What I Learned From Approaching 10,000 Women

Summary

The speaker shares his insights from approaching over 10,000 women, emphasizing that physical intimacy isn't a happiness cure-all but can enhance life's enjoyment. He highlights the importance of self-confidence and clear intentions in dating, debunking the myth that only good looks matter. He encourages focusing on small wins to build confidence and stresses that directness often yields better results than indirect flirting, as it can lead to more meaningful connections and reduce awkward situations.

Takeaways

• 🔢 The speaker has approached thousands of women, suggesting a large sample size for the lessons learned.
• 🚀 The speaker emphasizes that getting laid isn't a magical solution to happiness or life's problems, but it can make life more exciting.
• 💡 The realization that being free and expressing oneself without fear of judgment is more rewarding than just the physical aspect of relationships.
• 🤔 The initial belief of the speaker was that they were unattractive to women, but through experience, they learned that some women did find them attractive.
• 🌟 Focusing on small wins and positive interactions, rather than on rejections, is key to building confidence in dating.
• 👀 Looks aren't the only factor in attraction; the speaker found that even less conventionally attractive individuals can receive positive responses.
• 🚫 The speaker debunks the myth that good looks guarantee positive dating outcomes, noting that attractiveness does not always equate to better reactions.
• 💭 The importance of making intentions clear in dating is highlighted, as it can lead to more direct and positive responses from women.
• 🚀 The speaker's initial fear of being perceived as creepy was overcome by learning that clear intentions can be well-received by women.
• 📈 The speaker suggests that being direct about intentions is more effective for inexperienced individuals until they become comfortable with indirect approaches.
• 🛑 The speaker advises against making excuses for inaction, emphasizing that approaching women, despite discomfort, is necessary for learning and growth.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video?

The main topic of the video is the top five lessons the speaker has learned from approaching over 10,000 women, relating to dating, self-improvement, and understanding what women want.

What is the speaker's initial guesstimate about the number of women he has approached?

The speaker initially guesstimates that he has approached around 10,000 women, but acknowledges it could be more or less.

What misconception does the speaker believe many people have about getting laid?

The speaker believes that many people mistakenly think that getting laid will make them happy and solve all their problems, which is not the case.

According to the speaker, what is the real value of getting laid?

The speaker suggests that while getting laid can make life more exciting and fun, and reduce stress, it is not a grand solution to life's problems.

What does the speaker consider the best part of the pickup experience?

The speaker considers the best part of the pickup experience to be the feeling of freedom and being in the zone, where one can express themselves without any expectations.

What was the speaker's initial belief about his attractiveness to women?

Initially, the speaker believed that he was fundamentally unattractive to women on an emotional level, thinking of himself more as a little boy than a man.

How did the speaker's experiences with approaching women change his initial belief?

Despite having poor technique and being insecure, the speaker found that some women were attracted to him, which helped him realize that he could be attractive to women.

What is the speaker's advice for those who are new to approaching women and feel insecure?

The speaker advises focusing on every little win, no matter how small, and to appreciate those moments of success to build confidence.

What has the speaker learned about the relationship between physical attractiveness and women's reactions?

The speaker has learned that better-looking guys do not necessarily get better reactions than those who are less attractive, and that confidence and approach play a significant role.

What is the speaker's view on making intentions clear when approaching women?

The speaker believes that making intentions clear is okay and can often be the best approach, contrary to his initial fear of coming across as creepy.

What did the speaker initially do in his interactions with women, and what were the typical outcomes?

Initially, the speaker used indirect openers and hid his intentions, which often led to neutral interactions that went nowhere.

How did the speaker's approach change when he started making his intentions clear?

When the speaker started making his intentions clear, he found that he received far better reactions from women, as it showed confidence and vulnerability.

What advice does the speaker give regarding direct versus indirect approaches to women?

The speaker advises that until one is comfortable with rejection and making their intentions clear, it's more advantageous to be direct rather than indirect.

Outlines

00:00

📈 Personal Growth Through Approaching Women

The speaker shares his journey of approaching over 10,000 women, a number he estimates based on his extensive experience in the dating scene. He emphasizes that despite the large number, he does not keep an exact count. From these interactions, he has learned valuable lessons about dating, sex, and understanding women's desires, which he aims to pass on to those who are new to the concept of 'pickup artistry' or exploring the 'red pill' philosophy. He stresses the importance of learning from his mistakes and reducing the number of awkward moments and failures that are inevitable in the process of mastering the art of approaching women.

