Trying To Find Peace Within Myself
Summary
TLDRIn this video, the speaker shares their first impressions of a hotel room and reflects on their life journey. They express feelings of shame and guilt over past choices, acknowledging responsibility for their current situation. The speaker discusses the importance of self-forgiveness and the need to improve their relationship with themselves. They also touch on the impact of public opinion and the pressure it places on them, and consider seeking professional help to cope with their struggles.
Takeaways
- ๐จ The speaker is at a favorite hotel for an extended stay and is impressed with the amenities provided.
- ๐ The speaker is grappling with self-acceptance and the guilt and shame associated with past choices.
- ๐ง The speaker acknowledges the need for self-forgiveness and improving their relationship with themselves.
- ๐ค The speaker is self-reflective, recognizing the impact of their choices on their current life situation.
- ๐ The speaker feels the pressure of public opinion and the internet's influence on their self-perception.
- ๐ซ The speaker is critical of their own negativity and is striving to be more positive.
- ๐ช The speaker believes in their potential for improvement and is determined to work on personal growth.
- ๐งฒ The speaker feels the burden of isolation and is considering seeking professional help, such as a psychiatrist.
- ๐ฃ๏ธ The speaker is conflicted about sharing personal thoughts online due to the potential for negative feedback.
- ๐ฑ The speaker is committed to becoming a better version of themselves despite current struggles.
Q & A
What is the speaker's overall impression of the hotel they are staying in?
-The speaker is very impressed with the hotel, describing it as one of their favorites and noting that it has everything they need for an extended stay.
What personal items does the speaker mention being present in the hotel room?
-The speaker mentions extra blankets, a safe, an iron and board, a desk, a couch, and a TV.
What is the speaker trying to find in the script?
-The speaker is trying to find peace with themselves and is struggling with feelings of shame and guilt over their choices and actions.
What does the speaker believe is the key to improving their relationship with themselves?
-The speaker believes that forgiving themselves and being more positive is key to improving their relationship with themselves.
How does the speaker feel about their current life situation?
-The speaker is not happy with their current life situation, feeling that they are not in a comfortable position and are not mentally or financially stable.
What does the speaker attribute their current struggles to?
-The speaker attributes their struggles to a gambling addiction, poor choices, and their current mindset.
What is the speaker's view on the role of other people's opinions in their life?
-The speaker feels that they put too much pressure on themselves based on other people's opinions and that they need to stop being too caught up in what others think.
What is the speaker's strategy for dealing with their insecurities?
-The speaker's strategy is to work on being more positive and to strive to be a better version of themselves.
Why does the speaker feel that seeing a psychiatrist might be helpful?
-The speaker feels that seeing a psychiatrist might be helpful because they need someone to talk to and express themselves to, even if they have to pay for the service.
What does the speaker think about the impact of sharing their feelings on the internet?
-The speaker feels that sharing their feelings on the internet can cause more stress because people may not accept their expressions, leading to negative feedback that makes them feel worse.
What is the speaker's ultimate goal in terms of their personal growth?
-The speaker's ultimate goal is to find peace with themselves, make better choices regardless of their circumstances, and become a better version of themselves.
Outlines
๐จ Staying at a Favorite Hotel
The speaker is visiting one of their favorite hotels for the first time in a specific room type. They describe the amenities provided, such as extra blankets, a safe, iron and board, desk, couch, and TV. They express that they have a lot on their mind and are trying to find peace with themselves. They admit to feeling shame and guilt over past choices and are unhappy with where they are in life. They recognize their responsibility for their own choices and failures and express a desire to forgive themselves and have a better relationship with themselves. They also mention the pressure they feel from what others think of them, especially considering their online presence, and the need to focus on positivity rather than negativity.
๐ค Struggling with Personal Stability
The speaker continues to discuss their personal struggles, admitting they are not mentally or financially stable. They express a desire to stop being too hard on themselves and to not be overly concerned with others' opinions. They acknowledge their identity and aspirations, and the need to work towards becoming the person they want to be. The speaker feels isolated and has considered seeking professional help, such as seeing a psychiatrist, to have someone to talk to. They mention the stress caused by negative feedback on their online content and the challenge of making good choices regardless of their circumstances. They conclude by reiterating their intention to find peace with themselves and work towards self-improvement.
