Dysphoria & Style - How I Started Exploring Gender Identity

Summary

This video discusses the challenges and experiences of clothing as a transgender woman. The speaker shares their journey, highlighting the initial focus on practical aspects of coming out and the unexpected significance of clothing in the transition. They offer practical tips and personal anecdotes, covering pre-transition exploration, dealing with societal perceptions, and navigating different phases of transition. Emphasizing self-expression, the video encourages transgender individuals to experiment with clothing and personal style while balancing safety and authenticity. The speaker also touches on the unique issues faced by transgender men and women, advocating for a supportive and understanding approach.

Takeaways

• 👚 The speaker initially underestimated the importance of clothing in the process of transitioning as a transgender woman.
• 🤔 Clothing became a significant concern as it was one of the first things others noticed about the speaker's transition.
• 🌟 The speaker suggests that even small steps, like wearing women's underwear, can be affirming and helpful during the pre-transition phase.
• 🚫 The speaker warns against the misconception that exploring gender identity through clothing can be fetishistic, encouraging acceptance of personal exploration.
• 💄 The use of makeup and self-care practices like shaving and hair growth were recommended as discreet ways to express one's gender identity.
• 🕺🏼 For transgender men, the speaker notes that societal expectations and clothing norms can be both a benefit and a challenge during the transition.
• 🤷‍♂️ Mannerisms and behaviors are highlighted as important for transgender men to pass, rather than just the clothing they wear.
• 👗 The speaker shares personal experiences with discrimination and the struggle of wearing feminine clothing as a transgender woman.
• 🧬 The androgynous-to-male approach is mentioned as a method the speaker used to deal with societal pressures, waiting for physical changes to support their identity.
• 🔥 The unrestricted transition style is praised for its authenticity but also acknowledged as potentially leading to more discrimination.
• 🛍️ The speaker encourages exploration of personal style and self-expression, even if it means making mistakes and facing challenges.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the video script?

The main topic discussed in the video script is the exploration of clothing and style during the process of transitioning as a transgender person.

Why did the speaker initially underestimate the importance of clothing during their transition?

The speaker initially underestimated the importance of clothing because they had many other practical aspects of transitioning to deal with, such as coming out to family and friends, and they didn't think clothing would be a big deal.

What phase of transitioning does the speaker refer to as the 'nightmare phase'?

The speaker refers to the pre-transition phase as the 'nightmare phase' because it is the most challenging time, where one feels the most negative emotions and has limited ways to alleviate them.

What was one of the first steps the speaker took to feel more aligned with their gender identity?

One of the first steps the speaker took was buying and wearing women's underwear, as it allowed them to present as their actual gender, at least to themselves.

Why does the speaker suggest that exploring makeup and self-care can be beneficial during the stealth phase of transitioning?

Exploring makeup and self-care can be beneficial because it allows the individual to express their gender identity in subtle ways while remaining under the radar and avoiding drawing attention to their transition.

What advice does the speaker give to transgender women regarding the perception of wearing women's underwear?

The speaker advises transgender women to dismiss societal misconceptions that wearing women's underwear might be fetishistic and to embrace it as a part of exploring their gender identity.

What challenges do transgender men face when it comes to clothing and being recognized in their gender identity?

Transgender men face challenges such as being misgendered in public places due to stereotypes and expectations about what men should wear, which can be frustrating and limiting.

What is the 'androgyny to male fail' process mentioned by the speaker?

The 'androgyny to male fail' process refers to the speaker's approach of continuing to wear the same clothing without changing their style, waiting for physical changes from hormones and other factors to eventually be recognized as female despite wearing more masculine clothing.

What does the speaker suggest as a potential downside to the unrestricted transition style?

The potential downside to the unrestricted transition style is that it may lead to more discrimination due to the individual being more visible and potentially less adept at presenting as their chosen gender in the early stages of transition.

What is the speaker's final recommendation for transgender individuals when it comes to exploring their style and clothing?

The speaker recommends exploring and embracing one's style and clothing choices, even if it means making mistakes or facing potential discrimination, as it contributes to self-expression and feeling more like oneself.

