HOW I went from ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT to SECURE...and you can too.

Summary

This video script delves into attachment styles, focusing on the impact of anxious attachment on personal growth and relationships. The speaker shares their journey from anxious to secure attachment, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and self-improvement. They discuss the behaviors and thought patterns associated with anxious attachment, such as seeking constant validation and struggling with trust, and offer advice on cultivating secure attachment through practices like mindfulness, effective communication, and emotional regulation. The script also suggests resources like books and courses to aid in this personal development process.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Anxious attachment style can significantly impact one's relationships and self-perception, often leading to a cycle of seeking validation and pushing people away.
• 🔄 The attachment style stems from childhood experiences and can be carried into adulthood, influencing how one interacts with others and approaches relationships.
• 👫 Anxiously attached individuals often exhibit codependent behaviors, relying heavily on their partners for emotional stability and validation.
• 🚫 People with anxious attachment struggle with setting personal boundaries and may feel uncomfortable being alone, fearing abandonment and rejection.
• 🤔 The need for constant validation can lead to a lack of trust in relationships, as well as a tendency to be overly sensitive to how others perceive them.
• 🔑 Healing from anxious attachment involves learning about secure attachment and actively practicing it to form new neural pathways in the brain.
• 📚 The speaker recommends specific books such as 'Attached', 'Getting the Love You Want', and 'How to Be an Adult in Relationships' to better understand and work on attachment styles.
• 💪 Developing secure attachment involves emotional self-regulation, trust in partners, effective communication, and the ability to be comfortable alone.
• 🤝 Securely attached individuals are able to seek emotional support without needing constant validation, and they practice empathy and respect in their relationships.
• 🚫 Avoiding defensiveness and learning to compromise while maintaining self-respect and boundaries are key aspects of secure attachment.
• 💡 The process of becoming securely attached requires self-reflection, mindfulness, and letting go of past traumas or baggage to live more fully in the present.

Q & A

What are the different attachment styles mentioned in the script?

The script discusses secure attachment, anxious attachment, and briefly mentions avoidant attachment style.

Why has the topic of attachment styles become popular on the speaker's Tick Tock?

The topic has become popular because it resonates with many people who are dealing with relationship issues and self-growth.

What is the primary focus of the video script?

The primary focus is on understanding and addressing anxious attachment styles and their impact on personal relationships and self-image.

According to the script, what percentage of people have a secure attachment style?

About 50% of people are said to have a secure attachment style.

What are some characteristics of an anxious attachment style as described in the script?

Characteristics include needing validation, having a fear of being alone, difficulty setting boundaries, low self-esteem, jealousy, and a tendency to be a people pleaser.

Why do people with an anxious attachment style often push people away?

They push people away because their behaviors, such as constant need for validation and fear of abandonment, can create chasms in relationships rather than fostering closeness.

What is the speaker's personal experience with attachment styles?

The speaker has experienced an anxious attachment style and has been working on it for six to seven years, eventually moving towards a secure attachment style.

What advice does the speaker give for someone to move from an anxious to a secure attachment style?

The speaker advises learning about secure attachment, practicing vulnerability and trust, focusing on oneself, and reading certain books that can help in understanding and changing attachment styles.

What are some of the books recommended by the speaker to help with attachment styles?

The books recommended are 'Attached', 'Getting the Love You Want', and 'How to Be an Adult in Relationships'.

How does the speaker describe the process of healing from an anxious attachment style?

The healing process involves self-study, understanding the reasons behind anxious attachment, making a conscious decision to change, and practicing secure attachment behaviors until they become second nature.

What are some behaviors of securely attached people that the speaker mentions?

Securely attached people are described as trusting, having effective communication skills, being comfortable being alone, not being defensive, showing empathy, knowing when to compromise and say no, being straightforward, and being free of old baggage.

