Healing Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: Techniques & Tips For Transformation | HealingFa.com

Summary

This script delves into healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, identifying core fears like rejection, abandonment, and self-worth, and desires for control and security. It highlights Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) as a powerful tool to address deep-seated fears stored in the body, combining acupressure with affirmations to promote self-love and acceptance. The speaker encourages embracing EFT to safely navigate the healing process, aiming to release tension and let go of fear, ultimately allowing for a more open and connected life.

Takeaways

• 😌 The script discusses healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, which is characterized by a fear of getting close to others.
• 🔍 It identifies three core fears that contribute to this attachment style: fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, and fear of being perceived as unworthy.
• 💡 Healing involves addressing these deep-seated fears and changing one's perspective on relationships and self-worth.
• 🛡️ Protection mechanisms such as doubting one's feelings or attractiveness are highlighted as subconscious defenses against these fears.
• 🤔 Even in healthy relationships, the fear brain can create doubts and negative thoughts as a way to protect oneself from potential emotional pain.
• 🔑 Two core 'wants' are wanting control and wanting security, which are often unattainable and can lead to resistance in relationships.
• 🌱 The speaker suggests that traditional talk therapy can be helpful for understanding these dynamics but may not address the visceral, bodily reactions.
• 🌟 Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is introduced as a powerful tool for healing because it works on releasing deep-seated emotions stored in the body.
• 👐 EFT combines acupressure with modern psychology, using tapping on specific body points to signal the amygdala to relax and release stress.
• 🙏 The affirmation 'Even though I have all this fear and tension, I deeply and completely love and accept myself' is central to the EFT process.
• 🌈 The script emphasizes that healing the fearful avoidant attachment style is possible with work and the right tools, and it can significantly improve one's ability to love and be loved.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is about healing the fearful avoidant attachment style.

What are the three core fears associated with fearful avoidant attachment style?

The three core fears are the fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, and the fear of being a bad or unworthy person and having your partner discover that.

Why do people with fearful avoidant attachment style doubt their feelings for a partner?

People with fearful avoidant attachment style doubt their feelings as a protection mechanism to guard against the fear of rejection and abandonment.

What are the two core 'wants' that the speaker mentions in relation to fearful avoidant attachment style?

The two core 'wants' are wanting control and wanting security, especially in a healthy relationship.

How does the speaker describe the fear brain's role in a healthy relationship for someone with fearful avoidant attachment style?

The fear brain can be highly dramatic, creating thoughts that are protective in nature, such as thinking negatively about the partner as a way to protect oneself from potential rejection or abandonment.

What is the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and how does it relate to healing?

The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a therapeutic method that combines acupressure with modern psychology. It is used to release deep-seated fears and emotions stored in the body, helping individuals to let go of stress and tension.

Why does the speaker suggest that EFT might be more effective than traditional talk therapy for some individuals?

The speaker suggests that EFT might be more effective because it addresses the deep-seated fears and emotions that are ingrained in the body, which traditional talk therapy may not reach.

What does the speaker mean by 'making it super duper safe to heal for your fear brain'?

The speaker means that in order to effectively heal, one must create an environment where the fear brain feels secure and is not resistant to the healing process, thus avoiding self-sabotage or falling back into old patterns.

What are some of the physical responses that might occur during EFT tapping?

Some physical responses during EFT tapping can include tears, relaxation, tension, headaches, yawning, or burping, which are signs of letting go.

How does the speaker encourage individuals to approach the possibility of healing their fearful avoidant attachment style?

The speaker encourages individuals to explore the possibility of letting go of their fears, to trust that love and connection can be safe, and to consider that they might not miss out on love for the rest of their lives because they love and accept themselves.

What is the speaker's final message regarding the potential impact of healing the fearful avoidant attachment style?

