The secret to being more likeable

Summary

The video script explores the concept of likability and its impact on personal and professional success. It discusses how truly likable individuals, those in the 99.9th percentile, create a positive impression and foster connections by making others feel valued and understood. The speaker suggests that being likable involves being genuinely interested in others, which paradoxically makes people more interested in you. They emphasize the importance of self-liking and living a life that you enjoy, as this authenticity and comfort with oneself can lead to more meaningful and enjoyable interactions with others. The script concludes with a recommendation of 'The Like Switch' by Jack Schafer for practical advice on becoming more likable.

Takeaways

• 😃 Likability is a rare trait that can significantly impact a person's life and social interactions.
• 👥 People who are highly likable often make others feel understood, valued, and seen, which fosters strong connections.
• 🌟 Being likable can lead to various benefits, such as more social invitations, promotions, and opportunities.
• 🤔 The likability of a person is not necessarily related to their qualifications but rather how they make others feel.
• 👀 Improving likability is not about changing who you are but about enhancing certain behaviors that positively affect how you are perceived.
• 💭 The most important aspect of likability is how you make others feel during interactions, not necessarily what you say.
• 👂 Listening and showing genuine interest in others can make them feel valued and, in turn, increase your likability.
• 🔥 Confidence in oneself and one's life can lead to a more relaxed and engaging conversation style, making others feel comfortable and interested.
• 🤝 Being likable involves reciprocity and collaboration in conversations, rather than just focusing on oneself.
• 📚 Reading books like 'The Like Switch' by Jack Schafer can provide practical advice on improving likability and winning people over.
• 🎧 Utilizing platforms like Audible for audiobooks can help in self-improvement and gaining insights from others' wisdom.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is about likability, discussing what makes a person likable and how to become more likable.

Who is Simon the Likable mentioned in the script?

Simon the Likable is a character introduced in the script who exemplifies the concept of being extremely likable, as perceived by others.

What is the significance of the '99.9th percentile of likability' mentioned in the script?

The '99.9th percentile of likability' refers to a very high level of likability that only a small percentage of people achieve, making them stand out as exceptionally likable.

Why do likable people seem to have more friends and opportunities according to the script?

Likable people seem to have more friends and opportunities because they make others feel valued and understood, which naturally draws people towards them and opens up more opportunities.

What is the script's stance on the idea of focusing solely on oneself and disregarding others' opinions?

The script suggests that focusing solely on oneself and disregarding others' opinions is overly simplistic and not conducive to personal growth or success in social interactions.

How does the script relate good eye contact to likability?

The script implies that good eye contact can make a person seem more likable because it shows attentiveness and respect towards the person you are conversing with.

What is the key takeaway from the script regarding how people remember interactions?

The key takeaway is that people tend to remember how they felt during an interaction rather than the specific details of what was said.

What does the script suggest about the importance of making others feel important and valued?

The script suggests that making others feel important and valued is crucial to being likable, as it fosters a positive and reciprocal relationship.

How does the script define 'spark' in the context of personal interactions?

In the context of personal interactions, 'spark' refers to the energy and connection one gives off, which influences how others perceive and remember them.

What advice does the script give for becoming more likable?

The script advises that to become more likable, one should live a life they like, find themselves likable, and be genuinely interested in others, which in turn makes others more interested in them.

What book is recommended in the script for those looking for practical tips on becoming more likable?

The book recommended in the script is 'The Like Switch' by Jack Schafer, which is an ex-FBI agent's guide to making people like you.

What platform is mentioned in the script for listening to audiobooks?

Audible is the platform mentioned in the script for listening to audiobooks and spoken word entertainment.

What is the offer provided by Audible for new members as mentioned in the script?

Audible offers a 30-day free trial for new members, as mentioned in the script, which allows them to access their vast library of audiobooks.

Outlines

00:00

😇 The Essence of Likability

The first paragraph introduces the concept of extreme likability, describing individuals who are in the upper 99.9th percentile of being liked by others. These people are characterized by their ability to make others feel understood, valued, and seen in a positive light. The paragraph discusses how such likable individuals seem to effortlessly gain friends and promotions, and how their likability can open up opportunities in life. The speaker also challenges the idea that focusing on being likable is superficial, arguing that it's about improving one's social interactions and not a betrayal of one's personality. The goal is to identify and implement behaviors that can make one more likable, thereby enriching one's social life and interactions with others.

