How to Never Run out of Things to Say - Keep a Conversation Flowing!

Summary

In this video, Practical Psychology and Improvement Pill discuss the 'FORD' technique for enhancing conversations and building rapport with anyone. 'FORD' stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams—four universal topics that help foster deep, meaningful conversations. They share tips for transitioning into these subjects naturally, avoiding surface-level questions, and creating connections. The hosts emphasize that engaging people on these topics leads to stronger relationships and long-lasting friendships. The video is full of practical advice, with examples on how to use this approach in everyday interactions.

Takeaways

• 😀 Use the 'FORD' acronym (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) to guide conversations and build rapport.
• 👨‍👩‍👦 Family: People feel closer when they share family-related matters, but introduce the topic naturally.
• 🗣️ When talking about family, lead by sharing your own experiences or use non-sequiturs to bring up the topic.
• 💼 Occupation: A common and surface-level topic, but make sure to add personal comments to avoid 'interview mode.'
• 🎓 Go beyond simple occupation questions and relate personally to the topic before asking deeper questions.
• ⚽ Recreation: Hobbies and interests are great conversation starters, especially when asking why the person enjoys them.
• 💡 When discussing hobbies you're unfamiliar with, express curiosity about why it's exciting for the other person.
• 🌟 Dreams: The most powerful and personal topic, often leading to deep conversations once rapport is built.
• 🔍 Use clues from someone's recreational activities to make educated guesses about their dreams.
• 🌌 Talking about bigger life perspectives or meaningful questions can smoothly transition the conversation towards dreams.

Q & A

What is the purpose of using the acronym 'FORD' in conversations?

The acronym 'FORD' stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. It serves as a memory tool to help guide conversations toward meaningful topics that can help build rapport and create deeper connections with people.

Why is talking about family considered important in building rapport?

Talking about family is important because people tend to hold their family members close to their hearts. When people share family-related matters with others, it often leads to a feeling of closeness and connection.

What are two ways to introduce the topic of family in a conversation?

The first way is by talking about your own family, which opens the door for the other person to reciprocate. The second way is by using non-sequiturs, or making assumptions about the other person’s family, which can spark curiosity or lead them to correct you and share more about their family.

Why is it important not to stay on surface-level questions when discussing someone's occupation?

Staying on surface-level questions can make the conversation feel like an interview, which is uncomfortable for the listener. Adding comments between questions and exploring deeper topics helps create a more engaging and meaningful discussion.

What is the recommended way to avoid making conversations about occupations feel like an interview?

The recommended approach is to add personal comments or thoughts between questions. For example, instead of just asking what someone does for work, you could share a related personal experience or feeling before asking a follow-up question.

How can you talk about recreational activities even if you are unfamiliar with the person's interests?

You can ask why the person enjoys the activity or what excites them about it. This shows genuine interest and allows the other person to explain their passion, making them feel listened to.

Why is discussing dreams considered the most powerful topic?

Dreams are deeply personal and meaningful to people. Discussing them shows support and interest in someone's aspirations, which can foster a strong connection, especially since many people feel that society discourages them from pursuing their dreams.

How can you transition a conversation toward discussing someone's dreams?

One way is by making an educated guess based on their recreational activities. Another approach is to talk about the 'bigger picture,' using philosophical or reflective statements to invite the other person to share their deeper aspirations.

Why is it important to build rapport before discussing dreams?

Dreams are personal and often involve vulnerability. Building rapport first helps establish trust, making the other person feel more comfortable opening up about their dreams.

What is a practical example of how 'FORD' can be applied in real-life situations?

An example is using 'Family' in a casual setting like a party by mentioning your own family, which can smoothly lead to the other person sharing about theirs. Similarly, 'Occupation' can be introduced in a deeper way by adding personal commentary when asking about someone's job.

Outlines

00:00

🎥 Introduction and Overview of the 'FORD' Framework

The video starts with Practical Psychology introducing the collaboration with Improvement Pill, highlighting how both channels offer similar content. Improvement Pill then introduces the topic of conversation, asking viewers if they've ever struggled with what to talk about in social situations. He promises to share four powerful topics to help build rapport and friendships, which can be remembered through the acronym 'FORD'—Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. He emphasizes the importance of these topics in creating meaningful conversations and lasting relationships.

05:02

👨‍👩‍👧 Family: The First Powerful Topic for Building Rapport

Improvement Pill explains that 'F' stands for Family, as everyone has some connection to family and sharing personal family experiences can create closeness with others. However, bringing up family matters directly might seem too strong, so he suggests two methods to naturally bring up the topic. First, by talking about your own family, such as mentioning a family member during a conversation, you can encourage others to share their family stories. Second, by making a playful assumption (a 'non-sequitur') about someone’s family, you can pique their curiosity and prompt a discussion about their family background.

