How Do I Manage Self-Expectations?

Summary

The transcript explores managing anger and expectations, focusing on the link between powerlessness and anger. It highlights how ego-driven patterns create negative self-talk, leading to cycles of anger and self-judgment. The speaker explains that anger is often triggered unconsciously and driven by the 'pain body'—a reservoir of past emotions, especially from childhood. Awareness and presence are key to breaking these patterns. By becoming more conscious of emotions, one can rise above unconscious reactions, promoting self-forgiveness and detaching from anger-driven behaviors in themselves and others.

Takeaways

• 😡 Anger often arises from a sense of powerlessness, with the ego pretending to be powerful while masking underlying fear.
• 💭 Expectation management and self-judgment can lead to feelings of frustration, creating a cycle of anger and self-criticism.
• 🤯 Beating yourself up for unconscious behavior perpetuates more unconsciousness and strengthens the egoic mind.
• 🧠 Egoic reactions, such as anger, come from deeply ingrained mind patterns and emotional pain bodies, often formed in childhood.
• 🐕 The example of a small dog barking at a larger one illustrates how powerless individuals may react with anger as a defense mechanism.
• 🔍 Awareness of unconscious patterns allows you to observe without judgment and break the cycle of reacting emotionally.
• 🌟 Recognizing that unconscious behavior is not your true identity helps foster forgiveness and self-compassion.
• ⚠️ Stress often acts as a trigger for anger, so becoming more alert when stress builds up can prevent automatic reactions.
• 🔋 Anger can sometimes take over before you realize it, especially when it stems from old patterns of emotional pain.
• 🛑 Treat moments of stress or anger as opportunities for spiritual practice, focusing on conscious awareness instead of reacting to the situation.

Q & A

What is the main issue the speaker is addressing in the transcript?

The speaker is addressing the challenge of managing anger and expectations, particularly the frustration of becoming aware of one's frequent anger and feeling overwhelmed by it.

How does the speaker explain the concept of managing expectations of oneself?

The speaker suggests that managing expectations involves recognizing that judging oneself for unconscious actions (like anger) leads to more unconsciousness. It's the ego criticizing itself for not being good enough, creating a cycle of self-judgment.

What is the ego’s role in anger, according to the speaker?

The ego pretends to be powerful when reacting with anger, but the speaker notes that anger often stems from a sense of powerlessness, with the ego masking this vulnerability by pretending to assert control.

Why does the speaker compare anger to a child's reaction?

The speaker compares anger to a child's reaction to powerlessness, where a child screams because it feels it has no other options. The ego mimics this by using anger as a defense when feeling powerless.

What is the ‘pain body’ and how does it relate to anger?

The ‘pain body’ refers to old accumulated painful emotions, such as anger or sadness, that can dominate a person’s behavior. The pain body can be triggered, especially when people are under stress, leading to habitual anger reactions.

What does the speaker mean by saying the ego pretends there is power in anger?

The speaker means that while anger can feel like a form of control or power, it is actually a reaction rooted in fear and powerlessness. The ego creates the illusion that anger is empowering, but it’s really a defense mechanism.

How can one avoid being overtaken by anger, as per the speaker's advice?

The speaker advises becoming highly alert when stress or anger starts to build. By increasing awareness and presence in the moment, one can recognize the anger before it takes over and potentially avoid acting on it.

What does the speaker say about judging others or oneself for anger?

The speaker emphasizes that equating someone's anger with their identity is judgment. Recognizing anger as a pattern, not a person’s true self, is important. The same applies to self-judgment—condemning oneself for anger only reinforces the ego’s grip.

How can one practice awareness in stressful situations according to the speaker?

One can practice awareness by treating stressful situations as spiritual practices, focusing on maintaining consciousness rather than getting lost in the situation. Being fully present helps prevent unconscious reactions like anger.

What does the speaker suggest is the most important factor in dealing with anger and unconscious reactions?

The speaker suggests that the most important factor is consciousness. Maintaining awareness and presence is more important than trying to control or fix the situation. Consciousness allows one to rise above habitual reactions like anger.