The speaker's final message is that healing the fearful avoidant attachment style can have a profound impact on one's life, relationships, and ability to receive and allow love, emphasizing that everyone deserves to be relaxed and to allow and receive the love they are already worth.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Healing Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

The speaker expresses excitement about discussing the process of healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, a topic they are passionate about. They explain that this attachment style is often rooted in deep-seated fears of rejection, abandonment, and feelings of unworthiness. The speaker emphasizes that healing involves addressing these core fears and desires, which can lead to a profound shift in perspective and a reduction in fear and tension associated with close relationships. They also touch on the idea that even in secure relationships, these fears can manifest in subtle ways, such as doubting one's feelings or the relationship itself, which are actually protective mechanisms to prevent emotional vulnerability.

05:04

🛡️ Overcoming Resistance to Healing

This paragraph delves into the resistance to healing that individuals with fearful avoidant attachment might experience. The speaker acknowledges that while traditional therapy can provide valuable insights, the visceral reactions and deeply ingrained patterns may not be fully addressed by talk therapy alone. The paragraph introduces Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or tapping, as a complementary approach to healing that operates on a physical level, bypassing cognitive barriers and directly targeting the body's stress responses. The speaker explains that EFT is based on acupressure and combines it with psychological affirmations to signal the amygdala, promoting relaxation and stress release.

10:04

🙏 Practice of EFT Tapping for Healing

The speaker provides a practical demonstration of EFT tapping, guiding the audience through the process while emphasizing the affirmation of self-love and acceptance. They explain that this technique is designed to target and release the underlying fears and tensions stored in the body. The speaker encourages the audience to repeat the affirmations and tap on specific body points, suggesting that even if the results are not immediately felt, the process can still be effective in reducing stress and promoting healing. The paragraph concludes with a reminder to breathe deeply, signifying the completion of the EFT round.

15:06

🌱 Embracing the Possibility of Healing

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the potential outcomes of the EFT tapping session, acknowledging that reactions can vary widely, from tears to relaxation or even a sense of nothingness. They explain that even a lack of immediate sensation can be indicative of positive changes at a physiological level. The speaker reinforces the power of EFT as a tool for healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, stressing that it requires work but is achievable. They encourage seeking professional help for overwhelming anxiety and conclude with a heartfelt message of hope and empowerment, reminding the audience of their inherent worthiness of love and the possibility of a more relaxed and open approach to relationships.

Keywords

💡Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

This term refers to a type of insecure attachment in which an individual both desires and fears intimacy, leading to a pattern of avoidance in close relationships. In the video, it is the central issue being discussed, with the speaker aiming to provide insights and solutions for healing this attachment style.

💡Healing

Healing, in this context, involves the process of overcoming or managing the fearful avoidant attachment style. The video emphasizes that healing on a deep level can lead to a shift in perspective and a reduction in fear and tension associated with close relationships.

💡Fears and Wants

The script identifies 'fears and wants' as underlying motivators for the behaviors associated with the fearful avoidant attachment style. Fears include rejection, abandonment, and feelings of unworthiness, while 'wants' involve the desire for control and security in relationships.

💡Rejection

Rejection is one of the three core fears discussed in the video, referring to the fear of being rejected by a romantic partner. The speaker explains that even in a committed relationship, the fear brain may still operate on the assumption of potential rejection.

💡Abandonment

Abandonment is another core fear highlighted in the script, which is the fear of being left by a partner. The speaker notes that this fear can be deeply ingrained and may not always be consciously recognized, but it influences behaviors and thoughts in relationships.

💡Unworthiness

Unworthiness is the fear of being perceived as a bad or unworthy person by one's partner and discovering this perception. The video suggests that this fear can manifest as self-protective mechanisms, such as doubting one's feelings or attractiveness.

💡Protection Mechanisms

Protection mechanisms are strategies used by individuals with fearful avoidant attachment to guard against emotional vulnerability. Examples from the script include doubting one's feelings or the strength of the attraction to a partner, serving to create emotional distance.

💡Control

Control is identified as a core 'want' in the script, where individuals desire to have absolute certainty and control over the future of their relationships. This desire stems from the fear brain's need to feel safe and secure.

