How to make an Avoidant Man bond to You in the Bedroom?

Summary

The video script delves into the science of bonding, particularly focusing on the hormone vasopressin, which plays a crucial role in male attachment, especially for those with avoidant attachment styles. Adam Lane Smith, an attachment specialist, explains that while oxytocin is the primary bonding hormone for women, men have more receptors for vasopressin. This hormone is activated when overcoming challenges together, reducing stress, and achieving goals as a team. Smith suggests that in romantic relationships, especially with avoidant men, focusing on shared experiences and mutual accomplishments can foster deeper bonds. He provides actionable advice on how to communicate and engage in the bedroom to stimulate vasopressin bonding, which can lead to more meaningful connections and long-lasting relationships.

Takeaways

• 🤝 **Vasopressin Bonding**: Men have more receptors for vasopressin, a hormone that promotes bonding through overcoming challenges together.
• 💕 **Oxytocin's Role in Women**: Oxytocin, known as the 'love hormone', is crucial for women's emotional connection and is released during moments of safety and connection.
• 🚫 **Avoidant Attachment**: Avoidant men often struggle with oxytocin bonding due to a lack of nurturing and may have more vasopressin receptors, making them more sensitive to vasopressin.
• 🧠 **The Dopamine Effect**: Men primarily experience a rush of dopamine during sexual release, which is different from the oxytocin rush women experience.
• 👥 **Teamwork in the Bedroom**: Women should encourage a team effort during sex, guiding their partners to enhance their own pleasure and create a shared experience.
• 💬 **Communication is Key**: Open communication during sex can help activate vasopressin bonding, as it involves working together towards a common goal.
• 🏋️‍♂️ **Achievement Outside the Bedroom**: Engaging in activities that require teamwork and goal achievement outside of the bedroom can also foster vasopressin bonding.
• 🚫 **Avoidant Men and Oxytocin**: Avoidant men may not respond well to traditional oxytocin-stimulating behaviors due to their attachment style.
• 🤔 **Understanding Male Bonding**: Understanding the differences in how men and women bond chemically can lead to more satisfying and connected relationships.
• 🌟 **The Importance of Reciprocity**: In relationships, creating a reciprocal circle of affection and love is vital for both partners to feel emotionally connected.
• 💑 **Long-Term Bonding**: By focusing on vasopressin bonding, men can develop a deeper, more trusting, and long-lasting bond with their partners.

Q & A

What is the hormone that Adam Lane Smith discusses as being crucial for male bonding?

Adam Lane Smith discusses 'vasopressin' as the hormone that plays a significant role in male bonding, particularly for avoidant men.

How does oxytocin function for women in relationships?

Oxytocin, often referred to as the 'love hormone,' is released in women when they feel safe, connected, and under low stress. It is associated with emotional bonding and is particularly important for women as it fosters feelings of love, affection, and connection.

Why might men not seem to bond as effectively as women after sex?

Men may not bond as effectively as women after sex because their primary bonding hormone in the context of sex is not oxytocin, but vasopressin. Men's bonding is more likely associated with achieving goals, overcoming challenges, and reducing stress together.

What is the 'cheeseburger effect' as described by Adam Lane Smith?

The 'cheeseburger effect' is a term used by Adam Lane Smith to describe the temporary satisfaction men might feel after sex, which is driven by a burst of dopamine rather than a lasting bond formed by oxytocin. It implies that the experience is enjoyable but not necessarily tied to a deeper emotional connection.

How does having more vasopressin receptors influence avoidant men?

Avoidant men, due to their attachment style, may have more vasopressin receptors than secure men. This makes them more sensitive to vasopressin, which can lead to a stronger bond when they overcome challenges or reduce stress together with a partner.

What is the significance of achieving goals together in the bedroom for bonding?

Achieving goals together in the bedroom, such as helping each other climax or trying new experiences, can activate vasopressin bonding. This is particularly important for men, as it creates a sense of team accomplishment and trust, leading to a deeper emotional connection.

How can communication during sex help in bonding?