Outlines

00:00

😡 Understanding Anger and Expectations

In this section, the speaker explores the frequent experience of anger and the associated challenge of managing self-expectations. The speaker discusses how anger often arises from unconsciousness and powerlessness, feeding into a cycle of self-criticism. Thoughts such as 'I’m not good enough' contribute to this, resulting in deeper egoic reactions. Anger often overtakes the individual before they can control it, stemming from long-standing mental and emotional patterns, often tied to a 'pain body.' The speaker also mentions how childhood experiences, such as feelings of powerlessness, can lead to anger in adulthood, giving an example of children screaming to get what they want. The ego pretends anger is power, but underneath, it hides fear.

05:10

🐕 Recognizing Patterns and Forgiveness

This paragraph highlights the importance of recognizing unconscious patterns in both ourselves and others. Using the example of a small dog barking at a bigger one, the speaker explains how such reactions stem from powerlessness. Humans, similarly, act unconsciously through anger. When we see these patterns in others, we shouldn’t equate their identity with the anger but instead recognize it as an energy field that has taken over. This awareness is the first step toward forgiveness and non-judgment. The speaker emphasizes that judgment occurs when we identify a person solely by their behavior, such as labeling someone as 'an angry person,' which creates an expectation of further anger.

10:10

👁️ Becoming Aware of Ego and Self-Judgment

In this part, the speaker delves deeper into self-judgment and the ego’s role in perpetuating inner conflict. Many people engage in self-talk where one part of the mind condemns the other, often referring to themselves in the second person ('You can’t do it'). The speaker points out that this internal dialogue is part of the ego’s pattern, leading to further unconsciousness. However, once this pattern is recognized, a shift in awareness can occur, freeing the individual from the trap of self-condemnation. The speaker encourages being alert to stressful situations, knowing when they will trigger unconscious reactions like anger, and treating those moments as opportunities for spiritual practice and growth.

🌪️ The Power of Consciousness in Stressful Situations

This section emphasizes the importance of consciousness in dealing with stress and anger. The speaker advises that when individuals feel stress building up, they should become fully aware of their energy field and prepare themselves before engaging in potentially triggering situations, such as handling difficult conversations. By doing so, individuals can prevent anger or unconscious patterns from taking over. Consciousness, according to the speaker, is the most important factor, not the situation itself.

🔥 Pain Bodies and Anger Waiting to Erupt

In this final paragraph, the speaker explains how some people carry semi-dormant 'pain bodies' composed primarily of anger. These individuals may seem calm but are waiting for an excuse to get angry. The speaker mentions how you can sometimes sense this energy in others, especially when they appear ready to react negatively. This is the result of their inner pain body waiting for an external cause to release anger, turning them into 'a grievance looking for a cause.'

Keywords

💡Anger

Anger is a key emotion discussed in the video, representing a reactive, often unconscious pattern of behavior. The video emphasizes how quickly anger can take over, stemming from deeper feelings of powerlessness. It is identified as a frequent emotion connected to past pain and egoic responses, such as when a person lashes out before realizing what happened.

💡Ego

The ego in this context is the mental image one has of themselves, which causes them to react defensively or critically. It manifests through judgment, self-criticism, or trying to appear powerful, especially during anger. The ego seeks to maintain control, but its reactions often stem from fear or powerlessness, which are discussed as underlying causes of anger.

💡Pain Body

The 'pain body' refers to an accumulated reservoir of past emotional pain, often triggered in stressful situations. In many individuals, anger is part of this pain body, and it can dominate one's actions without conscious awareness. The video discusses how old anger, often originating from childhood experiences, can resurface and lead to unconscious behavior.

💡Consciousness

Consciousness is highlighted as a state of awareness that allows individuals to observe their emotions and reactions without being taken over by them. The video stresses the importance of being present and conscious, especially when dealing with emotional responses like anger. Consciousness acts as the tool to break free from unconscious patterns.