05:01

💡 Realizations on Attraction and Confidence

The speaker discusses his initial belief that he was unattractive to women, stemming from his high school experiences and lack of romantic success. However, as he began approaching women despite his insecurities, he discovered that some women did find him attractive, which was a significant revelation for him. He advises focusing on small victories, such as a girl showing interest or giving her number, to build confidence. He also shares insights from coaching others, noting that looks are not the decisive factor in attracting women. Even those who are conventionally attractive can struggle with rejection, while those who may not fit societal beauty standards can still attract women successfully. The key takeaway is that regardless of one's appearance, persistence and a positive mindset can lead to success in dating.

10:01

🚀 Clarity of Intent in Dating Dynamics

The speaker reflects on his past approach to dating, which involved hiding his intentions due to fear of being perceived as creepy or making women uncomfortable. He discusses the cultural influences that instilled this fear and how it affected his early attempts at dating. Initially, he used indirect methods to engage with women, which often led to neutral interactions without progression. However, he learned that being clear about his intentions often yielded better results. Women responded positively when he was open about finding them attractive and being interested in them. The speaker encourages others to overcome the fear of rejection and to be direct in expressing their romantic interest, as this can lead to more meaningful connections and successful dating experiences.

Keywords

💡Approaching

Approaching refers to the act of initiating contact or conversation with someone, especially in the context of dating or social interactions. In the video's theme, it is about the speaker's experiences of initiating interactions with a large number of women, which has led to personal growth and insights into dating dynamics. The script mentions 'approaching over 10,000 women' as a metaphorical number to illustrate the extensive experience the speaker has gained.

💡Dating

Dating is the process of meeting and socializing with potential romantic partners. It is a central theme in the video, where the speaker discusses lessons learned from his extensive experiences in approaching women. The script uses the term to explore the complexities of romantic relationships and the pursuit of happiness through dating.

💡Sex

Sex, in this context, refers to sexual activity or the act of being intimate with another person. The speaker clarifies that while sex can be enjoyable, it is not a solution to deeper emotional or psychological needs. The script uses this term to challenge the misconception that sexual conquests equate to happiness or fulfillment.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the value and respect a person holds for themselves. The video discusses how self-esteem is more deeply connected to personal happiness than external achievements like sex or dating. The script implies that improving self-esteem is a more significant factor in achieving personal contentment than any single dating experience.

💡Game

In the context of the video, 'game' refers to the strategies, tactics, and behaviors used in the pursuit of romantic or sexual relationships. The speaker uses this term to describe the process of learning and applying various techniques in social interactions with women. The script mentions 'learning game' as part of the journey to understand and improve one's dating life.

💡Red Pill

The 'red pill' is a term derived from the movie 'The Matrix' and used in the dating community to symbolize a shift in perspective towards understanding and accepting certain beliefs about gender dynamics and dating strategies. The speaker mentions it as part of the spectrum of ideas that people might explore when considering how to improve their dating lives.

💡Confidence

Confidence is the belief in one's own abilities and self-assurance. In the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of confidence in social interactions, especially when expressing romantic interest. The script illustrates how confidence can improve the outcomes of approaching women and making one's intentions clear.

💡Intentions

Intentions refer to the aims or purposes behind one's actions. The video discusses the importance of being clear about one's intentions in dating, rather than hiding them. The speaker shares that making intentions clear can lead to more positive outcomes in interactions with women, as it shows vulnerability and sincerity.

💡Attraction

Attraction is the feeling of being drawn towards someone or something. In the context of the video, attraction is a key element in the dating process. The speaker talks about realizing that women can find him attractive despite his insecurities, which is a turning point in his approach to dating.

💡Rejection

Rejection is the act of refusing to accept or consider something or someone. The video script mentions that rejection is a common part of the dating process, but the speaker advises not to let fear of rejection prevent one from expressing their intentions or approaching potential partners.

💡Freedom

Freedom, in the context of the video, refers to the state of being unrestricted and able to express oneself without fear of judgment. The speaker describes feeling free as one of the most rewarding aspects of his experiences in approaching women, suggesting that the ability to be authentic and unencumbered is more fulfilling than the end goal of a sexual encounter.

💡Charisma

Charisma is a personal quality that makes someone attractive, persuasive, or influential. The video discusses charisma as an essential aspect of being successful in social interactions, particularly when approaching women. The speaker implies that being charismatic can enhance one's dating experiences and outcomes.

