Attracting your crush is (a lot) easier than you think…

Summary

The speaker shares an experience about cold approaching women to build confidence, emphasizing the importance of being a good listener in conversations. He explains a unique approach by intentionally acting awkward to reduce anxiety and handle rejection better. The video highlights key communication techniques, such as reiterating keywords and asking deep questions to foster genuine connections. The speaker also stresses self-improvement, avoiding forced interactions, and viewing oneself as valuable, while offering practical tips for becoming a better communicator and handling social anxiety.

Takeaways

• 😀 Being a good listener is essential for being a good communicator. Without listening, communication breaks down.
• 😊 Reiterating key words from someone’s conversation can help keep discussions flowing naturally.
• 💬 Practicing intentional awkwardness when cold approaching women helps to ease performance anxiety and normalize rejection.
• 😅 Embracing awkwardness can reduce the fear of rejection and make future conversations less daunting.
• 👍 Regularly engaging in small public conversations (e.g., asking about products in stores) helps build confidence in social interactions.
• 🙃 Getting used to rejection by intentionally embarrassing yourself prepares you to handle real social situations with more ease.
• 💪 To attract someone you're interested in, focus on becoming the best version of yourself, both physically and mentally.
• 🚫 Don't force conversations, especially with someone you see regularly; natural interactions are more effective.
• 💡 When in conversation, avoid seeking validation. Focus on genuine human connection without pressure.
• 🔑 Asking deep, personal questions (like 'What makes you unique?') during conversations can help build deeper connections.

Q & A

What is the main challenge the speaker faced when approaching women for the first time?

The main challenge the speaker faced was feeling scared and uncomfortable, as he had never really done cold approaching before and was super scared.

What unique approach did the speaker suggest to make cold approaching less daunting?

The speaker suggested acting as awkward as possible when approaching women, which gets rid of the need to perform and reduces anxiety.

How does the speaker recommend ending the awkward conversation when cold approaching?

The speaker recommends ending the conversation by admitting that the awkwardness was intentional and part of a challenge with a friend.

What is the importance of listening in communication according to the speaker?

The speaker emphasizes that listening is the foundation of communication, and without being a good listener, one cannot be a good communicator.

What technique does the speaker suggest to keep a conversation flowing naturally?

The speaker suggests reiterating the key words from the other person's conversation in a tone that asks a question, which helps the conversation flow more naturally.

Why does the speaker believe getting used to rejection is beneficial?

Getting used to rejection helps reduce fear when approaching people, making it easier to talk to girls without much fear in the future.

What advice does the speaker give for building confidence in public conversations?

The speaker advises to start by having simple conversations in stores about products of interest, which helps build confidence without the pressure of leading somewhere.

How does the speaker suggest approaching conversations with someone you are attracted to?

The speaker suggests not forcing conversations and instead focusing on becoming the best version of oneself to naturally attract the person.

What is the speaker's view on seeking validation from the person you are attracted to?

The speaker advises not to seek validation from the person you are attracted to, as the conversation should be about human connection, not proving oneself.

What question does the speaker recommend asking to deepen a conversation?

The speaker recommends asking, 'Tell me something about you that I should know, what makes you special, what makes you unique, what makes you different than everybody else?'

What is the speaker's final advice on starting conversations naturally?

The speaker's final advice is not to force conversations and to take action when a natural opportunity arises, focusing on listening more than speaking.

Outlines

00:00

💬 Boosting Confidence Through Cold Approaching

The speaker and a friend engage in cold approaching women to test their confidence. During one interaction, the speaker approaches a woman who is disengaged, focusing on her phone and giving minimal responses. This reminds him of the importance of being a good listener in communication. He emphasizes that repeating key points from the other person's conversation can help maintain the flow. Listening is crucial to effective communication, and failing at this can lead to conversations that feel disconnected.

