This 5-second test exposes a narcissist

Summary

This video script offers a 5-second test to identify narcissists by observing their reactions to boundary-setting. It explains the predatory mindset of narcissists, who seek narcissistic supply—time, attention, and energy—to bolster their fragile self-image. The test involves asserting boundaries and watching for their response, which can reveal their true intentions. The video also discusses strategies for dealing with narcissists, emphasizing the importance of maintaining firm boundaries and not succumbing to their manipulative tactics.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Narcissists hunt for 'narcissistic supply,' seeking time, attention, and energy to reinforce their ego and self-image.
• 👀 Narcissists test for boundaries quickly by seeing how much they can cross them in subtle ways, like changing your plans or interrupting your focus.
• 🚧 Boundaries represent your personal space—whether time, attention, or energy—and narcissists push against them to see if you will bend.
• 🕵️‍♂️ A 5-second test can expose a narcissist: smile, say 'no,' and see how they react to your boundary.
• 😨 A narcissist's face may change or they may escalate their demands if they realize you won't bend easily.
• 🛑 When someone disrespects your time or attention, it's important to politely but firmly hold your boundary and observe their reaction.
• 💰 Narcissists may manipulate you by creating uncomfortable situations, like 'forgetting' their wallet, to see if you'll cover for them.
• 🔌 Don't let them drain your energy by engaging in emotional outbursts; remain calm and refuse to participate in their tantrums.
• 💪 Hold your ground without apologizing, explaining, or justifying—these give the narcissist opportunities to manipulate you further.
• ⏳ Narcissists rely on quick boundary violations to find out who they can manipulate, but staying firm in those critical moments reveals their true intentions.

Q & A

What is the primary goal when dealing with a narcissist?

The primary goal is to spot a narcissist as early as possible and actively repel them to avoid manipulation, stress, and emotional abuse.

Why is it important for empathetic people to learn how to identify narcissists?

Empathetic, giving, and caring people are often targeted by narcissists, making it crucial for them to recognize narcissists early to protect themselves from exploitation and abuse.

What does 'narcissistic supply' mean?

Narcissistic supply refers to the time, attention, and energy that narcissists need to feed their ego and maintain their inflated self-image. This can come from praise, sympathy, emotional reactions, or control over others.

How do narcissists test if someone can be a potential source of narcissistic supply?

Narcissists test potential targets by pushing against their boundaries around time, attention, and energy. They check to see if a person is willing to bend or break these boundaries, making them a viable source of narcissistic supply.

What is the 5-second test to identify a narcissist?

The 5-second test involves setting a boundary (such as saying 'No, I'm not available for that') and then waiting for five seconds to observe the person's reaction. If they try to manipulate or pressure you further, they may be a narcissist.

How should one respond to a narcissist testing their time boundaries?

When a narcissist tries to push against your time boundaries, you should calmly and firmly say, 'No, I'm not available for that' or 'That doesn't work for me,' and observe their reaction to see if they respect the boundary or escalate their manipulation.

What are some signs that a narcissist is escalating their efforts after being confronted with a boundary?

Signs of escalation include a sudden change in their facial expression, increased pressure to change your mind, or attempts to guilt-trip or manipulate you into bending your boundaries.

How do narcissists typically violate attention boundaries?

Narcissists may interrupt you when you are focused on something else, speak over your conversation, or physically come into your space to divert your attention away from what you are doing and towards them.

What strategy can be used to handle a narcissist violating your energy boundaries?

To handle energy boundary violations, maintain your stance without giving in to their demands. For example, if they forgot their wallet, suggest they use a payment app like Venmo. Remain calm and do not apologize, explain, or justify your stance.

What should you do if a narcissist tries to bait you into an emotional reaction?