Outlines

00:00

🔒 Understanding Attachment Styles

The speaker introduces the topic of attachment styles, focusing on secure and anxious attachment, and their impact on personal relationships. They share their journey of self-improvement over the past five to seven years, emphasizing the importance of attachment style in personal development. The speaker discusses the negative effects of an anxious attachment style, which can lead to pushing people away rather than fostering healthy relationships. They also mention avoidant attachment but decide to focus on anxious attachment, inviting viewers to share their interests for future content.

05:03

🤔 The Origins and Impact of Anxious Attachment

This paragraph delves into the origins of anxious attachment, often stemming from childhood experiences and societal influences. The speaker describes how women, in particular, may develop codependent behaviors in relationships, seeking validation and control over their partners to feel secure. Anxiously attached individuals struggle with being alone, setting boundaries, and maintaining self-worth, often leading to a cycle of seeking validation and exhibiting people-pleasing behaviors. The speaker encourages self-reflection on these behaviors and their life impact.

10:03

🚫 Overcoming Anxious Attachment

The speaker shares personal insights on overcoming anxious attachment, emphasizing the need for self-study and the development of secure attachment behaviors. They discuss the importance of understanding and acting as if one is securely attached to change neural pathways in the brain. The speaker also touches on the potential traumas that can lead to anxious attachment and encourages viewers to practice secure attachment behaviors, such as trust and effective communication, as a means of personal growth and healthier relationships.

15:03

💬 Characteristics of Secure Attachment

This paragraph outlines the behaviors and attitudes of securely attached individuals, including effective communication, trust, seeking emotional support, and being comfortable with alone time. The speaker contrasts these behaviors with those of anxiously attached individuals, highlighting the importance of self-awareness, empathy, and respect for personal boundaries. They also discuss the ability of secure individuals to compromise and the importance of letting go of past relationship baggage to foster healthier connections.

20:04

📚 Resources for Healing and Growth

The speaker provides recommendations for books and resources to help viewers understand and shift from anxious to secure attachment styles. They mention specific titles such as 'Attached', 'Getting the Love You Want', and 'How to Be an Adult in Relationships', and suggest that their future course on feminine energy and overcoming anxiety could also be beneficial. The paragraph concludes with advice on practicing vulnerability, trust, mindfulness, and detachment to overcome anxious attachment and live more fully in the present.

Keywords

💡Attachment Styles

Attachment styles refer to the patterns of behavior and emotional responses that individuals develop in their relationships, often rooted in childhood experiences. In the video, the speaker discusses 'secure', 'anxious', and 'avoidant' attachment styles, emphasizing the impact of anxious attachment on personal relationships and self-perception. The video aims to help viewers understand and potentially shift from an anxious attachment style to a more secure one.

💡Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment is a type of attachment style characterized by a strong desire for closeness and need for reassurance in relationships. The speaker in the video describes it as a pivotal point in their own relationship with themselves, often leading to behaviors that push people away rather than foster healthy connections. Examples from the script include needing constant validation, feeling jealous, and having a fear of being abandoned.

💡Secure Attachment

Secure attachment is an attachment style where individuals feel comfortable with both closeness and independence in relationships. It is presented in the video as the ideal to strive for, as it promotes healthy relationships and self-esteem. The speaker contrasts this with anxious attachment, noting that secure individuals trust their partners and communicate their needs effectively.

💡Codependency

Codependency is a relationship dynamic where one person relies heavily on the other for emotional support and validation. In the script, the speaker uses the term to describe a common behavior in individuals with anxious attachment, where their mood and actions are heavily influenced by their partner's behavior, leading to a loss of self-identity and boundary issues.

💡Self-Esteem

Self-esteem refers to the overall subjective evaluation of one's own worth. The video discusses how individuals with anxious attachment often have low self-esteem, seeking validation from others to feel better about themselves. The speaker emphasizes the importance of developing self-esteem independently of external validation.

