Dr Joe Dispenza Reveals Why People HURT Others!

Summary

The script explores the connection between self-perception and relationships, emphasizing that negative emotions like anger, resentment, and impatience stem from inner dissatisfaction. By focusing on love and gratitude towards oneself, people can improve their relationships and overall well-being. It highlights how emotional healing requires letting go of past trauma and negative emotions, which separate us from love. Through meditation and self-awareness, individuals can reclaim their power, foster self-love, and create a more compassionate, fulfilling life, ultimately influencing their relationships with others.

Takeaways

• 💔 People who harbor negative emotions toward themselves, like hate and anger, will often project those feelings onto others.
• 🙏 When individuals genuinely feel gratitude and love for themselves, they are more likely to love and appreciate others.
• 🧘‍♀️ To truly experience love, parts of ourselves that are not aligned with love must 'die,' representing a transformation toward love.
• 💖 Love makes people feel whole, selfless, and more inclined to give, care, and be present.
• 😌 Emotions like fear, anger, and resentment are not the opposites of love but are separations from it.
• 😓 Living in survival mode, characterized by stress, prevents people from being creative, open-hearted, and capable of loving fully.
• 💡 People tend to view others through the lens of their past experiences, which can either foster love and connection or trigger negative emotions like resentment.
• 🧠 By regulating emotions and letting go of resentment, individuals can take their power back and foster healing and personal growth.
• 💪 Forgiveness is the act of taking attention and energy away from a past hurt, allowing personal liberation and transformation.
• 💞 High levels of oxytocin, the 'love hormone,' make it impossible to hold grudges and foster a state of unconditional love and well-being.

Q & A

What is the main reason people project negative emotions like anger or impatience onto others?

People project negative emotions onto others because they are experiencing those emotions within themselves. For example, those who are angry with themselves tend to be angry with others. It reflects a lack of self-love and internal peace.

How does self-love influence the way people treat others?

When people love and accept themselves, they are more likely to love and accept others. Self-love creates a sense of wholeness, reducing the need for external validation and making individuals more kind, present, and compassionate toward others.

Why is it important for people to 'let a part of themselves die' to find love?

To truly find love, individuals must let go of anything within themselves that is not love, such as resentment, fear, or anger. This process is necessary because those negative emotions separate them from love.

What is the relationship between living in survival mode and the ability to love or create?

Living in survival mode, which is dominated by stress and fear, prevents individuals from being open to love or creation. In survival, people focus on self-preservation and become self-centered, which compromises their ability to engage in loving relationships or creative endeavors.

What role does practicing emotions like love or resentment play in shaping behavior?

People become good at what they practice. If they frequently experience and practice emotions like resentment or anger, those emotions will shape their behavior and thoughts in predictable ways. Conversely, practicing love can lead to more compassionate and selfless behaviors.

How does past trauma or negative experiences affect the way individuals perceive others?

Past trauma or negative experiences create a lens through which individuals perceive others, often triggering negative emotions like resentment or anger. These emotions can prevent individuals from seeing others clearly, as they project their past experiences onto current relationships.

What does it mean to take back your power in relationships?

Taking back your power means stopping the emotional and energetic investment in people or situations that trigger negative emotions. By doing this, individuals regain control over their emotions and attention, allowing them to heal and create new, healthier experiences.

Why do people hold onto resentment in relationships, and how can they overcome it?

People hold onto resentment because they fear the same hurt will happen again. They remain on high alert for any signs of danger. To overcome resentment, individuals must process their emotions, stay in the present, and condition their body to release the past trauma through consistent practice, such as meditation.

How is forgiveness linked to taking your attention off negative emotions?

Forgiveness happens when individuals stop feeling the negative emotions associated with a person or event. By taking their attention off the resentment and redirecting it towards healing, they reclaim their energy, allowing forgiveness and personal transformation to occur.

What physiological changes occur when individuals experience love, according to the speaker?

When individuals experience love, their oxytocin levels rise significantly. This hormone, known as the love chemical, triggers nitric oxide production, which relaxes the arteries and allows more blood to flow to the heart. This creates an expanded, energized state that promotes feelings of connection and well-being.

