How I'm working on forgiving my mother.
Summary
TLDRIn this deeply personal narrative, the speaker reflects on the room where they suffered abuse for the first 11 years of their life. Despite overcoming the trauma mentally, they discover that their body still reacts to the room, evidenced by a 12-point increase in resting heart rate. This realization underscores the profound impact of environment on healing and the importance of acknowledging and addressing unresolved issues. The speaker encourages others to examine their surroundings and relationships for potential subconscious influences on their well-being, advocating for self-awareness and empowerment in the face of adversity.
Takeaways
- 🏠 The speaker sits in a room significant to their childhood trauma, reflecting on the impact it had on their formative years.
- 🧘 The room represents both pain and strength, as the speaker acknowledges the trauma they endured but also their resilience in overcoming it.
- 🤔 The speaker's experience with their imagination as a child served as a coping mechanism during their time of isolation and abuse.
- 💓 The speaker's heart rate data revealed a physiological response to the room, indicating that the body can remember and react to past traumas.
- 🔍 The realization that the room still held power over the speaker's subconscious led to a deeper understanding of the impact of environment on mental health.
- 🌟 Acknowledging and addressing the problem is a crucial step in overcoming past traumas and moving forward.
- 🌱 The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-work and the ongoing process of healing, even after years of believing to have overcome childhood struggles.
- 🔑 Recognizing the truth about oneself, including the biases and denials, is essential for true self-improvement and healing.
- 🌐 The speaker suggests that the environment can have a profound effect on one's ability to heal and overcome past traumas.
- 🚪 The options to deal with an environment that holds negative memories are to either change it, escape from it, or confront and overpower it.
- 💪 The strength gained from overcoming such challenges is a lifelong asset, and the speaker wishes this strength upon those who are struggling.
Q & A
What significant room is the speaker sitting in, and why is it important to them?
-The speaker is sitting in the room where they experienced abuse for the first 11 years of their life. It is significant because it represents their formative years and the struggle they overcame to not become a sociopath or a lost soul.
Why did the speaker choose to sit on the floor?
-The speaker chose to sit on the floor deliberately because, as a little boy, they mostly sat in that spot, feeling alone and isolated.
What did the speaker do to cope with their isolation as a child?
-The speaker coped with their isolation by using their imagination, creating an imaginary world where they could consistently win against their imaginary friends.
How did the speaker's resting heart rate change when they were in the room from their childhood?
-The speaker's resting heart rate increased by an average of 12 beats per minute when they were in the room from their childhood.
What does the increase in resting heart rate suggest about the speaker's physical response to the room?
-The increase in resting heart rate suggests that the speaker's body still remembers the trauma associated with the room, even though their mind is no longer affected by it.
What realization did the speaker have about the impact of their environment on their mental health?
-The speaker realized that the environment, specifically the room from their past, still had power over their subconscious mind and body, affecting their health even after they thought they had overcome their childhood trauma.
What advice does the speaker give to those who are struggling with unresolved issues?
-The speaker advises people to look into their environments, including their friends, family, and surroundings, to identify if these factors might be contributing to their struggles and to work on overcoming the issues by acknowledging and addressing them.
How does the speaker suggest dealing with a problematic environment that one cannot change?
-The speaker suggests either escaping from the environment and never seeing it again or acknowledging the problem and taking it in one's hands to overpower it.
What does the speaker wish for people who are struggling with pain and trauma?
-The speaker wishes for them to gain the strength that comes from overcoming such experiences, which they can carry for the rest of their lives, and to not let their past affect them subconsciously.
What is the importance of acknowledging the truth about one's struggles, according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, acknowledging the truth about one's struggles is important because it allows for a more accurate self-assessment and a clearer path towards healing and overcoming past traumas.
What role did the speaker's imagination play in their healing process?
-The speaker's imagination played a crucial role in their healing process by providing an escape from reality and a place where they could feel a sense of control and victory, which was lacking in their real life.