💡Validation

Validation in this context is the need for others to confirm one's worth or feelings. The speaker mentions that people with anxious attachment constantly seek validation from their partners, which can be detrimental to their self-esteem and the health of their relationships.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits or rules that individuals set for themselves in relationships to maintain their sense of self and well-being. The video script describes how those with anxious attachment often struggle to set and maintain boundaries, leading to resentment and unhealthy relationship dynamics.

💡Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and control one's emotions effectively. The speaker in the video suggests that individuals with anxious attachment need to learn to regulate their emotions independently, rather than relying on others to provide a sense of stability.

💡Trust

Trust is the reliance on the integrity, strength, or ability of a person or thing. In the context of the video, trust is highlighted as a key component of secure attachment. The speaker advises that trusting one's partner is essential for a healthy relationship and that individuals with anxious attachment need to work on developing trust.

💡Communication

Communication refers to the process of sharing information, ideas, or feelings. The video emphasizes the importance of effective communication in relationships, especially for those with anxious attachment. Secure individuals are described as being able to express their desires and needs clearly, without resorting to manipulation or passive-aggressive behaviors.

💡Alone Time

Alone time is the period spent by oneself, without the company of others. The speaker in the video discusses the importance of being comfortable with alone time, as it is a sign of secure attachment. It is suggested that individuals with anxious attachment struggle with being alone, often seeking constant companionship to fill a perceived void.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth is the value or esteem that a person places on themselves. In the video, the speaker relates self-worth to the way individuals with anxious attachment perceive themselves and their relationships. It is suggested that recognizing and affirming one's own self-worth is crucial for overcoming anxious attachment and developing secure attachment.

Highlights

The video aims to discuss attachment styles, focusing on secure and anxious attachment, and their impact on personal growth and relationships.

Anxious attachment has been a pivotal point in the speaker's self-relationship, affecting everything from personal relationships to self-perception.

Approximately 50% of people have a secure attachment style, which is beneficial for cultivating and deepening relationships.

An anxious attachment style can lead to being perceived as needy or clingy, potentially pushing people away rather than attracting them.

Avoidant attachment style is mentioned but not the focus of the video, with an offer to create content for those interested.

The speaker shares personal experiences with anxious attachment and the transformative journey towards secure attachment.

Anxious attachment often stems from childhood experiences and can create a lifelong pattern of behavior.

Codependency in relationships is a sign of anxious attachment, where one's emotions and reactions are heavily influenced by the partner.

People with anxious attachment struggle with being alone and often have difficulty setting personal boundaries.

A lack of self-worth and a tendency to seek validation from others are common traits of those with anxious attachment.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-improvement and learning to be securely attached to enhance personal and romantic relationships.

Anxious attachment can lead to jealousy, people-pleasing, and a constant need for reassurance from a partner.

The video discusses the need to trust in relationships and let go of the fear of being hurt by others.

Effective communication, seeking emotional support, and being comfortable with solitude are traits of secure attachment.

The speaker suggests that secure attachment involves being straightforward, respecting others' boundaries, and being free of old emotional baggage.

The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to study secure attachment, practice vulnerability, and work on personal growth.

Resources such as books and future courses on overcoming anxiety and developing feminine energy are recommended for further learning and development.