Communication during sex allows partners to guide each other towards mutual satisfaction and shared experiences. This exchange of desires and feedback can activate vasopressin receptors, fostering a sense of teamwork and deepening the emotional bond.

What is the role of dopamine in men's sexual experiences?

Dopamine plays a role in the initial excitement and pleasure of sex for men, often associated with the novelty of a new partner. However, the continuous pursuit of dopamine without transitioning to deeper bonding can limit the emotional connection in a relationship.

Why is it important for women to understand the male bonding process when it comes to sex?

Understanding the male bonding process is important for women because it allows them to participate in and guide the sexual experience towards a deeper emotional connection. It helps in speaking the 'language of risk' that avoidant men are more comfortable with, thus fostering trust and a lasting bond.

What are some activities outside the bedroom that can help in vasopressin bonding?

Activities that involve teamwork and goal achievement, such as escape room dates, puzzles, building or restoring things together, and learning new skills as a couple, can help in vasopressin bonding. These shared experiences of overcoming challenges together can strengthen the emotional connection.

How does the shift from dopamine to vasopressin bonding affect men in relationships?

The shift from dopamine to vasopressin bonding can lead to men becoming more affectionate, wanting to engage in deeper conversations, and feeling safer in their partner's presence. It can also activate the desire for oxytocin bonding, which is crucial for forming a lasting emotional connection.

Outlines

00:00

🔬 The Secret Bonding Hormone: Vasopressin

The first paragraph introduces the concept of a secret hormone that plays a significant role in male bonding, particularly in avoidant men. Adam Lane Smith, the attachment specialist, discusses the importance of understanding this hormone for building strong relationships. The hormone in question is vasopressin, which is more prevalent in men and is linked to bonding through shared challenges and stress reduction. The paragraph also touches on the differences between how men and women bond chemically, with oxytocin being the primary hormone for women, associated with feelings of love and connection.

05:01

🚶‍♂️ Men's Unique Bonding Process Through Vasopressin

The second paragraph delves into the specifics of how men bond, highlighting the role of vasopressin as opposed to oxytocin. It explains that men have more receptors for vasopressin and that this hormone is released when overcoming challenges together, leading to a sense of trust and alliance. The paragraph also discusses how avoidant men, due to their attachment style, may have even more vasopressin receptors, making them more sensitive to this hormone. It further explores the survival benefits of this bonding mechanism and how it's been integral in various male-dominated environments, such as the military and business.

10:04

🛏️ Bonding in the Bedroom: Beyond Dopamine

The third paragraph addresses common misconceptions about bonding in the bedroom, especially with avoidant men. It explains that while dopamine plays a role in the initial stages of a relationship, it's the release of vasopressin that leads to deeper and more lasting bonds. The speaker advises women to communicate their needs and work together with their partners to achieve mutual satisfaction, which can trigger vasopressin release in men. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of shared experiences and mutual enjoyment as a means to foster vasopressin bonding.

15:07

🤝 Achieving Lasting Bonds Through Vasopressin

The final paragraph provides actionable advice on how to build lasting bonds with an avoidant partner by focusing on shared achievements and experiences, both inside and outside the bedroom. It suggests that by working together to accomplish goals and reduce stress, couples can trigger vasopressin bonding, which can lead to increased trust, affection, and a deeper connection. The speaker encourages women to engage in activities that foster vasopressin release, such as escape rooms, puzzles, or learning new skills together. The paragraph concludes with an invitation for feedback on the effectiveness of these strategies and a reference to additional resources for understanding and managing relationships with avoidant partners.

Keywords

💡Vasopressin

Vasopressin is a hormone that plays a crucial role in the bonding process between individuals, particularly in men. It is released when overcoming challenges together, which can lead to a sense of trust and the perception of the other person as a valuable ally. In the context of the video, Adam Lane Smith discusses how activating vasopressin can lead to deeper bonding, especially in avoidant men who have more receptors for this hormone, thus facilitating a stronger connection in relationships.