Outlines

00:00

💖 The Connection Between Self-Love and Love for Others

This paragraph explores the idea that individuals who struggle with self-love often project negative emotions, such as anger, impatience, and unhappiness, onto others. In contrast, those who truly love and are grateful for themselves naturally extend these positive feelings toward others. The core argument is that understanding and managing one's own energy and emotions is essential to experiencing love. Love fosters wholeness and selflessness, which lead to kindness, gratitude, and creativity. The paragraph emphasizes that negative emotions like resentment and hatred are not the opposite of love but are separations from it. Living in survival mode, driven by stress, pulls individuals away from love, resulting in self-centered behavior.

05:02

👥 The Impact of Memories on Relationships

This section discusses how past experiences and memories shape one's relationships with others. It explains that the brain perceives people based on past interactions, creating emotional connections or aversions. Positive relationships foster a sense of union and connection, while negative experiences, like betrayal, lead to resentment and emotional separation. The paragraph highlights how holding onto negative emotions can trap individuals in the past, keeping them in a cycle of unchanged reality. The key to changing this is recognizing these emotions, letting go of resentment, and shifting attention away from the past to regain personal power and create new, positive realities.

10:03

🧘 Letting Go of Resentment and Finding Forgiveness

In this paragraph, the focus is on overcoming resentment and self-inflicted unhappiness by releasing attachment to past events and negative emotions. It explains that holding onto resentment only harms oneself, as it keeps the person locked in the past and defined by painful experiences. Through meditation and self-awareness, individuals can work on regulating their emotions, detaching from past hurts, and ultimately forgiving those who caused the pain. This process of emotional regulation and forgiveness leads to a sense of empowerment, self-love, and liberation from the negative cycle.

Keywords

💡Self-love

Self-love refers to an individual's acceptance and appreciation of themselves. In the video, it is explained that people who love themselves are more capable of loving others. Self-love is contrasted with self-criticism, which can lead to negative behaviors towards others. The speaker emphasizes that cultivating self-love leads to a more fulfilling and positive relationship with others.

💡Resentment

Resentment is the feeling of bitterness or anger towards someone, often due to past wrongdoings. The video discusses how holding onto resentment makes individuals unhappy and how it prevents personal growth. It is also shown that overcoming resentment through self-regulation and forgiveness is essential for healing and self-liberation.

💡Survival mode

Survival mode refers to a mental and emotional state where a person focuses on immediate needs and dangers, often at the expense of emotional and creative capacities. In the video, the speaker explains that living in survival mode triggers stress responses, making it difficult to love, communicate, or grow. People stuck in survival mode tend to be self-centered, defensive, and disconnected from love.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the act of letting go of resentment or anger towards someone who has wronged you. The speaker highlights that forgiveness occurs when a person is able to release the emotional charge tied to past events. In the video, forgiveness is presented as a key element in reclaiming one's energy and moving forward in life, as holding onto negative emotions binds a person to their past.

💡Emotional regulation

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and control one’s emotional reactions. The video suggests that self-regulation of emotions like anger, resentment, or fear is critical for personal development. The speaker explains how by managing these emotions, individuals can stop letting past experiences dictate their present, and ultimately, open themselves to more positive emotions such as love and peace.

💡Oxytocin

Oxytocin is a hormone often referred to as the 'love chemical' because it promotes bonding, connection, and feelings of love. The video explains how elevated oxytocin levels can make it impossible to hold onto negative emotions like resentment. The speaker also discusses how higher oxytocin levels create a sense of unity and openness, fostering healthier relationships.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of staying present and aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. In the video, mindfulness is implied as a tool for overcoming negative emotional states and focusing on the present rather than dwelling on past traumas. It involves training oneself to stay in the present moment, allowing for emotional healing and transformation.

💡Trauma

Trauma refers to deeply distressing or disturbing experiences that can shape a person’s emotional and mental state. The video discusses how past trauma can keep individuals in a state of fear or resentment, preventing them from moving forward. It is suggested that overcoming these traumas requires emotional regulation and self-awareness to break free from survival mode.