Transcripts

let's talk about it let's talk about

secure attachment anxious attachment

attachment Styles this subject has

become so popular on my Tick Tock that I

cannot but

address it I think

this video is going to be as down to

earth as I can make it and then in the

comments you guys can tell me what else

you're interested in and we'll go from

there anxious attachment has been like

the most pivotal point in my

relationship with myself

I read the book attached maybe five

years ago but for about six to seven

years I've been working on my attachment

style I've realized it's the most

pivotal thing for me from relationships

to feminine energy to all of it

um everything I've discovered has helped

me become the person that I am right now

and I'm going to try and make this video

as open plan and as much of a

conversation piece as I can because the

subject is just something that a lot of

people are feeling at the moment for

attached attachment Styles they come

from your childhood or something that

happens to you while you are young and

you take this attachment style

throughout your life with you about 50

of people the lucky ones are secure you

want to become secure in order to

cultivate your relationship and make it

go further if you have an anxious

attachment style which is the second

piece men will call you needy they will

call you clingy despite you wanting to

appear so people will ghost you and they

will argue with you for reasons that you

don't understand sadly when you have an

anxious attachment style you're actually

going to push people away as opposed to

attract them you're going to instead of

cultivating the relationships you want

you are going to create chasms in which

the relationship cannot exist this third

attachment style is avoidant which I'm

not going to address in this video

because a lot of avoidant people don't

necessarily need a video like this I can

make another video about how to deal

with avoidant people but you let me know

if you're interested in that because I

know most people are going to be

watching this are anxiously attached

like I was

it was Dire for me to the point where I

think that if I had had a secure

attachment style earlier in my life my

life would have been different it just

would have been different I'm going to

tell you how the anxious attachment

style comes about in your life you have

a codependent style of relating to a

partner for the sake of this video

you're the woman and he's the man if

you're a man watching this swap it

around or if you are in a same-sex

relationship just imagine I'm talking

about the sex that relates to you but

it's not specific to sex however much

more women are more anxiously attached

than men it's just how we're raised it's

how Society is okay so you as a woman

will appear in the situation codependent

on your partner his moods his life his

ideas will shift how you react and feel

you will want to control what he does in

order to make yourself feel secure if he

does things that you did not anticipate

or that you did not know or did not want

it will absolutely throw you into a a

a whirlwind of emotion you are not

comfortable being alone

if you've got anxious attachment you're

not comfortable with being alone you're

thinking of the person that you're

attached to or you're thinking about

your next next attachment you also can't

set boundaries you cannot set boundaries

for yourself not only do you want to be

wanted by other people but you cannot

set boundaries for yourself because you

are afraid like I was that if you say

what is right for you and what is wrong

for you first of all you probably don't

even know what's right for you and what

is wrong for you but you are afraid if

you say it people will not want to be

around you you have decided somewhere in

your early life that the only reason

people wouldn't be around you is because

you are comfortable to be with because

you've got attributes or assets that

make you comfortable in the Paradigm of

how you see the world you see other

people above you and yourself below them

even though you might think that you're

all this when you conversate with people

inside your self-esteem you feel you're

not worthy of things and of love you

feel dependent on others

it might be because you orchestrate it

that way and sometimes you will

definitely do so like financially you

won't step up or you will make sure that

you're dependent on people just so that

you can have a connection with somebody

else you'll cultivate those type of

relationships this one this next one I

hate

you will need validation from people in

order to have any kind of self-esteem or

any idea of what you look like or if

you're smart or if you're intelligent or

if you're interesting you will need

someone else to validate that for you

you will have an intense desire for

closeness and not a desire like a secure

attached person would where they just

want that to happen it will be like an

addiction like a need for that person to

validate you and be close to you and

when they are not close to you your

whole world will spiral into an oblivion

again you will feel very jealous you

will feel jealous that your place can be

taken in someone's life you'll feel

jealous about people that they're around

you will also be a people pleaser you

will want to accommodate people with

your comfort as opposed to your persona

you will not be interested in how you

are as a person and what you can provide

for other people with your value instead

you will try on people please you will

placate you will try and be easy but at

the same time that will knock you in