💡Security

Security, like control, is a fundamental 'want' for those with fearful avoidant attachment. It refers to the need for assurance that a relationship will last and that the partner will not cause harm or leave. The speaker discusses how this need can create tension and resistance to healing.

💡EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique, is introduced in the video as a method to address the deep-seated fears and tensions associated with fearful avoidant attachment. It combines acupressure with psychological affirmations to help release emotional blockages and promote healing.

💡Acupressure

Acupressure is an ancient therapy that EFT is based on, where specific points on the body are stimulated to relieve stress and tension. In the context of the video, it is used alongside affirmations to help individuals let go of their fears and feel more relaxed and secure.

Highlights

Introduction to healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, a favorite topic for the speaker.

Explanation of the causes of fearful avoidant attachment, often related to fear of getting close.

The transformative effect of healing on perception and thought processes.

Identification of three core fears: rejection, abandonment, and feeling unworthy.

Discussion on the subconscious fear of rejection and abandonment, even in committed relationships.

Description of protection mechanisms such as doubting feelings in relationships.

Personal anecdote illustrating the realization of fear of abandonment.

The role of fear in relationships and how it can manifest as negative thoughts about a partner.

Introduction of two core 'wants': control and security in relationships.

The difficulty of achieving absolute certainty in relationships and its impact on fear.

The resistance to healing due to the need for control in fearful avoidant individuals.

The importance of making healing feel safe for the fear brain.

The role of talk therapy in understanding oneself and attachment styles.

Limitations of talk therapy in addressing deep-seated, visceral reactions.

Introduction to Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) as a tool for healing.

EFT's basis in acupressure and its modern psychological integration.

A demonstration of the EFT process, including specific tapping points and affirmations.

The potential physical and emotional responses to EFT and their significance.

The long-term benefits of healing fearful avoidant attachment style with EFT.

Encouragement to seek professional help and the reassurance of the possibility to heal.

Final thoughts on the importance of self-love and acceptance in the healing process.

Transcripts

I am so happy you're here!

We are going to talk about how to heal the fearful avoidant attachment style.

My favourite topic!

So there are several causes of the fearful avoidant attachment style,

and most of them contribute to the fact that you're afraid to get close.

So how do we heal?

There are actually several underlying 'fears and wants'.

And when we heal on that level,

on that deep, deep, deep, deep, deep level, you just see things differently.

You look at the world differently.

You will notice that different thoughts come in to your head just popped into your

head without you actively training yourself to think them.

And things that seemed really hard before, like getting close and being vulnerable

and allowing the connexion, just seem easier and easier and easier.

There's not so much fear and tension around it.

It's actually a really, really cool thing.

So those three core fears are the fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment

and the fear of being a bad or unworthy person and your partner finding that out.

Those are the three core fears.

And you might hear this and think:

But I am not afraid that I will be rejected by this person because I'm in a

super committed relationship with somebody that's just so

kind and loyal and committed and all in!

He/she will not reject me. And you can consciously believe

that and see that and rationally see that that's true.

And you probably won't be abandoned.

But there is a part of you,

your fear brain, that is just convinced that this will happen sooner or later.

And that's why it's working so hard to keep you safe.

So it might not be something you're consciously aware of right now,

that you're actually afraid of rejection and abandonment by this person.

But it can absolutely, absolutely, absolutely be there.

This is why you have so many protection

mechanisms, why you doubt your feelings, when you doubt whether you like

the person enough, whether you feel enough, whether you're attracted enough.

Those are all protection mechanisms.

And it's super interesting because if you would have told me this when I was

in the thick of it: I would not have believed you.

I thought: Well, I know he's not going to leave me.

I know he's not going to reject me.

I'm just not sure if I like him.

And then as I healed this, and I notice this with all the girls going through

my online programme too, there comes a point where they say: OMG you're right.

I feel the fear of abandonment now.

And this is what I was so afraid to feel.