Outlines

00:00

👚 The Challenge of Clothing During Transition

The speaker, a transgender woman, reflects on the challenges of finding clothing that aligns with her gender identity during the early stages of her transition. Initially, she thought clothing would be a minor concern compared to other aspects of coming out, but soon realized its importance as it's often the first thing others notice. She acknowledges the stress of navigating this aspect of transition and offers to share her experiences and tips, despite not being a perfect guide. The paragraph also touches on the 'Twilight' phase, a difficult period of self-realization before openly transitioning, where the speaker found comfort in wearing women's underwear as a private affirmation of her gender identity, despite societal misconceptions about transgender individuals and clothing.

05:02

🤔 Navigating the Complexities of Transitioning

This paragraph delves into the complexities faced by both transgender men and women during the transition phase. It highlights the unique challenges transgender men face, such as being misgendered due to societal expectations of women's clothing being more flexible. The speaker also discusses the importance of mannerisms and behavior in passing, suggesting that it's not just about what one wears but how one wears it. For transgender women, the speaker talks about the discrimination and societal stereotypes that can make it difficult to wear feminine clothing when having a masculine frame. She shares her personal approach to dealing with these issues, which involved a gradual shift towards androgynous clothing while waiting for physical changes from hormones to take effect. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of exploring one's style and identity, even if it means facing potential discrimination.

10:03

🎨 Embracing Self-Expression and Making Mistakes

In the final paragraph, the speaker encourages viewers to embrace self-expression through clothing, regardless of their gender identity. She admits her own initial reluctance to explore her style due to fear of discrimination but later found that wearing clothes that she enjoyed made her feel more authentic. The speaker advocates for an unrestricted approach to transitioning, where one can freely express their chosen gender through clothing without fear. She acknowledges the risks and potential backlash but ultimately encourages taking chances, making mistakes, and finding joy in self-expression. The paragraph concludes with a heartfelt thank you for watching and a reminder to take care and be safe while exploring one's identity.

Keywords

💡Transition

Transition refers to the process of changing one's gender presentation and/or sex characteristics to align with their gender identity. In the video, the speaker discusses the various stages of their transition, including coming out to family and friends, and the challenges faced during these stages.

💡Pre-transition phase

The pre-transition phase is the period before an individual begins the medical or social process of transitioning. The speaker describes this phase as the 'nightmare phase' where they felt the most negative emotions due to not being able to express their true gender identity openly.

💡Stealthing

Stealthing is when a transgender person lives without disclosing their transgender status to others. The speaker mentions that during the pre-transition phase, they remained 'stealth,' trying to explore their gender identity privately while presenting as their assigned gender at birth in public.

💡Gender presentation

Gender presentation refers to the external display of one's gender, through clothing, behavior, and personal appearance. The video discusses how changing one's clothing and presentation can be a significant part of the transition process, and how it is often the first thing others notice.

💡Gender identity

Gender identity is a personal conception of oneself as male, female, a blend of both, or neither. The speaker's journey of discovering and expressing their gender identity is a central theme, including the internal struggle and the steps they took to align their outer presentation with their inner identity.

💡Discrimination

Discrimination refers to the unjust treatment of individuals based on their gender identity or expression. The speaker addresses the discrimination faced by transgender individuals, especially transgender women, when they present in ways that do not conform to societal norms for their assigned gender at birth.

💡Androgyny

Androgyny is a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity. The speaker mentions using an androgynous style as a transitional approach to avoid sudden changes in appearance and reduce the risk of discrimination.

💡Exploration

Exploration involves trying out different clothing, makeup, and styles to find what feels most authentic to one's gender identity. The speaker emphasizes the importance of exploring gender expression as a way to alleviate dysphoria and better understand oneself, even recommending doing this privately if public exploration feels unsafe.

💡Mannerisms

Mannerisms are the habitual gestures and ways of speaking or behaving that are often associated with a particular gender. The speaker talks about the importance of mannerisms in gender presentation, particularly for transgender men, and how adopting certain mannerisms can help in being perceived as their true gender.

💡Hormones

Hormones, often used in hormone replacement therapy (HRT), are medications that help align one's physical characteristics with their gender identity. The speaker mentions waiting for hormones to take effect as part of their transition process, which helped them gradually be perceived as their true gender.