Refuse to engage in their drama or tantrum. Offer neutral statements like, 'I trust that you know what's best for you,' or 'I'm confident that you'll figure this out,' which avoids giving them the emotional energy they seek.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Identifying Narcissists: The 5-Second Test

This paragraph introduces a method for quickly identifying narcissists in various social settings. The speaker, with 20 years of research, shares a simple test that can be used to spot narcissists early and protect oneself from their manipulative behavior. The goal is to understand the mindset of a narcissist, who is likened to a predator in search of their next 'meal' or source of narcissistic supply—time, attention, and energy. The speaker explains that narcissists are always on the hunt for new sources of supply to maintain their self-image and will test boundaries to see who is willing to give in to their demands.

05:00

🚫 Testing Boundaries: How Narcissists Seek Supply

The second paragraph delves into the tactics narcissists use to test the boundaries of others, specifically focusing on time, attention, and energy. It describes how narcissists set up scenarios to see if they can manipulate others into giving them what they want. The speaker provides examples of how narcissists might ask about your plans, interrupt your focus, or put you in uncomfortable situations to test your boundaries. The key is to recognize these tests and respond with a firm but friendly 'no,' observing their reaction to determine if they are a narcissist. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of maintaining your boundaries and not giving in to their pressure.

10:01

🤔 The Reaction: Unveiling Narcissistic Behavior

The final paragraph discusses how to interpret the reaction of someone when you assert your boundaries using the 5-second test. It explains that a reasonable person will respect your decision, while a narcissist will likely escalate their attempts to manipulate or pressure you. The speaker outlines the different tactics narcissists might use once they realize you are aware of their behavior, including using past manipulation tactics or perceiving you as a threat. The paragraph concludes by emphasizing the importance of being prepared to defend yourself against these tactics and maintaining your boundaries to avoid becoming a target for narcissistic manipulation.

Keywords

💡Narcissist

A narcissist, in the context of this video, refers to an individual with an inflated sense of self-importance, often characterized by a lack of empathy and a constant need for admiration and validation. The video emphasizes the importance of identifying narcissists early to avoid manipulation and emotional abuse. For instance, the script mentions that narcissists are 'fragile and desperate' and that they 'constantly hunt for new sources' to maintain their self-image.

💡Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic Supply is a concept introduced in the video to describe the time, attention, and energy that narcissists seek to feed their ego and boost their self-worth. The video explains that without this supply, a narcissist's self-perception crumbles, leading them to seek it aggressively. An example from the script is when it states that narcissists need 'narcissistic Supply... to feed their ego and artificially boost their sense of self.'

💡Boundary

A boundary, as discussed in the video, is a metaphorical property line around an individual's personal space, time, attention, and energy. The video uses the analogy of a fence around a yard to illustrate the concept of boundaries. The script explains that narcissists test these boundaries to see if they can manipulate the person into giving up their time, attention, or energy, such as when they 'push against a particular boundary your invisible fence line around what they want most.'

💡Empathetic

In the video, empathetic individuals are described as those who are giving, caring, and sensitive to the feelings of others. It is suggested that narcissists often target empathetic people because they are more likely to provide the narcissistic supply they seek. The script warns that 'if you're an empathetic, giving and caring person this test is crucial' because they are the type of people narcissists tend to target.

💡Manipulation

Manipulation refers to the act of influencing someone in a dishonest or unfair way, which is a common tactic used by narcissists to get what they want. The video discusses how narcissists use manipulation to cross personal boundaries and gain control over others. An example from the script is when it describes how narcissists will 'apply as little pressure as possible to see how easily and quickly you'll bend' to test the strength of a boundary.

💡Predatory Nature

The term 'predatory nature' is used in the video to describe the aggressive and exploitative behavior of narcissists. It likens narcissists to predators hunting for their next meal, emphasizing their desperation and the predatory way they seek narcissistic supply. The script mentions that 'narcissists are fragile and desperate which makes them Fierce, Predators' to highlight this aspect of their behavior.

💡5-Second Test

The '5-Second Test' is a strategy introduced in the video to help identify potential narcissists by observing their reaction to a firm but friendly refusal. The test involves stating a boundary and observing the person's response within five seconds to determine if they respect the boundary or attempt to manipulate further. The script provides examples of how to use this test, such as 'smile and say no... and then count to five in your head while remaining friendly and firm.'