So I can totally understand, if you don't recognize this and you think:

This is not me. I'm not scared of this. On a deeper level,

it actually might be that you're scared of abandonment and you're scared

of rejection. And in a very healthy, committed relationship with somebody

that clearly loves you a lot, this can actually play out even more

because you're like: Well, if this person will reject me or abandon

me or think I'm a bad person, then I will be alone forever.

Your fear brain is pretty dramatic.

But that's what's even under that fear.

It actually comes out in this healthy relationship maybe the most.

In a weird way. In a protective way, where you just kind of

think nasty things about your partner as a way to protect yourself.

It's crazy, right? It's one big mindfuck.

So those are the three core fears.

There are two core 'wants' also.

And that's: wanting control &

wanting security. Especially in a healthy relationship.

You just want to know one hundred percent

sure that this is the right choice, that this will forever work,

that this partner will never, ever, ever hurt you or leave you.

You want to know that one hundred percent

for sure right now, for the rest of your life.

So that's 'wanting control' and 'wanting security'.

And that's really hard because you never know you never know 100 percent what's

going to happen in five years or in 10 years or in 20 years or 30 years.

But your fear brain will not accept that.

No, it will just want to feel more

and have more feelings. And want to know one hundred percent

sure because your fear brain believes

that that's what's going to keep you safe.

So you want control

on all these things.

You want absolute security by knowing one hundred percent

certain that this is the right choice. But by holding on so tight,

by wanting so much control, you actually feel like you don't have any

control at all. Which feels really sucky and you don't allow a lot of love.

And that's what I want for you.

I want you to be able to really feel love and allow love.

So when you're a fearful avoidant,

the chances are quite big that you actually resist healing.

You may have worked on this.

You may have tried, you may have gone to therapy

and it may have worked a little bit, but then you fell back and it just never

really, really worked, because whenever you have that need

for control and you cannot feel it tends to be that way, you resist healing.

So what you want to do, is make it super duper safe to heal for your fear brain.

We're just going to take your fear brain

along for the ride. So your fear brain is on highest alert,

and that is OK.

We just need to take it along.

So talk therapy can absolutely help.

I am all for it and especially

understanding yourself, understanding what's happening,

even though this attachment style is not very well

known and well understood, even by the most well intentioned psychologists.

So the protection mechanisms, the doubts,

the the way you go about relationships are not always understood by therapists.

But when you do find a therapist that understands this, it's so good.

It can absolutely help.

But what you also then see is after talk therapy, you understand all of this quite

well, you understand what you're doing, you see the dynamics,

you see the patterns, and you know what to do in those moments, maybe.

But your reaction is so visceral.

It's so in your body.

It's almost like you can't control it.

Those feelings just completely disappear.

You shut down or you go in panic mode.

And it just feels and it is deeply ingrained in your body.

So that's where we want to let it go.

In your body. And that's where talk therapy mostly does not go.

So that's where EFT comes in.

And maybe you've heard of it. In the best,

I think 10 years or maybe even five years,

it's gotten a lot more popular. Thank God,

because it's the best tool ever. It's the Emotional Freedom Technique.

And there are many ways to heal.

But EFT works because it works exactly on that level in your body.

And it's kind of a bridge for that deep seated fear.

So, for instance, meditation helps and breathwork helps.

But when there's a lot of

trauma that's deeply stored in the body, sometimes that can just be too much.

Meditation can be really hard when there's trauma.

And again, trauma doesn't have to be just severe abuse.

It can also definitely be more subtle

and just very suppressed and stored in your body.

So that's what it does.

It kind of like,

it bypasses a lot of

the resistance to healing.

And it's a perfect way to get your fair brain on board and really release what's

underlying and what's engrained in your body.

So what's stored in your body.

So we can we can talk about this, but we can also just do it.

We can just do one round of EFT.

I can show you how it works and you just can

repeat after me.

I will explain a little bit about it.

So it's actually based on an ancient old

therapy, which is acupressure. And you

might know acupuncture with the needles everywhere.