Outlines
🏚️ Overcoming Childhood Trauma
The speaker reflects on their childhood abuse in a specific room, which had a profound impact on their formative years. Despite overcoming the trauma mentally, the speaker discovers that their body still reacts to the room, evidenced by a 12-point increase in their resting heart rate. This realization underscores the importance of acknowledging and addressing both mental and physical remnants of past traumas. The speaker emphasizes the power of self-awareness and the need to confront and overcome these subconscious influences to achieve true healing.
💔 The Lingering Impact of Trauma
This paragraph delves into the speaker's realization that their body remembers the trauma of their past, even though they are now an adult. The speaker discusses the importance of recognizing the impact of one's environment on mental health and the healing process. They share their journey of working through the subconscious threat the room still posed, leading to a normalization of their resting heart rate. The speaker encourages others to look at their environments and relationships for potential triggers and to take control of their healing by acknowledging and addressing these issues.
🌱 Embracing Strength Through Adversity
In the final paragraph, the speaker wishes strength and awareness upon those who are struggling, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and dealing with subconscious influences from one's environment. They suggest that overcoming these challenges can lead to a lifelong strength and resilience. The speaker offers hope and encouragement, urging individuals to take control of their healing process and to not let past traumas dictate their present and future.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Abuse
💡Isolation
💡Imagination
💡Trauma
💡Strength
💡Subconscious
💡Environment
💡Vitals
💡Self-work
💡Overpower
💡Awareness
Highlights
The speaker reflects on the room where they experienced abuse for the first 11 years of their life, highlighting the impact of the environment on their mental state.
A deliberate choice to sit on the floor symbolizes the speaker's return to their past, a place of isolation and suffering.
The speaker's use of imagination as a coping mechanism during childhood, creating an alternate world where they could always win.
Despite overcoming many struggles, the speaker acknowledges the lingering effects of trauma and the room's continued significance.
The discovery that the speaker's resting heart rate increased when in the room, indicating a physiological response to past trauma.
The realization that mental strength alone may not be enough to overcome the effects of past trauma, emphasizing the importance of addressing environmental factors.
The speaker's journey of self-work and the process of acknowledging that they still have work to do to truly overcome their past.
The importance of recognizing and confronting the truth about one's struggles, rather than ignoring or misidentifying the issues.
The speaker's advice to those struggling with unresolved issues, suggesting they look at their environment and relationships for potential triggers.
The power of awareness in overcoming subconscious trauma, as the speaker's heart rate returned to normal after acknowledging and addressing the room's impact.
The transformative potential of facing and overcoming past traumas, as the speaker wishes strength and resilience upon their audience.
The speaker's message of love and hope, encouraging individuals to not let their past define them and to take control of their healing process.
The idea that the strength gained from overcoming adversity can be carried throughout one's life, serving as a source of resilience.
The speaker's call to action for individuals to escape or overpower their past traumas, emphasizing personal responsibility in the healing process.
The final wish for the audience to have the realization that the environment can have a profound impact on their well-being and to take steps to address it.
