11 ways to cope with an anxious attachment style.

Summary

In this insightful video, licensed counselor Jeff Gunther shares 11 practical strategies for individuals with an anxious attachment style to cultivate a sense of grounding and security in relationships. He emphasizes the importance of openly communicating needs, understanding emotional triggers, and utilizing healthy distractions. Techniques such as journaling, seeking clarity from partners, and fostering self-reliance are highlighted to help manage anxiety. Ultimately, the video encourages viewers to prioritize their emotional well-being and consider their relationship dynamics critically, empowering them to seek the closeness they desire or reevaluate their partnerships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Clearly communicate your needs to your partner to alleviate feelings of guilt and anxiety.
• 🧘‍♂️ Take a moment to observe and acknowledge your thoughts without acting on them immediately.
• 🏃‍♀️ Find effective distractions, like exercise or hobbies, to shift your focus when feeling anxious.
• 📞 Keep a supportive friend on hand to talk to when you need reassurance or a reality check.
• 🧠 Recognize when your emotional brain is hijacking your rational thoughts and strive to engage your logical side.
• 🔍 Explore the root cause of your feelings to differentiate between past traumas and current relationship dynamics.
• 💡 Ask your partner for clarity when uncertainty arises to reduce anxiety and foster connection.
• 🤔 Reflect on how you would care for yourself if you were single to encourage independence.
• 📓 Journaling your thoughts can help you process emotions and gain clarity.
• 🤝 Express a desire for closeness with your partner to reinforce intimacy and security.
• 🚪 Remember that it's okay to end a relationship if it's not fulfilling your needs.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video?

The video discusses strategies for coping with an anxious attachment style in relationships.

Who is the speaker in the video?

The speaker is Jeff Gunther, a licensed professional counselor based in Portland, Oregon.

Why is it important to ask for your needs to be met?

Asking for your needs to be met helps prevent feelings of guilt and shame, and can reduce overwhelming emotions that affect your day.

What does Jeff suggest doing when you feel flooded with thoughts?

He suggests slowing down, observing your thoughts without immediate action, and reminding yourself that nothing is urgent.

What types of distractions does Jeff recommend?

He recommends activities like going for a walk, exercising, taking a bath, or engaging in puzzles and games to shift focus away from anxiety.

How can calling a friend be beneficial for someone with an anxious attachment style?

Calling a friend allows for open discussion about feelings of anxiety and can provide support, reassurance, and a reality check.

What is the significance of understanding how your brain reacts to anxiety?

Understanding that your limbic system is reacting can help you realize when your emotional responses are heightened, allowing you to engage your logical thinking.

What should you do if you identify feelings of anger in a relationship?

Try to recognize if the anger is related to past experiences rather than your current partner’s actions, and give your partner another chance.

What does Jeff mean by asking your partner to 'turn on the lights'?

It means asking your partner for clarity and communication when you feel uncertain or anxious about the relationship.

Why is journaling recommended in managing anxious thoughts?

Journaling helps to externalize thoughts and feelings, which can lead to better organization of emotions and reduced overwhelm.

What is the ultimate advice given for those who feel their needs aren't being met?

The advice is to consider the option of ending the relationship if it continues to be unsatisfactory, as you deserve to have your needs met.