05:00

🧠 The Power of Intentional Awkwardness

The speaker shares an approach he and his friend used to make cold approaching less intimidating. They decided to intentionally act awkward when talking to women, eliminating the pressure to perform perfectly. By aiming to be awkward, the speaker reduced anxiety and got more comfortable with rejection. After revealing the intent to the women, it sometimes led to genuine conversations. The goal was to get used to rejection and grow more confident in social interactions, suggesting that others try this technique to overcome fear of talking to women.

10:01

🛍️ Building Confidence Through Casual Conversations

The speaker explains how small interactions in public spaces, like asking about products in a store, can help build confidence in communication. For people who struggle with social anxiety, engaging in simple conversations with store employees about shared interests can serve as a stepping stone. The speaker advises starting with these low-pressure situations to develop confidence before moving to more challenging social encounters. This practice can gradually help people overcome fears and improve their ability to communicate in everyday life.

🌟 Be the Best Version of Yourself

The speaker stresses the importance of self-improvement when it comes to romantic interactions. To attract someone, particularly a crush, one must work on becoming the best version of themselves. This involves both physical and emotional self-care, as well as developing a strong character. He advises not to force conversations but rather focus on being someone the other person would naturally be attracted to. Additionally, he emphasizes valuing oneself and not seeking validation from others, as self-worth is key to genuine confidence and attraction.

👂 The Art of Listening in Conversations

In this section, the speaker revisits the significance of listening in conversations. He offers a conversational technique where asking someone what makes them unique can open the door to deeper, more meaningful discussions. People enjoy talking about themselves, and this question can lead to a natural connection. He encourages others not to seek validation in conversations, but rather to engage for the sake of connection. The speaker highlights how this technique can foster a stronger bond through authentic communication.

🗣️ Natural Conversation Starters

The speaker wraps up by sharing his preference for natural conversation starters, as opposed to forcing interactions. While cold approaches may require a pre-planned conversation starter, regular interactions at school or work should flow more naturally. Forcing a conversation can signal low self-esteem, and the speaker suggests waiting for moments that feel organic. When confidence is high, it's important to take action and engage, but always with a focus on listening and allowing the conversation to evolve naturally.

🏠 Building Communication on Listening

The speaker concludes by reiterating that listening is the foundation of communication. He uses the metaphor of a house: if listening is not properly established, the 'house'—representing communication—will collapse. Without strong listening skills, it is impossible to build effective communication. The video ends with encouragement to take action and practice the tips shared, reinforcing the importance of listening as a core component of successful conversations.

Keywords

💡Cold approaching

Cold approaching refers to the act of initiating a conversation with a stranger, typically in a social setting. In the video, the speaker uses this term to describe his and his friend's challenge of starting conversations with women to test and improve their confidence. The speaker suggests that by intentionally acting awkward during these approaches, one can alleviate the pressure to perform and get used to the feeling of rejection, which is a key aspect of building social confidence.

💡Confidence

Confidence is a key theme in the video, referring to the self-assurance and belief in one's abilities, particularly in social interactions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of confidence in communication and suggests that practicing cold approaching, even in an awkward manner, can help build this confidence. The video suggests that confidence is foundational for effective communication and is something that can be developed through practice and experience.

💡Listener

Being a good listener is highlighted as a crucial aspect of effective communication. The speaker points out that if someone is not attentive or responsive during a conversation, it hinders the communication process. The video suggests that active listening involves finding keywords in the conversation and reflecting them back to the speaker in a way that encourages further discussion, which is exemplified by the speaker's advice to repeat and expand upon what the other person has said.

💡Communication

Communication is central to the video's message, defined as the process of exchanging information, ideas, or feelings through speech, signals, writing, or behavior. The speaker discusses how to improve communication skills through active listening and the use of conversation techniques. The video implies that good communication is built on the foundation of being a good listener, and it can be improved by practicing and applying certain strategies in social interactions.

💡Rejection

Rejection is mentioned as a common fear that people face when initiating conversations or trying to connect with others. The speaker suggests that by intentionally putting oneself in situations where rejection is likely, such as cold approaching with an awkward demeanor, one can become more comfortable with the possibility of rejection. This desensitization is presented as a way to reduce fear and increase confidence in social situations.