your ass because realistically you are

going to try people please so much that

you will become almost repulsive you'll

have low self-esteem and you will be

sensitive about how others perceive you

you will ask questions about how people

see you you will ask questions about how

you look to other people

especially that one person that you

chose to be your I was going to say a

victim but it's not like that but your

your Source I would say of energy and

sometimes I feel anxious attachment gets

the rep for being

um like broken and small and needing but

I think there is something to this

energy that is kind of vampiric where

you need somebody to now that I am

healing and have healed I believe I have

healed it and I'm now securely attached

there is something to that energy that

was almost vampire like where you needed

somebody else's energy in order to feel

better if you have anxious attachment

you will not trust you will check phones

you will think people are here to hurt

you and at the same time as doing that

you will put up with unhealthy

relationships as opposed to leaving

those relationships you will put up with

unhealthy relationships giving excuses

about why why that person truly actually

does love you and isn't at fault now the

reason I told you all of this is because

I want you to evaluate whether this is

you and how it's impacting your life

like I said people will push you away or

be pushed away by you no matter how much

of an amazing person you are I feel if

you have this kind of anxious attachment

style it almost becomes like a cloud

over the person that you truly are I'm

not a medical professional but I have

gone through this and I have come out on

the other side so if this helps you I

want to help you I'm a believer that

unless you

wrestle with this like the dragon that

it is

and eliminates it from your life through

the methods that I'm going to tell you

it will jeopardize relationships and it

will jeopardize you it will jeopardize

you because you are you you are

the incredible human being that was born

and because of experiences you develop

this attachment style this does not mean

it's you when I advise on my tick tocks

that people shouldn't you know bombard

people or text them back or ask why

they're ghosted they say oh I don't want

to play games I just want to ask them

why they're ghosted it's not a game you

have to have some kind of rigor and some

kind of self-discipline in order to

knock this out of your idea of being and

the way I healed it for myself is I

learned intensely about what it means to

be anxiously attached or the reasons

that I just told you and I decided I

made the decision that that is not my

personality I then learned what it is to

be securely attached and I decided that

this is now me people are born as they

are but people make themselves into who

they want to be it's like a

self-manufacturing process I need you to

manufacture a new version of yourself

you cannot be this person who pushes

people away who asks for validation who

doesn't trust because you will not it's

like a self-fulfilling prophecy you

think everyone's going to leave you and

doesn't like you the behaviors you do is

actually going to lead to people leaving

you and not liking you you need to learn

what secure attachment is and act as if

you are until the neurons in your brain

form a pathway to understand that when I

act secure people like me when I act

anxious people are pushed away

essentially people who are anxious have

had a trauma when it comes to attachment

in their life for me it's that I don't

have a doubt I had him until the age of

five and then we don't have a

relationship anymore so my whole

childhood and and also I'm an immigrant

of I moved to another country when I was

very young and never saw my family so

it's those two things there's nothing I

did wrong there's nothing anyone else

did wrong my father made the choices he

wanted to it's absolutely fine but as a

child imprints on you as an anxious

attachment where you feel oh I've got to

grab onto people I've got to grasp on to

people I've got to make sure that they

don't run away from me but actually you

running after people makes them run you

need to stand in your power and know who

you are and practice secure attachment

like any other practice in the world

until it becomes you and you will see

that your true personality can then

shine and people can come into your life

I'm going to tell you now the behaviors

that you exemplify when you're anxiously

attached you know you're anxiously

attached if you're calling and texting

people not stop when they haven't

replied when you cannot give them that

space

you always need to text and when you

haven't text

you have an anxiety you feel like

something's wrong you need that fix more

than you need a good relationship you

need that fix of them replying more than

you need them to respect you and see you

as a wholesome person you're constantly

checking social media where are they

what are they doing what do they look at

who do they like you're preoccupied with

their existence as opposed to your

reality you are suspicious when life is

good you when life is good and you've

got a good partner you are suspicious

that something is going to slip up you

go along with what your partner wants to

the to the detriment of the relationship

you build resentment you go with what

they want they want to eat pizza tonight

yeah of course they want to go here of

course they want you to cook but you're

tired yeah of course until it builds up

so much that you've got resentment in

you you can't say no not because you're