💡Powerlessness

Powerlessness is described as the underlying emotion behind anger, especially when a person feels they have no control over a situation. The video uses the example of a child feeling powerless and reacting with a tantrum. This emotional state is linked to the ego's false sense of power through anger, hiding the real vulnerability beneath.

💡Judgment

Judgment refers to the act of equating someone’s behavior, such as frequent anger, with their identity. The video explains that this is an egoic reaction, whether directed at oneself or others. True judgment is not in recognizing a person's behavior but in labeling them based on it, which perpetuates negative cycles of self-condemnation and criticism.

💡Presence

Presence is the state of being fully aware in the present moment. The video suggests that cultivating presence helps prevent unconscious emotional reactions, such as anger, from taking over. Presence is linked to consciousness, and it is proposed as a practice that strengthens over time, allowing a person to catch their reactions before they manifest.

💡Pattern

A pattern refers to repetitive emotional or behavioral responses, such as anger, that are unconsciously followed. The video explains how anger and other emotions become ingrained patterns, especially if they stem from unresolved past pain. These patterns can be recognized and transcended through conscious awareness.

💡Self-talk

Self-talk is the internal dialogue a person has with themselves, often critical or negative in nature. The video mentions how one part of the mind can condemn the other, creating a split where the ego judges and berates oneself. This self-talk reinforces egoic patterns and keeps a person trapped in feelings of inadequacy and frustration.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness, in this context, is seen as the ability to recognize that unconscious behavior, such as anger, is not the true identity of a person. The video speaks of forgiveness in a broad sense, advocating for not equating others' behavior with their essence. This form of forgiveness promotes compassion and understanding rather than judgment.

Highlights

Managing expectations and anger is key to addressing unconsciousness.

Beating yourself up for being unconscious leads to more unconsciousness.

The mental image of oneself often says 'I'm not good enough,' which reinforces feelings of inadequacy.

Reactions like anger often stem from accumulated pain and powerlessness, dating back to childhood.

Anger arises quickly and can take over before a person has time to realize it.

The 'pain body' is a reservoir of old painful emotions, often manifesting as anger.

Behind anger, there is usually a sense of powerlessness and fear.

The ego uses anger to create a false sense of power, but it is actually a response to fear.

Recognizing unconscious behavior in oneself or others can lead to forgiveness and healing.

Judging oneself or others based on unconscious behavior is an ego-driven response.

Mind talk can divide the self, leading to self-condemnation and perpetuating the egoic state.

Awareness of stress build-up can help prevent anger from taking over.

Treat stressful situations as spiritual practices, focusing on consciousness over the situation itself.

Some people carry a 'semi-dormant' pain body, waiting for an excuse to become angry.

Understanding the pain body and egoic reactions allows for the possibility of rising above those patterns.