💡Escalation

Escalation, in the context of the video, refers to the increased pressure or manipulation tactics used by narcissists when they encounter resistance. It is a way for them to test the strength of a person's boundaries and determine how far they can push. The script describes how a narcissist might 'escalate their attempts to manipulate or pressure you' if their initial attempts to cross a boundary are unsuccessful.

💡Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is a form of mistreatment that involves the manipulation of someone's feelings, often leading to a loss of self-esteem and self-worth. The video highlights the potential for emotional abuse by narcissists, who use various tactics to control and manipulate others. The script warns that dealing with a narcissist can lead to 'years of manipulation stress and emotional abuse' if not identified and managed early.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth, in the video, is discussed in relation to the fragile sense of self that narcissists possess. It is the underlying motivation for their need for narcissistic supply, as they constantly seek external validation to maintain their self-image. The script explains that without this supply, 'their fragile sense of self crumbles,' illustrating the importance of external validation for narcissists.

Highlights

The goal when dealing with a narcissist is to spot them early and actively repel them, saving yourself from manipulation, stress, and emotional abuse.

Narcissists target empathetic, giving, and caring individuals, making this test crucial for those types of people.

Narcissists constantly hunt for narcissistic supply, which is time, attention, and energy used to feed their ego.

Narcissists are fragile and desperate, yet fierce predators; they need their next source of supply or their sense of self crumbles.

They test for narcissistic supply immediately by pushing against boundaries—especially your time, attention, and energy.

The 5-second test involves you saying 'no' in a friendly but firm manner when someone pushes against your boundaries, and then observing their reaction.

A narcissist will likely escalate their manipulation if you uphold your boundaries, whereas a reasonable person will respect your decision.

If they violate your time boundaries, they may subtly manipulate you into changing your plans by applying minimal pressure.

To test your attention boundaries, narcissists may try to divert your focus by interrupting conversations or stepping into your space.

Energy boundaries are often tested through financial, emotional, or mental manipulation, such as forgetting their wallet or creating dramatic situations.

A common tactic is making you feel uncomfortable, hoping you'll give in to avoid confrontation or awkwardness.

When responding, don’t apologize, explain, or justify, as this gives the narcissist more leverage to manipulate you.

Watch for the narcissist's facial expressions—if their smile falls away quickly, it’s a sign they're testing your boundaries.

Upholding boundaries helps to expose the narcissist’s predatory nature, revealing their true intentions within seconds.

If a narcissist knows you see through them, they’ll either escalate the manipulation or drop you and move on to an easier target.