💼 Occupation: The Common and Comfortable Conversation Starter

Next, Improvement Pill discusses how 'O' stands for Occupation, noting that work or school is a big part of people’s lives. Asking about someone's occupation is considered a safe, surface-level conversation starter, but he warns against asking repetitive questions that can make the conversation feel like an interview. Instead, he advises adding a personal comment before moving to the next question. This approach deepens the conversation and avoids the discomfort of asking generic questions. Occupation is typically the easiest topic to start with because it is frequently talked about.

⚽ Recreation: Digging into People’s Passions

'R' stands for Recreation, covering hobbies and interests. Improvement Pill explains that everyone has a recreational activity they enjoy, and discussing these activities can lead to deeper conversations. He advises starting with a basic question like, 'What do you like to do?' and adding comments in between to keep the conversation flowing. Even if you don’t know much about their hobby, asking why they enjoy it so much can make the other person feel heard and understood. This helps create a strong connection, even with topics you aren’t familiar with.

🌟 Dreams: The Most Powerful but Tricky Topic

'D' stands for Dreams, the most powerful and personal topic to discuss. Everyone has dreams or goals, but many people don’t talk about them because society discourages them from pursuing their passions. Showing support for someone’s dreams can create a deep bond, but it’s crucial to build rapport before bringing this topic up. Improvement Pill shares two strategies for discussing dreams: First, make an educated guess based on their recreational activities. Second, ask bigger, existential questions like 'What’s something you want to do before you die?' These methods help open up meaningful conversations about personal aspirations.

🤝 Conclusion: The Power of FORD in Building Trust and Rapport

Improvement Pill wraps up by reiterating the power of the four 'FORD' topics—Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams—for building rapport with anyone. He shares his personal experience as a door-to-door salesperson, where he used these topics to build trust quickly and make successful sales. He encourages viewers to use these conversation starters in their own lives to develop deeper connections. The video concludes with a call to action to check out Improvement Pill’s channel for more related content and leave comments if viewers want to see more collaborations.

Keywords

💡FORD

FORD is an acronym introduced by Improvement Pill, representing four conversational topics: Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. These topics are used to build rapport with others and create meaningful conversations. Each component of the acronym helps to steer discussions in a way that encourages the other person to share personal insights, fostering deeper connections.

💡Family

Family, the first part of the FORD acronym, is a core aspect of most people's lives and often holds emotional significance. Improvement Pill explains that discussing family helps to build rapport quickly because it is personal, but advises a gentle approach to avoid coming on too strong. Examples from the script include using personal stories to segue into questions about the other person’s family, like mentioning siblings or making assumptions about their family size.

💡Occupation

Occupation, the second element of the FORD acronym, refers to talking about a person’s job or what they do. It is considered surface-level conversation, but can lead to deeper discussions if handled correctly. Instead of asking a string of questions, Improvement Pill suggests adding personal comments to make the conversation more engaging. For example, after someone mentions being a teacher, a personal insight like ‘I always wanted to be a teacher’ helps deepen the interaction.

💡Recreation

Recreation, representing hobbies or interests, is the third part of FORD. Discussing recreational activities can reveal a lot about a person’s passions. Improvement Pill advises asking why someone enjoys their hobby, which encourages the person to share what excites them about their activity. For example, asking a rock climber why they love the sport can lead to a more meaningful conversation.

💡Dreams

Dreams, the final and most powerful topic in the FORD acronym, refers to discussing a person’s aspirations or life goals. Talking about dreams is more personal and requires a higher level of rapport before being introduced into a conversation. Improvement Pill suggests using contextual clues or framing questions around life's purpose to engage in this topic, like asking someone, 'Do you ever dream of accomplishing something bigger than what you’re doing right now?'

💡Rapport

Rapport refers to the trust and emotional connection between two people in conversation. Improvement Pill emphasizes that the topics within the FORD acronym help build rapport by encouraging individuals to open up about personal aspects of their lives. For example, discussing family or dreams can make someone feel closer to you after a conversation, making rapport essential for deeper connections.

💡Non-sequitur

A non-sequitur is a statement that seems unrelated to the previous topic but can be used to steer a conversation. In the video, Improvement Pill describes using non-sequiturs as a way to talk about family, by making assumptions about someone like, 'You look like you come from a big family.' This tactic prompts the listener to either confirm or correct the statement, which naturally leads into a discussion about family.

💡Interview mode

Interview mode is a conversational trap where one person asks a series of surface-level questions without adding personal commentary, making the interaction feel like a formal interview rather than a natural conversation. Improvement Pill advises against this by recommending that listeners add personal insights to each question, creating a more engaging and comfortable dynamic.