Highlights

The speaker has approached over 10,000 women and learned valuable lessons about dating and relationships.

The number of approaches is an estimate, as the speaker does not keep a literal count.

The lessons learned are intended to help those interested in improving their dating skills and understanding of women.

The speaker emphasizes that getting laid does not equate to happiness or a solution to life's problems.

Having sex can make life more exciting but is not a complete fix for personal issues.

The best part of the dating experience is feeling free and being able to express oneself without expectations.

The speaker's first epiphany is realizing that some women find him attractive, despite his initial insecurities.

Focusing on small wins and positive interactions is crucial for building confidence in dating.

The speaker's coaching experience shows that looks are not the most significant factor in attracting women.

Even men with perceived disadvantages can attract women when they approach with confidence.

Making one's intentions clear is often more effective than being indirect in dating scenarios.

The speaker advises against being overly sexual but encourages expressing attraction openly.

Being vulnerable and willing to be rejected can lead to more positive dating outcomes.

Indirect approaches can be effective for those comfortable with making their intentions clear, but directness is generally better for beginners.

The speaker's experiences highlight the importance of self-confidence and clear communication in dating success.

The speaker's lessons are meant to reduce the number of failures and awkward moments in dating.

Transcripts

in this video i'm going to talk about

the top

five lessons that i've learned from

approaching over 10

000 women now that number is a guess i

don't

keep track of literally every girl i

approach to get to you know that 10

000 number but i would estimate

i've approached about that many women

maybe a lot more maybe a few thousand

less but

thousands and thousands of women and

from having done that

i have learned a a lot of lessons about

dating about sex about what women want

about what makes you happy that i think

will be useful

for people who are let's say they're

dabbling with the idea

of learning game they're dabbling with

the idea of

what is this whole pickup thing or the

red pill or all that kind of crap

they've dabbled with it but they haven't

put in those hours they haven't put in

the approaches yet

and these are some of the top lessons

that i learned

and i'm going gonna give them to you so

that you don't have to learn them

through the many failures that i learned

them through so that you can fail

less you're still gonna have to fail a

lot you're still gonna have to have a

lot of awkward experiences

if you wanna get good at picking up

girls that's just that's the reality

but i want to help reduce the amount of

failures

the amount of awkward moments the amount

of time wasted on doing the same thing

making the same mistake

again and again and the first one

this is not on the list of the top five

but it is important

getting laid it's not gonna make you

happy

right not in the sense that it's gonna

like now that i have this i've arrived

because that's what i used to think and

that's what i think we all think when it

comes to our fitness goals our money

goals getting a girlfriend

getting a really hot girl getting a

really charismatic or whatever it is you

think you want

once you get that it does not make you

happy it does not fill the void

in your soul and fix all your problems

it makes you less miserable and makes

you

happier but it's not this solution this

grand

solution that changes everything even if

you get with a girl who like oh my god

she looks like a supermodel i've done

that

it got my ego like really excited it was

like a really powerful drug hit

for let's say a few hours or a few days

sure but did it fix my problems no did

does getting laid more fix all my

problems no

it makes life more exciting it makes

life more fun

and it does reduce this source of stress

of feeling like

oh well i can't get girls that's a

source of stress that it kind of

reduces or even can eliminate but it's

not going to fix all your problems

that's the first thing yes it can make

your life better

but really you got to have realistic

expectations if you think

oh this is going to fix my life like

being a millionaire isn't going to fix

your life either

it makes things better yeah of course

but it won't

fix that that deep hole inside that is a

more

that is deeper than just getting laid or

even having a deep intimate relationship

even having like a really good

relationship

that's not going to solve that that is

more

about your self-esteem on a level that

just getting laid doesn't solve and

also the best part of pickup is not the

getting laid part getting late obviously

sex can be extremely fun it can be a

very memorable experience

but the best experiences i've had from

going out and picking up women

have almost universally been nights when

i just feel free i just feel out of my

own way

i feel completely in the zone in

the more like nerd video game technology

or terminology

god mode being in god mode i'm getting

the point where i just don't care what

people think of me i feel completely

free

and i'm able to express myself without

any expectation

that is actually in many cases more fun

than sex with a girl who looks like a

model right so that's one thing to keep

in mind

the highlight of game is not just

getting laid right that's part of it

and if you're not focusing on that at