so kind and so nice but because you're

scared that you're going to get thrown

in the bin that you're going to be

rejected you constantly ask your partner

if they find you attractive or they like

you you constantly ask what it is about

you that they like I used to do this

kind of thing listen to me it's the way

worst possible thing that you can do not

not only for their attraction towards

you but for your own mental health you

don't want to hear their answers you

don't want to see their face change as

you ask that question you're going to

read into it with your brain as it is

right now with your anxious attachment

anything they say you're going to scan

and it's going to be to your detriment

you just need to be in yourself in your

own embodiment in your power and know

that everything is going to be okay you

avoid waking up from a bad relationship

you know it's bad you've asked your

friends they already told you that he

probably doesn't like you you keep

seeking validation from this person you

know why because they remind you of the

person in your childhood who hurt you

you want love from that guy who does not

want you what kind of sticks around

because if you can win his love then it

will remind you and it will let you know

that the love of the person you lost as

a child or you felt tethered from you

was worth it that you now want it in the

present future because this guy is

similar to the person who hurt you here

so you couldn't get their love and now

that situation is gone but you can get

his love you've proven to yourself that

you're worth it but that's not how it

works you can never prove that you've

been worth it you need to let it go even

if you're the rapist Peach not everybody

likes peaches that person in the past

who didn't love you enough who didn't

see your worth

they did not not see you because they

didn't see you because you were bad they

just didn't see you because they didn't

want to see you that's it

there's nothing more to it

it's their Journey you need to let them

have that Journey at the essence of it

anxious attachment will sabotage your

relationships and it will cause you to

not live in the moment anxious

attachment always lives in the future of

production is he gonna cheat on me is he

gonna hurt me is he not the one does he

not find me this does he not find me

that

sends healing from it I still have

moments when I drop into that and I

really have to like Snap myself out of

it am I the one does he like me does he

this one does he that one no

you need to become securely attached

this is how you do it you need to learn

to regulate your emotions

you need to find a way

to regulate your emotions without that

person telling you that everything's

going to be okay finding a way to

regulate your emotions without somebody

else

is up to you do you want to meditate do

you want to sit with yourself you just

need to not ask people how they feel in

order to make you feel better until it

becomes a practice for yourself you

cannot always rely on somebody else

to fix your emotions you have to have

some kind of Pillar of Strength In

Yourself In order to regulate yourself

secure people trust others you need to

deploy the element of trust if you

decided to be in a relationship with a

person

before it is broken you cannot lead a

relationship from the position of

distrust and seeking a negative in that

person constantly because then you will

find it that's just how life works that

is the magnetism of the universe that is

what it is

so just dispense the idea that you're

somehow going to find that they're

trying to hurt you and just trust them

if you will until they do hurt you if

you're so convinced that they are going

to hurt you fine but just let life flow

until they do what is the point of

living in In Perpetual anxiety hence the

anxious attachment until they hurt you

you might have a good 15 years until

they do why be in that hurt constantly

why always be seeking for something just

trust a person until and if they break

that trust imagine they were never going

to imagine with your actions you've

pushed them away and you lose a

relationship and they were never going

to break your trust imagine that is the

reality

you should be more scared of that

than somebody hurting you because if you

were in your truth and you were correct

and you were in your goodness and then

they are a bad person and they hurt you

when you walk away you can walk away

knowing you've done your best you can

walk away with a clear conscience you

can walk away knowing that you've been

progressing and growing as a person that

whole time and what they do is up to

them not up to you that's on them secure

people have effective communication

skills they say what they desire and

what they want as opposed to searching

for out to people and searching for

inadequacies in people instead of saying

oh why didn't you call me last night

they say I love it when you call me I'd

love it if you called me tomorrow

they see what they want as opposed to

what that person did not do and then

after saying what they want if that

person does not deliver what they want

for months or years they then don't want

to be with that person as opposed to

taking a person who doesn't want to do

these things for you and trying to twist

them into submission and making them do

those things you need to communicate

clearly with your wants and needs as

opposed to playing games secure people

seek emotional support

not validation they say I'm feeling

tired today I'd really love to spend

time with you or I really need your help

on this issue these people that worked

