A kinder, gentler philosophy of success Alain de Botton Online Sales Training

Summary

This thought-provoking talk delves into the challenges and anxieties many face regarding their careers and success in modern society. It explores how societal expectations, job snobbery, envy, and the pressure of meritocracy can amplify stress and feelings of inadequacy. The speaker also critiques the narrow views of success that often come from external influences, such as family, media, and societal norms. They argue for a more personal, introspective approach to defining success, one that considers the randomness of life and the value of failure as a learning experience. Ultimately, the talk urges individuals to embrace their own definition of success while acknowledging the unpredictability of life's journey.

Takeaways

• 😀 Career crises are common and often occur when personal hopes and reality diverge, leading to feelings of anxiety and sadness.
• 😀 Snobbery, particularly job snobbery, is a major reason why career-related anxiety exists. People are often judged based on their profession.
• 😀 People care more about status and respect linked to social hierarchies than material goods themselves. The pursuit of material goods is driven by emotional rewards.
• 😀 The ideal of a meritocratic society is problematic, as it leads to a harsher view of failure. People who fail are often seen as deserving their fate, leading to greater anxiety.
• 😀 Envy is a dominant emotion in modern society, especially when individuals are compared to others of similar age and background.
• 😀 The modern ideal of universal equality can lead to increased pressure, as people feel they should be able to achieve anything, which contributes to higher anxiety levels.
• 😀 The rise of self-help books reflects two distinct types of messages: one encourages individuals to succeed, and the other focuses on coping with low self-esteem.
• 😀 Our understanding of success is influenced by society's expectations, family, and external factors, often causing individuals to pursue goals that are not truly their own.
• 😀 The concept of success should be more nuanced, acknowledging that failure and personal loss are inevitable parts of life.
• 😀 The fear of being judged as a 'loser' is a powerful force in modern society, and the media often perpetuates this through ridicule and sensationalism.
• 😀 The idea of tragedy in art offers an alternative perspective on failure, suggesting that people who fail, like those in tragic stories, deserve sympathy rather than ridicule.

Q & A

What is the speaker's primary concern regarding career crises?

The speaker is concerned that career crises, often triggered by a gap between personal hopes and the reality of one's life, are increasingly common in modern society. These crises tend to happen in moments of deep personal reflection, especially on Sunday evenings, and can lead to feelings of failure and anxiety.

How does the speaker define snobbery in relation to careers?

Snobbery, as defined by the speaker, is when someone uses a small part of your identity, such as your job or title, to form a complete judgment about who you are. In modern society, job snobbery has become prevalent, where people judge others based on their profession or social status.

What is the speaker's perspective on materialism in today's society?

The speaker suggests that society isn't necessarily materialistic, but rather that emotional rewards are often linked to the acquisition of material goods. People desire luxury items not because they are greedy, but because they seek the emotional validation and respect that such goods are perceived to bring.

How does the speaker relate envy to modern society's emphasis on equality?

The speaker argues that the spirit of equality in modern society, where everyone is encouraged to believe they can achieve anything, creates an environment ripe for envy. People are more likely to envy those who are similar to them in age or background, as they are seen as more relatable and attainable.

What critique does the speaker offer regarding meritocracy?

The speaker critiques the concept of meritocracy, arguing that while it is a beautiful idea, it is an impossible dream. He believes that factors like accidents of birth, random events, and unforeseen circumstances make it unrealistic to expect a truly meritocratic society where everyone is judged solely on their talents and efforts.

What does the speaker believe about how failure is perceived in modern society?

The speaker believes that modern society harshly judges failure, with individuals often being labeled as 'losers' instead of 'unfortunate,' as was the case in the past. This judgment, especially in the media, makes failure feel more crushing and stigmatized.

How does the speaker propose we view those who fail in society?

The speaker suggests that we should learn from tragedy in the Western tradition, which offers a more compassionate view of failure. Tragic art, such as the plays of ancient Greece, provides sympathy for those who fail, acknowledging their struggles without labeling them as losers.

What does the speaker say about modern society's lack of a non-human center?

The speaker argues that modern society lacks a non-human entity at its center, such as a god, spirit, or natural force, which most other societies have traditionally worshiped. This absence leads to an overemphasis on human competition, contributing to anxiety and stress.

What is the speaker's view on success?

The speaker believes that success should be viewed as a more nuanced concept, acknowledging that one cannot succeed at everything. He advocates for having a personalized and genuine understanding of success, rather than simply following external definitions influenced by others or societal expectations.

How does the speaker view the pressures of society in relation to work and success?

The speaker critiques the pressure to conform to societal definitions of success, particularly in the context of work-life balance. He argues that societal forces such as advertising and media shape our desires, leading many people to pursue careers or lifestyles that may not truly align with their own values or aspirations.