Never Split the Difference | Chris Voss Talks at Google |10-MINUTE SUMMARY

Summary

In Chris Voss's Google Talk, he shares insights from his extensive negotiation experience, emphasizing that 'no' is not the end but the start of a negotiation. He highlights empathy as crucial, advocating for understanding and respecting the other party's autonomy. Voss introduces three negotiation approaches: assertive, accommodator, and analytical, each with unique priorities. He stresses the importance of tactical empathy and being open to unknown motives, illustrating with personal stories. Voss concludes that patience, understanding, and avoiding lies are key to successful negotiations.

Takeaways

• 🔄 'No' is the Start: Chris Voss believes that the first 'no' in a negotiation is not the end but the beginning of the discussion, encouraging a more open dialogue.
• 🤝 Empathy Crucial: Emphasizing the importance of understanding and respecting the other party's feelings and situation is key to building trust and cooperation in negotiations.
• 💡 Positive Mindset: Maintaining a positive frame of mind can make the brain work more efficiently, leading to better interaction and cooperation from the other party.
• 📞 Timing is Key: When initiating contact, asking if it's a bad time to talk can prompt a 'yes' response, focusing the other party's attention on the conversation.
• 📝 Summarize to Validate: Summarizing the situation from the other person's perspective is crucial to gain their trust and move the negotiation forward.
• 👍 'That's Right' Matters: The goal is to get the other party to agree that you understand their situation, which can lead to a more collaborative negotiation.
• 🧠 Emotional Over Rational: Even in high-stakes situations, emotions often drive actions more than rational thought, making empathy a powerful tool in negotiations.
• 🔍 Tactical Empathy: Using tactical empathy to outline the other party's perspective can create a sense of understanding and connection, fostering collaboration.
• 🤝 Types of Negotiators: Recognizing the assertive, accommodator, and analytical types of negotiators and adapting your approach accordingly is essential for success.
• 🤫 Silence Speaks: Understanding the different meanings of silence among negotiator types can provide insight into their thought processes and needs.
• 🚫 No Compromise for Sake of It: Voss advises against settling for a compromise just for the sake of it, instead aiming for a high-value trade that benefits both parties.
• 🙅‍♂️ Lying is Harmful: Honesty is always the best policy in negotiations, as lying can lead to long-term negative consequences.
• ❌ No Deal is Better: It's important to remember that walking away without a deal is sometimes the best option if the deal is not beneficial.

Q & A

What is the main perspective of Chris Voss on the initial 'no' in a negotiation?

Chris Voss believes that the first 'no' is not the end of the conversation but rather the beginning of the discussion. It's an opportunity to understand the other party's position and work towards a solution that fits both parties.

Why is empathy considered a crucial skill in negotiations according to Chris Voss?

Empathy is crucial because it allows the negotiator to understand the other party's situation and feelings. This understanding helps to build trust and makes the other party more willing to listen and cooperate, which is essential for reaching a successful negotiation outcome.

What is the significance of ensuring the other party that they can say 'no' at any point during a negotiation?

Allowing the other party to say 'no' at any point makes them feel protected and respected in their autonomy. This lowers their guard and makes them more open to listening and working with you to find a mutually beneficial solution.

How does having a positive frame of mind impact the efficiency of the brain during a negotiation?

Research indicates that a positive frame of mind can make the brain work about 30 percent more efficiently. This means that being pleasant to interact with can help the other person think better, making them more likely to listen and cooperate.

What is the recommended approach after receiving a 'no' in a negotiation?

The best approach after receiving a 'no' is to give the other party a chance to think. Let them calm down and connect so they can make an actual decision without feeling rushed or pressured.

Why should you start a call with 'Is now a bad time to talk?' instead of 'Do you have a few minutes to talk?'

Starting with 'Is now a bad time to talk?' helps the counterpart to say 'yes' and schedule a later time for the call or focus on you if they say 'no'. It avoids triggering questions in their mind about how much time they have or whether they want to talk at all.

What is the primary goal of a negotiator according to Chris Voss?

The primary goal of a negotiator is to make it clear to the negotiating partner that they understand their situation and feelings. The aim is to get the other person to say 'that's right', which indicates that they feel understood and are more likely to trust the negotiator's suggestions.

How did Chris Voss handle a turning point in a kidnapping case in the Philippines?

Chris Voss managed to get the terrorists to say 'that's right' on the phone, acknowledging his understanding of their motives. This was a turning point that led to the terrorists reducing their ransom demand from 10 million dollars to zero in just five minutes.

What is the importance of understanding the emotional aspects of a negotiation?

