A kinder, gentler philosophy of success | Alain de Botton

Summary

In this thought-provoking talk, Alain de Botton explores the anxiety surrounding modern careers, addressing societal pressures, meritocracy, and snobbery. He highlights the emotional toll of striving for success in a world obsessed with status and achievement. De Botton argues that failure is often judged harshly due to unrealistic expectations and the randomness of life’s outcomes. He advocates for a more nuanced, self-reflective understanding of success, emphasizing the importance of creating personal definitions of achievement rather than succumbing to societal standards.

Takeaways

• 😟 Career crises often arise when there's a painful gap between one's hopes and reality, especially during reflective moments like Sunday evenings.
• 😣 Modern society is marked by career anxiety due to high expectations and pressure to succeed, making it harder to stay calm and fulfilled.
• 😏 Snobbery, particularly job snobbery, is a prevalent issue where people judge others based on their occupation, creating a strict social hierarchy.
• 💔 Our desire for material goods is often driven not by greed, but by the emotional rewards and social status they represent.
• 😞 High expectations in today's society contribute to envy and dissatisfaction, especially when people are encouraged to believe that 'anyone can achieve anything.'
• 🧬 Meritocracy, while idealistic, creates a harsh reality where failure is seen as deserved, leading to greater personal pressure and self-blame.
• 😢 Modern society's emphasis on individual responsibility and success can contribute to higher rates of anxiety and even suicide.
• 📚 The popularity of self-help books reflects society's struggle between the belief that 'anything is possible' and coping with low self-esteem.
• 🎭 Tragic art, such as Greek tragedies, offers a sympathetic view of failure and humanizes those who fall short of societal expectations.
• 🌱 True success should be defined personally and not be influenced by societal pressures or inherited ideas; it's essential to be the author of your own ambitions.

Q & A

What does the speaker describe as a typical trigger for their career crisis?

The speaker typically experiences career crises on Sunday evenings, as the sun sets, when the gap between their hopes for themselves and the reality of their life becomes painfully apparent.

How does the speaker define snobbery?

Snobbery is when someone takes a small part of you and uses it to form a complete vision of who you are. The dominant form of snobbery today is job snobbery, where people's worth is judged based on their career.

Why does the speaker say it's easier than ever to make a living but harder to stay calm?

While it's easier now to achieve financial success, societal pressure and career anxiety have increased due to factors like high expectations, meritocracy, and job snobbery, making it harder to stay calm.

What role does envy play in modern society, according to the speaker?

Envy is a dominant emotion in modern society, fueled by the spirit of equality. We are more likely to envy people who are similar to us in age, background, and circumstances, making life more stressful.

How does the speaker relate the idea of meritocracy to feelings of failure?

Meritocracy suggests that success is earned through talent and hard work, but it also implies that failure is deserved. This makes failure feel more personal and crushing, as people believe it reflects their worth.

What is the speaker's view on materialism in modern society?

The speaker believes that people are not inherently materialistic. Instead, society has linked emotional rewards like respect and love to the acquisition of material goods, making people desire these rewards rather than the goods themselves.

How does the speaker explain the emotional impact of self-help books?

Self-help books reflect the dual pressures of modern society: one set tells people they can achieve anything, while the other helps them cope with low self-esteem, which often results from failing to meet high societal expectations.

What lesson does the speaker take from tragic art in ancient Greece?

Tragic art offers sympathy and understanding to people who fail, showing that failure does not make someone a 'loser.' It provides a counterbalance to modern-day ridicule and harsh judgment found in media.

Why does the speaker believe society's focus on human achievements contributes to anxiety?

Modern society lacks a central non-human element, such as the worship of a god or natural force, which earlier societies had. This focus on human success places immense pressure on individuals, leading to anxiety and a desire for escape, often through nature.

What is the speaker's perspective on the idea of success in modern life?

The speaker believes that success is often defined by external influences, like parents or society, and that it's crucial to make sure our personal definitions of success are truly our own. Additionally, one cannot succeed at everything, so accepting areas of loss is essential.