💡Oxytocin

Oxytocin is often referred to as the 'love hormone' and is associated with feelings of connection, safety, and trust. It is released during intimate moments and is particularly important for women's bonding and emotional connection. In the video, Smith explains that while oxytocin is vital for women, men, especially those with avoidant attachment styles, may not bond through oxytocin in the same way and may require the activation of vasopressin instead.

💡Avoidant Attachment Style

Avoidant attachment style is a type of attachment where individuals tend to be uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy. They may struggle to form deep connections with others. In the script, Smith discusses how avoidant men, due to their attachment style, may have more vasopressin receptors and thus can bond more effectively through shared challenges and achievements rather than through traditional oxytocin-driven emotional intimacy.

💡Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with the brain's reward system. It is linked to feelings of pleasure and motivation. Smith uses the term 'dopamine' to describe the initial excitement and novelty in a relationship that can be appealing, especially to avoidant men. However, he emphasizes the need to transition from dopamine-driven experiences to deeper, more meaningful bonds that involve vasopressin.

💡Bonding

Bonding refers to the process of forming a close, emotional connection with another person. In the video, Smith focuses on the different ways men and women bond, highlighting the role of hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin in this process. Bonding is central to the video's theme, as it explores how understanding these processes can help individuals, particularly avoidant men, form more profound and lasting relationships.

💡Receptors

Receptors are proteins that receive signals from hormones or neurotransmitters and initiate a response in the body. The script mentions that men have more receptors for vasopressin, which is significant for bonding, especially in the context of shared experiences and overcoming challenges. Understanding the role of receptors helps to explain why certain bonding experiences are more effective for men than others.

💡Challenges

Challenges, in the context of the video, refer to shared difficulties or goals that partners can overcome together. Smith explains that facing and overcoming challenges together can trigger the release of vasopressin, leading to a stronger bond. This concept is central to the video's message about creating a deeper connection with avoidant partners through shared experiences.

💡Achievement

Achievement is the act of accomplishing a task or goal. In the script, Smith discusses how men, particularly those with avoidant attachment styles, are more likely to bond through shared achievements and goal-oriented activities. This concept is used to illustrate the kind of experiences that can trigger vasopressin bonding, as opposed to the dopamine-driven pleasure seeking.

💡Cortisol

Cortisol is a hormone that the body releases in response to stress. Smith explains that high cortisol levels can inhibit oxytocin bonding, which is a problem for avoidant men who may have high stress responses. However, he notes that vasopressin bonding can occur when cortisol levels are reduced, such as when a shared challenge is overcome.

💡Avoidance

Avoidance, in the context of the video, refers to the behavior of individuals with avoidant attachment styles who tend to shy away from emotional closeness and intimacy. Smith uses the term to describe the typical behavior of avoidant men in relationships and how understanding and addressing this avoidance can lead to more effective bonding.

💡Team Effort

A team effort implies a collaborative approach where both parties work together towards a common goal. Smith emphasizes the importance of a team effort in the bedroom and in life to facilitate vasopressin bonding. He suggests that by working together and achieving goals as a team, couples can create a stronger bond that is based on shared experiences and mutual support.

Highlights

The hormone vasopressin plays a crucial role in male bonding, particularly for those with avoidant attachment styles.

Men have more receptors for vasopressin than women, which is linked to their goal-oriented nature and ability to bond through shared challenges.

Oxytocin, known as the 'love hormone,' is vital for female bonding but is not the primary driver for male bonding in the bedroom.

Avoidant men may have more vasopressin receptors due to fewer oxytocin receptors, making them more sensitive to vasopressin bonding.

Vasopressin is released when individuals overcome challenges together, reducing stress and fostering a sense of team and trust.

Dopamine is associated with the pleasure and reward system in men, often taking precedence in the early stages of a relationship.

The 'cheeseburger effect' describes the initial dopamine rush men experience, which can lead to a superficial bond based on pleasure alone.

To deepen the bond with an avoidant man, women should focus on shared experiences and goal achievement in the bedroom, not just individual pleasure.

Communication is key in the bedroom, with women encouraged to guide their partners to enhance mutual satisfaction and vasopressin bonding.