💡Awkwardness

Awkwardness is used in the video to describe uncomfortable or embarrassing social situations, such as when someone is unable to engage in smooth conversation. The speaker proposes embracing awkwardness as a strategy to reduce the pressure of performing well in social interactions. By setting the goal to be as awkward as possible, the speaker argues that the fear of social judgment is lessened, allowing for more authentic and less pressured interactions.

💡Key words

Key words are terms or phrases that carry significant meaning within a conversation. The speaker advises listeners to identify and repeat these keywords as a way to show engagement and to guide the conversation. This technique is exemplified when the speaker suggests responding to someone talking about a recent trip with 'Tell me more about it', which demonstrates active listening and encourages the speaker to elaborate.

💡Validation

Validation in the context of the video refers to the need for approval or confirmation from others, which the speaker advises against seeking in conversations. The video suggests that seeking validation can lead to pressure and discomfort in social interactions. Instead, the speaker encourages focusing on genuine connection and communication without the need for external validation.

💡Natural conversation

Natural conversation is described as dialogue that flows smoothly and feels unforced. The speaker emphasizes the importance of letting conversations develop organically rather than trying to force a particular topic or outcome. This concept is illustrated by the speaker's advice to not force a conversation but to take advantage of natural opportunities for dialogue, which is more likely to lead to meaningful connections.

💡Intentionally embarrass

Intentionally embarrass oneself is a strategy mentioned by the speaker to get used to the feeling of embarrassment, which can be a barrier in social interactions. By purposely putting oneself in embarrassing situations, such as cold approaching with an awkward act, the speaker suggests that one can become more resilient to social discomfort and less fearful of rejection or judgment.

💡High value

High value in the video refers to the perception of being desirable or worthy, which can be based on various factors such as physical appearance, personality, or social status. The speaker advises that to attract someone who is considered 'high value,' one should focus on being the best version of themselves rather than trying to force a connection or seeking validation from the other person.

Highlights

Cold approaching women is used as a method to build confidence.

Listening is the foundation of communication, and without it, effective communication collapses.

Reiterating keywords from someone's conversation can help keep the flow natural and engaging.

The idea of intentionally embarrassing oneself during cold approaches helps reduce the anxiety to perform.

Practicing rejection helps overcome the fear of talking to people, especially women.

Going into stores and asking questions about products is an easy way to start conversations and build confidence.

Building confidence through social interaction helps prepare for more challenging social situations.

To attract someone, focus on becoming the best version of yourself instead of seeking validation.

Don't force conversations or interactions; natural ones are often the best and most successful.

When interacting with someone you like, focus on connection rather than seeking validation.

Asking deep, personal questions helps lead conversations into more meaningful areas.

Confidence plays a major role in improving communication skills.

It's important to value yourself as the 'prize' in any social interaction.

People can sense when interactions are forced, which may signal a lack of self-value.

Listening more than speaking is crucial for building strong communication skills.