Understanding the emotional aspects is important because all goals and needs have underlying feelings. Even individuals we might label as irrational are driven by emotions. An emotional approach helps to connect and build trust, which is crucial for effective negotiations.

What are the three main types of negotiators and their priorities?

The three main types of negotiators are the assertive, the accommodator, and the analytical. The assertive want to be heard and understood, the accommodator is friend-oriented and values maintaining good relationships, and the analytical is pragmatic and seeks dispassionate decisions based on facts.

What does Chris Voss suggest about the use of silence in a negotiation?

Silence in a negotiation can mean different things for different types of negotiators. For the assertive, it means they want to share more information; for the analytical, it indicates they want to think; and the accommodator goes silent when they are upset.

What are some key principles to keep in mind during a negotiation according to the script?

Key principles include letting the other party talk, taking time to understand their perspective, aiming for a high-value trade rather than a compromise, avoiding lying, and remembering that no deal is better than a bad deal.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Introduction to Chris Voss's Negotiation Techniques

This paragraph introduces Chris Voss, an expert in the field of negotiations, with a background in the New York City joint terrorist task force and the FBI. It highlights his philosophy that the initial 'no' in a negotiation is not the end but the beginning, and emphasizes the importance of empathy and respecting the other party's autonomy. Voss suggests that a positive mindset can increase brain efficiency by 30%, making interactions more pleasant and cooperative. He also shares a trick for initiating calls that can lead to more productive conversations.

05:02

🤝 The Art of Negotiation: Understanding 'No' and Building Trust

This section delves into Voss's approach to negotiation, focusing on the significance of understanding the other party's emotions and motives. He advocates for summarizing the situation from their perspective to build trust and rapport. A real-life example of a kidnapping negotiation in the Philippines illustrates how gaining the kidnappers' agreement ('that's right') was pivotal in resolving the situation without a ransom. Voss stresses the importance of emotional intelligence in negotiations, even when dealing with extreme situations.

🔍 Types of Negotiators and Their Priorities

The second paragraph outlines three main types of negotiators: assertive, accommodator, and analytical. Each has distinct priorities that can affect the negotiation process. Assertive negotiators seek to be heard and understood, while accommodators aim to maintain positive relationships regardless of the outcome. Analytical negotiators focus on making dispassionate, fact-based decisions. Voss advises understanding these differences to effectively navigate negotiations and suggests being adaptable to deal with all types.

🤔 The Power of Silence and Dealing with Unknown Unknowns

This paragraph explores the different meanings of silence among the three negotiator types and the concept of 'unknown unknowns' in negotiations. Voss shares a personal story about his son's struggle with a change in football positions, which led to an 'aha' moment when an underlying issue was identified and addressed. The importance of allowing the other party to speak, taking time to understand their perspective, and being open to high-value trades rather than settling for compromises is emphasized.

Keywords

💡Negotiation

Negotiation refers to the process of discussion and compromise between parties with the aim of reaching an agreement. In the video, it is the central theme, highlighting Chris Voss's expertise in this field, especially in high-stakes situations such as kidnappings. The script emphasizes the importance of viewing 'no' as a starting point for discussion rather than an endpoint, which is a key strategy in negotiation.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is described in the script as the most crucial skill in negotiation. By demonstrating empathy, a negotiator can build trust and rapport, which are essential for successful outcomes. The script illustrates this with the example of summarizing the situation from the other person's point of view to elicit their agreement and cooperation.

💡Autonomy

Autonomy is the right or ability of individuals to make their own decisions. The script suggests that by assuring the other party they can say 'no' at any point, their autonomy is respected, which can lower their guard and make them more open to negotiation. This concept is vital for creating a balanced and respectful negotiation environment.

💡Rational vs. Emotional

The script contrasts rational and emotional approaches to negotiation. It posits that while we might think we act rationally, our decisions are often driven by emotions. Understanding and addressing these emotions, even in seemingly irrational situations like hostage-taking, can be a powerful tool for building connections and achieving negotiation goals.

💡Tactical Empathy

Tactical empathy is a method of using empathy strategically to understand the other party's perspective and emotions. The script describes it as an effective negotiation tool, where summarizing the situation from the other's point of view can lead to a breakthrough in discussions, as seen in the kidnapping case in the Philippines.

💡Assertive

Assertiveness in the context of the script refers to a type of negotiator who prioritizes being heard and understood. For such individuals, it's not about agreement but about their perspective being acknowledged. This is important in understanding different negotiation styles and adapting one's approach accordingly.