Transcripts

have you ever wondered if there's a

quick and easy way to check if someone's

a narcissist whether it's a boss or

cooworker or someone you've just met or

even somebody that you've cared about

for a long time when you're dealing with

a narcissist the goal is not only to

spot them as early as possible but to

actively repel them and this can save

you years of manipulation stress and

emotional abuse if you're an empathetic

giving and caring person this test is

crucial because you're exactly the type

of person they target I've spent the

last 20 years researching the connection

between selfworth and narcissistic

relationships as a coach author and

someone who's lived these challenges

firsthand I know how devastating a

narcissis can be in this video I'll

share a simple 5-second test that you

can use anywhere at any time real life

examples for how to use it and simple

strategies to empower you in any

situation let's begin by breaking down

the mindset of a narcissist so you have

a clear picture of their motivation and

who they target imagine you're at a

dinner party or or maybe at work or at a

family function first let's look at your

mindset in these kind of situations

maybe you're looking for someone that

you can connect with or someone who

seems likable or friendly or perhaps

you're feeling insecure and you hope to

blend in you might also see somebody

laughing and carefree and feel drawn

towards them now for contrast I want you

to step into the dark and empty world of

a narcissist narcissists are fragile and

desperate which makes them Fierce

Predators but luckily very predictable

to best understand them imagine you're a

predator on the hunt they need their

next meal or they will not survive when

you're this desperate you're not looking

for connection or kindness at every

dinner party work meeting date or family

holiday you have two questions in mind

who will give me what I want and how

quickly will they give it to me so what

do they actually want narcissistic

Supply which is essentially time

attention and energy that narcissists

use to feed their ego and artificially

boost their sense of self this can come

in the form of pray

sympathy emotional reactions or even the

control that they can exert over others

without this Supply their fragile sense

of self crumbles leading them to

constantly hunt for new sources to

maintain their inflated self- fantasy

just like a vampire can't live without

blood a narcissist can't survive without

narcissistic Supply your time your

attention and energy spent reinforcing

their personal fantasy think of

narcissistic Supply as currency currency

as in money a medium of exch change a

measure of value or a means of payment

and also currency as in electricity the

classic example of energy currency this

is what the narcissist is checking will

you give me the currency I want and how

quickly will you give it to me they test

for this immediately by pressing on

three specific boundaries the word

boundaries gets tossed around a lot but

what does that actually mean for our

purposes think about boundaries in a

super simple way a boundary is a

property line around something that you

own this makes sense if you think of

about a fence around your yard that's

the boundary line inside the fence is

yours and outside the fence is not yours

the 5-second test that I'll teach you is

designed as the flip side to the

narcissist test for you so first I'll

quickly outline the specific way that

they test you what they say and how they

check to see if you're a usable Target

narcissists check for Supply by pushing

against a particular boundary your

invisible fence line around what they

want most your currency time attention

and energy they'll quickly set you up to

State your boundary and then they'll

gradually push against that line to see

if you're willing to bend this happens

so quickly that you might miss it so

here are a couple quick scenarios to

help demonstrate to see if they can

cross your time boundaries they might

ask something like what are you doing

this afternoon that's the setup you

might say something like I don't really

have anything planned or I'm pretty worn

out and I'm just looking to go home and

relax your response is the boundary now

they'll want to see how flimsy this

boundary is and they want to see if they

can manipulate you into allowing them to

cross it they need your time to

reinforce their fragile self-image so

they apply as little pressure as

possible to see how easily and quickly

you'll Bend showing them how useful

you'll be to them they might take a beat

or maybe even change the subject before

trying to get you to change your plans

they might say oh that's a bummer

there's a great band playing tonight at

the club or at work they might say I'm

really stressed about this project and I

need your input their test is first to

see if there is a boundary around your

time and and then to check if you're

willing to change it to see if they can

cross your attention boundaries they'll

wait for the moment where you're focused

on something else you might be in a

conversation texting someone or

listening to a presentation and that's

the setup your attention is elsewhere

remember you own your stream of

attention and there's an invisible line

between you and your focus they might

say something like hey I just need to

ask you something real quick or they

might tap your shoulder or they may come

into your space to see if they can break

your concentration they might talk over

your conversation or stand in between

you and the TV show you're watching this

is a test to see if they can divert your

attention to feed their need for

narcissistic Supply to see if they can

cross your energy boundaries which

includes anything that depletes your

health and resources they might Target

your financial physical emotional

spiritual or mental health even though

this might sound really difficult to

test for narcissists have spent their

whole lives honing these skills and are

very adaptive finding ways to get their

needs met so this setup is easy to miss

they might forget their wallet or they

might forget you ask for a day off or