05:01

🤔 The Impact of How We Make Others Feel

This paragraph delves into the importance of how individuals make others feel during interactions, asserting that this is more critical than the content of what is being said. It uses examples to illustrate how disregarding someone's input can lead to feelings of insignificance and how this impacts the impression one leaves on others. The paragraph emphasizes that people remember the feeling and vibe one gives off rather than the specifics of the conversation. It also touches on tthe importance of being genuinely interested in others, as this tends to make them feel valued and, in turn, more likely to reciprocate interest in the listener. The speaker encourages the audience to reflect on how they make others feel and to consider the energy they bring to interactions.

10:03

🌟 Embracing Self-Acceptance and Genuine Curiosity

The final paragraph focuses on the idea that self-acceptance and genuine curiosity about others are key components of likability. It suggests that people who are content with their lives are less desperate for validation and can engage in conversations without needing to be the center of attention. The speaker argues that when one is at ease with themselves, they can be genuinely interested in others, leading to more meaningful and enjoyable interactions. The paragraph also mentions the book 'The Like Switch' by Jack Schafer as a resource for those seeking practical advice on becoming more likable. The speaker concludes by inviting viewers to share their thoughts on what makes someone likable and promoting the benefits of using Audible for self-improvement and learning.

Keywords

💡Likability

Likability refers to the quality of being liked or admired by others. In the context of the video, it is the central theme as it discusses the traits and behaviors that make individuals more likable to others. The script mentions that people in the 'upper 99.9th percentile of likability' are those who, when conversing with them, make others feel understood and valued. The video aims to explore how one can become more likable by adopting certain behaviors and mindsets.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the state of being genuine and true to oneself. The script touches on the concept by suggesting that being more likable does not mean being inauthentic or pretending to be someone else. Instead, it is about recognizing and adopting positive behaviors that can enhance one's likability without compromising their true self, such as making better eye contact or showing genuine interest in others.

💡Self-perception

Self-perception is how an individual views themselves. The video emphasizes the importance of having a positive self-perception to be more likable. It suggests that if a person dislikes themselves, it becomes difficult to be genuinely curious about others, which is a key trait of likable people. The script points out that people who are secure in themselves and their lifestyle can engage in conversations without needing validation from others.

💡Validation

Validation is the confirmation or approval of the truth, value, or significance of something or someone. The script uses the term to describe the need some people have for others to approve of their life choices or achievements. It contrasts this with likable individuals who do not seek validation because they are content with their lives, allowing them to be more interested in others.

💡Eye contact

Eye contact is the act of looking at another person in the eyes, which is a form of nonverbal communication. In the video, it is mentioned as a habit that can affect how one is perceived by others. Making better eye contact is suggested as a way to improve likability, as it can make others feel more engaged and valued during conversations.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. The script implies that likable people have a high degree of empathy, as they are able to make others feel understood and valued. It is a key component in creating a connection with others and is essential for being likable.

💡Reciprocity

Reciprocity is the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit. In the context of the video, it refers to the mutual exchange of interest and conversation between two people. The script suggests that showing genuine interest in others will often lead to reciprocity, where others become interested in you and your experiences.

💡Insecurity

Insecurity is a feeling of uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. The video discusses how insecurity can hinder one's likability by making them desperate for approval and less interested in others. It contrasts this with secure individuals who are more likely to engage in meaningful conversations and be genuinely interested in others.

💡Spark

In the video, 'spark' refers to the initial attraction or interest felt between two people during an interaction. It is mentioned as being more important than specific details of the conversation or achievements. The script suggests that the energy and engagement one brings to a conversation can create a 'spark' that makes them more likable.

💡Self-improvement

Self-improvement is the process of enhancing one's knowledge, skills, or character. The script briefly touches on self-improvement when recommending the book 'The Like Switch' as a resource for learning how to be more likable. It suggests that actively seeking to improve oneself can lead to becoming a more likable person.

💡Empowering

Empowering refers to the act of giving someone authority or autonomy. In the context of the video, it is used to describe the type of interaction that likable people create. They make others feel empowered by showing genuine interest and valuing their opinions, which contributes to their likability.

