that I was speaking to him

play13:15

through my videos basically.

play13:17

So I was leaving code words in my videos

play13:20

and it was specifically to this one person.

play13:23

And I'd get long emails and audios.

play13:25

You know, it's like, "Stop playing games with me, Julian."

play13:28

(audience laughing)

play13:29

It's like, I'm like, "What?"

play13:31

He's like, "I saw what you did in that last video

play13:33

you said that word.

play13:35

I knew you were speaking to me.

play13:37

You're push pulling me Julian."

play13:39

(audience laughing)

play13:40

It's like, now this actually happens a lot.

play13:44

For real, so if I do die,

play13:48

you know who did it.

play13:49

(audience laughing)

play13:50

But you know, you think about that and you're like,

play13:52

what kind of story is just this person living,

play13:55

in like, what kind of weird movie?

play13:56

But it's no different than what I was doing.

play13:59

One day I'll show them all.

play14:02

It's no different than most of us what we're doing, right?

play14:05

We're walking down the street,

play14:06

"Everyone's judging me.

play14:07

I'm the center of attention."

play14:10

Are you?

play14:12

Then you're just as crazy as that person, you're not.

play14:16

"I'm the center.

play14:17

Everyone's focusing on me.

play14:19

I'm so important."

play14:22

Are you?

play14:24

This can also be freeing meaning,

play14:25

hey, stop living for others, live for you.

play14:28

Stop caring so much about what other people think,

play14:30

it doesn't matter.

play14:32

And not just that, but nowadays people forget so fast.

play14:35

Short attention spans, ADD.

play14:38

If you want something else to be scared about with society,

play14:40

I'd be scared of that.

play14:42

Meaning that a lot of the...

play14:45

you could say on a societal level,

play14:46

conversations that we all have to have,

play14:50

one, they're very nuanced.

play14:52

Meaning that if you put the politically correct

play14:55

PC label on it, it doesn't allow any nuance.

play14:58

So it won't get to nuance.

play14:59

But say you were,

play15:00

say you took off the PC and says,

play15:01

everyone can speak their mind.

play15:03

Let's have deep conversations.

play15:06

People can't focus that long,

play15:08

their attention spans are too low

play15:10

and they're dumber than ever and they'll forget.

play15:12

So we reached a point where as a society,

play15:14

we can't even focus long enough

play15:16

to get to real deep conversations.

play15:20

Pretty scary, right?

play15:23

Literally, for most people

play15:24

even a 15 second Instagram story is too long.

play15:27

Next, next, next, next, next, next, next.

play15:30

Five seconds too long.

play15:33

Most people can't even lock in for more than that.

play15:38

It's crazy, right?

play15:40

Which is also why you see again,

play15:41

all these kind of TikTok side things popping up.

play15:44

It's like you need short, you need flash,

play15:47

you need every word to be like

play15:48

(audience laughing)

play15:49

subtitles in your face, so on and so forth.

play15:51

'cause otherwise people can't focus.

play15:54

Quite concerning, huh?

play15:57

Good luck then trying to teach something to someone.

play15:59

Good luck passing on deep lessons, you know,

play16:05

reels and TikTok, so on and so forth.

play16:07

It's still helpful,

play16:09

but it's helpful in terms of awareness.

play16:11

It's not gonna change your life.

play16:14

To change your life it requires more depth.

play16:17

Same here in terms of this whole type of work.

play16:19

Watching some YouTube videos won't change your life.

play16:21

You need depth.

play16:23

Even when watching the YouTube videos add depth,

play16:26

versus, I'm watching, but I'm on my phone

play16:27

and I'm on other tabs and I'm kind of doing in background.

play16:30

No truly lock in.

play16:33

You can challenge yourself.

play16:34

Go home and even just put on, just start small.

play16:36

Put a 20 minute video

play16:38

and see if you can watch for 20 minutes.

play16:40

Not on double speed,

play16:44

20 minutes, regular speed, no tabs, no phone,

play16:47

no distractions, nothing.

play16:48

Just you sitting there,

play16:50

not even eating or drinking anything.

play16:51

Just sitting there

play16:52

(speaker mimics)

play16:53

and see what it does.

play16:55

And you'll be surprised just that,

play16:57

adding that depth will be more beneficial

play16:59

than surface watching a lot more.

play17:03

It's actually an advantage

play17:05

I had back in the day starting out,

play17:06

is there wasn't all those videos on YouTube.

play17:10

Starting out back in the day,

play17:11

you had way less how to,

play17:12

but if you got your hands on something good,

play17:14

you'd watch it again and again and again

play17:16

and you'd add the depth and you'd take action on it.

play17:19

Bring more of that old school mindset here

play17:22

and you'll crush it a lot more.

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