act confused when you explain that your

feelings are hurt or insist that you get

upset with them over their latest drama

the setup is to put you in an extremely

uncomfortable position if you don't give

them your energy for example if they

forgot their wallet you have to decide

whether to protect your energy monetary

currency or face an uncomfortable

situation this is the boundary violation

they push against the invisible line of

what's yours and try to make it theirs

the same goes for forgetting the day off

they put you in a position where you

must spend energy explaining or working

this double bind is so uncomfortable

that we often give in just to make it go

away and we might think that we didn't

explain the boundary well enough or that

it's our responsibility to have better

boundaries but here's the deal they

always know where the boundary line is

they are simply checking to see if you

will uphold it which takes us finally to

the actual test when someone comes close

to the lines around your time attention

or your energy you are going to smile

and say no I'm not available for that or

that doesn't work for me for example in

the time boundary scenario after they

say something like oh bummer there's a

great band that's playing at the club

tonight you're going to be friendly and

also give a deadend no then you're going

to watch what they do if they have a

false smile and are trying to manipulate

you their face will immediately change

their smile will immediately Fall Away

they might even become more calculated

and up the pressure to see if you're

going to bend an escalation might sound

like oh I have these two tickets and I'd

feel terrible about letting them go to

waste they are testing you here and then

you test back friendly and engaging and

repeat the boundary I'm not available if

someone is trying to violate an

attention boundary refuse to give away

your power by taking control of the

interruption if you're talking to a

friend and someone interrupts say

something like pardon the interruption

to your friend and then shift the

attention to the possible narcissist I'm

in a conversation right now and then go

back to your friend if you're watching a

show press pause and say I'm watching

this right now this strategy here is to

name the boundary violation making it

clear that they are interrupting and

that your attention is your asset and

that you're going to protect it do not

give them your attention and instead

take an empowered stance with a friendly

firm no or I'm already focused on a

specific task or I can't take that on

right now again you're going to watch

their response see if their face shifts

see if they have any remorse for the

interruption or if they escalate you'll

test in a similar way for the energy

boundary violation this one really comes

down to a matter of how long you're

willing to be uncomfortable if they

forgot their wallet you're going to say

something like no problem you can V on

me and then you're going to lightly

smile and wait this might be super

uncomfortable in fact a narcissist is

counting on the fact that you'd rather

pay their bill than have to endure this

discomfort if they're having some sort

of emotional tantrum trying to bait you

into an energetic investment refuse to

give your emotional energy refuse to

meet them in their tantrum space and

give them a way to interact in a way

that isn't violating your boundary

remain calm and friendly and say

something like I trust that you know

what's best for you or I'm confident

that you'll figure this out it's the

emotional equivalent of not paying their

share of the bill you politely refuse to

engage in the Tantrum just remember this

is a test they're pushing on your

boundaries to see if you will uphold

them this is like a game of chicken so

sit tight and wait to see what happens

regardless of the situation this test

relies on your ability to spot the

boundary violation and then to remain

calm and friendly and be willing to be

uncomfortable while you wait for the

reaction remember do not apologize

that shows that if they work hard enough

they can get you to bend do not explain

that gives them more information to use

against you do not justify that shows

them that you're uncomfortable saying no

when someone tries to get you to bend

your boundaries around your time

attention or energy follow this simple

process to check to see if they might be

a narcissist smile and say no I'm not

available for that or that doesn't work

for me and then count to five in your

head while remaining friendly and firm

and observe their reaction a reasonable

person will respect your boundary and

acknowledge your decision without

pushing further they might say something

like oh okay no problem and then move on

without any fuss however a narcissist

who's checking to see if you'll be their

next Target will likely escalate their

attempts to manipulate or pressure you

they might become more insistent try to

guilt trip you or change tactics to see

if you're going to bend for example they

might say You're really the only person

I can count count on for this or if you

don't help me I don't know what I'm

going to do by using this 5-second test

you quickly expose their true intention

a narcissist reaction to your firm but

friendly boundary within those 5 seconds

will reveal their predatory nature

helping you identify and avoid them

before they can manipulate you further

if this person is a narcissist their

response is going to depend on two

things if you have history they'll try

to use tactics that have worked on you

in the past and they'll escalate that

manipulation if they don't know you

they'll either drop you immediately and

move on to an easier Target or they'll

know you're on to them and perceive you

as a threat once the narcissist knows

that you see through their facade

they'll quickly escalate and if you

don't know what to look for or how to

defend yourself it could cost you your

livelihood your family and your

reputation so click this video next to

learn the three main tactics to expect

when they know that you're on to them

making sure that you're always one step

ahead