Highlights

Introduction of Simon the Likable, a character embodying exceptional likability.

Definition of truly likable people as those in the 99.9th percentile of likability who make others feel valued and understood.

The societal phenomenon where likable people are celebrated and elevated in status.

Personal anecdotes on the rarity of meeting extremely likable individuals.

The correlation between likability and the world's openness, leading to more opportunities and promotions.

The challenge of overcoming the belief that one should not seek to be more likable for the sake of personal authenticity.

The importance of recognizing that likability is not about changing who you are, but improving how you interact with others.

The idea that habits and behaviors can be adjusted to enhance likability without compromising one's identity.

The significance of making others feel good in your presence as the key to likability.

The concept that people remember how you made them feel rather than the specifics of what was said.

Examples given to illustrate the impact of disregarding others' input during conversations.

The importance of being genuinely interested in others to foster a sense of importance and value.

The paradox that those who are secure in themselves are less desperate to talk about themselves and more interested in others.

The suggestion that living a life you like and finding yourself likable are foundational to being genuinely interested in others.

The recommendation of the book 'The Like Switch' by Jack Schafer as a resource for practical tips on becoming more likable.

Introduction of Audible as a platform for self-improvement and learning through audiobooks.

Details on how Audible works, including the monthly credit system and access to original content.

A call to action for viewers to sign up for Audible using the provided link for a 30-day free trial.

An invitation for viewers to share their thoughts on the video and engage in discussion about likability.

Transcripts

- Larabee, that man who just entered.

Do you know who that is?

- [Larabee] Which one, Chief?

- The man in the hat.

(dramatic music)

(dreamy music)

(chimes ring) (dreamy music)

That's Simon the Likable.

- I don't care what his name is, Chief. I like him.

- Everybody at some point in their life

has met someone who they would consider to be truly likable.

(dreamy music)

(chimes ring) (dreamy music)

Like in the upper 99.9th percentile of likability.

These are the types of people who,

when you talk to them, you feel understood.

You feel like they're really listening,

they value you as a human being,

and they see the best in you.

No matter where these types of people go,

it seems like they have friends.

It seems like people tend to celebrate them

and elevate them to this deity status.

And it sounds kind of crazy, but that's why it's so rare.

I feel like I can only name like three or four people

I have ever met who fit that description.

And it seems like the more likable of a person you are,

the more the world opens up to you.

You know, people just enjoy being around you,

they always want to invite you to things,

they want you part of their company,

they give you promotions.

And you can look at that and say,

"Well, that's not fair, they don't deserve it.

They're not more qualified than I am."

But it doesn't make it any less true.

The more likable of a person you are,

the more people like you. (laughs)

You know, some people are very likable

and other people are very difficult to like.

And the people who are likable

tend to do better in almost every area of life

compared to people that no one wants to be around.

I've thought a lot about what makes somebody likable.

What makes someone somebody that people love being around?

Like, what's the common theme?

And can we implement those behaviors into our own lives

so that we're just generally more likable as a person?

Now, right off the bat you might have some resistance

towards this proposition because you might be thinking like,

"Oh, why would you want to be more likable?

Why would you worry so much

about what other people think of you?

You're focusing on the wrong thing.

You should focus on yourself, your own happiness,

and then people who don't like it can screw off."

But I think that's overly simplistic and foolish,

and if you think that way

you're not gonna get very far in life,

especially if you already struggle with people

and you think that, oh, just being more of yourself

is gonna help for some reason.

It's like, how has that worked out for you?

How has that worked out for you?

Because ultimately, we're creatures of habit.

What we think is just part of our personality

might just be a conversational tic or bad habit

that we've picked up over conditioning,

over the role that we played

in our friends circle or our family,

and it could actually be making us

more abrasive of a person than necessary.

For instance, if you struggle to make good eye contact

with somebody while you're talking to them,

and it's just a habit that you have,

you tend to look down all the time,

if I told you that

if you made better eye contact with people

and you got more comfortable

with making eye contact with people,

you're not gonna say that that is somehow

a betrayal of your personality.

You wouldn't say that I'm telling you

to be someone that you're not.

I'm not telling you to deny your god.

I'm just saying that there are things that you do

that make a difference in how you are perceived by others.