Celebrating shared achievements during intimate moments can reinforce vasopressin bonding and create a stronger emotional connection.

Outside the bedroom, engaging in activities that involve teamwork and overcoming challenges can also stimulate vasopressin bonding.

Vasopressin bonding can lead to an increase in oxytocin bonding, fostering a deeper emotional connection and trust between partners.

Adam Lane Smith, the attachment specialist, emphasizes the importance of understanding and leveraging hormones for building strong relationships.

Avoidant attachment styles can be bypassed through vasopressin bonding, allowing for the development of trust and deeper connections.

The speaker suggests that women should be more engaged and communicative in the bedroom to facilitate a more profound and lasting bond with their partners.

Watching the video together and discussing it can be a starting point for couples to improve their bonding experiences and communication.

The approach outlined is intended to be non-manipulative and loving, aiming to create a stronger, healthier bond between partners.

Transcripts

I bet you don't know about the secret

chemical that makes men bond to you the

hormone that men have more receptors for

than women do and the hormone that

avoidant men have even more receptors

for because of their avoidant attachment

style I can't believe that nobody is

talking about this important hormone and

how important it is especially for

avoidant men to bond I have seen my high

net worth male coaching clients Bond

like super glue to their business

partners when they activate this hormone

and it works in romantic relationships

too but only if you know how to activate

it that's why today I'm going to show

you how to release this hormone in him

and get him to bond with you in the

bedroom this is a non-manipulative

tactic by the way my avoidant guys who

are watching right now this is not me

sharing your secrets and getting you

manipulated this is going to be a loving

practice that everybody can get behind

pun intended I am Adam Lane Smith the

attachment specialist I help people

build great relationships where they

have previously struggled if your

relationships haven't made sense I will

make them make sense today let's talk

about the secret bonding hormone called

vasopressin and how it's going to get

him bonded to you the next time that you

have sex let's go ladies let me ask you

a very blunt question have you ever

wondered why men don't seem to connect

after sex the way that women do

especially avoidant men right they can

do it and then pack up and leave jump

right out the window as if they were

tossing away a candy bar wrapper this is

not to say all avoidant men are like

this they're not claws but most of them

don't engage in that deeper level

intimacy afterward the Pillow Talk the

nurturing the touching it often doesn't

seem like that's what they want at all

they don't even have a frame of

reference for it most of them typically

okay they may have learned to do that to

care for you but it isn't usually what

they're looking

for why why do men not seem to bond

quite like women do why can men have a

one night stand and walk away as if

they've never met

you first we need to talk about the way

that women Bond and why women get this

so wrong about men okay that will help

you build a frame of reference for how

men are different so really quick ladies

and I know a lot of you don't even know

how you Bond chemically and I know that

because a lot of my female coaching

clients come in and they have no idea

how their own bedroom Drive works or how

their own bonding process works let's

talk about oxytocin okay oxytocin is one

of the most important hormones for women

oxytocin is the love hormone it's

released when you feel safe when you

feel connected when stress is low it can

release during great conversations

holding hands brushing skin it can

release when they touch your face when

they compliment you when you feel loved

when your stress is low you start to

release

oxytocin everybody has receptors for

oxytocin we're born with these receptors

okay when our mother is feeding us we we

give oxytocin and we get it she usually

does too it's a massive massive piece of

The Human Experience and unfortunately a

lot of men don't get it we're going to

talk about that here in a minute but

women need oxytocin it is what makes you

feel loved you're trying to measure it

in men by seeing if they want to spend

time with you if they want to touch you

if they want to be around you if they

want to text you if they respond quickly

you're trying to measure their oxytocin

levels based on how romantic and how

loving they are that's what you're

trying to do oxytocin makes you feel

affection for others so when you have

felt affectionate for somebody else

that's oxy toin in you driving you to

feel that way so that you can then

create it in them as well it's supposed

to form a reciprocal reciprocal Circle

where you love and a have affection for

each other okay very important

especially important for women because

that emotional connection then leads

into more of a physical desire right and

