I've lived as a man & a woman -- here's what I learned | Paula Stone Williams | TEDxMileHigh

Summary

In this powerful speech, a former CEO and religious leader shares his journey of coming out as a transgender woman. He humorously and poignantly describes the challenges and revelations of living as both genders, highlighting the stark differences in societal treatment and expectations. His experiences underscore the importance of recognizing and addressing gender inequities, and he calls for empathy and understanding to foster a more equitable world.

Takeaways

• 😢 The speaker, once a successful CEO and TV show host, faced a profound realization of personal identity, transitioning from male to female and losing all jobs in the process.
• 🌈 Thomas Merton's quote underscores the speaker's journey of success leading to a realization of living a life not truly their own.
• 🏆 Despite being a well-educated and successful man, the speaker always knew they were transgender, and the call for authenticity was irresistible.
• 🔥 The speaker humorously points out the absurdities and challenges of living as a transgender woman, such as the impracticality of women's pockets and clothing sizes.
• 🚹🚺 Transitioning has provided the speaker with unique insights into gender differences, from everyday experiences like public restrooms to the treatment in social situations.
• 💇 The financial and practical implications of being a woman, such as the cost and frequency of haircuts, are highlighted as part of the speaker's new reality.
• 🤔 The speaker's experience with gender has profoundly affected their understanding of sexuality, shifting from a visual to a more holistic experience.
• 🧠 The speaker feels their intelligence is questioned or overlooked due to their gender transition, facing condescension and mansplaining.
• 🗣️ Women's tendency to doubt themselves and apologize for being right in male-dominated settings is a behavior the speaker now understands from personal experience.
• 🙏 The speaker expresses gratitude to women for their grace and mercy, acknowledging their strength and the importance of recognizing and honoring their capabilities.
• 🤝 A call to action for men to recognize their privilege, believe women's experiences, and work towards equity by elevating women to equal footing.

Q & A

Who is the speaker in the transcript?

The speaker is a former CEO of a large religious nonprofit, a national television show host, and a preacher in mega churches, who later identifies as a transgender woman named Paula.

What is the main theme of the speaker's talk?

The main theme of the talk is the speaker's personal journey of transitioning from male to female and the insights gained from experiencing life from both gender perspectives.

What does the speaker mean by 'climbing to the top of the ladder of success, only to realize that your ladder has been leaning against the wrong wall'?

The speaker is quoting Thomas Merton to express the realization that despite achieving success in a male-dominated field, the true sense of self and fulfillment was not aligned with the life they were leading.

Why did the speaker come out as transgender?

The speaker came out as transgender because the 'call toward authenticity' was too strong to ignore, despite the potential consequences.

What were the consequences of the speaker coming out as transgender?

The speaker lost all of their jobs, highlighting the challenges faced by transgender individuals, especially when working for religious corporations.

How does the speaker describe the differences in experiences between being a man and a woman?

The speaker describes numerous differences, such as clothing design, societal expectations, and personal experiences of sexuality, emphasizing that these differences are 'massive'.

What is the speaker's perspective on male privilege?

The speaker acknowledges that they had male privilege and that it is difficult for men to understand the extent of cultural bias in their favor, as it is all they have ever known.

Can you explain the incident the speaker recounts about flying as a woman for the first time?

The speaker recounts an incident where they were treated rudely by a fellow passenger and a flight attendant had to intervene to resolve a seat dispute, illustrating a change in how they were treated after transitioning.

What does the speaker mean when they say they have 'become stupid' after becoming a woman?

The speaker is using humor to highlight the condescending and patronizing treatment they now receive, often being talked down to or mansplained to, which was not their experience as a man.

What advice does the speaker have for men in terms of gender equity?

The speaker advises men to believe women when they talk about inequity, to understand that equality does not yet mean equity, and to use their power to help elevate women to an equal footing.

How does the speaker's relationship with their parents change after their transition?

Initially, the speaker's parents rejected them, but later they showed a willingness to try and understand, leading to a redemptive relationship where the father called the speaker by their chosen name, Paula.