Negotiation expert: Lessons from my horse | Margaret Neale | TEDxStanford

Summary

In this talk, Riaki Poništ uses her experience with a horse named Sal to illustrate the key principles of negotiation. She emphasizes that negotiation should not be viewed as a battle to win, but as a collaborative problem-solving process. Drawing on her own mistakes and growth, Poništ highlights the importance of flexibility, empathy, and understanding in achieving mutual agreement. Just as she learned to support and lead Sal with patience, negotiators must adapt and recognize the needs and motivations of the other party to reach a successful outcome, whether in personal or professional contexts.

Takeaways

• 😀 Negotiation is often viewed as a battle, but it should be seen as a collaborative problem-solving opportunity focused on mutual benefit.
• 😀 Successful negotiation requires understanding the interests of both parties and presenting proposals that make the other person want to say 'Yes.'
• 😀 In negotiations, flexibility is key. A rigid approach or insistence on a single outcome can create resistance and prevent progress.
• 😀 Horses, like people, communicate through body language, and understanding their motivations is crucial to building a partnership and achieving mutual goals.
• 😀 In a negotiation, when one party feels isolated or unsupported, the relationship may break down, leading to a power struggle and unproductive outcomes.
• 😀 The real danger in negotiations (and in working with animals like horses) is not understanding the other party's perspective and fears, which can result in conflict.
• 😀 Effective leadership in negotiations (whether with humans or animals) requires calmness, confidence, and the ability to provide support and safety for others.
• 😀 A good negotiator must be willing to learn from mistakes and adapt their approach. The path to success often requires trial, error, and adjustment.
• 😀 When both parties in a negotiation (or a relationship) see each other as sources of support, they are more likely to work together harmoniously toward a shared goal.
• 😀 The key to resolving conflicts or reaching agreements in any negotiation is to avoid power struggles and focus on problem-solving, keeping the other party's needs in mind.

Q & A

What is the main challenge faced in negotiations, according to the speaker?

The main challenge is the perception of negotiations as a battle, where one side tries to get something from the other side without compromise. This mindset creates conflict rather than fostering cooperation.

How does the speaker suggest approaching negotiations instead of seeing them as a battle?

The speaker suggests viewing negotiations as an opportunity for collaborative problem-solving, where both parties work toward a mutually beneficial solution, rather than focusing on defeating the other side.

What is the role of a negotiator in a collaborative problem-solving approach?

The negotiator's role is to present proposals that align with the interests of both parties, making it more likely for the counterpart to say 'Yes.' The key is not to force an agreement but to create a situation where the other party sees the benefits of agreeing.

Why is flexibility important in achieving negotiation goals?

Flexibility is crucial because rigidly sticking to a single path may not be effective. The negotiator must be adaptable and open to alternative solutions that achieve the same goal, as long as both parties benefit.

What lesson did the speaker learn from their experience with Sal, the horse?

The speaker learned that in a partnership, both parties need to be flexible, cooperative, and supportive. Pushing too hard for a specific outcome without considering the other party's perspective can create conflict and failure.

What happened when the speaker and Sal reached an impasse during their training?

When the speaker and Sal reached an impasse, Sal became anxious, and the speaker became fixated on 'winning,' leading to a dangerous situation where Sal reared multiple times. This highlighted the need for flexibility and mutual support in a partnership.

How does the concept of 'problem-solving' differ from a 'battle' in negotiation?

Problem-solving focuses on finding a solution that benefits both parties, while a battle is about defeating the other side. In a battle, one side wins at the expense of the other, but in problem-solving, both sides work together to achieve a positive outcome.

What did the speaker's teachers advise after the dangerous situation with Sal?

The speaker's teachers advised them to view the relationship with Sal as a partnership, not a dictatorship. They emphasized that Sal was using non-verbal cues to express resistance and fear, which needed to be addressed with empathy and support.

How did the speaker's relationship with Sal improve over time?

Over time, the speaker became a calm, confident leader for Sal. Instead of pushing her too hard, the speaker learned to support Sal's learning process, which allowed them to progress quickly and with mutual trust.

What broader lesson can be applied from the speaker's experience with Sal to negotiation?

The broader lesson is that in negotiation, it's important to focus on problem-solving, understand the needs and motivations of your counterpart, and avoid getting into power struggles. A successful negotiation requires empathy, flexibility, and collaboration.