💡Separation from love

Separation from love refers to the emotional distance people create when they experience negative feelings such as anger, fear, or resentment. The speaker clarifies that emotions like fear and suffering are not the opposite of love, but rather a separation from it. The goal is to bridge this separation by overcoming negative emotions and reconnecting with love and unity.

💡Energy management

Energy management is the practice of controlling where one directs their emotional, mental, and physical energy. The speaker stresses that when individuals focus on negative emotions, they give their energy away, often to people or events that reinforce past traumas. By managing their energy and focusing on positive emotions, individuals can reclaim their power and direct it toward personal growth and love.

Highlights

People who hate themselves will hate others, and people who are unhappy with themselves will project unhappiness onto others.

When people are truly grateful for themselves, they are naturally grateful for others, leading to more loving relationships.

In order to find love, the parts of us that are not love must 'die,' allowing us to align with love more fully.

Being in a state of love makes a person more selfless, caring, present, and grateful, as opposed to living in survival mode.

Fear, pain, suffering, anger, and hatred are not the opposites of love; they represent a separation from love.

Living in survival is stressful and produces chemicals that push people away from love, making them self-centered and self-indulgent.

In relationships, the key question to ask is, 'What would love do?' to guide behavior and foster connection.

Our perception of others is shaped by memories and neurological patterns, often causing us to react to them based on past experiences rather than the present moment.

Holding onto resentment and anger towards someone from the past gives that person power over you and keeps your energy stuck in that event.

Forgiveness occurs when you stop feeling the negative emotion tied to a person, allowing you to reclaim your energy and power.

Many people hold onto resentment because they fear the event might happen again, keeping them in a constant state of alertness and stress.

Training yourself to let go of past emotions in meditation helps you create new mental and emotional states, leading to greater self-love and personal growth.

Increased oxytocin levels, the 'love chemical,' are linked to feelings of connection, bonding, and the inability to hold a grudge.

People who feel deep love for themselves do not want to compromise their state by indulging in lower, negative emotions.

People who are okay with themselves tend to love others unconditionally, creating natural bonds and attraction in their relationships.

Happiness and contentment come from within, and when people realize they are responsible for their own joy, they radiate positive energy, which attracts others.

