Why Is Simply Being Not Enough for Me?

Summary

The speaker from the suburbs of Washington DC shares their struggle with loneliness and fear, having tried various coping mechanisms that eventually failed. They found temporary peace through spiritual experiences but faced a return to dissatisfaction. The dialogue emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's true nature, beyond feelings and experiences, as the source of lasting peace. The speaker is encouraged to embrace the 'I am' experience, which is constant and unchanging, as the path to overcoming dissatisfaction and finding inner tranquility.

Takeaways

• 🏘️ The speaker lives in a suburb of Washington DC and feels isolated as a single, non-Christian, gay individual in their community.
• 🌪️ They describe feelings of loneliness and fear that are overwhelming, likening them to steam trying to escape a kettle.
• 🔄 The speaker has tried various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement, but these have all eventually failed them over time.
• 🎭 Upon turning 60, the speaker's life fantasies and expectations did not materialize, leading to a sense of disillusionment.
• 🧘 In 2019, the speaker experienced a state of 'expansiveness' through meditation, which provided temporary relief from their usual discomfort.
• 😔 The onset of COVID-19 led to job loss and lack of health insurance, causing the speaker to revert to a state of fear and loneliness.
• 🕊️ The speaker found temporary solace in meditation, reaching a state of neutrality, but real-world concerns often intruded, disrupting this peace.
• 🤔 The speaker expresses a desire for more than just neutrality, indicating a subtle dissatisfaction with their current state of being.
• 💬 The dialogue suggests that the speaker's true nature is not about the feelings they experience but the underlying 'I am' consciousness.
• 🔍 The speaker is encouraged to return to their being, the pure experience of 'I am', which is constant and unchanging, irrespective of external circumstances.
• 🌟 The 'I am' experience is presented as the ultimate source of peace, a place where all desired fulfillment can be found, beyond the temporary satisfactions of conventional or spiritual experiences.
• 📚 The speaker is advised to frequently remind themselves of their 'I am' nature, as it is the key to accessing a state of inner peace and contentment.

Q & A

What is the main issue the speaker is facing in their life?

The speaker is facing loneliness and fear, which they describe as trying to burst out of them like boiling water.

What coping mechanisms has the speaker tried over the years to deal with their feelings?

The speaker has tried alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement as tools to cope with their feelings, but these have eventually stopped working over time.

How did the speaker describe their experience during the six months after the 'expans of state'?

The speaker felt at peace and was able to be in places that were previously horrifying to their body, experiencing a state they called 'expansive'.

What happened when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, affecting the speaker's life?

The speaker lost their job and health insurance, which led to a return of their previous feelings of fear and loneliness.

What is the speaker's current state of meditation and how does it relate to their feelings?

The speaker can go to a state of spaciousness and neutrality during meditation, but the real-world concerns still cause them to condense back to their previous state of fear and loneliness.

What does the speaker believe is the root of their dissatisfaction with the neutral state?

The speaker believes it's a subtle form of dissatisfaction stemming from their feelings, not their true nature, which never says it wants more.

What is the advice given to the speaker about their true nature and the experience of 'I am'?

The advice is to go back to their true nature, the experience of just being or being aware, which is neutral and without a sense of lack or desire for more.

What is the significance of the phrase 'I am' in the context of the speaker's spiritual journey?

The phrase 'I am' signifies the speaker's experience of being, which is consistent and unchanging regardless of their emotional state or circumstances.

How does the speaker's experience of 'I am' compare to their other life experiences?

The experience of 'I am' is described as always being the same, unaffected by the content of thoughts and feelings, unlike other experiences which are temporary and changeable.

What is the final recommendation for the speaker to find peace?

The recommendation is to sink deeply into the experience of being, to rest and abide in it, as it is where true peace is found, free from sorrow and agitation.

How does the speaker's journey reflect on the pursuit of happiness through external means?

The speaker's journey shows that seeking happiness through external means, both conventional and spiritual, is temporary and ultimately unsatisfying, pointing towards the internal experience of being as the source of true peace.