And I believe that the most likable people

just do those things better than the average person.

So in this video, it's a little bit of a different video,

I'm just gonna talk off the cuff

about things that I've noticed

about the most likable people I've ever met,

and then hopefully we can try to figure out

how to implement some of those behaviors and those mindsets

to make us more likable and more enjoyable to be around

so that we can enrich our lives

and have a better time with being social

and interacting with people,

leaving people better off than when we found them.

(dreamy music)

So the first thing that you need to do

if you want to increase your likability

is that you have to realize

that nobody really cares about what you say

more than they care about how you make them feel.

How you make people feel when you're around them

is the most important thing.

That's the thing that leaves an impression on people.

In fact, 99 times out of 100,

people aren't gonna really remember the things that you said

when they go home after you interacted with them.

They're gonna remember how you made them feel.

- [Narrator] Good manners make good first impressions.

They have a lot to do with how well people like you.

- A good example of this

is when somebody that you're talking to

is going on a rant about all of their problems

and they're really heated and pissed off

and they're going on a monologue

about all the terrible things

that have happened to them throughout the day.

And you're listening

and you're kind of giving them the time of day,

and then you try to offer a piece of advice

or an observation or ask them a question,

but they just sort of steamroll over you

and disregard anything that you say

to continue in their monologue.

When that happens, you kind of feel dejected.

You kind of stop listening

to all the particulars of what they're saying,

and the only thing that you're left with is this feeling

that they don't really care about what you have to say.

You know, they don't really care about your opinion,

they don't care about you,

so F this person.

Every interaction that you have with somebody is like that.

What people remember about you is how you made them feel.

It's the vibe that you give off.

Is it one that is encouraging and empowering

and collaborative, reciprocal?

Or do you feel kind of expendable?

Like they don't really care about your unique situation,

your unique perspective.

They don't really care about any advice

that you have to give.

They might as well be ranting at a brick wall.

Here's another example.

Say you're a guy and you're on a date with some girl

and you are talking about all these things

that you think are very impressive.

You're saying a lot of words.

You're talking about what you do for a living.

You might be saying stuff impressive, like,

"Oh, I have a six-figure income, blabbity-blabbity-blah.

I have three sisters, something-something-something."

And then once you realize

that you've been monologuing for a little bit too long,

you ask routine questions to them like,

"Oh, how many sisters do you have?

What's your favorite color, blabbity-blabbity-blah?"

You know, this goes back and forth for an hour or two,

and she goes home.

And while she's at home,

she was thinking back on the date

and she was thinking to herself,

"You know, he seems like a nice guy,

but I just didn't feel that spark."

Like, "I didn't really feel like we had chemistry."

That spark is everything.

That spark is what people think of you.

They don't think about all the little things you said.

They don't really think about all the things that you did

or what your job position is.

Like. No one really cares.

What they care about is that spark,

and that spark is the energy you give off.

How do you make that person feel when they're around you?

If you're sitting there in an interaction with somebody

and you are tense and you are performative,

then they're going to be tense and performative as well.

The most likable people on planet Earth realize this.

You know, they put people at ease because they're at ease.

- [Narrator] That's what good manners do.

They make everyone feel at ease.

- They feel so comfortable with conversation,

with eye contact, with being playful.

They realize that people like you

when you make them feel important and valued.

- [Narrator] That's what a boy likes.

He wants to know he's appreciated.

- You might hear that and say,

"Okay, what am I supposed to do then?

Am I supposed to just be a pushover

and just never voice my opinion on things

and make people feel so special and comfortable

and listen to all of their problems

and never talk about my problems or my life,

and just be like an interviewer?"

That's not what I'm saying,

and that's never the way it works out,

because 9 times out of 10,

when you are genuinely interested in someone else

and you act genuinely interested in someone else,

they feel special and they end up liking you more.

And when someone likes you,

they're more likely to ask you questions about yourself.

So it's almost like you have to give first and then receive.

So another thing you might say is,

"What, I'm just supposed to pretend

to be interested in what they're saying?

Like, that's not very genuine.

I thought that good connections

came from authenticity and honesty,

so if I'm not honestly interested in what they have to say,

then the entire friendship is built on a facade."