💡Accommodator

An accommodator negotiator, as mentioned in the script, is someone who is friend-oriented and seeks to ensure that all parties maintain a positive relationship, regardless of the deal's outcome. This type of negotiator values harmony and may prioritize interpersonal relationships over the specifics of the negotiation.

💡Analytical

Analytical negotiators, according to the script, are highly pragmatic and seek to make dispassionate decisions based on facts and analysis. When interacting with this type, it's important to provide clear, logical reasoning rather than emotional arguments, as they value data and rationale over personal connections.

💡Unknown Unknowns

The concept of 'unknown unknowns' refers to information or motives that are not only unknown to the negotiator but also potentially unknown to the other party. The script uses this term to illustrate the importance of uncovering hidden motives and understanding the true driving forces behind actions, which can be crucial to successful negotiation.

💡High Value Trade

A high value trade is an agreement that provides substantial benefits to both parties involved in the negotiation. The script suggests that instead of settling for a compromise, which can sometimes be seen as a lazy solution, negotiators should aim for a high value trade that maximizes mutual gains.

💡No Deal

The script emphasizes that 'no deal is better than a bad deal.' This principle underscores the importance of walking away if the terms of an agreement do not serve the best interests of the negotiator. It reflects a strategic approach to negotiation where the quality of the deal is prioritized over making any deal at all.

Highlights

Chris Voss's negotiation philosophy emphasizes that the first 'no' is the beginning of a discussion, not the end.

Ensuring the other party can say 'no' at any point makes them feel protected and lowers their guard.

A positive frame of mind can increase brain efficiency by 30%, making interactions more pleasant and productive.

After receiving a 'no', it's best to give the other party time to think and calm down before continuing the negotiation.

Starting a call with 'Is now a bad time to talk?' can lead to a 'yes' and focus the counterpart's attention on you.

The primary goal in negotiation is to understand and validate the other party's situation and feelings, aiming for a 'that's right' confirmation.

Summarizing the situation from the other party's point of view is crucial for building trust and moving the conversation forward.

A kidnapping case in the Philippines was resolved when the captors acknowledged the negotiator's understanding, leading to a peaceful surrender.

Emotions drive all actions, even in extreme situations like hostage-taking, making emotional connection a key negotiation tool.

Tactical empathy involves understanding and summarizing the other party's emotions to establish a connection and encourage collaboration.

There are three main negotiator types: assertive, accommodator, and analytical, each with different priorities and reactions to silence.

Assertive negotiators value being heard and understood, while accommodators aim for mutual likability and analysts prefer dispassionate decisions.

Being able to adapt to all three negotiator types is essential for a complete negotiator.

The concept of 'unknown unknowns' in negotiations refers to hidden motives that can influence outcomes and must be uncovered.

A personal story illustrates making the 'unknown unknown' apparent, leading to a significant change in behavior and understanding.

During negotiations, let the other party talk, take your time, and aim for a high-value trade that benefits both sides.

Compromise is considered a lazy solution; instead, seek better options that can surpass initial desires.

Lying in negotiations is detrimental in the long term and can lead to negative consequences.

No deal is preferable to a bad deal, emphasizing the importance of maintaining integrity in negotiations.