💡Deep conversation

A deep conversation involves discussing more meaningful or personal topics beyond the surface level. Improvement Pill encourages using the FORD topics to initiate deeper conversations, such as asking someone why they enjoy their hobby or inquiring about their dreams. The goal is to move from small talk to discussions that build lasting connections.

💡Surface-level questions

Surface-level questions are basic, often impersonal inquiries such as 'What do you do?' or 'Where are you from?' Improvement Pill explains that while these questions can start a conversation, they should be followed up with deeper, more meaningful comments or questions to avoid staying in 'interview mode' and to foster better connections with others.

Highlights

Practical Psychology introduces the return of a previous collaborator, Improvement Pill, due to great feedback.

Improvement Pill explains the issue of struggling to come up with topics to talk about, leading to awkward silences.

The video focuses on four powerful topics to help build rapport and lasting friendships, remembered through the acronym 'FORD.'

F stands for Family, emphasizing that sharing family matters can create a sense of closeness with strangers.

One approach to talk about family is by mentioning your family first to encourage the other person to share about theirs.

Another approach to bring up family is using non-sequiturs, like making assumptions about someone’s family to spark curiosity.

O stands for Occupation, which is a common conversation topic but should be deepened beyond surface-level questions.

To avoid 'interview mode,' Improvement Pill suggests making personal comments about their occupation before asking more questions.

R stands for Recreation, highlighting that discussing hobbies and interests can lead to deeper conversations.

If someone shares a recreational activity you're unfamiliar with, ask why they enjoy it to show genuine interest.

D stands for Dreams, the most powerful of the four topics, as it involves discussing people's goals and aspirations.

Improvement Pill explains how discussing dreams builds deeper rapport but should be saved for after other topics to ensure trust.

One method to transition into discussing dreams is making an educated guess based on the person’s recreational activities.

A second method is bringing up 'the bigger picture,' such as life’s meaning, to lead into conversations about dreams.

The FORD method helped Improvement Pill build trust quickly during his time as a door-to-door salesperson, proving its effectiveness.

Transcripts

Hey guys, Practical Psychology here,

and I'm super pumped to bring back

a previous collaborator

due to some amazing feedback.

I hope you guys enjoy!

- Hey, Improvement Pill here.

And for those of you guys who don't know who I am,

I run a channel very similar to Practical Psychology's.

And today we're going to be talking about something

that I'm sure a lot of you guys have problems with.

Let me ask you a question:

Have you ever had a hard time

coming up with things to talk about?

Your brain ever just freeze and you end up with

a long, awkward silence?

Well today I'm going to be sharing with you

four extremely powerful topics

that you can talk to just about anyone.

Learning and using these four topics will allow you

to build large amounts of rapport with just about anyone

and will also allow you to create long lasting friendships.

An easy way to remember these four

is through an acronym I like to call "FORD."

So let's jump right into it.

F stands for Family.

Everyone has some sort of family.

They are an integral part of our lives.

They are the first people that we get to know,

and for that reason, we hold a special place

in our hearts for them.

Studies have found time and time again that

when people share family related matters with strangers,

they feel significantly closer to them afterwards.

Now, the main problem with speaking about family

is that it can sometimes come off very strong

if you ask someone about their family upfront.

What you need to do instead is branch the conversation

in a way so that the topic of family naturally pops up.

Here's two way to go about doing this:

The first is by talking about your family first.

Let's say, for example, you're at a party

and you're talking with some girl,

and you notice there's a very loud, excited guy

on the dance floor.

You could say something like this:

"You see that guy over there?

He really reminds me of my older brother,

who's always energetic and not afraid to let loose.

I feel like older siblings are always like that.

Do you have any siblings?"

By saying something like this,

you direct the converstation towards family

and you also make the initiative to open up first.

This gives her an opportunity to talk about her siblings

without having to have her guard up.

If she doesn't have any siblings,

you could say something along the lines of,

"Oh, do you ever wise you had one?"

Again, the conversation is re-directed towards family,

and the transition seems smooth.

Now the second way to get someone

to talk about their family

is by using what are called "non-sequiturs."

Basically, assumptions that you make about someone.

For example, let's say you meet someone new

at the bar.

You can say something like,

"You know, you look like you come from a big family."

Non-sequiturs like this accomplish two things:

They create a sense of curiosity,

leading to questions like,

"Uhm... why do you think I come from a big family?"

They also sometimes cause the listener to correct your statement.

Maybe they don't come from a big family,

and they start talking about it.

Maybe they do come from a big family,

and they go into details about it.

The second topic is O,

which stands for "occupation."

They say that 45% of our lives

are spent on our occupation.

Whether it be at school, or at work,

it's definitely a big part of our lives.

Speaking about someone's occupation

is actually very common.

It's considered surface-level conversation.

You've probably heard lines like,

"What's your major?"

dozens of times before.