then it leads into foreplay this is what

helps arousal this is what helps the

bedroom experience be amazing if you've

ever had somebody help you warm up

correctly leading into the event that's

oxytocin that oxytocin then helps you

have contractions in the uterus which we

describe as that Climax and then that

releases an explosion of more oxytocin

in fact it releases so much that we have

a synthetic version called pin here in

the United States that we use to induce

labor by causing uterine contractions

that's how we induce labor is by

flooding you with fake oxytocin now that

oxytocin explosion that happens if

you're warmed up correctly can lead to

multiple additional explosions if you

know what I mean and that's what leads

to a great bedroom experience for most

women it's the oxytocin pipeline if you

didn't know that now you do okay now

avoidant women are different check out

my avoidant women video for more info on

that many of them struggle with the

oxytocin bonding they're more dopamine

based they'll struggle to have those

climaxes they'll struggle to have

multiples they usually have to do it

themselves and a lot of anxiously

attached women have very low oxytocin as

well because they don't feel loved or

lovable so then that insecurity

decreases that oxytocin makes it much

harder to go through that pipeline arous

is much harder climaxes are much more

difficult many of them just forego those

and try to make the other person happy

we're going to talk about that because

that is a serious problem as well but

the survival reasons for this right the

survivability of children if you're

bonding correctly with a partner and

they're reciprocating then the children

will have that Bond of both parents as

well and the children need that

nurturing the same okay fast forward

here for a moment do men get oxy toin

yes but not quite the same even securely

attached men don't get it quite the same

okay it seems that in male bonding

oxytocin is not the primary driver in

the bedroom it may be a lot more about

dopamine for men okay oxytocin seems to

Simply move the fluid along at the end

if you would like to think of it that

way it's not really a uterine

contraction that a man can have in quite

the same way especially not multiple

uterine contractions for most men it's a

Qui quick burst of fluid and then it's

done now it doesn't mean that they don't

oxytocin Bond right they can but men

have more receptors for something else

which we are going to cover here in a

moment men primarily during that release

they get a huge burst of

dopamine think of it this way as you are

getting a huge burst of oxytocin during

your climax he feels like your best

friend he feels like the greatest Lover

he feels like someone you want to spend

your life with he's getting a rush of

dopamine and his brain says wow felt

great the next time I have this desire

I'll come here again it's very much like

wow this was the most delicious

cheeseburger in the world next time I'm

hungry I'll come back here I call this

the cheeseburger effect he's your best

friend you're his favorite

cheeseburger this is not the best way to

bond and there's better ways to do this

but women typically only know their own

experience so they assume that men are

experiencing the same that's why women

get so hurt and confused when men seem

to be able to just walk away afterward

men Bond very differently now let's talk

about the way that men Bond men have

much more receptors for this hormone

called vasopress now this is based on

the work of Dr Sue Carter the leading

expert in the world on Vasa pressent

bonding in mammals especially her work

is absolutely fundamental I recommend

you check her out but here's what it

means vasopressin is a hormone released

when we overcome challenges together in

essence when we reduce stress and

cortisol together when two creatures

work together and they they fix their

stress levels and they recognize that

they worked together as a team to do

that Vasa Preston bonding comes in and

tags in an association with that person

it makes your brain say that person is a

valuable Ally I trust this person I want

this person around they make my life

easier they can help me solve risk they

can help me solve stress I've got to

keep them this is incredibly important

the military guides people to do this

this is how they bond in boot camp and

how they bond their units all kinds of

male experiences do this construction

Crews street gangs police departments

every system where men work together to

achieve goals and reduce stress and then

can high- five and say we did this Vasa

presson bonding men have more receptors

for this than women do naturally just by

nature men are goal oriented who knew

this allowed men to survive in our more

natural environments when we had to

perform to stay alive The Men Who

perform best and help you the best are

the ones you prioritize in your brain so

that's all men do we still have oxytocin

receptors yes we do but more vasopress

receptors than women do we are Geared

for that here's where it gets really

complicated though attachment issues in

childhood can lead to low oxytocin