Transcripts

people who hate themselves will hate

others and people who are angry with

themselves will be angry at others

people who are impatient with others

will be impatient uh with themselves

will be impatient with others people um

who are unhappy with themselves will

punish other people until they feel

unhappy uh it's just our nature as human

beings but when people are truly

grateful uh for themselves or for their

life they're they're they're grateful

for others so people who love themselves

naturally love others people who are

okay finally with themselves are are

okay with others you know it's just kind

of how it is so one of the things that

people have as a limitation uh to the

understanding of Love is that they're

feeling something other than it and in

order for us to find love a part of us

Must Die o or wait wa wait why why do

why do we need to die to find love or

part of us because anything that's not

love in US Must Die oh

and that's the difference between

knowing the path and walking the path

right so um so one of the things that we

want to teach people in the work that we

do is understand how to manage their

energy right and and how to manage their

attention um when you feel love uh which

is just a word by the way and people

have their own experience of what that

is you tend to feel more whole uh and

when you feel more whole you tend to

want less when you truly feel love uh um

is very different than being selfish

you're kind of more selfless and when

you're in your heart you're more prone

to give more prone to care you're more

prone to be present uh you're more prone

to um be

grateful uh you're more prone to be kind

that's the consciousness of that Center

it is the the creative center it's the

union of opposites it's the union of

polarities is where Oneness where our

Divinity starts right there can't be

enough enough set about that Center

so if you just did an inventory of the

amount of time you feel love during the

day and the amount of time you feel

other emotions like resentment or

impatience or frustration or

judgment or jealousy any other one of

those emotions

that is the opposite of Love fear is

fear is not the opposite of love it is

the separation from love pain and

suffering they're not the opposite of

Love they're the separation from it that

anger and hatred and hostility and

violence they're not the opposite of

Love they're the separation from love

right so so then if you're living in

survival and living in survival is

living in stress and living in stress

produces a cocktail of chemicals and

hormones that make you feel something

other than love turns out majority of

time people are feeling something other

than love and they're feeling some of

those other emotions so you only get

good at what you practice right and

those emotions will drive certain human

behaviors that primarily Universal and

will cause us to think in very

predictable ways right

so the separation from love because of

an event or a trauma or whatever it is

causes people to view their life through

a different lens than love right okay so

teach a person how to stop feeling those

emotions of survival right because in

survival it's not a time to create no

when it's in when you're in survival

it's not a time to communicate it's not

a time to learn it's not a time to

cooperate it's not a time to get along

it's time to run fight or hide and when

you're in survival you're very selfish

you're self-indulgent you're self

important you're self-aggrandizing

you're full of self-pity it's all about

the self or self self- involved in so

many

ways um and that means that once I'm

okay and I'm happy then uh everybody

else could be happy and so in survival

and we're feeling those emotions we're

doing everything we can to make that

feeling go away right so it turns out

that if you're in that state where

you're in survival and it's it's not a

time to create or Not A Time To Love or

not a time to open your heart not a time

to learn um you're compromised in a lot

of ways so bring that into a

relationship a relationship with peers

with with co-workers with relatives with

family with a partner um then the

fundamental question is uh what would

love do in a relationship that's I think

that's a really important question now

we have different relationships with

different people and um because

we've had experiences with different

people because we've had experiences

with them we have neurological circuitry

that there's a memory that that we can

relate to that person in fact I see you

uh based on the memory I have of you I'm

filling in my idea of Lewis based on my

memory of him I'm not really seeing you

I see things how they are I see things

how I am right so your brain only can

see equal to how it's m So based on my

experience I super like you you're a

great guy we get along we have a lot of

things in common and and so I see you

that way and the feeling that I have for

my interactions with you causes me to be

attracted to you like you're a cool guy

we hang out we have great conversations

and so when I see you there is a sense

of love there's an energy there's a

connection there's comaraderie there's

some kind type of Union right those are

healthy relationships and as long as

we're we're honoring one another that

relationship will continue and Foster

really great outcomes you have a

relationship with someone like an ex or

someone's betrayed you um you have a

different memory of that person based on

your experience which triggers a

different a feeling right which triggers

a different feeling that's based on

experience and so then it makes sense

then that the stronger the emotion you

feel towards that person the more you

pay attention to them and where you

place your atten is where you place your

energy so you're giving your power away

to change to that person or that

circumstance and it's entirely possible

that your reality is staying the same

because your energy is the same that you

in fact are contributing to that reality

staying exactly unchangeable right so

then you take a person and may've had a

moderately difficult past everybody's

got a story but when does the story end

you know right and now it's the new

right I mean it's it really is now is

the new later yeah like if you want to

change that now okay so the person

understands fundamentally they haven't

changed since those that event they're

feeling the same emotion they felt from

20 years ago and somehow their their

personality is in the past

right okay so the person then has to

overcome that emotional state and so

they're sitting in the meditation and

that's part of their identity and

meditation is getting be on yourself and

as you're sitting there all of a sudden

you start getting frustrated and angry

and resentful towards your ex you one of

two choices just just go fully down that

