Can't I Just Stay Friends With Them?

Summary

In this insightful video, Shanna from the self-compassion channel addresses the common question of whether one can overcome limerence while remaining friends with the object of their affection. She emphasizes that it's nearly impossible to heal from limerence and maintain a friendship simultaneously, as ongoing contact can exacerbate emotional suffering. Shanna advises distancing oneself for at least a year to allow for proper healing and self-discovery. Ultimately, the video encourages viewers to prioritize their well-being and be open to new relationships once they have moved past their limerent feelings.

Takeaways

• 😀 Limerence cannot be cured while maintaining a friendship with the person you have feelings for.
• 🚫 Trying to recover from limerence while staying in contact is like attempting to overcome alcoholism while still drinking.
• 💔 Remaining friends may prolong your suffering and keep you fixated on the individual.
• 🕰️ It is advisable to refrain from contact for at least one year to fully heal from limerence.
• 🔍 Recovery involves recognizing and managing physical and emotional symptoms associated with limerence.
• 😌 Healing allows you to rediscover yourself and enjoy your own personality again.
• 💖 After overcoming limerence, you may find yourself open to healthier relationships with others.
• 🗣️ Sharing experiences with others can provide useful insights and support in dealing with limerence.
• 📈 It’s important to focus on personal growth and self-compassion during the healing process.
• 🔄 Commenting on experiences can help create a supportive community for those struggling with similar issues.

Q & A

What is limerence?

Limerence is an intense romantic infatuation characterized by obsessive thoughts and feelings for another person, often accompanied by a strong desire for reciprocation.

Can one be friends with someone while experiencing limerence?

No, according to the speaker, you cannot effectively cure limerence while remaining friends with the person you have feelings for. Maintaining contact can prolong the suffering associated with limerence.

What is the recommended approach to dealing with limerence?

The speaker advises walking away from the relationship and enduring the pain of detachment until the limerence subsides.

How long should one avoid contact with the person of limerent feelings?

The speaker suggests staying out of contact for at least one year or until you notice that the limerence has significantly diminished.

What physical symptoms indicate that limerence may still be present?

Physical reactions to hearing from or not hearing from the person, as well as feeling concerned about their dating life, can indicate that limerence is still active.

What are the consequences of trying to remain friends while experiencing limerence?

Attempting to maintain a friendship can keep you fixated on the person, preventing you from moving on and opening yourself to new relationships.

What does the speaker mean by 'out of integrity with yourself'?

This phrase suggests that pretending to be platonic friends while experiencing romantic feelings is inauthentic and misaligned with your true emotions.

Is it possible to cure limerence and then be friends later?

The speaker acknowledges that it may be possible to be friends after the limerence has completely faded, but only after a significant amount of time has passed and feelings have normalized.

What emotional state should one expect after detaching from someone due to limerence?

Detaching can lead to a gradual recovery where one can rediscover their identity, enjoy life, and find happiness outside of the limerent feelings.

How does the speaker encourage audience interaction?

The speaker invites viewers to leave comments sharing their own experiences with overcoming limerence and whether they found success in remaining friends, as this can provide valuable information to others.