levels now if your brain says nobody is

giving me oxytocin meaning nobody's

nurturing me nobody's caring about me no

one's making me feel loved and safe I

must not live in a world where that's

going to happen this creates a voiding

attachment Style by the way when that

happens based on Dr Su Carter's work it

shows that those oxytocin receptors then

shift and become vasopressin receptors

they accept vasopressin instead this man

now becomes more sensitive to vasopress

than he would have before than an

average man would this means

specifically that avoidant men have even

more vasopressin receptors than secure

men do avoidant men are prime for

this this is why I've seen so many of my

avoidant men at high levels in executive

situations high levels in founding

companies together massively High

financial status they finally form a

bond with a co-founder they finally form

a bond with some other executive who's

mentored them and it's the first time in

their life they've ever felt close to

someone they can't maybe Define why but

they will say at least that person helps

me during the hardest times that

person's been there trial by fire right

I know I can trust them for these

situations and I can't get away from

them I I I don't want to get away from

them they they can't usually explain it

fully but that's what's making them bond

is vasopress it's one of the only ways

they can really Bond effectively without

resolving avoidant attachment style

because it bypasses avoidant attachment

oxytocin gets shut down by cortisol

remember if you have high cortisol you

won't bond with oxytocin even if you do

get some but Vasa pressent is bonding

because you have decreased cortisol so

it works exactly on that area as long as

you are fixing a problem and you see

that you've done it together as a team

it happens

now how do you do this in the bedroom

here is what most women get wrong in the

bedroom and especially with an avoidant

man okay most women don't realize that

avoidant men are prioritizing dopamine

in the bedroom so for the first 6 to S

months it's going to be really fun cuz

it's the novelty of being new together

he's going to think you're amazing

because you're so new but that novelty

of dopamine needs to give way into

deeper bonding as you go through the

relationship okay a lot of women don't

know how to do this because they're just

trying to give him a good time you're

trying to continue his dopamine continue

his dopamine continue his dopamine and

then you try to give him oxytocin with

love and touch and comfort but he

doesn't seem to want that and he doesn't

respond well to it it's mostly confusing

or he kind of pushes it away most women

at this point stop and just keep trying

to give dopamine right they don't fuss

they don't say hey I just need hey can

you help me with this hey I'd like to

climax can you assist me hey this would

mean a lot to me hey can we try this

they don't do those deeper pieces like

that because they're trying to just give

him a good time it's all about making

him happy this is especially true of

anxiously attached women okay this is a

great recipe for him to get dopamine the

cheeseburger effect and yes he will come

back and keep eating this at this

restaurant when he's hungry for the

first 7 to 12 months but then he starts

saying is this all there is is this

really it I can get this anywhere and to

be fair he can it's actually

disappointing to men who want to bond

with you when they don't know how to do

this they don't know what the next piece

would be but sex like this they can just

get this anywhere somebody who's just

going to be quiet and just help them

have a good time I hate to be crashed

but they can pay for

that what they can't pay for

is sharing an experience together with

you ladies have you ever had a man who

wants you to enjoy it who tries to help

you climax who asks maybe where you're

at or a man who seems kind of hesitant

like he's not quite sure what you're

doing what you're wanting he's trying to

do a few things and looking at you

trying to gauge your response but you

just feel like he's staring at you so

you feel put off a lot of men a lot of

good men actually do care about your

experience but they're wanting you to

kind of guide them into it some great

great phrases that you can use I'm going

to share here in a minute but there's

things you need to be doing and saying

during the experience that's not just

all right hey have the time of your life

I'll be right over here enjoy the ride

at Disneyland I'll be right here when

you're done right many women think that

these men trying to give you five or 10

climaxes that it's arbitrary goal

setting but it is it's achieving a goal

men who are wanting you to have a good

time that's achieving a goal men who are

looking at you trying to gauge if you're

having a good time they're achieving a

goal they're trying to they're trying to

vas a presson bond with you most women

resist this because they're insecure

because they're just trying to make him

have a fun time terrible terrible

approach okay let him help you in fact

ask him to make it a team effort to have