Transcripts

so my friend and I are out doing some

cold approaching with women just for fun

just to test our confidence a little bit

but we have a spin on it which I'll get

to in a minute and it's probably my

third or fourth girl at this point that

I'm talking to I walk up to this girl

and I try and start a conversation with

her but she is just fixated on her phone

her eyes are locked on she doesn't even

look at me in the eye once she's giving

me like one two word three word

responses to my questions she does not

want to talk to me and that reminded me

that if you are not a good listener in a

conversation you are not a good

communicator it is the most important

thing but this girl was not listening to

me for a reason which I'll get to in a

minute when you are in conversations

with somebody when you're listening to

me right now I want you to find the key

words of my conversation and by simply

doing this what I do this all the time I

simply reiterate what somebody just said

let's say you're talking about going on

a Hol of barley oh yeah bro last week I

went on a Hol of barley and it was

awesome man you would simply say B tell

me more about it I haven't been there I

know this might sound really strange or

just too simple but trust me this works

if you take the key words out of

somebody's conversation and you simply

repeat them but say it in a tone that

you know asks as a question to them Chi

bro your your conversations will flow

much more natur natural I do this all

the time and the reason I say that first

is because if you are not a good

listener when you speak to people you're

not going to be a good communicator

listening is the foundation to the house

if that is not built your communication

aka the house is just going to collapse

it's the foundation nobody sees it but

it reflects in the ability to build a

great house and that is the ability to

you know communicate but let's go back

to that day when I was going out and

cold approaching women for the first

time with my friend the night before

that we'll playing some PlayStation

together and it was a Friday night and

I'm like bro you want to meet up

tomorrow play some basketball or

whatever and he suggested how about we

meet up and we Cod approach some women

together and bro my heart started

beating as soon as he said that because

if I said no I just said I was free all

day if I said no I was a if I said

yes I just put myself in the most

uncomfortable situation ever I haven't

really done this before I am super

scared I said yes I didn't want to be a

but I suggested an idea that made

the whole cold approaching process so

much easier and so much less daunting I

suggested to him how about we go up and

talk to women we act as awkward as we

possibly can in front of them this gets

rid of the need to perform the anxiety

to perform in front of a girl if you st

in a conversation right if your face

goes red or you have that awkward

silence all of this doesn't matter

simply because the goal of talking to

women because the goal of talking to

people is to be as awkward as you

possibly can that is the challenge and

whenever the conversation was coming to

an end I would simply say to them hey

that was a complete joke I was trying to

act as awkward as I possibly can while I

was talking to my friend and I just

doing some stupid jokes and sometimes

the conversation would end there or that

would be a gateway to actually getting

to know this girl no but in all

seriousness I want to get to know you

what's your name or whatever if I

haven't you know asked her your her name

yet but you don't need to do that you

can just end the conversation there if

you want this does a very very good job

at getting your mind used to being

rejected because when you become used to

being rejected you can go up and talk to

girls without very much fear if I went

out and did that cold approaching thing

again it it's it is not as daunting as I

did the first time but bro no jokes if

you struggle with talking to women that

much that you can't even say a word to

them grab one of your buddies if you

have one if you don't have one join an

online community or something like that

get one of the dudes in that Community

from your area you schedule a day go out

there do this challenge with him and get

your mind used to rejection look bro I

know it sounds you're just going to

embarrass yourself but man it is one of

the best things I've ever done and I can

say that with pure confidence all right

and once you do this once you start to

feel com like comfortable getting

rejected then actually try and talk to

girls and on top of that another thing

that has really helped my communication

and just my confidence in general is

when I'm out you know going shopping or

just I'm somewhere in public right and I

see a store that I I have like a semi in

there might be a product in there that

you know I find interesting and it's not

packed with people that I can just go in

there and the owner or the person that

the the register just says hi to me I

will go in there and just simply ask a

question about a certain product that I

find interesting and that is such a good

way to come up with a conversational

idea you and this person probably have

something in common if they're working

there they probably know something about

this product as well if you like video

games go and talk to the guy

standing at EB Games or GameStop about a

certain game that you find interesting

right just go and do that it doesn't

need to lead anywhere it simply helps

you build your confidence this is for

people who are extremely scared of going

outside because I know that's a lot of

you this is what I would do those two

things start with the you know start

with the conversation in the in the

store thing and once you know you kind

of build your confidence up a bit that

you can intentionally embarrass yourself

go out and intentionally embarrass

yourself but there's been a few women in

my life that I've actually had to

perform for and that sounds really

really wrong but you get what I mean by

that I can't go up to them and act as

awkward as I possibly can right if I

want to date this girl I need to be at

my best and might be your crush at

school your crush at work it might just