Mindmap
Keywords
๐กPeace
๐กShame
๐กGuilt
๐กSelf-acceptance
๐กResponsibility
๐กFailure
๐กForgiveness
๐กInsecurities
๐กPotential
๐กIsolation
๐กSelf-improvement
Highlights
First-time visit to a favorite hotel and positive impressions
Extended stay at the hotel with all necessary amenities
Personal reflection on the struggle to find peace with oneself
Feelings of shame and guilt due to past choices and actions
Accepting 100% responsibility for personal choices and reactions
The importance of self-forgiveness and building a better relationship with oneself
The impact of societal opinions and the pressure to conform
The realization that self-worth should not be determined by others' opinions
The need to focus on personal growth and positivity despite external negativity
Acknowledgment of having potential for both positivity and negativity
The support from fans and the desire to improve despite challenges
Personal responsibility for mental and financial stability
The struggle with gambling addiction and its impact on life
The decision to work on self-improvement and strive for a better version of oneself
The feeling of isolation and the need for someone to talk to
Considering professional help such as seeing a psychiatrist
The stress caused by the lack of acceptance from others on the internet
The belief in working towards better decision-making regardless of circumstances
The desire to find peace with oneself despite past mistakes
Transcripts
this my first time coming in
here one of my favorite
hotels and you can obviously see why
it's an extended
stay with everything you need this is
crazy right here
yeah this is my first time in this
specific this is not my first time at
this hotel but um in this kind of
Room downtown
Providence this is
crazy very nice
hotel extra
blankets that's a safe um Iron and board
iron
desk
couch TV right
there all right so um a lot on my mind
you know um trying to find peace with
myself uh and I got something right here
see this is something that I shouldn't
even be by myself in but I it is what it
is um
anyways what I wanted to say is um you
know I've really been trying to find
peace with myself
because it's hard for me to do that
because I I do feel shame and I feel
guilt with a lot of the choices that I
make a lot of the things that I do I say
U I'm not happy with myself you know um
where I'm at in life and how I got here
and the journey that I've been on um you
know I'm responsible for it I'm I'm 100%
responsible for my choices and the way I
reacted to things that didn't go my way
and when I wasn't successful and I
failed I I didn't accept my failures um
and um you
know so basically what I'm saying is um
I need to forgive myself I need to have
a better relationship with myself uh
because I'm the only one that's going to
do that for me you know so
um you know cuz a lot of times I get too
caught up in what other people think of
me and I
and because I know that I'm you know I
contribute to what people think of me
based off of my choices that that's
clearly on the internet um I put a lot
more pressure on myself you know because
it's like I give people a reason to feel
the way that they feel so if people
don't like me part of it is you know
what but how can I blame him you know um
and then that just makes me it makes me
hate myself even more but I'm not you
know I got to deal with my own
insecurities um and you know it's a
process and um uh I've been trying to
work
on um just being more positive with
myself uh and that's all I can do
because a lot of times I feel like I'm
just you know I know I'm too hard on
myself
but um I have potential I have potential
to be positive the same way I have you
know the potential to be negative as
well but I don't need to focus on the
negativity cuz that's not going to get
me uh that's not going to have me in the
right state of mind which is just going
to cause me to be just more negative so
um nobody's going to build me up like
you know when I'm I I have a lot of
supporters now I have a lot of fans and
you know but it it also go the other way
around and for the most part you know
I'm responsible for myself and um if I
can't get in the right state of mind
that's my
responsibility so I'm just recording
that I'm just recording this to kind of
you know just Express that
um uh right now I'm just you know I
don't really have any purpose of being
in this Hotel other than just you know
record a couple videos and take time to
myself and and figure myself out because
I'm in I'm not in any I'm not in the
position that I would like to be in or
that's comfortable it might look like it
don't get me wrong I I I've I've came a
long way um but um because of my
gambling addiction and because of just
myself because of like the choices that
I just make or just the way that I am
right now I'm still not stable I'm not
mentally stable I'm not financially
stable so um but I am doing better and I
have the potential to do a lot better um
I just got to stop beating myself up all
the time and stop don't get too caught
up in what other people think of me
regardless whether they're right or
they're wrong or they're somewhere in
the middle it's like uh I know who I am
and even if I don't know who I am I know
who I want to be and I know what I don't
want to be and I need to work on
striving to be that you know um so you
know that's kind of what's on my mind
right now um I get tired of being alone
um I feel like the journey that I'm on
is just it's just been too isolating for
me uh isolation is not necessarily a
good thing when you when you feel like
you're living that isolation and there's
not anyone to really talk to and I have
considered seeing help you know um
seeing a psychiatrist and things like
that these are things that I've been
considering even more um just
because you know it's just I just needed
some I need someone to talk to you know
um even if it's just expressing myself
and you know I pay them money and they
don't even care or whatever it doesn't
even matter like I I I I hold too much
in there and uh recording content and
uploading it on the internet that
doesn't always help especially when
people are giving a opinions that's
opposite to mine so it's like it's like
feeling you know I get that feeling that
people are not really feeling me you
know so it it does cause more stress
when I'm just trying to express you know
how I feel and people just not they're
not accepting it um which they don't
have to but it doesn't benefit me
because um it just makes me feel a lot
worse than I'm already feeling so uh I
don't know what I'm going to do I don't
have the if I had the answers I wouldn't
even be in the position I'm in but I
like to believe that I'm working towards
being a better version of myself and
getting to where I need to be so I could
be comfortable and I can make better
choices you know um but I need to make
better choices regardless of what
circumstances I'm in whether I'm in bad
circumstances or good I can't I can't
necessarily depend on being in a good
situation in order to make good choices
like life is life is going to always you
know have ups and downs and for for a
lot of people you know you're not going
to always be like the best circumstances
and if my decision making is based on my
circumstances you
know
it's I'm more likely to continue to make
bad choices so I'm just trying to find
peace with myself I I it's important to
me and if I don't um I'm going to be in
a lot of trouble which I'm already in a
lot of trouble I'm already in a lot of
trouble you know it doesn't even I can't
I can't even change that and that makes
it worse too because it's like the
damage has already been done so what
else do I got to lose like that's how I
think that's how I feel like I already
lost so much what else do I have to
lose um it's a bad way to think
but uh
all right I'm not going to talk too much
um I've already talked enough but yeah
it's just trying to find peace
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