at this they seek emotional support

they watch what is happening and let's

say after two months he just does not

call you and you've been the one calling

him you'll say do you know what I'd love

it if you'd call me sometimes it makes

me feel really happy and it makes me sad

when you don't open clear communication

and they give people a chance secure

people are comfortable being alone you

were born as you and you will die as you

there is nobody who's come into this

world with you unless you're a twin of

course but um and there's no one who's

going to go out at the same time you

need to be on this journey with yourself

you need to have some stoicism

and most of my viewers are women and

you'll see but how does that fit into

emotional and female energy well it does

because you need to be in your feminine

in your power that the feminine is

nature you need to be in nature you need

to be in the equilibrium of life you

need to know that sometimes people will

be with you and sometimes you will be

alone and you need to be comfortable

with that nobody can carry you you need

to carry yourself secure people are not

defensive they this one is a hard one

for me we are all defensive but they

take things with a pinch of salt they

know that not everybody can really see

into you in fact nobody can nobody

really knows you everyone sees you with

a perception of themselves plastered on

it when people ask me why I don't get

offended by what people say about me or

about my lifestyle on the internet

because I actually know that they're not

talking about me how could they possibly

be

they're talking about a microcosm of

what they saw put it together in their

head from their life experiences and

were even a web of what they believed to

be a reality it's got nothing to do with

me so not being defensive they show

empathy secure people share empathy when

it's needed they're there for other

people not because it gives them

something back not because it's going to

be like oh I did that for you I'm going

to get this back because they just do it

they don't expect anything back secure

people know when to compromise and when

to say no they know what their limits

are an anxiously attached person if they

say ask to wash the dishes and they are

at their tether and they're tired they

will say yeah I'll do it just to be

liked and then they'll hate that person

resent them and have a fight and attack

them a securely attached person will say

I'm sorry I'm tired today I can't do it

but I love you and I'll try it tomorrow

or I understand or one of us will figure

it out and they can take the wrath of

somebody or the discomfort of somebody

because they've set their boundaries but

they also know when to compromise

they're not going to go around saying oh

I did this for you I did this for you

they know when they can do something and

when they can't they know their

capabilities

they learn to know themselves they are

straightforward they see how they feel

and they mean what they say they respect

other people's boundaries this is a big

one the thing that annoys me about

people with anxious attachment Styles

and I had one keep that in mind is that

they're disrespectful of people's

boundaries they think just because they

feel anxious just because they feel that

type of way they can bull those people

yeah I know you're not comfortable yeah

I know life is not Rosy I know you want

everybody to make you feel better but

they can't it's not their responsibility

that's not what they were born to do

because whether you like to hear it or

not your emotions probably come up more

often than that person or any person is

capable of dealing with and it's up to

you to deal with them they're your

emotions secure people are free of old

baggage

they don't bring the ex-relationships or

who cheated on who or how they were

treated into this relationship in fact

when you first start dating somebody

don't bring that up it's not important

they don't know you enough to validate

knowing these things about you all in

all I want you to understand that if you

are anxiously attached just not your

fault but if you continue behaving that

way then it is your responsibility you

need to study secure attachment you need

to read the following books attached

att-a-c-h-e-d attached you need to read

getting the love you want I'll link all

these books below

and you need to read how to be an adult

in relationships all these books are

linked below those three books will help

you with your attachment style my Tick

Tock videos will help you with your

attachment Style

I'm going to be creating a course about

feminine energy and overcoming Anxiety

soon

that will probably help you a lot in

your attachment style because I'm

putting a lot into it all in all you

need to practice vulnerability and trust

you need to decide

throw caution to the wind to stop

investigating to stop concentrating on

other people concentrate on yourself

and on your journey you need to practice

mindfulness and be in the moment because

anxiety is all about living in the

future you just need to throw caution to

the wind and be in the moment and you

need to learn about Detachment because

the more you learn the more you will see

the anxious attachment is not you but

it's a style of attachment it is not who

you are it's just how you've learned to

relate

and you can change it and you can be

happy

and even if hits the fan and things

go wrong

you will be fine

if you're securely attached you will

find someone else you will get through

it

and you will be

happy

see you in the next one love you lots

like jelly tops