Women don't close: what you want doesn't matter

Summary

In this talk, Dr. Orion Terban explores how women can improve their approach to relationships by drawing parallels to sales techniques. He emphasizes that successful interactions are built on understanding and meeting the other person’s desires rather than focusing solely on one's own needs. Dr. Terban advises women to lead with solutions that address men's desires for emotional connection, shifting away from impersonal demands like marriage or children. By understanding this dynamic, women can better navigate the complexities of dating and relationships, ensuring more successful outcomes.

Takeaways

• 😀 Women often struggle to 'close the deal' in relationships, which refers to successfully securing a commitment or emotional connection.
• 😀 In both sales and seduction, the core idea is to lead with what the other person wants, not what you want.
• 😀 A successful salesperson doesn't start by promoting their own needs or desires, but by understanding and addressing the other person's desires.
• 😀 Men, similarly, learn to lead with what women want—emotional experiences—in order to successfully connect and attract women.
• 😀 Men’s desire for sex is often impersonal and unrelated to the woman herself, making it crucial for them to approach relationships by offering something that meets women’s emotional needs.
• 😀 Effective salesmanship involves offering a solution to an important, self-relevant problem, which is key in both the world of business and dating.
• 😀 Women often fail in 'closing' because they haven't had to initiate or close relationships themselves, as the world usually comes to them in their youth.
• 😀 As women age, they may find it harder to secure the same opportunities for long-term relationships as they did in their younger years.
• 😀 Women tend to lead with what they want (e.g., marriage, emotional connection) on a first date, but these desires are impersonal and may not resonate with the man they’re speaking to.
• 😀 Men are less likely to pursue a long-term commitment for reasons that align with their own desires, which are often centered around sex and immediate benefits, rather than love or partnership.
• 😀 In order to 'close' a relationship, women must lead with a solution to the man’s needs, offering something that addresses his desires while also satisfying their own.

Q & A

What is the main premise of Dr. Orion Terban's talk?

Dr. Orion Terban's main premise is that women struggle with 'closing the deal' in relationships, much like how salespeople struggle with closing sales if they don't understand the customer's needs. He suggests that women often lead with their own desires, which are impersonal, rather than addressing what men want.

What does Dr. Terban compare relationships to in the context of his talk?

Dr. Terban compares relationships to sales, suggesting that much of the same principles that work in sales—such as understanding and addressing the other person's needs—also apply to seduction and building romantic connections.

Why is it problematic for women to lead with what they want in relationships?

It is problematic because desires like wanting a committed relationship or emotional connection are impersonal, and do not directly address the man’s individual needs. Leading with these desires fails to consider what the man values or wants, making it harder to 'close the deal.'

What is the key strategy that Dr. Terban suggests for women to be more successful in relationships?

Dr. Terban suggests that women should lead with what the man wants, just as a good salesperson leads with the customer’s needs. This means addressing the man's emotional needs and creating an experience or connection that resonates with him.

How does Dr. Terban explain the difference between desires in sales and relationships?

He explains that desires in both sales and relationships are impersonal. For example, a salesman's desire for a commission or a man's desire for sex are personal to them but not directly tied to the person they are interacting with. Successful interactions occur when the focus shifts to addressing the other person’s desires.

What mistake do many women make when trying to form relationships, according to Dr. Terban?

Many women make the mistake of leading with their personal desires, such as wanting marriage or emotional connection, without considering how those desires relate to the man’s needs or wants. This approach often fails to engage the man and closes off opportunities for deeper connections.

Why does Dr. Terban mention the 'impersonal' nature of sex, marriage, and emotional connection?

Dr. Terban mentions that these desires are impersonal because they are not specific to the individual involved in the interaction. For instance, a man’s desire for sex is about fulfilling a biological or personal need, and a woman's desire for marriage or children is also rooted in broad human instincts, not necessarily specific to the individual she is interacting with.

What does Dr. Terban say about men’s motivations in relationships?

Dr. Terban explains that for many men, their primary motivation in relationships is often sexual opportunity. Men will go to great lengths to attract a woman they are interested in, but their desire may not be rooted in love or long-term commitment initially.

What analogy does Dr. Terban use to explain how women can be more successful in relationships?

He uses the analogy of a salesperson offering a solution to a customer’s problem. Women, like good salespeople, need to identify the man’s emotional needs and lead with the solution that resonates with him. This creates a more engaging and effective interaction.

What does Dr. Terban mean by the term 'sealing the deal' in the context of relationships?

'Sealing the deal' refers to successfully establishing a romantic or sexual connection. Dr. Terban suggests that women often fail to do this because they do not understand how to appeal to men’s needs and desires in a way that creates mutual interest and engagement.