all you're probably kind of you know

making excuses but that's not the

highlight that's not

the peak experience it's actually just

being out and being

just completely free being at your most

charismatic being at your most

expressive and just having a great time

so that's the first point and i took

down notes so i can

keep things structured so the first one

first lesson from approaching 10 000

women

is that women can find me attractive now

this might be surprising because i don't

consider myself a

like bad looking guy people don't think

oh that guy looks like so disgusting he

couldn't get laid that's never been my

problem

but i believed on a deeper level on an

emotional level i was just fundamentally

unattracted to women i believed i was

more of a little boy

than a man i believe no girl could be

attracted me sexually and that's what my

high school experiences taught me i

didn't even kiss a girl in high school

i went on one date and the girl was not

even someone i was attracted to to be

honest

and she rejected me so that was my

experience

uh when i was younger let me make sure

okay we're good um

that was my experience when i was

younger and going out

when i was 21 going out to bars and

clubs approaching a lot of women even

though my game was

terrible it was awkward i got rejected i

had so many cringy experiences

i i like me and my friend we would get

kicked out of bars for just being so

awkward

like we didn't even do anything that

broke a roll it's just like being

awkward

that they didn't want us there right

that's how bad i was at first

despite that some of the girls i

approached despite my awful technique my

energy not being good me being insecure

etc

some girls like me and i saw that i was

like wait she seems like she might

actually be be flirting with me and

she's hot

i don't know what's wrong with her but

there's a chance for me

right that was the first epiphany is

that some women do find me attractive

and when you start doing approaches that

is something you really want to latch on

to hey that girl was flirting

that girl asked for my number that girl

was laughing at everything i said really

latch onto that and let that propel you

forward

that's very important and that's going

to help you a lot because what most guys

do when they start

is they think well i'm not getting laid

so i'm feeling failing right

i didn't get a girlfriend yet i'm not

like i'm getting flaked

don't focus so much on the negative

focus on every little win

that you're getting even if it's a very

small win

really hone in on that and like

appreciate that and i was able to do

that

even though it was cringy i sucked most

girls rejected me

those little wins where a girl seemed to

like me or she gave me her number or

whatever

that really gave me a lot of confidence

and i was able to build on

that and if you're thinking well maybe

for you

you know being a relatively decent

looking guy

maybe that's the case but for me i

approached tons of girls and none would

like me

um i've actually learned through

coaching i do boot camps where i coach

people in person and i take them to

approach women and i

watch the reactions they get and i give

them feedback

i have found that the better looking

guys

do not tend to get better reactions than

the unattractive guys

by a significant margin a lot of my

clients who struggle the most are the

ones that have like the physique of a

marvel hero

are over six feet tall and look almost

like a male model

a lot of those guys actually get more

negative reactions than the below

average looking guys

and i'm not saying looks don't play a

factor i i think they do i think they

are a relevant factor of course

but i expected when coaching maybe the

guys that are really not good looking

it's just not going to be possible right

there's no way i can help them every

girl is going to reject them i was

worried about that i was afraid that

that might happen

that's not what happened like absolutely

i've not seen a single guy who i took

out to do

20 30 approaches or more who didn't at

least get a number of girls who were

interested in him who were clearly

attracted and who were open to something

happening

if he knew how to move it forward right

if he didn't shoot himself in the foot

which he often would

uh because his beliefs that he's not

attractive

and i've seen that with any any

disadvantage you could think a guy might

have

i've seen that so short bald whatever

race whatever

big nose whatever different things you

might think i've seen it again

and again and again and again these men

are

able to get a lot of women attracted to

them even when they're new to game even

when their technique is sloppy even when

they're nervous

still some of the girls you approach are

going to like you that's the first

epiphany like if you do a lot of

approaches

no matter who you are some of the girls

are going to like you and if you are

able to move it forward you're going to

start getting results

they're not going to be like oh wow this

guy's james bond

kind of results but they will lead to

dates they will lead to getting laid or

whatever it is it will lead to that

because some of the girls are going to

like you that is simply going to happen

and people who don't who don't like oh

no but i'm the exception

99 of those guys have approached less

than 20 women in their entire life so

they have no sample size they have no

idea they're just

making excuses they're just uh latching

on to this idea of learned helplessness

because they want to feel like a victim

because if if

they have to approach women that's