Transcripts

here a related

question as I'm Awakening I'm becoming

more aware of how often I'm angry and it

is getting

tiresome how do I manage the

expectations of

myself why well it's the

so man you need to manage the

expectations and then you need to manage

the anger anger management and

expectation

management expectation means you beat

yourself up for being

unconscious which is more

unconsciousness because the the mental

image of who you are says I'm not good

enough I can't do it you see been added

for 25 years and I still can't do it you

can't possibly be any good if you still

can't do it after 25

years those are thoughts that float

around in your

mind

and how do you feel as I suppose that's

byon ktie would ask that how do you feel

what do you believe in those

thoughts not good you're beating

yourself up and you feel an emotion feel

bad about myself more ego

more conceptualized identity in your

mind Concept in your mind about

you you derive your sense of self from

that more of the

same so the let's say it's anger the and

then you wake up after the anger

reaction say I did it again I'm no good

good so you have the

second egoic reaction to the first

one anger is something that is

uh comes in in many people very

fast so there may not be unless there's

already considerable Presence Power in

you there may not be enough presence to

catch it it takes you over before you

know it especially old

reaction and before you know it you are

talking and shouting and you are not

doing it at all it's a it's the pattern

it's the the Mind pattern mental

emotional pattern in you which often

related to what I call the pain body

which is old accumulated painful emotion

which could be anger which could be uh

deep depressed sadness anger is a very

frequent one the pain Body Energy just

waiting in people who have accumulated

old anger going back to Childhood

feeling powerless and what does a child

do when the child feels powerless starts

screaming that's all it can do and

sometimes it works sometimes the parents

come and say okay you can have the suite

if you scream loud enough so it's

powerlessness is always behind anger and

the ego pretends that there's your power

there in anger but anger Rises out a

sense of

powerlessness and it's a so that and

there's often fear hiding underneath it

and when you when you are there looking

at it then you can you realize it at

firsthand within yourself there is there

is a sense of powerlessness behind it

and the ego is pretending to to be

powerful when really it's in a state of

fear you can see it even with little

dogs the smallest dogs are the most bark

the most and whenever they their little

I've seen little little dogs when they

ever a big one goes past they get

angry because I mean if I were that size

I would do that too

probably so you are you

little uh Chihuahua or your little sweet

little beon

frie and and a Mastiff walks past or a

rotweiler who looks very quiet because

the rotweiler knows its own power it

doesn't need to it

goes and the little one

goes

but with dogs we smile when we see that

because we somehow recognize that

pattern and we smile and probably the

rotweiler has an inner smile too when he

walks

past but with humans it's more difficult

to smart and they

go and words come streaming out of their

mouth MTH it's more difficult to smile

and but it's possible not necessarily

say don't necessarily smile but

recognize it for what it is when you see

it in

another don't equate that with who that

person

is recognize it that the person has been

taken over by that energy

field and that already is a wonderful

thing that already we could call is

forgiveness in a wider sense we don't

equate unconscious Behavior with who

that person is if we equate it with who

that person is that is that's the real

meaning of

judgment judgment is not to

say to somebody I realize that you get

angry a lot and that person then might

tell you are you judging me no it's a

fact if I see that you get angry a lot

that was just a fact there's no judgment

in it but if I equate that with your

sensal identity of who you are you are

an angry person and then I always expect

more anger from you that's a judgment

not recognizing a pattern that operates

unconsciously through humans and taking

taking that for their identity is

judgment and you can do it to

yourself so you can judge yourself for

those things and that is just as much

ego as judging somebody else you can

beat yourself up and call yourself no

good and whatever else the selft talk

tells you in your head it's it calls you

you in

for in many people's minds they when

they talk the Mind talks to

you it says you see you are such and

such you see you can't do it sometime it

says I might say I in some people but in

many it says

you isn't that strange you talk to

yourself in your head one part of your

mind condemns the other

part when you see it you can rise above

it and there's a suddenly an awareness

that comes with it you're no longer

trapped in those patterns

I would recommend particularly to become

particularly alert when you know you're

getting stressed something a situation

is building up and some kind of for

example if you get anger takes over when

you get stressed could happen when when

you feel stress building up towards it

you can become very alert

so that you can doesn't take you over

what you know the anger is about to

about to

come or if it's if if you know certain

areas of your life are more likely to

make your conscious sometimes you know

just beforehand that yet those are going

to arise in the next minute or so and

then you can be alert feel the entire

energy field in your body be alert with

every cell of your body then pick up the

phone and talk

about the financial

situation with your investment

advisor so that and so treat those as

spiritual

practices and realize nothing is more

important

than

Consciousness not the situation it's

consciousness

uh some people's pain bodies are consist

as I said predominantly of anger and you

can some in some people you can sense

there their semi dormant pain body in

the background even when they're not

particularly angry right now

but there are people who are waiting for

the next opportunity to be angry that's

their pain body and sometimes when you

when you are sensitive towards other you

can feel energy Fields you can sometimes

sense in other people they're waiting

for an excuse to be

angry somehow when you look into their

eyes it's already there it's but it's

not them it's that which occupies their

inner energy field reach the pain body

and so they're waiting and any excuse

and they will get angry at you or

whoever it may

be so you become a grievance looking for

a

Cause

h