Transcripts
right now I sit in the room where I was
abused for the first 11 years of my life
I deliberately decided to sit on the
floor because as a little
boy I mostly would sit in this spot
alone isolated and I would look up like
this at the
window thinking of the World Behind the
Walls of the prison that my mind mother
put me
in I was beaten up I was left alone for
days at a time and I didn't know there
was a different life beyond that abuse
and beyond that
struggle this room is significant
because in this room I spent the
formative years of my life the years
that could have turned me into a
sociopath and to a lost
soul but it
[Music]
didn't I'm
proud and
grateful that it was given to me to be
one of the people who went through
hell all the way
down and then jumped back up to go back
to the surface
and then learned how to fly and went up
sometimes I see myself that way because
as a little boy sitting here in this
room I would work a lot on my
imagination my mind was the only thing
that I had I had my imaginary
friends that I would consistently play
games against and I would always win
that's the world I have built for myself
because I was alone and I was never
winning in this real world so in my
imaginative world I would have poor
imaginary friends who would always lose
against
me but okay this room signifies trauma
and struggle and
pain but it also signifies strength and
today I want to talk to you about
something that recently really surprised
me something that I know
so many of you can learn
from and make your lives
better it's based on data that I have
learned on my own
body this room itself right
now has no power over me in the past few
years I have done so much self-work that
I became a really strong person who is
no longer affected by trauma who
overcame
a vast majority of the struggles that I
have been put through for so many years
of my
life I thought I was totally clean when
it comes to my childhood trauma but then
the data said something
else on one of the trips right here to
this room I use my Watch to measure my
my vitals
and I've been doing it for a long long
time so I have very specific data about
my
health and on one of the trips I came
here and I realized that I haven't
changed anything in my life and yet as I
slept here as I spent time in this room
my resting heart rate went by 12 on
average 12
up now if you know anything about
Fitness and Health you know that it is
not very likely for someone to have a
resting heart rate below 50 which is
very good one to jump to like
65 and prolong it for a couple of days
almost 2 weeks then I went back home to
to my house and my resting heart rate
just went down to the regular at first I
thought this is not significant but then
I start started thinking what could it
be that has a power over my health to
this point and this is the moment where
so many lessons can be learned because
this room has been so significant to the
abuse I have received even though
mentally right here it poses no threat
anymore my body
remembered it remembered that this
environment is not good that I am not
safe here that I will be hurt here and
so even though I am 34 years
old I came home and my body still
remembers that little boy who was going
through
abuse when you
realize that it is not only your head
but also your past and your body that
stares the pain the trauma it is much
easier to truly work
your way out of
it I am confident that so many of you
right now are struggling with something
and you
think that you simply run out of options
you work on yourself you focus on the
right things you try to think positive
and yet you struggle mentally why is
that well too little do we talk about
the aspect of our environment and how if
the environment doesn't change
sometimes it is impossible for us to fix
our past and our
traumas but having the
knowledge of how the environment and
where we are can have a power over us
allows us to focus on the right things
when we work through our struggles in my
case when I realized that this room
still poses threat to me in my
subconscious mind in my body I worked
specifically on
this I
stopped I thought about all the past I
had here or at least the very little
memories I can
remember and I worked through it
mentally knowing that I do have a
problem and acknowledging that idea that
you still have a problem is
Big too often do I see people unable to
look at
themselves through a scope of
Truth we are incredibly biased when it
comes to ourselves and
ironically very often the people who are
the most negative about
themselves they usually pick the wrong
things that they have have a problem
with and don't see the truth about
themselves in my
case I was confident I
overcame my struggles from childhood for
many years
now and yet I had to acknowledge that I
still have a lot of work to do in order
to truly truly cut that tie with my
abusive
past and perhaps that is the lesson I
can give you that is not only my opinion
but also is simply the data because
right now as I sit in this room on
another trip as I did my work as I
worked through it my heart rate is
exactly the same as back in my other
home I no longer have these jumps
because I am aware of the monster that
tries to put me down Pull Me Back remind
me of the issues subconsciously without
me thinking of it I am aware of it and I
won't let it control me and I wish this
upon you to all the struggling people on
the other side of the camera who simply
no longer know why the hell are they
going through so much pain even though
if they try their
best look into your
environments your
friends
family your room your your
town your
country it can go into any size any
scope but you don't have control over
this I cannot move this room and put it
somewhere else it has to be here it has
to store the memories the traumatic
memories that I had here it has to and
so if you can't change something you can
either Escape from
it and never see it
again
or you can realize that there is a
problem and you take that problem in
your hands and overpower it that is what
I wish upon you because the strength you
receive through such an experience you
will carry for the rest of your life I
love you
all and I wish you the best
I hope that whatever environment you're
in at the very least you can have the
realization that I
had and not let it affect you
subconsciously all the best
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