a great bedroom experience together both

of you okay it's not about having stupid

mindless fun that he could have anywhere

it's having an experience together where

you are both really enjoying it now is

there going to be dopamine yeah is there

going to be probably oxytocin on your

side yes but can you help him release

vasopressin absolutely Now ladies this

doesn't just happen by Magic you need to

communicate you know one great phrase is

hey I'm really close could you X right

hey can you do this that will make me

you know Z whatever phrase you want to

do this hey I would really like this hey

can we try that would you enoy enjoy

this right fantastic explan fantastic

communication pieces I am about to this

could you do that this will make me this

ladies phrases like this during this do

that and then give him a wow when it's

finished right at the end of the bedroom

experience after you've had a few he's

had a few you guys are sweaty you're

tired you're laying there high five or

or something like that right celebrate

that good exper experience that you

built together that was amazing I'm so

glad we did this we are a great team

that felt incredible together you are

amazing right phrases like this that

celebrate the achievement you guys just

had the experience you just built

together act like you just repaired a

car and you just cranked the engine and

it works for the first time and now

you're going to high five because you

built the car together okay do that

every bedroom EXP experience should be

an experience you build together and

accomplish things

during okay it could be help helping him

have two times instead of just the one

it could be helping him back off and

wait and then expand and go longer

instead of just letting him rush to the

finish it can be helping you have

multiples it can be trying new things

together and saying that was great do

you want to do that again next time

comparing notes afterward most couples

are terrified to actually have an

in-depth conversation about the

experience es that they're building so

then they just think it has to just be a

natural Talent no you build these

experiences together and by doing that

you can activate his receptors with Vasa

presson bonding okay outside the bedroom

continue this accomplish things with him

escape room dates are great for this

puzzles building things together

restoring a car learning skills together

and getting better at them anything that

you're accomplishing as a team this

helps you go through stress together and

then when you do he'll lean toward you

instead of leaning away from you to

solve it by

himself be thinking about Vasa presson

bonding all the time so that you can

activate the special

bonding this will help you go from being

his favorite

cheeseburger to being his favorite and

most trusted Ally That's how you build a

bond with him that will last a lifetime

and once he has those Vasa pressent

bonds flowing through his system it

starts to activate the desire for

oxytocin bonding he'll linger in bed

with you longer he'll want to touch you

more often he'll become more

affectionate he'll have deeper

conversations with you he'll feel safer

in your presence the risk associated

with you goes way down because now you

make his world

safer this is when he starts to oxytocin

bond with you I've seen this hundreds of

times with the couples I've worked with

that have an avoidant man involved

hundreds of times I've seen this play

out Vasa presson bonding is the thing

that opens the door for all of that

bonding so ladies final thought here

if you want to bond with an avoidant man

you've got to speak his language that's

not a language of fluff and fun and

happiness and fuzzy feelings that's a

language of risk his world is all about

risk so bonding with

achievement and trust and goal setting

and accomplishing things

together that's the key to his heart

I've seen this work even with severely

avoidant men who didn't know know how to

open up first it bypasses the resistance

from oxytocin cortisol and it acts with

the

cortisol this is the fundamental bonding

for avoidant men and it can shift

everything for them as they finally

learn to trust somebody give this a try

the next time you're in the bedroom with

your partner even watch this video with

them talk with them about this say hey

you know what going forward I'd like

things to be a little bit different and

it's not on you I'm going to make things

different in the bedroom where I'm going

to be bit more engaged would you enjoy

that would you enjoy having fun

experiences together instead of just

grinding one out real

quick give this a try ladies get that

bonding going then come back and leave a

comment and let me know did this work I

know it does but I'd love to hear your

feedback and if you're looking for more

information right now on how to make

sure that you don't drive him away while

you're doing this bonding go back and

check out my earlier video how to love

an avoidant man because a lot of women

who are not bonding prop than the

bedroom are also accidentally driving

him away with feelings watch that video