Transcripts

never split the difference

this is a 10 minute video summary of

Chris voss's Google Talk

for much of his career Chris Voss has

been at the Forefront of negotiations

he was a member of the New York City

joint terrorist task force for 14 years

and Lead prices negotiated for the FBI

before becoming the lead International

kidnapping negotiator

in this episode you will learn

why getting no as an answer is only the

beginning of a negotiation why empathy

is the most crucial skill in the

negotiation and the three different

approaches to negotiations

you can find the link to the original

video in the description if you want to

dive deeper into any of the topics check

out the little purple timestamps in the

top left corner these show you where to

jump in the original video to hear Mr

boss's detailed explanations

the space between yes and no

for most of us when the other side says

no it's the end of the conversation

but Mr Boss comes from a frame of mind

that the first no is simply the start of

the discussion

in fact you have a better chance of

getting what you want if you insure the

other person that they can say no at any

point

why saying yes is a commitment everyone

fears because they are unsure of the

consequences

making it clear that they can say no

will make them feel protected so that

they will lower their guard

respecting their autonomy will put them

in a different frame of mind

they will no longer be thinking in

binary with yes or no as an answer but

they will be more willing to listen to

you and work with you to find a solution

that fits both parties

research shows that if you have a

positive frame of mind your brain works

roughly 30 percent more efficiently

therefore if we are Pleasant to interact

with it helps the other person to think

better so they will be much more likely

to listen to you and cooperate with you

what to do after a no

after getting no as an answer

the best thing you can do is to give

them a chance to think

in most cases they have some other tasks

in mind

so they simply do not want to focus on

you

let them calm down and connect so they

can make an actual decision

one exciting trick he shares is that if

you call someone never ask do you have a

few minutes to talk because if you say

that the following questions will start

circulating in their heads

do I have a few minutes how long are a

few minutes do I even want to talk to

you and so on

but if you start with is now a bad time

to talk

it will help your counterpart to say yes

and in this case you can schedule a

later time for a call or say no and then

their whole focus is on you

Mr Vos believes that your primary goal

in a negotiation is to make it clear to

your negotiating partner that you

understand their situation and feelings

your goal is to get the other person to

say that's right not you are right

to get this first that's right you need

to summarize the situation from the

other person's point of view if you

succeed with this crucial step later

they will trust your suggestions

Mr Boss recalls a very long and

exhausting kidnapping case in the

Philippines

the ultimate turning point of the events

was getting the terrorists to say that's

right on the phone

it was tough to get to that point he had

to understand the motives of the

terrorists in detail but the first

that's right changed everything

after that they went from a 10 million

dollar Ransom demand to zero in five

minutes later already imprisoned the

terrorists said he had been ready to

kill the hostage and still didn't know

how Mr Voss had talked him out of it

but he was at peace with the result and

had no hard feelings toward him

emotional versus rational

we like to think that we operate from a

rational mindset

the truth is we are more driven by

emotions

all of our goals and needs have

underlying feelings

even a hostage taker someone we would

label as crazy is driven by emotions an

emotional approach might sound weak for

a negotiator but it's usually the best

way to connect and build trust

Mr Vos says understanding the other

party's emotions and using tactical

empathy is a highly effective

negotiation tool we should start by

summarizing the situation from the other

party's point of view even if we feel

like it's against our best interests

this step is crucial to move the

conversation forward we should outline

the facts and describe how the other

person sees them with this technique you

can make it clear that you understand

them therefore they will feel empathy

from your side and when they sense

compassion from you they will also feel

connected with you so they will be more

likely to collaborate

Mr Boss says he has broken open several

negotiations with this simple tool basic

approaches to a conflict

there are three main types of

negotiators the assertive the

accommodator and the analytical

each has different priorities

and certain details are often more

important for them than the deal itself

for the assertive type the most

important part for them is that the

other side understands where they are

coming from

they don't necessarily want you to agree

with them but they want to be heard and

understood

otherwise you have very little chance of

making a deal with them the accommodator

type is friend oriented they want to

ensure that whatever the deal's

conclusion everyone will like each other

the analytic negotiators highly

pragmatic and they try very hard to make

dispassionate decisions to keep them

happy take the time to hear why they

want what they want what they think and

what their analysis results are

when talking to this type make sure your

reasoning is factual not emotional

silence in a conversation means

something entirely different for each

type for the assertive

it means they want to hear or share more

information

if the analyst is quiet it means they

want to think

and the only time the accommodator goes

silent is when they are mad to be a

complete negotiator you must be able to

deal with all three types

the unknown unknown

there are two types of information in a

negotiation the known and the unknown

there are things you are already

informed of as important needs of the

opposite side however there may be other

motives that you don't know despite

being essential to the other party

moreover it can also happen to be that

they are unconscious of the true driving

force of their own actions these hidden

motives are the unknown unknowns boss

brings a personal story as an example

his son used to play as a lineman in

football but later he was told to play

as a linebacker

his role went from hitting everyone he

saw to getting out of the way of almost

everyone only hit the guy with the ball

and that's it

he played terribly in his new position

got involved with unnecessary

confrontations despite getting explicit

instructions from the coach finally boss

took him off to the side and said

think that dodging a block is unmanly

you feel like getting out of the way of

somebody makes you a coward

his son got quiet for a second

then he said that's right

boss made the unknown unknown apparent

to his son giving him an epiphany

started ducking blocks the next day

important bits

keep the following principles in mind

during a negotiation

most importantly let the other party

talk

take your time and understand their

physician

Vos believes that a compromise is a lazy

solution instead of a compromise aim for

a high value trade that benefits both

parties in his words you should never be

so sure of what you want that you

wouldn't take something better

lying in a negotiation is always a bad

idea

it might generate some profit in the

short term but eventually it will come

back and bite you in the butt

and finally no deal is better than a bad

deal

ready to save more time visit

recaptninja.com for more summaries and

articles on your favorite podcasts