Highlights

The speaker initially overlooked the importance of clothing when transitioning as a transgender woman, but soon realized its significance.

Clothing is often the first thing others notice and can be a significant aspect of expressing one's gender identity.

The speaker found the process of exploring clothing during transition to be a stressful experience.

The 'Twilight' phase, between realizing one's trans identity and transitioning, is described as the most challenging.

Wearing women's underwear was a personal step for the speaker to feel aligned with their gender identity, even in private.

The speaker advises against the misconception that exploring gender identity through clothing can be fetishistic.

Small steps like makeup and self-care practices can be a part of the stealth phase of transitioning.

The speaker suggests that being stealthy can allow for more freedom in exploring gender expression without drawing attention.

Trans men may face challenges in being recognized in their gender due to societal expectations of women's clothing.

Mannerisms and behaviors are more critical for trans men to be recognized in their gender than clothing choices.

Trans women may experience discrimination for wearing masculine clothing due to societal stereotypes.

The speaker's personal approach to dealing with discrimination was to adopt an androgynous style until they could pass as a woman.

The speaker regrets not exploring their style and gender expression more freely during their transition.

An unrestricted transition style is recommended, where one embraces their identity fully from the start, despite potential challenges.

The speaker encourages making mistakes and exploring different clothing as part of the self-expression journey.

The importance of balancing safety with the desire to express one's true self through clothing is emphasized.

Transcripts

clothing while queer

that's what we're going to talk about

today A couple of years ago when I

originally came out as a transgender

woman I felt like I had a very very full

plate I had so many practical things

that I needed to take care of I needed

to come out to my family I needed to

come out to my friends the least of my

worries at that point in time was

something like clothing I didn't think

it would be that big of a deal but as I

would soon realize apparently it is now

I know you might be raising your eyebrow

at me you might be thinking well Scripps

what are you talking about in the grand

scheme of the huge life-changing

decision that is to transition clothing

is the least of your worries well my

friend while that might be true to your

experience then to everyone else it will

be the very first thing that they notice

they might notice your mood being better

they might notice you being happier

overall they're definitely noticing if

you wear something completely different

one day than you did the other and

honestly when I first discovered the

roadblock of this giant amount of

exploration that I still needed to do I

felt like I could have really used the

guide to or at least some tips to

somewhat maneuver me through yeah

maneuver me through that hellscape

because it can be a very stressful one

so while I am not the perfect guide by

any sort of means then I will still try

my best to give out the sort of tips and

things that I have learned now as

someone who is quite a few years into my

transition and at the very least share

my stories with you guys as to how I

handled this back when I was a young

baby Tran so you know what let's just

start off right right off the bat let's

start at the earliest of times actually

not the earliest of earliest of times

but pretty early when this starts to

matter the pre-transition phase this is

the phase that I Define as the Twilight

between you actually transitioning and

you realizing you are trans because

before that realization you're sort of

[Music]