This is acupressure and it works on the same spots.

But instead of using needles, you just use your hands.

It looks really weird.

I know.

And you activate these energy centres,

which sounds so woowoo, but it's actually proven scientifically

and there's more and more studies coming out.

So it's not just woo woo anymore.

It's just proven that when you do this, so

when you tap on these points, that it actually

gives your amygdala a sign that there is

no alert and you can relax and you can let go of the stress and tension. So

it's a combination of acupressure and then modern psychology.

And that comes in the form of what you say

while you are tapping and 'tapping' is what we call this.

So

while you tap, you say: Even though I feel all this fear

and tension, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

And you do that because

it comes from the idea that when we

completely 100 percent fully love ourselves, there are no problems.

There is no wanting control, there's no wanting security.

You just feel safe and at ease.

And that's actually what we are, at our core.

We have love and peace at our core.

And that might feel like it's so far away from you right now.

But you have that at your core.

It's just layered and layered and layered

with so many layers of protection and and fear.

But that's what we can absolutely let go of with EFT.

So, like I said, you can just repeat after me.

Do as I do say, as I say.

And we will start here,

on the side of the hand and we will repeat that: 'Even though....

I deeply and completely love and accept myself' three times and then go

to the inside of the eyebrow, outside of the eyebrow, under the eye, under the nose, under the

underlip or on the chin, under your clavicles

I think it's called in English,

on the side under the arm and on top of the head.

Those are the points.

So like I said, you can just say, as I say, and do what I do.

Right.

Even though

I have all this fear and tension

I deeply and completely

love and accept myself.

Even though I feel so much tension in my body,

I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Even though I'm so scared to fall in love,

I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

I'm so scared to surrender,

I'm so scared to let go of control,

I'm not going to let go,

I need that control,

I need to know for sure,

I'm not going to let it go,

You can't make me believe,

I really want to know for sure,

I am so scared

that it will go wrong,

that I don't love him/her enough,

that this is not enough.

And it's not the right choice,

but I do want it.

But I am so scared of doing it wrong,

and regretting it.

Being unhappy.

I'm so scared to give myself,

to show myself,

to let go of that control,

and just trust.

But I'm willing

to explore the possibility,

to let go

of all this fear.

Because maybe it won't go wrong.

Maybe it is safe to love,

maybe connection is safe.

And I don't want to miss that for the rest of my life.

Because I love myself,

and I deeply and completely,

accept myself.

OK, take a deep breath.

You just did tapping :)

You can feel a lot of things right now or nothing at all.

But it's possible that you felt tears welling up, that you cried.

It's possible that you felt relaxation.

It's possible that you felt tension, headache, yawning, burping.

Those are all signs of letting go.

It could also be that you didn't feel a lot.

This was just one round.

But the funny thing is, even when you don't really feel anything

happening, it could actually be that there is stuff happening.

That's what they also found

in the studies. That even though people didn't really feel something happening,

they actually did have a lower heart rate and their stress

signals were less. So,

it still works.

It still works even when you don't really feel anything happening.

So this was just a really tiny

try out of EFT. It's a really powerful tool.

And if you if you hit the right

underlying fears and wants you can actually absolutely heal the

fearful avoidant attachment style. It does take work.

I'm not saying it's easy.

It does really take work.

But you can heal it and EFT can be can be a big part of that.

So,

like I said, you want to take the fear brain along, so that healing feels safe

and you don't keep sabotaging yourself or falling back into the same patterns.

And please also seek professional help if your anxiety feels overwhelming.

You are not alone and you can absolutely 100 percent heal this.

I've healed it and I know there are a lot of persons that I've helped

and they messaged me that they have healed it.

And it will have such an impact in your life if you heal this. Because you will

notice it in all your relationships and even in what you allow yourself

to have in life. And allow yourself to receive and allow yourself to relax.

And I just I want that for you so much because you deserve to be completely

relaxed and to allow and receive the love you are already worth.