How to have WAY MORE SEX in your marriage. Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith.

Summary

In this video, attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith offers advice on how couples can improve their sex life by fostering emotional intimacy. He explains the importance of vulnerability, where men should share their frustrations and challenges with their wives, invite feedback on solutions, and trust their partners to offer insights. By communicating openly and valuing emotional connection over just physical attraction, couples can strengthen their bond, leading to increased sex drive. Adam emphasizes that this formula is key to building a healthier, more intimate relationship, ultimately boosting desire and connection in marriage.

Takeaways

• 😀 Men often struggle with emotional intimacy because they are conditioned to solve problems rather than share feelings.
• 😀 Women typically develop emotional intimacy through communication, and they desire to feel useful and trusted by their partner.
• 😀 Vulnerability in a relationship involves sharing weaknesses or challenges, not just emotional breakdowns or sobbing.
• 😀 Women respect men who acknowledge their weaknesses and seek solutions, not those who are overly emotional or helpless.
• 😀 Men should express their emotions and the solutions they’ve already considered when sharing frustrations with their wives.
• 😀 Asking for feedback on potential solutions encourages collaboration and strengthens the emotional bond in the relationship.
• 😀 Failing to share frustrations or seek advice from a wife communicates distrust and can harm the relationship.
• 😀 Women's sex drive is tied to emotional intimacy, feeling valued, and being useful to their partner beyond physical attraction.
• 😀 Building emotional intimacy leads to a healthier and more frequent sex life, enhancing the overall relationship.
• 😀 The formula for increasing sex drive involves: sharing a problem, expressing emotions, offering a solution, and requesting feedback on that solution.
• 😀 Healthy attachment and communication are key to sustaining a long-term, fulfilling relationship and increasing sexual desire.

Q & A

What is the main focus of Adam Lane Smith's video?

The video focuses on how couples can improve their sex lives by building emotional intimacy through better communication, particularly emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and trust.

Why do many women in their 30s and 40s report wanting more sex in their marriages?

Women in their 30s and 40s may experience a shift in their sexual desires, often wanting more frequent intimacy. This is often due to emotional needs, including a desire for connection, feeling valued, and being emotionally supported by their partners.

What is the biggest communication problem men face in relationships, according to the video?

The biggest problem men face is not knowing how to communicate with their wives in a way that fosters emotional intimacy. When women say, 'talk to me,' men often don’t know how to engage in emotional conversations or share their feelings effectively.

How do men's and women's brains differ in terms of emotional communication?

Men's brains tend to be more focused and slower-moving, concentrating on one issue at a time, while women's brains are quicker and more relational, able to spot patterns and connections. This difference affects how men and women approach problem-solving and emotional discussions.

What does vulnerability in relationships mean for men?

For men, vulnerability does not mean crying or appearing weak. Instead, it involves sharing their emotional challenges, frustrations, and weaknesses in a way that invites their partner’s support and feedback while still showing that they have a plan to address the problem.

Why is it important for men to share their problems with their wives instead of trying to handle everything alone?

Sharing problems and asking for feedback helps build emotional intimacy and trust. It shows the wife that the man values her input, trusts her thinking, and sees her as a partner in solving challenges. This emotional connection strengthens the relationship and enhances sexual intimacy.

What effect does a man not sharing his emotional challenges have on a marriage?

If a man refuses to share his emotional struggles or ask for feedback, it can send a message of distrust or rejection to his wife. This can damage the relationship and decrease the wife's sex drive, as she feels emotionally disconnected and undervalued.

How can emotional intimacy increase a woman’s sex drive?

Emotional intimacy, built through consistent trust, vulnerability, and communication, makes a woman feel valued for more than her physical appearance. When she feels secure and useful in the relationship, her emotional connection deepens, which can lead to a stronger sex drive.

What does Adam Lane Smith suggest as a formula for improving communication in marriage?

The formula for improving communication includes: 1) sharing a problem, 2) expressing the emotions attached to the problem, 3) explaining a solution the man has already thought of, and 4) asking for feedback on the solution before implementing it.

How does emotional intimacy affect the long-term health of a marriage, according to the video?

Emotional intimacy is key to maintaining a strong, lasting marriage. When couples communicate openly, share their vulnerabilities, and respect each other’s emotional needs, they strengthen their bond, which not only enhances sexual satisfaction but also deepens overall relationship satisfaction.