algae has just been White Noise you

haven't cared remotely about clothing or

perhaps even your looks up until this

point in your life but it has been

nothing overwhelming at least until you

find out that

yeah you're trans this also what I like

to refer to as the nightmare phase the

reason that I call it the nightmare

phase is because out of all of them this

is the one that sucks the most it's

where you feel the most of those

negative emotions but there's just not

that many ways to alleviate it right at

this time especially if you're still

stealthing and you haven't come out of

the closet yet and honestly one of the

ways that I used to deal with this

the main ways I used to deal with this

and this is where I'm gonna need you

guys to give a straight face because

this is

this is just the truth underwear I'm not

very good at drawing underwear but yes

that is actually the truth one of the

ways that I did alleviate uh some of the

struggle was at least knowing at least

myself that I was presenting at least

under everything else I was presenting

to myself as my actual gender now with

this very specific piece of advice I

actually want to talk to uh transgender

women directly because they're probably

the ones that I can have the most

problems with this because ever since

the dawn of time when it comes to Media

we've been gonged in the head and

socialized to think that this sort of

stuff might be a little fetishistic so I

just want to get that out of your head

immediately I have bought women's

underwear I did it that was one of the

first things that I did and I am sure as

certain that that's what a lot a

lot a lot of other transgender women did

as well there is nothing gross about

exploring your gender identity or what

you would like to wear whether if you're

a trans orsus that is some and

an ideal Society I would burn that rule

immediately but yes this piece of advice

actually helped me a lot because it just

made me feel like if I wasn't

transitioning like uh in front of others

I could at least transition like for

myself like I could see myself taking

those small steps for myself one of

those other small steps that I also took

was exploring a little bit with stuff

like makeup for me very specifically

like mascara eyeliner all that time of

jazz Foundation just in general like

self-care shaving uh growing my hair out

both of those things are something that

you can try while still remaining very

stealthy very uh or at least quite safe

I don't know about the eyeliner but

pretty much everything else and the

reason for that is CIS people are dense

if people don't suspect

you to be queer or aren't very aware of

queer culture then as long as you're

lightly concealing the fact that you're

wearing a bra or a binder trust me

people will not notice also very

surprised by how far I could actually

get into my transition before people

started asking like wait are you perhaps

not a straight man but yeah you can

certainly twice out some of these things

you can definitely explore your general

identity while remaining under the radar

you don't have have to worry about that

too much so I still encourage that even

if you're pretty transition that you

explore yourself a bit heading into the

actual transition phase though this is

where it gets a little not or well of

course it gets dicey for everyone but it

also gets a bit Daisy for me to explain

because this is where people's problems

start deviating a lot when it comes to

this stuff I've been a part of queer

communities for a very long time and I

have a bunch of friends of different

genders and cultural backgrounds it

still feels like every single time I

meet a new person I stumble on a new

issue that someone personally had with

transitioning that I haven't heard of

before so I'm just gonna try to break

these into the most common and the moon

the ones that I've heard of the most and

then of course oh yeah of course as well

my my own experience but let's first

talk about some of the issues that trans

men have because one of their issues is

something that might at first glance be

perceived as a bonus in the

pre-translation phase and that is that

because very specifically when it comes

to clothing the some people who are

assigned women at Birth have less

restrictions than people who are

assigned male at Birth you can explore

more and wear different kinds of stuff

and people don't really expect any

different you can be stealthier while

trying more different things but when it

comes to actually transitioning and

being out of stealth the issue Remains

the exact same I am friends with guys

with beards who've been misgendered in

public places just because they were

mistaken for Butch and I understand that

it's incredibly frustrating sure it's

very liberating that the box for what

women can wear is so wide that you can

wear pretty much anything and people

still don't question it but still that

also just makes it so much harder when

you actually want to get out of that box

with this one I wish I had a lot more

advice to give but I don't really have

much except this one thing which is

mannerisms guys just don't really have

as gender defined clothing as women do

so it's not really as much about what

you're wearing as opposed to like how

you're wearing it I guess but yeah

mannerisms the way guys talk and

community educate with each other and

kind of like act and stand around in a

space I is one of the primary ways that

I've heard others have sort of learned

to pass better like for example right

now I'm trying to be quite feminine I

use gestures I try to use a lot of

intonation in my voice and then if I saw

a sort of go back down into like more of

a monologue State and I just I I don't

know it's not because I want to sound

inexcitable I can still use my

intonation just fine but if I am more

monologue and static like this that's

kind of going to give more off of like a

guy Behavior again I'm very sorry I wish

I could give better advice when it comes

to this stuff but my own male mannerisms

isn't something that I've kept an

incredibly close ion it's not something

that I have hyper analyzed if anything

it's been something that I've been

desperately trying to get rid of so if