The key to speaking about occupation

is not to dwell on these surface-level questions

and instead quickly jump into a deeper conversation.

For example, let's say you're on a date,

and you ask her what she does for a living.

She says, "I'm a schoolteacher."

A lot of people make the following mistake;

they go, "Okay,

what subject do you teach?"

"Okay, what school do you teach at?"

"Okay, how old are the kids you teach?"

When you ask question upon question,

you enter what's called "interview mode,"

and it's very uncomfortable for the listener.

What you want to do instead

is to add a comment before asking another question.

For example, let's say she says,

"Oh, I'm a teacher."

You could say something along the lines of,

"Wow, you know, when I was younger,

I always wanted to be a teacher.

There's something about inspiring others

that's very fulfilling."

By saying something like this,

you're adding a little bit about what YOU feel

about her occupation before asking the next question.

This leads to significantly deeper topics than,

"Oh, what school do you work at?"

When meeting a stranger,

talking about occupation first

is usually the best bet.

This is because out of the four topics,

occupation is talked about the most.

They feel extremely comfortable talking about it.

The next topic is R,

which stands for "recreation."

Everyone has some sort of recreational activity.

It could be an interest, or a hobby,

sometimes it's even something that

they're very passionate about.

Similar to talking about occupation,

you want to ask surface-level questions

while adding comments in between.

An easy way to lead a conversation

into talking about recreation is by simply asking,

"What do you like to do?"

Yes, I know it's cliche, but it works very well.

Recreation can sometimes be

a little bit harder to talk about than occupation,

because oftentimes, you'll meet someone

who likes to do something you know nothing about.

Don't worry, because in these cases,

all you have to do is approach the conversation

with the following mentality:

Why is this activity so exciting for him or her?

Let's say for example

you meet someone who tells you

they like rock climbing

and you've never done it before,

you could say something along the lines of,

"Oh, that's cool, I've always thought

rock climbing was an interesting sport.

Why do you like it so much?"

Questions like these really make the other person

feel like they're being listened to.

They also allow the other person to really dive deep

and explain to you why they enjoy

their recreational activity as much as they do.

The final topic is D,

which stands for "dreams."

Without a doubt, this is the most powerful topic

you can talk to someone about.

Everyone has a dream that they are pursuing

or wish they could be pursuing,

and this topic is especially powerful nowadays

because the average person does not

get to pursue their dream.

Oftentimes it's because there is very little support

found in our society.

Most people are told to just get conventional jobs

instead of pursuing their passions by everyone around them,

including their parents and friends.

So if you step in and show that you are supportive

of their dreams, they begin to think very fondly of you.

Dreams are oftentimes the hardest things to

get people to open up about,

and this is why it's the last of the four topics

I like to bring up with someone.

You want to make sure you've built

a sufficient amount of rapport before

leading the conversation towards dreams

in order to get truly meaningful responses.

So I'll share with you guys

two tricks that I personally use

to redirect the conversation towards dreams.

Number 1:

Sometimes you'll get an idea

of what a person's dream is, by talking

about their recreational activity.

If they mention that they like to draw,

their dream might be to become an artist one day.

So the first trick is to use this information

and make an educated guess.

So for the person who likes to draw,

you might ask,

"Have you ever thought about becoming an artist for a living?"

And as you can see, this can easily lead

to deeper conversation.

Now, the second way - my most favorite way -

to get someone to open up about their dreams,

is to talk about the bigger picture.

Now, what does that mean?

Well, sometimes I'll be on a date,

and I'll be walking with a girl through a park

and I'll just look at the night sky and say,

"Just look up there, the universe is so vast.

It's so big. I feel like our lives have more meaning

than just working a 9-to-5.

You ever dream of accomplishing something bigger

than what you're doing right now?"

Yes, it's super cheesy, but again, it works.

It redirects the conversation to dreams.

I also like to ask questions like,

"What's something you want to do before you die?"

I like to make the question relevant

to the things happening around me.

Maybe I'll be at a bookstore with someone,

and I see a biography of someone who's passed away.

Or maybe I'll be on the bus with someone

and we'll drive past a cemetery.

And there you have it,

these are the four topics that you can talk

to anyone about.

These are the same four topics I used

back in the day when I was a door-to-door salesperson.

In those days, I was forced to build

a large amount of trust with absolute strangers

in under an hour,

and convince them to give me

their social security number for credit checks

and their credit card information for the actual purchase.

So I can swear by these four topics.

If you guys enjoyed this video,

please check out my channel Improvement Pill

for more similar concepts and ideas.

- Leave a comment below if you'd like more of

Improvement Pill's stuff on this channel.

And go check out his videos if you haven't already,

they're freakin' amazing!

Thanks for watching, and subscribe for more.