be an attractive girl across the street

that you want to take out in the date

when you need to be the best you these

are the two things I have for you number

one and most importantly you need to be

especially if you know this girl like a

crush at school for example you need to

be the dude that actually attracts this

person right you can't be a dude who

sits in his room all day jacking off

four times a day and expect you know I

don't like to say this cuz I don't

really like to compare people but a high

value girl right a girl that is high

value to you if that makes sense I

that's probably not the best wording but

you get what I mean by that you need to

be the person that this girl or this guy

finds attractive not just physically but

Also spiritually as your character your

personality so many things all you can

do is be the best version of yourself

the best version of you and usually that

is attractive to a lot of people the

second thing I have for you don't force

anything especially if you know this

person personally if I had a crush at

school right now I don't but if I did I

would not force anything I would not try

and force a conversation because

someone's absence makes their presence

valuable and I want you to remember that

that doesn't mean that when an

opportunity arises you do not take it

however don't force anything and that's

like the last day of school and you have

no other chance to get with this girl

then you have to kind of force something

but if you know that you will see this

girl every single day for a couple more

months or a couple more years speak to

her yes but spend the majority of your

time from my just from my personal

experiences someone else might have a

different experience and they completely

disagree with me spend the majority of

your time becoming the person she would

actually be attracted to aka the best

you it's all it's all you can do you

can't be anyone else because bro you are

the prize I'm specifically talking to

men here but this can apply to women as

well you know the woman or the man is

isn't anything below you however you are

the priz and you have to Value yourself

like this and that's why I don't want

you to force anything when you walk past

her just say hey name if there is an

opening for a conversation take it if

she's talking to you use that technique

I Shar with you at the start of this

video Yeah reiterate what she's saying

to go deeper into that conversation one

more thing actually one more thing when

you do talk to this specific person I

don't want you to seek validation from

them I don't want the point of the

conversation the purpose of that

conversation to be for validation from

her right I want you just to speak to

him or her just because you can just for

human connection right nothing you need

to prove you don't need any admiration

from this person because once you put

that pressure on yourself when then

that's when you start up you

start stuttering right your face starts

going red because the aim of the

conversation has a lot of pressure built

inside of it Focus your energy on truly

connecting again that technique I shared

with you at the side of this video is a

very very very good way to do that but

you can only do that when you're halfway

through a conversation when there

actually is an idea I know if a girl

asks me this I would love it people love

talking about themselves so if you're in

a conversation with somebody I want you

to ask this one question tell me

something about you that I should know

what makes you special what makes you

unique what makes you different than

everybody else yeah you might not say

this one off rip you you're looking at a

girl sitting on the Ben you walk up to

her you sit down next to her and you say

hey tell me something about yourself

that makes you different like but

especially when you're in a flow this is

a really really good one and any deep

conversation right that really touches

with the person's character their

personality their values their beliefs

their morals all these things that

really attend to somebody's deep

personality traits they are very very

good cuz it goes deep into who they

actually are and people love talking

about that bro trust me I know this

sounds really really wrong and I've said

this word so many times but the deeper

you go the better someone's going to

take that out of context heavy but who

who gives a but with all

seriousness the best conversation

starters at least from my personal

experience are the most natural ones

okay the ones that aren't really forced

the one I told you before it kind of is

a little bit forced and sometimes you

need to do that but the best ones are

the most natural from my personal

experiences if I don't have a

conversation starter I don't start the

conversation

if I'm cold approaching then yeah I

might need to think of one right that

isn't really natural but especially at

school or work or if you see this girl

regularly if you see this guy regularly

Don't Force anything because people can

see that and maybe some people like it

cuz they love the attention that just

signals to them that you don't value

yourself and I know if a girl doesn't

value her herself and she needs me I'm

not as attracted to her and that's how a

pure love and respect doesn't mean I

think anything less of this woman but

when you do find that natural

conversation start or you just haveing

in your mind take action Breo yeah if

you're feeling really really confident

on one day do as much talking as you can

not too much cuz again two ears one

mouth speak less than you listen but if

you're feeling confident take action all

right I'm not perfect I still have a

long way to go I'm only 18 I don't get

to do much socializing so I'm not the

best at it but from my personal

experiences this is what's really helped

me become a better Communicator remember

listening is the most important think of

that the foundation to the house if you

do not have that built which is your

listening the whole house will collapse

which is your communication skills hey

I'm going to end the video here I think

that's all I have to say make sure you

take action on this not just watch this

video okay and I'll catch you in the

next one peace