you're actually a transgender man who's

looking for proper good advice on how to

pass as a trans man then I highly

recommend that you go look up and learn

from other transgender men when it comes

to transgender women though I do have

more experience and I will fully admit

they have some different issues and one

of them is actually surprisingly

discrimination trust me both experience

discrimination to incredible degrees

when it comes to like widespread

societally known

um stereotypes transgender women are

very specifically in the focus here to

the point that while it might not be

offensive for someone with a feminine

frame to wear masculine clothing then it

is certainly offensive to a lot of

people if uh if someone of a masculine

frame wears something feminine it's

stupid but that is how it is in a lot of

places now the way that I dealt with

this is something I'm sure is quite an

unpopular option and it's not something

that I I think at least a lot of people

have done I certainly didn't enjoy it

when I did it but basically I did the

androgyny to male fail process and what

this means is I literally continue to

wear the same stuff I didn't change my

style or anything at all I did or or

maybe I switched maybe a bit more

androgynously but that's all I did and

then I waited for hormones to take it to

work I waited for my hair to grow out I

waited for me to get better at makeup I

waited to get better are at mannerisms

until eventually people started every

now and again assuming that I was a

woman based on looks even while I was

wearing kind of masculine clothing but

and yeah honestly this one sucks I don't

recommend it because it means you're

gonna get misgendered a lot and it also

means that you'll be holding yourself

back a lot from trying those things that

you actually want to try I mean I

literally got my first dress to try like

a couple of months ago and I've been in

a transition for freaking years now the

unrestricted transition is also one that

I kind of uh hesitantly recommend even

though I want it on the record that I

think it is everyone's god-given right

to wear whatever the they want and

whatever makes them happy at any time

without anyone discriminating them the

only reason I am unfortunately a bit

hesitant is because we do not live in

that ideal society and people can be

basically what I mean by the

unrestricted way of transitioning style

Wise It's just that you decide to go all

in as soon as as you come out of the

closet you embrace yourself fully you

buy all those things you've been holding

yourself back from and you just go and

do it trial by fire and wear whatever

you want I think it's goddamn beautiful

and I know so many beautiful people who

have gone this exact way of

transitioning but I have heard some

pretty rough feedback from it such as

the fact that this is probably the way

of transitioning that will give you the

most discrimination just due to the fact

that you're a little clumsy in the

beginning you haven't picked up on all

those different mannerisms and way way

or ways that you can like present as

your chosen gender you basically

transition a lot in public as opposed to

in private and of course not just opens

you up a bit more to discrimination so

if if you have the the Gusto and The

Willpower to do it then I recommend this

method but I do also understand people

who don't want to do it I mean I I

didn't I want just about as restrictive

as you could be because I was so scared

of discrimination if it were to go back

in time I would probably pick some

compromise between these two but I would

lean way more to the unrestricted side I

went through the restricted one and

while sure I had some safety I also

didn't explore anything it was basically

only with the pressure of my girlfriend

like a year ago that I even started uh

the process of exploring what my own

style is and what I like to wear and hey

guess what as soon as I wore stuff that

I like to wear I felt more like myself

than I'd ever done before so I know it's

really hard and I know it's really

intimidating to try to explore or mirror

where like wear more stuff than I still

would lean more to recommending this one

as opposed to this one explore have fun

enjoy being yourself and hey even if you

can't do it in public do it in private

and just buy clothing for you to wear

while walking at home alone the only

thing that I don't recommend you do is

you go so far in the unrestricted uh

specifically also in terms of where you

live that it would be a danger to you or

it would be a risk to you in any way but

anyways that is all the advice I could

give I'm so sorry if there's a very

incoherent video to give a little bit of

a concept I've been recording this for

over an hour because I've been so

nervous of what to say and I don't

really know if I gave good advice I

really hope that you at least got some

out of it but nonetheless that it was

fun to look back on some of my own

pretty silly mistakes that I did when it

came to approaching clothing when I

first came out of which the biggest

mistake was not making enough mistakes I

didn't go out and I didn't try a lot of

things I played it way too safe and due

to that I ended up suffering a lot

longer than I needed to there was a lot

longer of a period of time where I still

felt like I the me that I wanted to be

was so far away and like the steps were

there but I was just refusing to take

them so go out there no matter if you're

transgender if you're CIS even then you

just want to explore uh like a new you

and what kind of different clothing that

you might actually like and enjoy

wearing could be a fanboy could be a

tomboy whatever you want to be remember

to take good care of yourself and

remember to be safe but also go out

there and make a ton of mistakes

wear stuff that you have a suspicion

that you might enjoy but end up not

lagging at all with stuff that might not

even fit you at all because honestly

having fun and feeling like you're

showing yourself to the world is all

this self-expression stuff is about but

anyways I genuinely thank you all so

much for watching this sappy video and

I'll catch you all in the next one peace

[Music]

[Applause]