rabbit hole for the next hour and see

how that feels at the end or ask

yourself is this loving to me Justified

or not the only person it's going to

affect is me okay is this loving to me

or for me yeah was that either one right

it's not either okay so if I could in my

meditation really say okay I this isn't

loving to me I know this isn't right

even though I want to make them wrong

I'm just going to work I'm going to work

on settling my body down from that

emotional

state if I'm successful at regulating

that emotion and no longer allowing the

body to feel that emotion I'm inhibiting

that thought and feeling that image and

emotion I'm breaking that conditioning

response if I if I'm successful at doing

that if I lower the volume to that

emotion I'm going to take my attention

off that person or problem which means

I'm going to be taking my power back

right because I'm going to drop my

energy I'm going to build my own field

right I'm I'm no longer giving them my

power to change energetically I'm no

longer giving them my attention my

energy if I overcome the emotion I'll

take my attention off that person and

I'll begin to build my own

electromagnetic field now there's energy

to create now there's energy to heal now

there's energy for a whole new future

and and lo and behold when you lower the

volume to that emotion you take your

attention off that person that's

forgiveness wow cuz if you don't feel

the emotion any longer then you no

longer have your attention on that

person and your life truly

changes you'll never hold on to that

emotion again but why is it why are so

many people holding on to resentment of

what someone did in a relationship in

their past versus allowing them to find

forgiveness and peace about it maybe it

not agreeing that it was okay what they

did but why do people hold on to

resentment for so long or anger about a

past I I think it's because people are

afraid it's going to happen to them

again oh and um when we have a traumatic

event big or small in fact you're always

on the lookout for the the any signal in

the environment and any person or

circumstance that's going to be the

smallest que that's going to say oh I've

done this before I better get ready for

it so we're in a constant state of bad

news waiting for the worst case scenario

so let me just finish this okay the

question really was about self- Lov

uhhuh the person who lives in resentment

is making themselves

unhappy a person who's judging everybody

else and because they're judging the

themselves is making themselves unhappy

person who's complaining blaming making

excuses feel sorry for themselves

they're making themselves unhappy

there's nobody doing that to them you

say it's your ex okay let's take your ex

let's put him in a straight jacket and's

shoot him to the moon now what you're

hold you're still thinking that way and

feeling that way and and that person is

no longer in your life you're defined by

that that that that story by that past

event

okay the person's truly sincere and

thinks there's something other than that

emotion of resentment what's on the

other side of it am I willing to sit

through it long enough and and no matter

how much the pain is or what my body

does I'm going to sit this one out I'm

going to work with my body and keep

bringing it back into the present moment

it's like training an animal you keep

doing it over and over and you stay you

stay you stay I'm not getting up I'm not

eating I'm not moving we're going to

keep lowering the volume you keep

reconditioning the body to a new mind

sooner or later it surrenders it

surrenders to a new mind when that

occurs there's that liberation of energy

and energy moves into the heart and you

feel love for yourself you feel a

respect for yourself you feel an honor

for yourself something you took your

power back you know you built your field

something feels right when we look

at the data of people who do this and we

see their their scans their brain scans

or we see their HRV measurements and

they they get good at this we measure

their oxytocin levels now oxytocin is

the love chemical right it's it's made

in the pituitary

gland um it it is the is love chemical

causes us to bond to connect to to

unify and and when I showed the values

of oxytocin levels with these people to

scientists are sometimes 200 times above

normal now that's not a little love

that's a lot of love it's an explosion

of love it's a lot of love and there so

oxit toin signals nitric oxide and

nitric oxide signals another chemical

called endothelial derived relaxing

factor and that chemical causes the

arteries in your heart and your lungs to

literally open up and blood flows into

your heart and your heart is filled with

energy just like when it engorges the

the the the sexual organs there's an

engorgement of blood in there and it

activates it with energy and there's a

mind that's created it's a Consciousness

now this one opens up it's a whole

different Consciousness in fact the

research on oxytocin shows that the

slightest elevation in oxytocin it's

impossible to hold the grudge it's

impossible you say dude I feel so good

I'm good like no no no I'm good I'm

really good

now that kind of state means I I I don't

want to feel anything else but this so I

am not going to compromise myself or my

energy to a lower Dominator just because

of you in fact I'm really good around

you I'm really okay I feel so good I

don't want to judge you because I don't

want to lose this feeling so then

imagine being around a cat like that

being around a person like that that's

really easy to be around because they're

okay with themselves and when they're

okay with themselves they relate with

people differently in fact they relate

with them

unconditionally they just love them

unconditionally and that causes an

attraction it causes a bond right so one

of the things I learned last year and

watching people you know in this work

and week Wong events I do my best to pay

really close attention looked at at an

audience one day and I looked out in the

room just we just finished a walking

meditation everybody sat down and I kind

of glanced around the room and everybody

had this radiant smile and I said to

them

hey who's making you happy by the way

who who's making you happy there's

nobody doing that to you you're doing

that to you you're making yourself I

mean you're not relying on your anybody

in your life to do that now that is an

attractive energy that's the person who

relates well with money there's a

relationship with money they relate well

with people um they're very giving

they're very caring they want nothing in

return they're more present because

that's who they're practicing being and

so there's a natural Affinity a natural

attraction because the person is really

present and they're really okay and

something is different about them