But here's a weird thing that I've noticed,

is it's almost paradoxical

because the people who are most comfortable

with who they are and the life that they live

are usually the people who are least desperate

to talk about themselves.

Because think about it.

If you're insecure and you don't like your life,

then everything that you say

about your life or your job position

or what you tend to do on Saturdays,

you're subconsciously hoping that the other person says,

"Oh, that's really cool. Oh, wow."

Like you want so desperately for someone to say,

"Wow, you make six figures.

Oh, that's such an interesting job. That's amazing."

But think about it.

Everyone thinks like you.

Most people are insecure,

so if you are that for people,

if you're the person who says,

"Oh, wow, that's super interesting, tell me about that,"

people say, "Oh my goodness!

Let me tell you about it.

This is awesome. Someone's listening."

People are dying to be listened to.

People are dying to be called by their name,

to be looked at in the eye, to feel like,

"Man, I don't know if that guy really cares about me,

but I sure felt like he did

and that makes me feel good about myself."

That's the key to likability.

So I think it all boils down to a few things.

If you want to be the most likable person that you can be,

the most likable version of yourself,

then firstly, you have to live a life that you like.

- [Narrator] The more you're interested

in the world around you,

the more interesting you become.

- You have to find yourself likable.

You have to admire the things

that you do on a day-to-day basis,

or at least not actively participate in something

that ruins your opinion of yourself.

Because if you dislike yourself,

then curiosity in other people is hard to come by.

You can't afford to be curious about other people

because you need their validation.

You need them to validate you.

But people who are secure in themselves

and their lifestyle will find that, oh,

they don't necessarily need people to comment on their life

because they like their life,

so then they can actually have fun with conversation

and ask questions that they find interesting

and be interested in the other person.

And as a result of that,

the people that you're listening to

will say, "Wow I like this person.

I want to ask them questions about their life,"

and then that's when that reciprocity can get going.

Those are just some thoughts that I've had.

The people that I think are the most likable in life

not only like themselves,

or at least carry themselves like somebody that they admire,

they treat themselves with respect.

But because of this, they're able to go into a room

and not be desperate for other people's approval.

They can sit there very comfortably

and easily ask people followup questions about their life

and be genuinely curious

because there's a lot to learn from people.

There's a lot of things that people have gone through

that you can't imagine and that are genuinely interesting,

and they can't wait to tell you, but no one ever asks.

- You know, to keep your friends, you gotta be...

Gotta be pretty considerate.

Look for the good in people.

Give them credit for being as straight as you are.

- Yeah

It might work.

- So yeah, let me know what you think of all that.

It's a little bit more of a loose concept video.

I'd be super interested in hearing what you've observed

about the most likable people in your life.

You know, when I say the most likable person you know,

someone probably pops into your head.

What makes them likable? Comment below.

And if you're looking for less theoretical tips

and you want like step-by-step things

that you can do to make you more likable,

then one of the coolest books I've ever read

is "The Like Switch" by Jack Schafer.

It's basically an ex-FBI agent's guide

to making people like you and winning people over

based on hard-won evidence that the FBI uses

to actually convert foreign agents into the FBI.

It's wild.

And I highly recommend listening to the audio book version

on Audible, which is today's video sponsor,

because that's how I enjoyed the book.

And for those of you who don't know,

Audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment

and audiobooks all in one place.

If you're interested in self-improvement

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Audible members also get access

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So make sure to take advantage of that link.

Head on over to audible.com/betterideas,

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Expand your mind, learn something new,

and as usual, have a great time.

And if you liked this video, watch my previous video.

It's not doing too well in the algorithm

and I really liked that video.

It meant a lot to me,

and it changed a lot of people's perspective.

Some people just straight up didn't get it.

They're like, "You just said

eight minutes of absolutely nothing."

But other people are like,

"Dude, this is some of the most poetic shit I've ever seen."

So make up your own mind on that.

I'll put a link for that in the description below.

And a big thank you to Demetrios,

who usually edits my second channel videos.

He edited this video, so if you liked the editing

or you absolutely hated the editing on this video,

be sure to let Demetrios know.

This is the first time I have not edited

one of my Better Ideas main channel videos,

so let me know how he did.

Other than that, thank you so much for watching,

and we'll catch you in the next video.

(mellow music)