uncomfortable that's awkward that's out

of your comfort zone

telling yourself oh it's impossible for

me

is a way out of that right it's a way to

say oh i don't have to get out of my

comfort zone

that's almost always what it is and then

the few exceptions where a guy does

approach a lot of women

and he gets like blown out by every girl

he approaches he never gets good

reactions

they're doing something like just really

socially dumb right and

they're not learning from it they're not

paying attention like i knew a guy in

vegas who had approached 20 girls a

night

and he told me i only got laid three

times which still hey three's better

than

a lot of guys but i only got laid three

times in like six months

and i watched him approach the girls

couldn't hear him

like he was talking so quickly

that's what he was talking like they

couldn't hear him he didn't even get

their attention so of course

he was getting rejected so unless you're

making some like really blatant

mistake where you're making every girl

uncomfortable because they don't notice

you

or you're just doing something like

really creepy or awkward

then a good percentage of the girls you

approach are going to be attracted even

if it's 10 20 whatever percent

it's enough that you can make something

out of that so that's the first major

epiphany i got from approaching 10 000

women and i'm going the

i'm going through these in chronological

order by the way

uh the second one is that it's okay to

make your intentions clear

and that in many cases that's the best

way to go about it when it comes to

dating

so i was very afraid of being creepy by

telling a girl i found her attractive

like

we're all ashamed about that and so in

some ways it's actually

necessary like you don't want to be a

creep right you don't want to be overly

sexual in a way that makes women

uncomfortable

that is a thing but i thought just any

time if i'm being openly for

openly flirtatious telling a girl she's

cute uh you know making my intentions

clear that that would make her

uncomfortable and that she wouldn't like

that and that's always a bad thing i

don't know where that came from

my parents didn't explicitly tell me

that i wasn't super religious like in

terms of my background

like it was just the movies the tv shows

it was something

about the culture that i was raised in

gave me that belief

somewhere i got that belief and i think

a lot of guys can relate to that

and yes it is possible to show your

intentions in a way that does make girls

uncomfortable

if you're not willing to take a step

back when they're not interested you're

not willing to go like okay well she's

not interested so i'm not going to keep

pushing

but in many cases women are react

so well when you show your intentions uh

the first year i did pick up when i went

to the bars and clubs i did mystery

method game which was

very popular back in the day i'm sure

you've heard of it if you know a lot

about the whole game and seduction

community that's where it started

and so i would do indirect openers who

lies more

men or women i would hide my intentions

and try to

not make it seem like i'm flirting that

was my whole goal that was my whole

method that was what i went about

and that's what i did and it got me

a lot of reactions a lot of interactions

that were

neutral but went nowhere they just died

out they petered out i would talk to a

girl

45 minutes she's like well this isn't

going anywhere so i'm bored

bye like it was nice meeting you i'd get

a hearty it was nice meeting you

every night all the time and so many

girls that

were interested in me because i was

afraid of showing my intentions i had

one girl who gave me a full body massage

in my bed and like even in massaging uh

more erogenous zones if you will you

know that's the most i can see on

youtube

and i thought in my mind unless she

kisses me she's not into me so if she

kisses me then i'll

i'll make the move i'll like you know uh

escalate but if she doesn't do that

she's probably not interested that's the

level i was thinking at

and when i started showing my intentions

just telling a girl like

you're really beautiful you're really

attractive being vulnerable being

willing to be rejected putting my ego on

the line

once i started doing that the reactions

i got were

far far better because i was afraid of

that a lot of guys are afraid of that

they're anxious about that they don't

want to get

in awkward situations but when you put

yourself out there and you make a move a

lot of girls

are going to respond super well and that

that's what i learned like holy

putting your intentions out there is

much more effective

than hiding your intentions if you're

afraid of that so

to put it to make it clear like once

you're really confident in yourself you

know how to make a move you know how to

make things

flirtatious and you're like comfortable

with doing that

then you can get away with being

indirect you can get away with something

more like the mystery method

but until you're comfortable making your

intentions clear until you're no longer

afraid of that until you're like

look i'm okay with being rejected i'm

gonna let her know i'm into her

she doesn't like it whatever but i'm

going to try until you're able to do

that consistently until you're

comfortable with putting yourself out

there in that way

then it's going to be disadvantageous

to go to indirect it's going to help you

by going direct you're going to get a

lot of girls openly flirting with you

responding on that same wavelength

and your results are going to be far far

better

you